Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ABBY
A m I ready to pay the price? I’d been ready since the moment Quinn told me he was going to die. I can’t believe he kept that from me. After all our talks of being truthful with each other, of being there for each other, of fighting this war together. He’s been carrying the weight of this threat alone instead of letting me in so we could find a way to fix it.
Together .
I swipe the bag of glittering trinkets from his hip and hold it out to the spindly woman. “You can have it all. Just tell me how to save him.”
She laughs again. She’s been doing a lot of that. “What would I do with any of that? I have plenty of gems.” She sips at her cup of suspiciously red tea again, but for the first time, I notice the glistening blue gems in each of the skull’s eye sockets.
“Then what do you want?”
“Abby, don’t,” Quinn says, but I hold up a hand to silence him.
“A finger,” the Spider says so softly that I’m not even sure I heard her right.
“What?”
“No!” Quinn shouts as he tries to position himself between her and I.
The Spider seems unbothered. “You heard me. The finger of a Chosen is a valuable artifact. Such great power. How do you think I’ve survived longer than my cousins? They got greedy. Bled the world dry in their quest for power and then starved. A finger of yours could keep me alive for another hundred years.”
I shift myself so that I can see her around Quinn, who is still annoyingly trying to block her from view. “If I agree, you’ll tell me how to save him?”
“Of course. Unlike your mate, you can trust me.”
I slip around Quinn and lay my left hand as flat as possible on the bone table. “Then do it.”
“No,” Quinn says again. The moment I feel his hands on my waist, I shut the door to our bond entirely, but leave my connection with the wolves open.
‘Get him away from me,’ I tell them, and I’m almost surprised when they listen. The wolves snap their teeth at him, and in his surprise, he momentarily releases his grip on me. They push him back, showing their teeth in clear warning that they will do whatever it takes to protect me.
But not from the Spider, who now twirls a bone-handled golden blade in one hand. They’ll do whatever it takes to protect me from Quinn .
The Spider doesn’t hesitate. An impossibly cold hand grips my wrist and then fiery hot pain shoots from my hand up the length of my arm. I scream as it overtakes me, and it’s so all-consuming that I can’t even tell which finger she took. It feels as if she may have taken all of them.
“No!” Quinn’s outcry gets lost in the ringing of my ears. Or is that the Spider’s cackle? I can’t tell anymore.
I pull my hand to my chest and clutch it against me. It’s warm and sticky, but I can’t bring myself to look at how bad the bleeding is. My head spins as nausea overtakes me and, without warning, I double over and throw up mere inches from the Spider’s hair.
She makes a sound of disgust and my vision is almost too blurry to make out the absolute distaste on her face. “Can you get one of your dogs to lick that up?”
I regain enough control of myself to shoot her a scowl. I’ve had enough of her games.
She holds up her hands in mock submission, the bloody blade still in one of them. “I was only asking.” Her eyes flash from me to Quinn. “The only way to spare you a fated death is to push someone else into the veil. A life for a life. It cannot be a sacrifice and it must be your hands that push them. You are living on borrowed time, so I suggest you do it soon. The wraiths will come for you if you do not. But, if you mean to drag things out, do so as a wolf. They will not see you as anything other, at least for a while. They are not mindless, but they can be tricked.”
At least she gave a solid answer instead of tormenting us with more games. I don’t so much as offer a ‘thank you’ as I turn away from her. Quinn is about five feet away from me now, the wolves still blocking his path. His face has gone pale, as if the same amount of blood that’s drained from my hand has also drained from him.
“Oh, one more thing,” the Spider calls to me just as I reach Quinn and he slips an arm around my waist. “Consider it a freebie as a genuine thank you for the entertainment. This has been such fun.”
We stop, waiting for her to continue, though neither of us speaks. I don’t think either of us can speak.
“A question you should have asked is why Imelda allowed one half of the soul to remain with you.”
Quinn looks pissed, and I don’t blame him. If this is her way of trying to strike another bargain…
“Are you going to tell us?” His voice is gruff.
The Spider smiles sweetly, as if she didn’t just hack off a body part. “If it were me, I would only incapacitate a weaver if I was already walking the path necessary to secure my goals. Farewell, young ones. Do pop by anytime.” She waves to us, and it might just be the blurring of my vision, but I’m almost certain my finger was in her hand.
We don’t stop until we’re outside the cave, and then Quinn’s firm hands are spinning me around to face him. “Let me see it.” He’d given me his shirt moments after we left the Spider, and the once dry fabric is already soaked with blood. Is it normal to lose so much?
“It’s fine,” I say through gritted teeth, moving around him to continue the short trek back to camp. At least there I might be better able to stop myself from bleeding out. Can you bleed out from a severed finger?
Quinn steps in front of me again. “Please. Don’t shut me out. I know I lied to you, but—”
Rage momentarily overtakes the pain. “There are no buts. You don’t get to say you lied to me, but .”
