Chapter 29
Twenty-Nine
ALLETTE
The moment I step into the solar, the smooth, honeyed timbre of Senan’s voice caresses my soul. Long, gauzy white curtains flutter on either side of an open window, and sunlight leaks through the leaden panes, highlighting the couple sharing an intimate embrace.
I watch, transfixed, as Senan stares into his princess’s eyes, as if he couldn’t tear himself away if he tried. She murmurs to him, the words too low for me to hear.
His response is a whisper.
And then he kisses her.
The moment their lips touch, my heart implodes. I want to scream, “He is mine!”
Even the pain of losing my wings pales in comparison to watching Senan’s beautiful hands gather someone else’s hair. Seeing his lips claim hers before tugging into the same smile that used to belong to me.
The feather duster in my hand clatters to the ground. I stretch my fingers across my ribs, trying to force air into my lungs.
I’m wingless, powerless, and working as a servant in his castle. What did I honestly expect?
They were always meant to be together. I was always meant to be forgotten.
I just never thought I’d be forced to witness it firsthand.
Choking back a broken sob, I collect the duster from the marble tile. When I stand, I find a pair of silver eyes trained on me. Senan’s brow furrows, as if he can see straight through my mask to the broken wreckage hidden beneath. I clasp the knob at my back and practically fall through the door, escaping into the tight hallway on the other side. I stumble on leaden limbs down two flights of stairs until the pain in my heart becomes too much to bear.
I need…
What do I need?
Fresh air. Fresh, clean air that doesn’t smell like damp earth. I catch the handle on the closest door and ease it open. An empty parlor waits on the other side. My gaze snags on the sun-soaked balcony.
I don’t just need air. I need sunlight to remind myself of another time—another life.
I cross the room, slip outside, and sink onto the cool marble. Since removing my mask isn’t an option, I do the next best thing. I tug off my gloves, shove my long sleeves as high as they’ll go, and extend my arms toward the sun.
I’d forgotten the warmth of its kiss. Forgotten the sweet perfume that lingers in the air this high above the clouds. I’d forgotten so many things.
I stretch my hands toward the sky, letting the sun’s rays fill my empty palms until the tears on my cheeks become nothing more than salty streaks.
In a little over a fortnight, Senan and his princess will be wed, and then they’ll leave for Nimbiss. I’ve no choice but to survive until then. When he is gone, I’ll find a way to rebuild my life. Make myself stronger, reclaim my future.
“That is illegal, you know,” a small voice announces from behind me, where a little boy waits in the doorway. Black wings. Black hair. Starlit eyes. This must be Senan’s youngest brother.
The boy frowns at me as I push to my feet. “I should turn you in.”
Turn me in for what? I didn’t do anything wrong.
The small prince withdraws a dagger with a glittering hilt from his belt.
Stars, he is serious .
Senan appears on the edge of the balcony, his wings casting a shadow that touches the tips of my slippers. When he sees us, his expression turns serious, but all I can do is stare at the red smears on the corner of his perfect lips. “What do we have here?” he asks.
The boy gestures toward me with the blade. “I caught this servant stealing our sun.”
Is he mad? No one owns the bloody sun.
Senan’s wings tuck in tight as he crosses toward us, stopping when he reaches my side. “I’m not sure her pockets are deep enough for an entire sun, Kyff.”
The littlest prince catches my skirt. “This isn’t funny, Sen. We must bring her to the king.”
“Must we?” Senan unlatches his brother’s hand. “All I see is a woman who got a little turned around and had to step outside to find her bearings.” His smiling eyes fall to my wringing hands. “This one has an awful sense of direction. Isn’t that right, Wynn?”
How does he always know who I am when I look the very same as every other maid in this bloody castle?
The youngest prince’s eyes narrow as his lips purse. “I don’t know…”
Senan nudges him toward the door. “Well, I do. Just because the king gave you a fancy new dagger doesn’t mean you need to show it off every chance you get. Now, get back inside. We’ve another lesson in thirty minutes.”
The boy’s face brightens as he returns his dagger to its sheath. “I thought you were spending the day with your princess.”
Your princess .
Those words are like a knife to my back. Perhaps I would’ve been better off letting the child stab me.
With a warm smile, Senan ruffles his brother’s hair and says, “I’ll always have time for you.”
The little prince skips back inside, seeming to forget I’m still standing here. Senan doesn’t forget, though. No, he stares at me, his brow furrowing and head tilting.
“Thank you for that,” I whisper, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. Why does he have to be so kind? Why can’t he be an evil bastard instead? And seeing the way he treats his brother, the love in his eyes and in his tone when he interacts with him, makes me want to sob. He will make a great father someday.
A great father to someone else’s child.
Oh, stars. I’m going to cry.
Emotion climbs my throat as I turn and start for the door.
“Wait,” Senan calls, his boots clicking on the marble as he hurries after me. The familiar scent of his cologne finds its way through my mask, filling my head with so many wonderful memories. What I wouldn’t give to be that girl again, the one he loved for a little while.
