Chapter Twenty-One #2
“Only a god can help to retrieve him, and now that I know where he is, I hope my goddess will smile kindly on me and help me to bring him home.”
“Then let me extend an invitation to you. You are welcome here, Jaykun, from now until the end of your days. You may visit here”—she cast a sidelong look at Jileana—“or even live here if you so wish. Perhaps one day when your goddess allows you to retire from her service.”
“Perhaps,” he said with a small smile.
Jileana knew what the empress did not. There would never come a time when he would not be in service to his goddess—and he didn’t mind that.
From what Jileana had learned this past week, he actually enjoyed working in service to Weysa.
He did not need a curse to be reined in by her.
Jileana could only hope that one day Weysa would see this and be benevolent enough to release him from his burden.
He did not deserve to suffer any longer.
He had paid for his hubris a thousand times over.
“I will be glad to sit in with you and your council for as long as I am here and as long as you will have me, Jalaya.”
“Thank you. Now off, the two of you,” she said, shooing them away with her hands. “There are many more things of greater pleasure than staying cooped up in this castle with your empress.”
“Majesty,” Jaykun said with a grin and a bow. Then he winked. “But not many.”
He took Jileana’s hand in his and they swam out of the castle together.
A short while later they surfaced before the cliff face and waited for their eyes to adjust to the bright, high sunlight.
It was midafternoon, several hours before dusk threatened them.
It was Jileana’s favorite time of day. She and Jaykun would almost unfailingly climb to the very top of the cliff and make love for hours.
They were rarely disturbed there; apparently the younger selkies used the spot for the same purpose, only they waited until after dark.
There was something more daring about doing it in the daylight when anyone might happen upon them and easily be able to see them.
Not that it mattered greatly. Selkies were not a shy people and happening upon any in the throes of passion was not an uncommon thing.
She and Jaykun had stumbled upon more than one couple in their travels around the selkie kingdom, both above and below the waters.
Jaykun led the swim to the cliff face and dragged himself out of the water the moment he had a solid hold on the fossilized coral.
When they reached the top of the cliff, he dusted off his hands and looked out toward where the distant horizon would have been, had it not been obscured by the ever-raging storms that protected the selkie lands.
For a moment he was angry with Jileana for bringing him here, for exposing the way to travel to her home to someone who could easily exploit it.
But he dismissed the emotion. No army could come through the portals.
Between their location beneath the water and the fact that they were heavily guarded, there was no chance of an invasion having any kind of success.
Besides, he suspected he had barely touched the surface of what Jileana’s mother and the other sea witches were capable of.
It would be hard to fight spells as well as the selkies and fight for breath beneath the water.
No, the selkies were well protected from the Overworld. Sirens, sea monsters, and internal politics were what threatened them most.
“You have become invaluable to the empress,” Jileana said quietly.
“She finds you to be indispensable.” She came up behind him and threaded her arms around his waist until her chest was flush against his back and her forearms were crossed over his chest. Her right hand settled over the thundering beat of his heart.
She liked the feel of it, especially after a rigorous climb or after they made love.
It was like being connected to what made him alive and vital.
She couldn’t get close enough to that part of him.
She needed to know he was there with her—for however long she had left.
Because even though she planned to go with him when he returned to the Overworld, she couldn’t escape the sensation that she was living on borrowed time with him.
It was probably because she suspected there would come a time when he would try to violently push her away from him.
Better to push her away than to face his growing feelings for her.
And she knew his feelings for her were indeed growing.
He never said anything, but she sensed his comfort with her, sensed how much fuller his life was since she had arrived in it.
He was coming alive before her very eyes.
As troubled as he was by his brother’s plight, he was equal parts freer and lighter in his interactions with her. It made her heart happy to see it.
“So, what shall we do now?” she asked, amusement in her tone. They both knew what they liked to do in that spot at that time of day.
“Let’s do something different,” he said suddenly, turning about in her arms so he could see her face. It allowed him to view the immediate pout and disappointment in her features.