“I was trying to avoid you doing something like this!” Oh, no. He does not get to be angry.
“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s a finger. I’ll live, which might be more than we can say for you.”
The wolves are giving us a wide berth now, no doubt wanting to afford us as much privacy to have this fight as possible. I know they can’t be far off. Even if they don’t want to hear this, they won’t leave us alone.
“You have every right to be mad at me, but—”
“Again with the but!”
He runs a hand through his hair and then makes a fist, tugging at it like he does when he’s nearing his breaking point. I’ve seen this before, but this time, I can’t bring myself to care. “I’m sorry. Fuck, Abby, I’m so sorry. Please just let me—” His head snaps up before he can finish.
“What is it?”
“There’s something waiting for us at camp.”
“Shift.”
“No. It’s not a wraith.”
“You heard what I said. Shift.”
“I said no.”
I force him. The sound of his pants ripping overtakes the silence, replaced only when a low growl builds in his throat when a wolf stands where a man stood moments before. There’s no threat in the sound, only annoyance.
“I don’t care what is waiting for us. Be it friend or foe, I don’t want to see your human face for the rest of the night. Until we figure this out, you’re a wolf from sundown to sunup. Are we clear?”
He looks away from me, but I know he won’t argue. Part of me feels sorry for him because I know how much he hates being in this form. Needing to spend his nights as a wolf is far too close to the curse that nearly destroyed him. The pain in my hand—although not entirely his fault—helps to snap me out of that momentary guilt. As does the pain of betrayal still stinging my heart.
We walk to camp in tense silence and a wave of relief washes over me when I spot Jade there waiting for us. Only when I remember that this isn’t the Jade I once knew is it replaced by the sourness of disappointment.
“What the fuck happened to you?” he says when he sees the bloodied fabric in my hand.
I sob a laugh because that is exactly what the old Jade would say. For some reason, seeing him here has the tears I’ve been fighting flowing freely down my cheeks. The pain, the betrayal, the fight with Quinn. I have every right to be a mess.
Jade’s eyes flick down to the bloody shirt. “Can I help you with that?”
“It’s fine.”
He raises an eyebrow and looks so much like the Jade I knew. I almost want to believe it’s him. Even just for a moment. “That’s a lot of blood. It might take more than a dirty shirt to stop it.” He holds up a hand and the lines of molten red glow brighter. “My way is a lot cleaner, too. You never know what kinds of diseases these beasts carry.”
Quinn growls at my side, but it’s not in refusal. I know he’d rather someone help me even if I won’t allow it to be him.
“Fine.” I take a seat next to our fire pit and Jade snaps his fingers. Sparks jump from his skin and fly to the wood, causing them to instantly ignite. I’ve seen him light fires before, but this is the first time that all it took was a spark.
Quinn glances in my direction before darting off into the trees with whatever remains of the torn pants hanging from his mouth. There will be no repairing them, so I don’t know why he bothers. At least he’s giving me privacy. I unravel the shirt and blood spurts from my second to last finger with every beat of my heart.
I think I’m going to be sick again.
“Ouch. I hope the information you got was worth it.” Jade’s words offer a decent distraction, so I do my best to talk through the nausea.
“You know why we’re here?”
“Aurelia told me.” I must have given him a look because his eyebrow raises again in question. “What?”
“I just thought you might call her mom.”
“She was never my mother. Not in any way that counted. I may not have my memories, but I know that much.” He holds out a hand for mine. “I won’t burn you. Unintentionally, I mean. I’ve been practicing.”
I hesitate only a moment before laying my hand in his. It’s hotter than it should be, but my skin doesn’t burn. It’s as if he’s moved the fire inside him elsewhere on his skin.
“The Spider told me how to save Quinn’s life.”
“Is he dying?” I flinch, but it’s only partially from him examining my wound. “That’s something I should already know, isn’t it?”
“It’s the reason you turned yourself into a living fireball.”
He laughs once, but there’s no humour in it. “That sucks. I burned myself alive, and I didn’t even save the bastard.”
I choke on a laugh that’s genuine. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny, it’s just… Sometimes you say things exactly the way Jade would say them.”
“And other times, I’m a total stranger.”
I nod, because what can I say?
“This is going to hurt for a minute. Are you ready?”
“It already hurts,” I mutter. I know if I opened the bond with Quinn, he’d be taking as much of this upon himself as he could, but I don’t want that. He refused to share his burden with me, so I’m not going to let him share mine.
He takes that as permission and presses a glowing finger against my stub of a finger. I press the soiled shirt against my mouth to stop myself from crying out, but the sound escapes regardless.
