Chapter 25 Much More Drastic
MUCH MORE DRASTIC
“Wake up, Clay. Wake up!”
He was shaking and mumbling in his sleep. The bed was actually moving and that woke her.
“Clay!”
He shot up in bed, his hand going to the drawer and opening it, gripping his gun, his feet on the floor all in one motion.
“Stay here.”
Holy shit. Talk about freezing someone in place.
“There is no one here,” she said softly. She didn’t want to make any sudden moves. The look in his eyes, matched with his stance told her she’d need to soothe him as she’d done many kids that were having a meltdown.
This was no meltdown, but something much more drastic.
“I’ll check.”
She sighed. There was no arguing with him. Staying in bed was the thing to do while he walked around with a weapon.
She wouldn’t say she was comfortable with it, but she was used to it.
The shock of seeing one on his ankle Friday night when they were getting undressed in his room to hit the sheets had cooled her body briefly.
He’d noticed, took it off and set it aside, then had her erogenous zones coming alive again.
They had a tiny conversation that he’d always had it on and always would.
She heard the underlying words. Don’t even think of saying she didn’t want him to wear it because it was as if it was an extension of him as a person.
He returned to the room and put the gun away. “I told you no one was here.”
“You yelled my name,” he said. “I thought you were in danger.”
She pulled the sheet back and patted the bed for him to get in. He slid in and she put her arm around his back. “You were having a bad dream.”
“No, I wasn’t,” he said.
“Clay. I know what I saw, heard, and felt. The bed was shaking and you were mumbling. You wouldn’t wake up.”
He remained quiet, but his muscles were coiled like springs.
She knew he was fully aware he had a nightmare, but he wouldn’t like that she was bringing it up.
Maybe she shouldn’t have spoken for him in front of his family on their relationship, but she just wanted to get it out there and end the interrogation. Things were going about as well as they could with the two of them and if any comments by his family set him back, she’d be annoyed.
It hadn’t happened.
There’d been a few jokes, but the conversation went around the table with updates on everyone’s life.
“Sorry,” he said, flopping on his pillow.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
She sighed. Maybe she’d try another tactic. “Want to know why I’m afraid of flies?”
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” Grouchy Clay was back.
“I’m going to. Maybe it will put you back to sleep with boredom. Could be I’m going for that.”
He turned and put his arm around her waist, tucking her against his body. “Or we could do something else to take my mind off of it.”
The fact he was admitting his nightmare might linger was enough for her. “We can when I’m done with my story.”
“Figured you say that.”
“I bet you get a kick out of this. It’s a typical Meredith episode.”
“Sure,” he said. “Make me laugh.”
She smiled over his dry tone, but he couldn’t see it. “You know I’m going to want to do that again. But this is about me. I’ve always enjoyed arts and crafts. Even as a kid.”
“Go figure.”
She pinched the tight skin on his hand that was resting under her T-shirt on her belly. He didn’t flinch.
“I was about eight. I thought I’d raid the kitchen for supplies. It was summer break, I grabbed a big container of yogurt, food coloring, some dried pasta, M&M’s, a banana and grapes.”
“You remember it all?” he asked.
“I’ll never forget. Trust me. I’m in my room, and it’s warm because my parents didn’t want the AC on if they could open the windows. Not like eighty in the house, but at least seventy. There were a few flies because they got through the screen.”
“And were buzzing around your head while you played with food,” he said. “You slapped them away and food landed in your eye?”
“Ha ha,” she said. “If that was the only thing that happened, I wouldn’t have cared.”
“So the fear came after this day?”
She liked that he was invested in it. Otherwise he’d keep his mouth shut and go back to sleep.
“Yes. Or a few days later. Not sure exactly the timeframe. I wasn’t supposed to have food in my room, but I thought it didn’t count because I wasn’t eating it.”
“So what happened?”
“My mother came up the stairs and I didn’t want to get caught, so I shoved everything under my bed.”
“Ew,” he said.
“Yep. We had to leave on an errand. I forgot about it hours later when I got back. Didn’t even think about it for a day or so.”
“It had to be rotten,” he said. “How could you not smell yogurt?”
She shrugged. “Good question. No clue. But one night, I woke up and there is this buzzing noise. A few flies around my head and it’s driving me nuts. I’m thinking more came in through the screen.”
“Probably,” he said. “Being attracted to the food stinking under your bed.”
