Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
QUINN
I sit outside the shelters, dressed in the clothing I’d borrowed from Ellis, since my own are either soiled or destroyed. I woke long before the sunrise and underwent the agonizing wait before I felt safe enough to shift back into my human form.
Abby’s breathing shifted a few moments ago, so I know any minute she’ll be emerging from our shelter, likely in search of me. Sleeping beside her last night was far from easy. The scent of her blood was strong, and the guilt that came with it was even stronger. Even in her anger, she needed me beside her, but for the first time since she entered my life, I wanted nothing more than to put distance between us.
“There you are,” she says when she clambers out into the sunlight. We’d planned to leave camp at dawn, but I insisted we let Abby sleep. She’ll need her strength for today. “Look, I’m sorry about—”
I turn to face her and hold a hand up for silence. To my surprise, her words cut off. I’d been preparing myself for this all morning, but now that the time has come, my nerves are anything but under control.
Her expression morphs from caution to confusion when I draw the sword at my hip and point to another leaning against a tree stump a few steps from where Abby stands. Her gaze moves to the sword and then back to me.
“What’s going on?”
I suck in a deep breath, because this is it. “I know you just want to forget about last night, but I can’t do that. We need to have this fight, and we may as well work on your swordsmanship while we do it.”
Anger flashes across her face as she marches to collect the sword in her right hand. I’d purposely given her the heavier one, so she has no choice but to wield it with two hands. When her left hand overlaps her right, she grimaces. Maybe it’s cruel, but she needs to learn to fight while compensating for that finger. Even when it’s healed, she’ll never be able to balance a blade the same way she used to.
“You don’t need to insult me to get me to fight. I already have more than enough reason.”
She’s still pissed. That’ll make this easier. “Good,” I say, closing the distance between us and swinging for her. I know she’s not ready, but no one is going to warn her in a real fight.
She just manages to get her blade up to stop mine from coming down on her. “So that’s how this is going to be? Fine!”
She switches from defence to offence with relative ease and I’d be impressed with the move if I wasn’t too focused on holding back my tongue. There are words itching to make their way through my teeth, but I need to bide my time.
“You lied to me,” she spits as she swings far too low. She could have been going for my leg, but it’s more likely that the weight of the sword is getting to her. If she wasn’t injured, this would hardly be difficult for her.
I side-step her attack, not even giving her the satisfaction of crossing my blade. “I did.”
“And you think that’s okay?”
Here we go. Our blades collide just as my accusation strikes. “No, but you lied too.”
She nearly drops the sword, but smartly takes it fully in her right hand and lets it drag as she puts distance between us. I could move in for another blow, but I grant her a second to collect herself. This isn’t about winning, it’s about getting her to figure out how to fight like this.
“Oh, enlighten me then.”
I can feel Seamus and Ellis watching us from the nearby trees. I warned them ahead of time so they’d know to be on guard for any unexpected threats so I could focus my attention entirely on Abby. If I had to do this while distracted, it wouldn’t accomplish what I need it to.
“You forced me to shift.” The words are as cold as my blood ran last night after seeing hers spilled.
Her face pales ever so slightly but then reddens in a new wave of outrage. “To protect you! You want an apology for that? Fine! I’m sorry that I can’t trust you enough to keep yourself safe. You heard what the Spider said.”
“And you heard what I said. It wasn’t a wraith. You made a choice because you didn’t want to have a conversation with me. In fact, I’m pretty sure you said it was because you didn’t want to see my face for the rest of the night. You abused your power in the way you swore to me you never would.” My response hits her harder than I’d expected and I have to pull back the blow of my sword so I don’t accidentally hurt her.
“I did it to protect you.”
“And I lied to protect you.”
She rushes me and I side-step instead of clashing with her. She’s growing tired, but we’re not anywhere near done yet. “That’s not the same thing.”
“You know it is,” I say, desperate for her to hear me. “I love you and I know you love me, but clearly we’re having an issue with trust. I know I fucked up by keeping that from you, and I was ready to grovel until I realized that I can’t trust you, either.”
“That’s not fair. If you hadn’t lied to me about putting your safety first, I wouldn’t have—”
Sparks fly as our blades meet with enough force to cut her off. “You wouldn’t have taken away the freedom I only have because of you in the first place? What do you want from me, Stabby? I promised I would take better care of myself, and I have. After every injury, I get stitched up. Every fight, and my only thought, is making sure I survive it. For you .”
“It’s not enough. The wraiths will kill you if they see you.”
Oh, so suddenly she’s an expert? “And Jade wants to kill you, but that didn’t stop you from accepting his help last night.”
She lets out an exasperated roar. “Are we back to this? I thought you got over your jealousy.”
“I’m not fucking jealous, Abby. I’m furious that you gave that witch a finger without knowing why that was her price. ‘The finger of a Chosen is a powerful artifact.’ What if she uses that to control you? To kill you? How do we know her draining whatever magic she can from that finger doesn’t allow her to take from yours as well?”
She stops her impending attack mid-swing and lets the tip of her sword drop into the dirt. “I didn’t think about that.”
