Chapter 8
Eight
Vivian
"So, what makes it hard for you to talk?"
Startled, I gasp and whip my head to the left. With my hand pressed to my chest and my breath whooshing out of me, I glare at Riot.
The gauze around his eye is gone, and in its place is a soft-looking eyepatch.
After more tests, they found less damage than they initially thought and told him to keep the eyepatch on for at least a week or two to give his eye time to heal.
I laughed the first time I saw him with it, but I've already gotten used to it.
He chuckles at my glare and winces as he shifts to sit against the headboard of his bed. "Sorry, Firefly. I didn't know how else to snap you out of your zone. You okay?"
Nodding, I wipe a lone tear from my jaw. Kade, Jarek, and Silas are asleep in various spots around the room. Like a weirdo, I offer Riot a small wave. I hadn't realized he was awake too.
I've been up for so long I've become a little bleary-eyed.
Though that could be because yesterday I had to relive all the horrible shit that happened.
I needed to write that statement. No matter how uncomfortable it was for me and will likely send me spiraling for a while, if sharing my story can help save someone else's life, I'm glad I did it.
"I couldn't sleep," Riot murmurs. I watch feeling awkward as he tips his head back to stare at the dimly lit ceiling. "Is there a lot on your mind too?"
Well, I'm thinking about what happens next. Like how do we move on because I don't want this to make things harder on my brain or my pack. I've also been thinking about Riot and it seems he's been thinking about me.
My hindbrain wiggles happily like I'm excited to have his attention. He could just be wondering why I'm so damn complicated, I remind myself. Me being on his mind isn't necessarily a good thing.
I can practically feel his judgment of me and my pack. Almost like this connection we have forces me to acknowledge the side eye he's giving us.
"Want to tell me what's on your mind?"
He may only have one working eye right now, but just that half stare is so intense I blush and shrug.
"No, don't do that. We're past you shutting me out, Vivian. Talk to me, please."
Sighing, I pluck at the crappy hospital blanket. "Please stop, Riot," I whisper and swallow thickly.
He's quiet for a few minutes before he switches gears. "You're safe now. Your pack will do everything to keep you safe, right?"
I nod. No doubt about it.
Riot doesn't move or look away. "Then what's keeping you up?" I shake my head, really not wanting to talk about it. "It would be good to talk about your fears. Especially after everything you've been through."
My chest expands, and it feels like my heart cracks open on my exhale. Everything I've been through, as if the hell we survived didn't affect him like it did me. As if meeting me and sharing a moment together didn't matter...
"Nightmares?" Riot guesses nonchalantly, as if he doesn't care that he's asking me to lay out all my vulnerabilities to him. The space between our beds reminds me of the barrier of our cells, providing some normalcy for our dynamic.
I can feel my throat tightening the deeper he tries to pry. My anxiety has cut off my words, sparing me the embarrassment of sharing my feelings.
My silence gets him moving. Grunting, he sits upright and turns so his legs hang off the bed. "I need to know you'll be okay before I'm on my way."
My shattered heart slices through the chains holding my voice captive. "What?" I croak. It feels like my heart seizes in my chest, and my omega whimpers in my head. He's leaving?
He frowns. "I have to get back to work."
Right. I don't even know what he does for work, so why in the hell does everything in me flinch at his words? But I want him to stay. I didn't let him go just for him to run away from me.
"Someone needs to hunt those bastards down for what they did to you, Vivian. I can do that. I've been doing shit like this for a long time."
But that's not what I want.
A low growl from him makes me shiver, then he says some stupid shit that pisses me off. "Why are you crying, Vivian? What did I say?"
My hands ball into fists as my temper flares. How is he so fucking clueless? Is this how everyone is? Am I spoiled with mates who can read me better than themselves? Yes, but fucking hell this man is infuriating.
"You kissed me, Riot," I hiss.
Riot stiffens and glances around at my sleeping men like they'll jump up and tear into him. "That shouldn't have happened, Vivian. I'm sorry. You have a pack. It was wrong for me to do that without their permission."
"Bullshit!" I snap, my disapproval of his brush off hiding my sorrow. He's rejecting me.
Riot's jaw clenches. Is he trying to figure out the easiest way to break my heart? "Little Omega..." Why does he sound so pained when it clearly doesn't matter to him like it does to me? "Can't you see that I disrespected your men and your bond by kissing you?"
"We're bonded," I insist, slamming my fist against my chest. "Can't you feel it?"
He inhales, and I just know what's about to come out of his mouth. Here comes the mansplaining. "What you feel is a trauma bond. You want me because I was there during the worst few days of your life. If your mates knew that I took advantage of you?—"
"Took advantage of me?!" I screech, climbing onto my knees.