“Yep. I get up and turn the light on. There are more flying under my bed and I’m trying to figure out why. So I get on my knees and look under it. I realized the food was there and pulled out the piece of cardboard I was working on.”
“Did you gag at the food there?”
“The banana was the worst. It was a melted mess covering the grapes. The pasta was sticking to it. The yogurt had mold on it.”
“You should be afraid of eating those things, not of flies,” he said.
“I was for a bit. But then I realized there were all white little worms around my art project. I screamed.”
“Maggots,” he said.
“Yep. My parents come running. It’s the middle of the night and I’m screaming. Then they see what I’m looking at. My father picked it up and took it out of my room and put it in a garbage bag, then outside. My mother is scolding me once I tell her what happened.”
“That will teach you for not following the rules.”
She snorted. “I didn’t think I was breaking them since I was playing and not eating.
It doesn’t matter. I can’t get the image out of my head that I woke up to that.
Maggots are worse than flies, but flies lay eggs and create more and to me, it’s just this fear that they are going to land on me in my sleep and lay eggs on my face and in my hair.
I had nightmares over that for weeks. Months.
My parents had to get me a bunk bed so I could sleep on the top and have a desk under it.
This way I could see at all times nothing was growing in the dark. ”
“How many times did you fall trying to get in and out of bed?”
She put her elbow into his stomach. He let out a light grunt. No way she hurt him. “Never. Which is why I was shocked I fell climbing into the tree house.”
“Me too knowing what I do now.”
“Can I confess something to you?”
“Nothing has stopped you yet,” he said.
“I turned my head when I was climbing to look for you. I was always looking for you when I was there.”
“Did you have a crush on me? I’m six years older than you.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t think you were cute,” she said. “All of you were.” She shrugged. “But you’re the one that I always looked for the most.”
“Interesting,” he said.
“Why is that? Are you mad you didn’t see it?”
“Not mad. Just surprised. My mother noticed though.”
“There you go. Maybe this is one of those cute little stories to tell in the future.”
No way she was going to say something they’d tell their grandkids.
Clay didn’t need to know her mind was going in that direction.
He was best handled lightly.
“You’re right. That is a typical story about why you don’t like flies. Could be why you’re a neat person too. But flies are always going to be around.”
“I know. I want to get one of those electric zappers, but then the thought of killing something like that doesn’t sit well with me either.”
“So what do you want to happen? They just live but fly around someone else?”
“Yes. Exactly that.”
“Life isn’t that simple.”
“So I’m learning,” she said.
His arm tightened around her some. “Sorry I woke you up.”
“Don’t be sorry, Clay. I’d be more shocked if you didn’t have nightmares.”
He let out an enormous sigh. “It’s not like you think.”
“I won’t profess to even guess. You can’t know what I’m thinking because I don’t even know.”
“You don’t need to know what I went through and did. If flies give you nightmares, you couldn’t handle the knowledge of the guy in bed with you doing what I had.”
“I know you’ve killed people. I know what happened with Ford and Reenie months ago.
That’s self-defense. Before that you were doing your job.
We need people fighting for good to combat the bad.
I’m not so weak minded that I can’t see or understand that.
Nor would I let it change my opinion of you because I already know what you did before. ”
She’d looked up what it meant to be on a team that did rescue and extraction. Yep, better to not know what the specific details entailed.
“That’s good,” he said. “Because it can’t be changed, nor why I left.”
She was surprised he admitted that something happened besides his father’s injury.
“Will you tell me what it is? I can keep a secret.”
“I told Ford some of it recently.”
And he’d been a different person recently too. She could use that.
“How did it make you feel to get any of it out?”
“I told Ford I didn’t need a shrink. I don’t need it from you either.”
Guess that backfired. “I don’t want to be your shrink. I want to participate in this relationship. I want you to know you can trust me like I do you. I can’t physically protect you, but I can be there for you. I can be a shoulder you can lean on.”
“I’ll knock you down if I lean on you.”
She knew he was joking, but she didn’t want that either.
She let out a gush of air and went to shift out of his arms to her side of the bed and return to sleep. They both had work in the morning.
He didn’t let her move.
“You don’t like cuddling,” she said.
“There was a young SEAL that joined our team.”
“What was his name?”
“Colin. He was cocky. Had a reason to be. He was good. But he was careless with the cockiness.”