When Jade releases me, I can breathe again, but the burning sensation remains. It radiates through my entire hand and halfway up my arm. And then I remember that I don’t have to suffer through this. At least not at this intensity. I lay my uninjured hand flat against the ground and will sprigs of lavender to grow. I pick them, but processing the oil is going to be hand one-handed.
“Can you help me with this?”
Jade studies the flowers in my hand, and he seems almost sad. “I don’t know if I can.”
“There’s a mortar and pestle in my bag. You just need to mash the lavender until it releases an oil.”
He takes one of the flowers carefully between two fingers and then blows out a sigh of relief when it doesn’t immediately burst into flames. I can hardly sit still as he grinds them. As soon as he’s finished, he sets it down and inches away from the bowl.
I can feel Quinn pressing against the mental wall I’ve put up to block him out, and know he would share this pain with me if I let him. But I won’t. I dip my cauterized stump into the lavender oil and take even breaths until it calms most of the fire. The throbbing pain radiating deep into my arm remains, and something tells me that has nothing to do with the burn. Some injuries cause sensations that take longer to heal than the wound itself. At least it was my left hand.
I reach behind me to one of our supply packs and pull out a bottle of whiskey. The amber liquid burns as it travels down my throat, but it’s a welcome distraction. I offer the bottle to Jade, but he shakes his head and leans further away.
“I don’t think alcohol is the safest drink for me anymore.”
Right. The last thing we need is for him to blow up our camp. We sit in silence for a short while, but it’s not long before I feel the urge to break it. “I remember the last time we were by a fire like this.”
His eyes meet mine and there’s a minuscule crease to his brows, as if he’s searching for something in my stare. “Why is it that when I meet your gaze, I feel as if it should bring me pain?”
“Because it used to. You were cursed to love me, and because I’d chosen Quinn, it hurt when we looked at each other. I felt it too, though I don’t think I ever admitted that to you.”
“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
I’d suspected as much, but this is the first time he’s confirmed it. “You broke the curse. You freed us all.”
He looks away from me and stares deeply into the flames flickering in front of us. “I want to remember. I don’t know who or what I am. I’m just angry all the time.” His hands ball into fists atop his lap, and if I weren’t afraid of getting burned, I might reach out and touch one.
“You being angry isn’t exactly a new thing,” I tease, not expecting any laughter and not getting any in return. “Why are you here?”
He sighs. “I don’t know. I heard you and Quinn left to find answers, and it just felt like I should be with you. I thought maybe it would help me remember. Clearly I was wrong.”
I don’t know what else to say, so I hold up my injured hand. “Thank you. For this.”
He shrugs. “Glad to know I’m good for something other than destruction.”
“My offer from that cave still stands, you know. We’ll help you if you let us.” It feels wrong making promises on Quinn’s behalf so soon after finding out he’d broken one to me, but he owes Jade his life.
Jade stands abruptly. “I should go.”
That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. “Stay.”
He shakes his head. “Wouldn’t want to burn the forest down. Actually, if I’m being honest, that’s exactly what I want to do. So I need to not be here.”
He’s running, but I can’t tell if it’s from me or from himself. “You came for a reason. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
“You don’t mean that.” I may not know this Jade very well, but I can still tell when he’s full of shit.
“Maybe not, but I still can’t be here right now.”
“I’ll see you when we get back to Marein?” There’s hope in my voice, and the amount of it surprises me. I’ve accepted that things can never again be the way they were, but I still want this tormented man in my life—even if I no longer feel compelled to love him.
“Sure.” That’s all the answer I get before his wings emerge and with a single flap, he’s in the air and speeding away into the night.
With Jade gone and the wolves—all three of them—making themselves scarce, the soft crackle of the fire lulls me into exhaustion. Whatever adrenaline had been keeping me going has dissipated and the urge to sleep is overwhelming. I move for the shelter I’d built for Quinn and I and settle down onto the cot. I lay there for far too long, switching positions every few minutes and still finding it impossible to get comfortable.
After what could have easily been a half hour, I realize that it’s not my hand that’s making sleep difficult. It’s the fact that I haven’t slept alone since Quinn and I were reunited. I may be furious with him, but his absence is doing more harm than good.
I open the bond between us and reach out to him. ‘Come to bed.’
He gives no answer, but I’m sure I felt the faintest brush of him against the bond.
‘Please.’
Still nothing. Just when I start to think that he won’t come, there’s movement at the entrance of our shelter. My back is to him and I plan on keeping it that way, so I lie still and wait for him to take his place on the cot beside me. The warmth of his fur against my back is comforting in a way that it shouldn’t be.
‘Let’s not fight tomorrow,’ I say, because I want nothing more than this fight to be over. The sooner we move on from it, the sooner we can figure out our next step. He may have lied to me, but I know the truth now. All that should matter is making sure that he’s going to survive this.
I know he’s still awake, but still no answer comes through the bond. Only the ghost of a touch that’s all I need to know that, come morning, we’re going to be okay.