58. Declan #2
“It's going to have to be him because I'm tired of putting myself out there.”
I heard her sigh again through the phone. “Outside of anything Brogan-related, is there anything else I can do for you?”
“No. Believe it or not, you calling to check on me is appreciated more than you’ll ever know. Enough about me, though. How are you? And Killer Thoughtz?”
“I’m about to record this week’s podcast, but something told me to check in on you first before I got all wrapped up in it.”
“I can't wait to listen to it.”
We’d then chatted about this week’s episode, and listening to her calmed some of the turmoil within me.
So much so that I didn’t even grab the bottle as I’d just been tempted to do.
I’d filled her in on what I could share about the new film I was about to start on, and she seemed excited about it.
Eventually, the two of us ran out of non-Brogan things to talk about, and I could hear the tiredness in her voice.
“I'll let you get to your podcast,” I finally said to her.
“Are you sure you're okay?”
“Yeah, I'll be fine.”
“You and Brogan should both know that I’m getting really tired of hearing that word.”
I chuckled, then added. “It's the truth.”
“So you’ve both said. You’re right, though, about me needing to get this recording done. I'll call you in a couple of days. In the meantime, hang in there. Things will get better.”
“Good night, Enslee.”
“Good night, Declan.”
As the call disconnected, her words echoed in my head.
Brogan was miserable without me too. I’d known that he had to have been because there was no way after all these years that he could ever truly forget us.
Even before we’d ever kissed, we’d been best friends.
Our entire lives from birth to now revolved around one another.
He couldn’t be okay with not having me in his life.
While so much had happened between us, I was now grasping at broken straws, desperate not only to see and hear him, but to cup his face in my hands and press my lips to his.
More of Enslee’s advice, especially the part about one of us having to be the first to reach out, also echoed in my head. I’d tried that one night, but his pain and anger had been too fresh… raw… palpable… Now, he’d had time to become apathetic like me, so maybe there was a chance.
I turned my cell phone over in my hand and was tempted to just call him, but he’d likely not pick up.
Brogan was an expert at dodging my calls.
No, I needed to confront him in person like I had so many times over the years.
Would he shut me down as easily as he had last time?
Maybe it had been easier for him because Enslee had been there.
If we were alone, it might be more difficult to do so.
The more I thought about it, the more determined I became to confront him once and for all.
Maybe Enslee was right. It’d take one of us to quit being so stubborn.
Also, like in the past, I'd always been the one to cave because I’d loved him so much.
I would’ve given up anything for him, but I refused to give him up.
I hadn't been lying when I told him I couldn't breathe without him. How I’d managed to do it so far was a mystery to me, but it was getting harder with every passing day to continue.
Tonight, I’m going to force you to listen to me, Brogan.
This likely wouldn’t be my final plea, but it’d be my most impassioned one.
Wanting to look better than I currently felt, I walked into the bathroom and noticed my reflection in the mirror.
I looked like hell, which wasn’t surprising, as I hadn't been sleeping.
I'd barely been eating. I was a complete fucking mess.
After taking a shower and shaving off the five o’clock shadow, I dressed in a T-shirt, jeans, and leather coat.
The weather had been temperamental the last few days as Mother Nature showcased her mood swings.
Between an unusual warm front and our usually cold one, I opted to take my sports car.
I got into the red Jaguar and scowled slightly upon realizing the rain from earlier today was now sleet.
The city wasn’t too far away, so I continued out of my driveway, then the community as I headed toward the highway.
Before long, the slush would turn to snow.
Hopefully, by the time that happened, I’d be at Brogan’s place, wrapped in his arms, watching it fall outside the window.
The memories were still so vivid, and as they replayed in my head on repeat, I hadn’t even noticed the car that had started following me shortly after I’d left my community.
It was now speeding up on me, and as I glanced in my sideview mirror, my eyes narrowed slightly.
The highway entrance was approaching, and not sure if the person was actually following me or just impatient, I got onto the highway, then switched lanes.
When the car moved directly behind me, I knew it was me they were after. There was no telling who was driving, but I’d bank my fortune on the paparazzi. Other than a scheduled appearance at the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve celebration a few weeks ago, I’d kept a low profile over the holidays and beyond.
Despite the deteriorating road conditions, I increased my speed, but the one behind me did the same. I shook my head, speeding up to dart in front of the car in the other lane. Chasing Brogan over the years as he’d treated the road like a NASCAR speedway was finally coming in handy.
Any relief I felt was short-lived when the car managed to get behind me again.
I didn’t let it deter me as I jumped back into the other lane, then continued to alternate between them for the next ten miles.
If I had any enemies, I might actually think this was someone other than the paparazzi due to their persistence and complete lack of concern for my safety.
All I wanted to do was get to Brogan. Needing to focus on the road, I turned down the radio even though Fire On Fire was blasting through the speakers, which had always been Brogan’s and my song.
My heart was pounding as the car kept getting incredibly close before pulling back just to return.
Once or twice, I thought it might even ram into the back of me.
Thankfully, with this weather and the time of night, there were not as many cars on the road, ones that became more treacherous as I carried on.
My tires were struggling to grip the wet asphalt, making it harder to control the vehicle.
It was not surprising in the hard sleet.
My knuckles were white as I gripped the steering wheel.
The weather was perilous, but the car in pursuit of me was the most pressing danger.
I pushed forward and was about to jump into the left lane once more, but the car there sped up.
All I knew was that I had to get in front of it.
My wipers were frantically swishing back and forth, but the sleet was now turning to snow, and those heavy, wet flakes were harder to wipe away.
The car I’d been trying to get ahead of slowed a bit, so I took my shot, shooting in front of it.
I thought I’d finally escaped the other driver when I lost all control.
“Fuck,” I cursed, and I had only a split second to decide what to do.
If I braked, I’d certainly skid, so I accelerated instead, risking a spinout.
Choosing the latter, everything happened in a blur.
I heard the sounds of tires screeching, mine and those on the cars closest to me, then the shattering of glass as that risk didn’t pay off.
My car flipped over twice before coming to a stop on the side of the embankment.
I had to have blacked out because when I opened my eyes, I was alone with the airbag pressing me into the seat and glass scattered across me.
My skull throbbed, causing my vision to blur.
I groaned out in pain, and as I tried to move, panic filled me upon realizing I was stuck.
I had feeling in my limbs, but it didn’t matter as I was folded up in this metal trap.
Warmth rolled down my cheek, and as I was able to bring my hand to it, I swiped it through the dampness, now not only seeing but feeling the thickness of my blood coating my fingers and hand.
This had to be a bad dream, and one I was desperately trying to wake up from.
I tried to no avail, and as my pulse quickened, the panic inside of me made my chest pound so quickly.
I tried to open my mouth to scream, but no sound came out.
Sirens blared around me as I drifted in and out of consciousness.
I came to at one point to someone yanking me out of the vehicle.
I ignored the cold, hard wetness as I was set onto the earth momentarily.
Flashes of what had happened kept playing in my head.
I heard hushed voices around me, then I was hefted up and onto a gurney.
My skull was rioting as lights were flashed onto my face, then something was placed over my nose and mouth.
“Declan!” I heard my name as it was screamed, and recognizing it as Brogan’s voice, I knew death had finally come for me.
I mouthed “Brogan” behind the clear oxygen mask before I closed my eyes and let the blackness descend upon me.