“No, you didn’t think. And you didn’t listen to me when I tried to object. You used your power to force Ellis and Seamus to turn against me so you could go ahead and make a choice that impacts our future. Without me. You can be mad at me for keeping a secret, but I wouldn’t have taken that deal.”
She shakes her head. “You would have. If you felt it was the only way to save me, you would have. So, are we done here?”
She wants this to be over, but we’re only just getting to the point. “No, we’re not.” I make it clear that I’m attacking, so she has enough time to get her blade back up. When I strike, it’s with enough force that it sends her stumbling backwards.
By the time she spins back around, I’ve already dropped to my knees.
“What are you doing?” She sounds more annoyed now, which is fair. My sword is laying in the dirt beside me, so she lets hers drop to the ground, no doubt thankful for the reprieve to her hand.
“I told you I wasn’t finished. I have to show you something.”
She takes a cautious step forward, and then another, and another. She’s not afraid of me, but I haven’t exactly been warm and friendly this morning. When she’s close enough, I open my hand and lay it out flat so she can see the item sitting atop my palm.
“You really think now is the time for this?” Her reaction is about what I’d expected, but she has the wrong idea.
I examine the ring and the detail that the metal worker managed to carve into it. My request was far from easy, but he’d done well. “I’m not proposing. I told you I wouldn’t until this was over.”
“Then why are you on your knees with a ring in your hand?”
“Because I need to beg your forgiveness, and I couldn’t do that without you knowing why.” I run my free hand through my hair as if that’ll somehow make this easier. “You shouldn’t have taken that deal, but it was my fault that it was offered. The Spider only wanted your finger because she somehow knew I’ve been carrying this around in my pockets for weeks.”
Abby looks from the ring to her left hand and then realization colours her cheeks. She’s finally seeing what I’d seen from the moment that knife sliced through flesh and carved through bone. The Spider could have taken any finger, but she took the one that would one day wear the ring I’d had made for it.
When she doesn’t speak, I climb to my feet and take a weary step towards her. “Like I said, I’m not proposing. But that doesn’t change the fact that you lost a finger because of me. If not for this, she probably would have taken the jewels Lia gave us.”
“We don’t know that.” Her words are so low that without my enhanced hearing, I may have missed them.
“I do. She was taunting me in that cave. It was just a game to her, and I was the one that gave her all the pieces she needed to play it.”
I move to tuck the ring back into my pocket, but her words stop me. “Can I see it?”
“Of course. Just be careful.” I lay the ring gently in her palm and allow her to take in the design I’d requested. The metal worker did a surprisingly good job, especially considering the fact that jewelry has become less of a priority in Marein since the war. Sirens can’t even wear rings, so I’d worried this design was too complex, but he’d pulled it off better than I expected.
“Why? Will it bite me?” she asks as she stares down at the silver wolf's head. A yellow stone sits in each of the wolf’s eyes. It doesn’t exactly match my eye colour, but it’s as close as I could find.
“Maybe,” I laugh softly to myself as I take the ring back from her. “Look.” I press my thumb down on the ears, pulling them back. As I do, the wolf’s jaws open to reveal a hidden point sharp enough to pierce skin.
She snatches the ring back from me. “Is that what I think it is?”
“I wouldn’t just give you jewelry. I know you’d prefer a weapon. It won’t kill a man, but it’ll gouge out an eye or two, which might be all you need to turn the tides of any fight.”
She slides the top of the ring back into place and then brushes a finger over the wolf. “You don’t have to give me anything, you know. Married or not, you know I’m yours.”
“Even when we fight?”
She laughs, and it’s almost back to her usual self. “Even then.”
“The ring isn’t about marriage, and it’s not a symbol of you belonging to me in any way, shape, or form.” Before she can ask, I pull down the front of my shirt and reveal the golden rose on my chest. “Every time I see my refection or walk in the dark and this rose illuminates my way, I see evidence of you. I wanted you to have a reminder that I’m just as much yours. I don’t have magic. I can’t leave traces of myself on your skin, but I can give you a ring. I wanted you to have something so that if we’re ever apart, all you’d have to do is look down and remember that I’m yours.”
“Was the jeweller not skilled enough to carve your pretty face?”
The laugh that escapes my lips comes easier now. “You reached the monster when no one else could. In this form, you saw me—even when I couldn’t see myself.”
I move to take the ring back from her, but she slips it on her middle finger before I can. She winces only slightly when it passes the stump of her missing finger, and the sight of it has me feeling queasy all over again. That was a price she shouldn’t have had to pay.
“You don’t have to wear it.”
“I want to. But I’m assigning a new meaning to it.” She studies my face as if waiting for an objection, but I remain quiet. “It’s a promise of trust. No more lies—from either of us.”
I take her hand in mine and press it gingerly against my chest where the rose is hidden beneath my shirt. I press my free hand on the same place on her chest. “No more lies.” I let her hand fall from my chest, but keep it gently in mine, brushing a thumb over her knuckles and taking in every detail of her injury. ‘I’m sorry.’
She cups my cheek with her other hand, and I lean into the warmth of it. ‘I am too. We’ll do better.’
I know we will, because we have to.