Chapter 28
Twenty-Eight
SENAN
I used to be charming, didn’t I?
Wooing females in my younger years had been a game. The thrill of the chase. The high of winning a smile. A laugh. A kiss.
A game that ended when I met her .
When I first saw Allette’s smile in the market, I craved more. When I first heard her laugh, the sound had breathed life into my careless heart. When I kissed her on the first day of spring, gods, it felt like I’d died and transcended to a higher realm.
Being with her had been effortless. Simple. Inevitable.
Being with Leeri is none of those things.
I glance sidelong at the violet-haired princess wandering through the library’s shelves, racking my brain for some sort of compliment to give her, each one that comes to mind more terrible than the one before.
Your eyes are…very blue?
Your hair is…dark? Long?
Your smile is…straight?
Your wings are so white?
I scrub a hand down my freshly shaven cheek. Those aren’t compliments, they’re statements of fact. Whatever spark used to live within me has been snuffed out entirely.
When I look back at Leeri, I find her watching me, her brow furrowed. “Are you all right, my love? You look confused.”
I really wish she would stop calling me that. I may have been with other women since Allette, but I haven’t loved any of them, and I certainly don’t plan on starting with this one. “I’m fine, princess.” I grab the closest book to give my hands something to do. Say something else . “How…ah…how are you today?”
Those ice-blue eyes of hers widen. “I am well, thank you for asking.”
Like the mindless fool I am, I hold out the book. “Do you like to read?”
Her face brightens. “Very much. You?”
“No. Not really.” I return the book to its slot on the shelf. When I was Kyff’s age, I read, but the moment I discovered women, I began filling my days with a different pastime.
Her smile falters as she rubs idly at her silk skirt. “Oh…Well, what do you like to do?”
Drink, get high, and fuck my pain away . Probably not the best thing to say aloud to the woman I’m supposed to wed. I stuff my scarred hands inside my pockets. “Lately, I’ve been training my youngest brother to control his fire.”
“That is very sweet of you.”
I suppose it is.
The side of her white wing catches on a shelf when she steps a little closer. “I assume you wield fire as well?”
I conjure a flame to my palm, shaping the orange and red flickers into a blazing rose.
Leeri claps her hands beneath her chin, bouncing on her toes as the flames reflect in her dancing eyes. Her feathers flutter with the movement. “Oh, that is beautiful!”
Maybe there is still a little charm left in me after all.
She reaches for a petal, but the fire flickers and dies out. “I suppose fire and wind don’t mix,” she murmurs, her smile slipping into something tighter.
My hollow soul shrinks away from the memories of the way Allette could make my fire dance like a flaming hurricane.
From between the shelves, I catch a glimpse of Rhainn strolling into the room, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his deep green trousers.
Relief spills through my chest, which isn’t a normal reaction. Of all my brothers, Rhainn and I have spent the least amount of time together. We have basically nothing in common besides our black hair and silver eyes. “Brother!” I shout far too brightly.
Rhainn’s head snaps up. When his gaze lands on Leeri, that is where it stays. “Senan. Princess Leeri.” He offers the princess a low bow.
She waves her hand. “Just Leeri, please.”
I clap him on the back before pulling his stiff frame into an exuberant hug. “Welcome home. How was Allto?”
When I let go, Rhainn gives me a narrow-eyed scowl as he straightens his jerkin and smooths back a piece of his black hair that fell out of its queue. “Entirely miserable. And I’m afraid I am destined to be the same for all of eternity.”
He is wallowing. Perfect. I usually discourage his melancholy, but today, I’ll make an exception. Rhainn is long-winded on the best days, but when melancholy, he takes monologues to a whole new level.
I press a hand to both their backs, corralling Rhainn and Leeri toward the settee. Leeri sits and adjusts her wings, giving me a hopeful look. I practically shove Rhainn down next to her. His brows come together, but he doesn’t say anything when I drop onto the coffee table and lean forward. “Go on. We’re listening.”
Rhainn’s face floods with suspicion until Leeri’s hand falls to his knee. “Yes. Tell us why you’re so miserable.”
Pink climbs Rhainn’s neck all the way to his ears. “Their kingdom is so exceedingly dull,” he says, seeming transfixed by Leeri’s hand. “No one sets foot outside the towers after sunset. The castle is small. And their clouds are so thin, you can see the streets and Tuath villages below, so when you look down, everything is gray. I swear, the sun isn’t as strong there either. Just look at me.” He shoves his sleeve toward his elbow. I see no difference in his usual bronzed tone but nod as if I do. Anything to keep him talking.
“And don’t get me started on their princess.” He sighs toward Leeri, and now it’s her turn to blush. “She doesn’t hold a candle to some…others I’ve met.”
“Beauty can be on the inside,” Leeri says.
“Well, that woman’s insides are black and rotten. I heard her berating the servants, and she threw her dinner across the hall because it was cold. Like a bloody child.” He drags a hand along the back of his neck. “She treats her own mother like dirt, and even though she acts differently toward me, I know it will only be a matter of time before she shows her true colors. Count your blessings, Senan. Your match is most agreeable compared to the woman our king has chosen for me.”
Leeri’s hand flies to her chest. “That is kind of you to say, Prince Rhainn.”
His answering smile radiates such unfiltered adoration, I find myself rolling my eyes. “Just Rhainn, please. You are to be my sister, after all.”
Now they’re both blushing.
Wouldn’t they make the perfect pair?
Hold on…
If the two of them were to marry, Boris would have his alliance, and I’d be free and clear. Sure, that left no alliance with Allto, but it would fix the immediate problem, wouldn’t it?