“I want to apologize for the other night,” he says, golden sunlight highlighting his sharp cheekbones as he glances down at his boots. “I swear I don’t make a habit of attacking women.” When his eyes return to my masked face, I consider dropping the barrier. Consider telling him everything despite him loving someone else. But sometimes, when you love someone, you need to know when to let them go.
I had my time.
He belongs to the princess now.
Telling him the truth will only make this harder on both of us. And I’m not sure I can bear to have him know I’m here and still choose her.
The smallest wrinkle appears between his dark brows. “Is there anything I can do to make up for behaving so abominably?”
Leave her.
Love me again.
I shake my head. “You just saved me. Consider us even.”
Braith clasps her hands beneath her chin, her dark eyes wide as saucers as she begs at my door. “Please, Wynn. You must come with us. You’ll go mad if you don’t get out of this cave.”
Tomorrow will be our first proper day off since we were hired, and apparently, that means heading into the city for drinks tonight. Which sounds brilliant, except, “I can’t afford to go out.”
Every coin I earn will go toward starting a new life far from this castle. From this kingdom. Frivolity will not help me reach my goal.
She waves off my perfectly valid excuse. “Oh, none of us can afford it. Luckily, Jeston’s uncle owns a pub, so he and his friends drink for free.”
I highly doubt Jeston would consider me a friend. “Who else is going?”
“Jeston, of course. And Mari, Del, maybe Paulie and Des. We’re going to listen to some music, dance, and get a little drunk.” She pinches her thumb and forefinger together. “It’ll be the most fun you’ve ever had. I promise.”
Let me see… I can either stay in this room and stew over losing Senan or go out on the town with my fellow servants. Not much of a choice, really. Besides, if the drinks aren’t free, I don’t have to have any, do I?
But there is one other problem. “I don’t have anything to wear.” The nicest thing I own is this uniform, and the dress doesn’t even belong to me.
“Don’t you worry about that,” she says. “I’ll sort you right out.”
Braith leaves, only to return a few minutes later carrying a black dress with a corseted bodice and full skirt, similar to the gray one she has changed into, along with a small bag of makeup. After I’ve changed, she helps me apply cream to conceal the dark circles beneath my eyes and rouge for my cheeks and lips. There is kohl to darken my lashes as well, and by the time we finish, I barely recognize the woman in the mirror staring back at me.
I haven’t felt this pretty in years. Even my black waves look glossy after Braith works her magic.
It’s time , I think. Time for me to put my past behind me and look forward to my future. A future of my own making.
We meet Jeston and the others in the hallway outside his room. While everyone else exchanges greetings, he leads us down the corridor toward the south tower that eventually leads to a stony courtyard. The two Scathians in black leathers standing guard at the gates let us through without issue.
On the long walk to town, Braith tells me about her family, and by the time she stops talking about her two sisters and three brothers, we’ve reached a building of black marble.
I watch in horror as everyone goes inside The Black Hole, even Braith. Aren’t they nervous about entering the realm’s most notorious establishment? I can’t go in there…can I?
“Aren’t you coming, Wynn?” Braith calls over her shoulder, holding the door open for me.
Jeston appears in the doorway, his smile mocking. “Told you we should’ve left her behind.”
Braith shoves him into the pub. Her gray skirts sway as she crosses the cobblestones to where I stand. “It’s really not as bad as everyone says. Trust me.” She reaches for my wringing hands, lacing her fingers with mine. “Just stick with us and you’ll be grand.”
Would it really be so terrible to go inside and see what the place looks like? I can always leave right away if I don’t feel comfortable. Besides, if Braith says it’s fine, it probably is.
With a deep breath, I follow her into all-consuming darkness. After a few steps, we emerge into a room with flickering fae lights hanging over short tables. There are alcoves with pillows on the floor and black velvet curtains that can be pulled for privacy. Sickening sweetness clings to the thick air. Strange music from the musicians in the far corner fills my ears, hitching and falling in time with my unsteady breaths. A man slumps on a bench, pint glasses scattered across his table, his skin glowing like the sun.
Braith brings me to a table where Des and Mari have already taken seats. A man with a scraggly black beard comes by, and Jeston orders a round of pints. To my dismay, he takes the free seat directly beside me, while Braith slips onto the stool to my left, a giddy smile lighting her face.
Besides the duster, this place doesn’t seem so terrible. Not that I have much to compare it to. My aunt frowned upon casual drinking and never let me go out with my friends. Wynn and I went to a pub once…
Oh, how I miss Wynn.
If she could see me now, what would she think? I’d give anything to hear her advice on my dire situation. She always had a way of making even the darkest nights seem brighter.
The barman returns with a tray full of drinks. Everyone grabs for the glasses as if there aren’t enough for all of us. Jeston slams one in front of me, a clear challenge in his pale blue eyes.
A challenge I’m more than ready to accept.
Tonight, I am going to drink until I forget my problems.
Who knows, maybe the world won’t look so bleak through the bottom of a glass.