Riot's out of his bed in a flash now that he no longer needs his IV. "Sit down," he barks, eye wild with worry as he scans my body.
"What's going on?!" Kade snarls, stomping toward us with suspicion in his gaze. "Fuck. Vivian, sit down, you'll open your stitches."
Riot's warm hands cradle my biceps, making the red tether in the pack bond vibrate with joy. He sucks in a breath and I just fucking know he felt that. Maybe he doesn't actually know we have a connection this deep, but he can feel it on some level.
We've claimed each other, I know it. I've lived a life knowing I have traits that ensure I need to convince people I'm decent to be around, but fuck, it's never hurt so much to know I need to do it now.
Riot's my alpha, and he's leaving? It's not right.
"Vivie, stop that," Kade growls, sensing the self-loathing coiling tight around my brain. His silver reassurance soothes the rough edge, but I've already decided I know what this is about.
Riot doesn't want me. He's seen all of my issues. Of course he's leaving.
Kade growls, turning on Riot. "What did you say to her? What did you do?! She's crying!"
"I—" Riot studies me, then whirls away with his hands in his hair.
"FUCK! Damn it. I kissed her, okay? When we were escaping, I kissed her because I didn't think I would make it out with her.
I took advantage of your omega and now I've made her cry!
Why the hell am I even in this room with you guys? !"
"You took advantage of her?" Kade replies slowly, then turns to me, ignoring the other alpha's breakdown. "Had you thought about kissing him before he initiated it? Were you attracted to him? Did you enjoy his company and want to keep kissing him if you weren't in a life or death situation?"
Gulping, I glance around. Everyone's awake and waiting for my answer.
"Answer me, Vivian," Kade says sternly.
Riot watches, face pale, probably ready to get his ass kicked. He doesn't know my men though. Kade's questions were strategic, and he's basically set me up perfectly to get Riot to realize he didn't do anything wrong.
"Yes," I say, though it comes out like a whimper.
"Yes, what?" Kade's coiled, ready to fight my battles for me, but this needs to be me and we all know it.
Looking my pack alpha right in the eye, I face the truth of what I'm about to say next. "I thought about kissing him and being held by him many times before it even happened," I say softly, scared, not of my pack, but of Riot's reaction.
"We're not pack, Vivian," Riot grits out, squeezing my heart painfully. "I don't have a pack."
The way he says it staunches some of the bleeding in my thumping organ. He sounds so sad...
"You've formed some kind of friendship or connection with our omega. And quite frankly, you need more time to heal, so you'll be coming home with us," Kade declares like that isn't incredibly presumptuous.
"He's coming home with us?" I say, surprised and wary of this turn of events, even though it's what I'd hoped for. I just want Riot to want to.
Riot huffs. "I shouldn't." That's not a no. "Someone needs to kill those people who hurt Vivian."
"And you would be the one to do it, no matter the risk to your safety?" Jarek asks, arms crossed and imposing.
Riot nods. "Of course. I'd do anything to ensure her safety and comfort. Her kidnappers are still out there. I need to rid her life of their filth."
"Wonderful," Silas hoots around a yawn. "If you'll do anything for her, then it won't be such a hardship to come home with us.
Vivian, do you want that?" I nod and wipe a tear away.
Goodness, my men are so amazing to me. "Then it's settled.
If you want to help our girl, you'll come with us while we figure this out. "
"But—"
"Do you care about Vivian?" Jarek sounds so stern, making me shiver and lean closer to him.
"More than anything," Riot grunts.
"Do you want her happy?" Kade questions.
Riot's shoulders slump. "Every second of every day."
"And you'll do anything for her?" Silas reiterates.
"Without a doubt." Riot sounds tense. I'm hoping the resigned tone of his statement is more acceptance. He's never had a pack, so it's up to us to show him what it's like to be loved unconditionally.
"Great. All you need to do is get in our truck, stay with us for a bit, and figure out what you really want.
If you want a life of murder and danger after giving us a shot, then fine.
If you want a family, a pack, and an omega who will love you fiercely, then you'll stay," Silas says as if it’s settled.
Jarek adds with a low growl, "The least you should do is rest and recuperate in our home. We all want you there if you're not a prick who doesn't think before he speaks. Words hurt you know."
"She was fucking stabbed. No need to twist the blade with rejection so soon," Kade grumbles, walking away from the slumping alpha.
"I wasn't rejecting her! Fuck, I'm sorry," Riot murmurs a few moments later.
"You will be when you become the next victim of our prank night," Silas taunts and slumps back onto the couch.
"Oh, and don't ever tell a woman you took advantage of her, especially when it's clear she likes you.
Pro tip. Plus, Vivie would have clawed both your eyes out if that load of shit about taking advantage of her was true. "
I send a wave of love and appreciation toward my beta, and he winks back. Fuck, I missed them.