I jolt to my feet, hope growing in my heart. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I will return shortly.” I quit the room, heading straight to the privy chamber where the king spends most of his days. Winged guards stand on either side of the doorway. When the men see me, their wide eyes track my movements, but they do nothing to try and stop me from entering.
I knock first—despite my brother’s low opinion of me, I’m not a complete animal. Boris’s deep voice calls from the other side.
Sunlight streams through the windows, hitting the king’s bare torso where he sits at the end of a long table, his discarded shirt and jerkin draped over one of the free chairs. Despite not training as often as he used to, he is still in decent shape. Although his middle is getting a little soft. Not that I’d tell him that.
“Shouldn’t you be with your betrothed instead of in here bothering me?” he asks, barely sparing me a glance as he drags a finger down a mammoth map of the fae realm.
“I spent the morning with her.”
He arches an eyebrow, his lips pressing flat. “Truly?”
I nod. “I left her in the library to come speak to you.” I need to be tactful. Make him think this is his idea. “I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Rhainn has returned.”
Boris reaches for a glass of brandy sitting at the corner of the table and eases back in his chair. “I know. He arrived late last night.”
“And you’ve spoken with him?” I assume from the pinched look on his face.
“I have.”
“Then you know he is—” How do I put this without pissing him off?“—disheartened by his visit.”
Sighing, Boris finishes the drink and returns the glass to the table. “He will learn, as you did, that his duty is to his king, not his foolish heart.”
Boris is some man to talk about foolish hearts. Since he was destined for the Kumulus throne, he had his pick of the high-born ladies in our kingdom. Heaven forbid he gives us the same courtesy.
“Why are you so set on matching Rhainn with Allto?” I ask.
“You know our father’s plans.”
Our father wanted his sons to unite our realm; his descendants to hold thrones in every kingdom; his legacy to touch every corner of our world. Why it matters when he will never see it come to fruition still makes no sense to me. But I could argue with Boris until I’m blue in the face, and he’d never budge.
“But why Allto? Why not Nimbiss? He seems quite smitten with Princess Leeri.”
With a humorless chuckle, Boris withdraws the stopper from the decanter and pours himself a second glass. “Rhainn is smitten with every beautiful woman he encounters.”
“True, but they do seem to share the same interests. And they’re both wind elementals.”
Boris’s glass stills halfway to his lips. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Nothing, I suppose.” I’m reaching. Still, I owe it to my younger brother to try. Just because I must be miserable doesn’t mean he has to be miserable as well.
“And you would have no issue with your brother stealing your betrothed?” Boris asks, his brows high.
“Why would I? I hold no affection for the princess.” She has grown on me since her arrival, but so has my fondness for sprouts. I may eat sprouts, but they’re still my least favorite vegetable. I wouldn’t choose them if I were to pick my own menu, just as I wouldn’t choose to marry Princess Leeri. “If the two of them could be happy together, don’t they deserve that?”
Boris watches me for the longest time, sipping and staring until a spark seems to light in his eyes. The glass slams against the tabletop, rattling the decanter. “I see what you’re doing.”
“Trying to ensure my brother’s happiness?”
He stands slowly, collecting his shirt and shoving his arms into the sleeves. “You are trying to get out of this arrangement. After you promised—no, you swore —that you would marry that girl.”
“I’m not?—”
“Enough! You will be the one to go to Nimbiss, and I will not hear any more discussion on the matter.”
Since when is ranting and raving a fucking discussion?
“Remember your promise, Senan. If you continue to cause trouble, I will be forced to take action.”
For once, I’m not trying to cause trouble. I’m trying to help. Why can’t he see that?
I stalk out of the room, straight to the library, but my brother and fiancée are nowhere to be found. After ten minutes of searching, I stumble upon them laughing on a settee in the solar, a stack of books on Rhainn’s lap. When they see me, they both clamber to their feet as if they’d been caught doing something more scandalous.
No sense letting Rhainn dream of a different fate.
Dreams only lead to heartache.
I cross the carpet and slip my hand to the small of Leeri’s back. Rhainn’s face crushes up before he hides his pain beneath a wide smile. “I’ve imposed long enough,” he murmurs, clutching his books to his chest as he backs toward the balcony.
Leeri smiles up at me, her clear, blue eyes dancing with something akin to happiness.
Maybe if I close my eyes and pretend she is someone else, I can survive. It worked for the other women I’ve been with, didn’t it? I brush the flyaways from her face before nudging her chin higher with my finger, my gaze dropping to the bow of her mouth.
Allette is gone.
Just close your eyes.
“You’re going to kiss me, aren’t you?” Leeri whispers, a tremble in her voice.
“If that is all right?”
She bobs her head. “I would like it very much.”
Swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat, I lean down and press my mouth to hers. Leeri’s hands slip to my collar, clinging there. When I run the tip of my tongue along the seam of her lips, her body stiffens, but she doesn’t open her mouth.
I draw back, taking in the delicate blush staining her suntanned cheeks. “Have you ever been kissed before?”
Her lashes flutter open, and her brow furrows. “We’ve been betrothed since I turned five. Who else would I have kissed?”
Part of me feels guilty for throwing myself away these past few years. Not for what transpired between Allette and me. I will never feel guilty for loving her. But the others…
I should’ve been stronger. Shown more restraint instead of giving in time and again. But getting lost is what I do best.
When I kiss Leeri again, her mouth parts on a sigh, allowing my tongue to meet hers in one careful, tentative sweep. She makes a noise low in her throat that I don’t mind so much.
My body doesn’t seem to mind either.
Maybe Rhainn is right.
Maybe this isn’t the worst fate imaginable.