“Like what?” she asked, clearly trying to be polite but unable to hide her true feelings.
Jaykun threw back his head and laughed at her.
“What’s so funny?”
“You could never lie to me,” he said with a chuckle. “Not about your feelings, in any event. You are far too open. Your emotions can be read as plainly as a book.”
“Not always,” she said with another pout.
“Always,” he assured her. “And I like it. I like knowing that what you are feeling is honest and clear. I like … I like being able to trust that.”
Suddenly her entire face lit up. It was the first time he had volunteered any kind of statement that laid a measure of trust at her feet.
It was by far a better gift than anything else he could have possibly given her.
She wanted to ask him if he truly meant it, she wanted to take delight in the victory and draw attention to it, but she knew it would be better to let it slip by unremarked than to risk him becoming defensive and possibly withdrawing the sentiment. So she simply basked in its meaning.
“What would you like to do?”
“I’d like to go inland,” he said.
Jileana’s blood went instantly cold. “No,” she said flatly.
“No?” He lifted a brow and a smile toyed at his lips. “I wasn’t asking for permission, merely a companion on the journey.”
“No! You can’t go inland! What if you ran into a siren? One song and you would be lost forever! No! You cannot go!”
“So it is an entire song? Is that what it takes to fall in love with a siren?”
“Yes. The siren sings her special song, the one only she sings. She sings it, and by the time she reaches the end of it you are hers forever.”
“And if the song is interrupted?”
“Then the spell is broken before it sets in. But a siren is rarely interrupted!”
“I could easily fight a siren the moment she begins to sing and cease her song.”
“The moment she begins to sing, you will be enraptured. You won’t want to fight her.” She shook her head. “No. I will not let you go.”
“You are very bossy,” he teased, not taking any great offense.
“This isn’t a joke, Jaykun! We are talking about your free will! It would belong to the siren for as long as she is alive and breathing in this world, and sirens are just as long lived as you are or I am.”
“You seem quite distressed by this,” he observed, taking great amusement in her concern.
“Because I love you! It would kill me to lose you!”
All amusement fled from his features. “I never asked for you to love me! In fact, I specifically said otherwise!” he snapped at her.
“Well, I’m sorry, but some of us cannot help the power of our feelings like you can! Or rather, some of us cannot deny our feelings like you can!” She threw all caution out the window as she said those words and she knew it. But it was better to risk everything than to have nothing.
“To deny a feeling means one must have that feeling in-the first place, and I assure you, I do not feel love for you! Not in that way!”
“But in another way?” she asked, hope unfurling in her chest. He may not have realized it, but she had found a way into his heart.
“That is not what I meant! How is it you can twist my words into knots just to suit your own purposes? Don’t you get it? I do not and will not ever love you!”
He regretted the words and their harshness, regretted the pain that lanced throughout her features.
It colored her beauty in unattractive and pale ways.
She was devastated and it was clear. It hurt him to see it, but she had to know the truth.
She had to be made to realize what a futile and stupid thing it was to love a man like him.
A cursed man. A cold man. A man who did not deserve the love of such a woman, if indeed there was any such thing as love.
But as he looked at her, he believed that if anyone could truly feel love, it would be Jileana.
If any love could be believed, it would be hers.
No, he caught himself in the thought. No! There was no such thing as love! It was an illusion! A lie people told themselves in order to make life feel worth living. A lie he refused to live ever again.
“You’re wasting your time on me,” he said hoarsely. “You’re hurting yourself for no reason.”
“For me to be hurting, it would mean my feelings are true!” she countered.
“You only think they are!”
“I know they are! I feel them! You don’t get to tell me how I feel! You can withhold your own emotions all you like, but you do not get to tell me how I feel!”
“I am not withholding emotions!”
“So you say!” she snapped at him.
“Why won’t you believe me? Damn you, Jileana. Why do you have to ruin this by creating problems?”