Chapter 26 Few Steps Back
FEW STEPS BACK
Clay couldn’t believe he’d told Meredith about Colin last night.
She had the uncanny ability to get him to talk without trying.
She hadn’t made a joke or rubbed his face in the fact she could get him to open up where his family hadn’t.
She listened and said she had him. That she’d be there for him.
And this morning when he was getting ready for work, she pretended like their conversation in the middle of the night had never happened.
It was what he needed. It was her being the one for him to lean on.
He kissed her and walked out the door, then told her to take her time before she left for work. He’d lock up after she left.
Someone would replace her window today, and she would return home after he checked it.
They’d go back to their separate beds.
He needed the space. She might too.
It was unspoken, and best left that way.
He didn’t know the last time he spent four nights in a row with a woman. Then the full weekend on top of it.
Getting up together again this morning with her leaving for work after him, it felt kind of... right.
And when things felt right in his mind, it was time to take a few steps back and reevaluate.
Getting comfortable with anything made him drop his guard.
He wouldn’t miss what was in front of his face ever again and that meant what he was feeling.
Anything that made him uneasy, he had to recalibrate.
“Why the face?”
He turned to look at his father from where he was waiting for the tractor trailer to pull in and dump his apples into the cellar below the mill. He’d found it easier to have the doors open up, the apples dropped where it’d be dark and cool and they’d last longer there.
“What?”
“You’re standing there scowling at thin air,” his father said. “You always did that when you had something on your mind you couldn’t process.”
Guess not much had changed.
“Just a lot going on.”
“Meredith?”
“Among other things,” he said.
His father came to stand next to him, the two of them with their hands in their pockets, staring at the mountains in the distance.
For years he couldn’t wait to escape this place, but it always pulled him back.
He didn’t know why he wanted to run so much from what was rooted in his blood.
Maybe it had more to do with him wanting things his way.
Now he had it.
So why wasn’t he happy?
Or was he and couldn’t recognize the feeling?
“Everything appears to be going strong here,” his father said. “Or is there something I don’t know about?”
He told his father most things regarding the business. If anything happened to him, someone had to know what was going on. How to keep it running.
At fifty-eight, Callum Ridgeway wasn’t that close to retirement. His parents were young when they married and started a family.
His mother was twenty-two when he was born, his father twenty-four. They lived here and worked this farm. They’d known nothing else.
His father’s younger brother went into the service and never returned to the area. He didn’t even know his cousins that well.
But his father and Uncle Aaron were close even with their four-year age gap. Any other career that Clay would have chosen might have come with more fights.
It was hypocritical to him that all his siblings could opt not to take over the orchards and the land, but it was expected of the oldest.
“It’s growing fast,” he said. “Faster than I thought it would. All’s good.”
“Just a lot on your shoulders. I get it. The land can do that to you.”
“It’s not the land,” he said. To him, he had that covered. Funny, considering he never wanted to deal with it before and now it was his life.
But again, doing it his way.
“That confuses you to admit that, doesn’t it?”
He nodded his head.
Comfort and confusion. Not something he’d thought he’d feel at the same time.
But he had that with Meredith also.
“Things are moving fast with the limited edition batches,” he said.
“You always move fast when it’s something you want, Clay.”
“A shot at me leaving?” he asked.
He’d put a lot of thought about going into the Navy. But he’d never told his parents. Not until it was time to enlist. Two weeks before.
Came home from school and said he was doing it and nothing and no one could talk him out of it.
He’d never admitted that he’d been planning it all for a good year. He hadn’t even told Ford.
His closest brother might have tried to talk him out of it.
Nothing was keeping him here back then.
Yet one turn of events had him rushing home.
Two turns, but only Ford, and now Meredith, knew them both.
“Never. You were always stubborn.”
“Got it from you,” he said, snorting.
His father turned his head and laughed. “You did. You do. I like to think I’ve learned patience over the years.”
“More like Mom shoved it down your throat.”
“Along with you in the past two years. Though you learned a lot of it away from home. You had to. That’s how you came home in one piece. Sort of.”
He sighed. “I’m fine, Dad.”
“You say you are. We were concerned for a while. Not so much now.”
“Are we going to have a heart-to-heart?”
“I’m not sure we have ever had one. Do you want to?”
He coughed out a laugh. “Not really.”
“Good. Saves us both the awkwardness of it.”
He smiled. Something he didn’t do often. His father wasn’t wrong. It’d be uncomfortable and awkward for them both, but they’d both do it if it’d help the other.
“There is that,” he said.
“Meredith seems to fit in well with everyone.”
“She does.”
“And you don’t want to talk about that either?”
He shrugged. “Did Mom send you out here to question me?”
His father laughed. “Your mother would never consider it. If she thought I was talking to you about your girlfriend, she’d shove me out of the way and pull out her list of opinions.”
When was the last time he had a girlfriend? What a thought.
Is that what Meredith was?
The only conversation they’d had was about being exclusive. It’s not like he was out looking for anyone else.
He trusted she wasn’t either.
“I can only imagine what some of them are,” he said. “But it’s early yet.”
“Not so early if you’re out here brooding over it.”
His father got that dig in there. “She’s nothing but trouble layered on trouble.”
“That’s mean.”
“It wasn’t meant that way. Just stating a fact. Looking back, I’m not sure she’s ever been any different.”
“She was a little bit of a klutz on the property.”
“Still is,” he said. “Maybe not as bad because she’s aware of that flaw. But this thing with her ex, the ex’s ex, then someone else with the rock through the window. She’s got three people giving her shit. How is that possible for someone who is so sweet and caring?”
“Well,” his father said. “I’m sure her ex doesn’t think she is sweet and caring with what she’s done. Me, I call it justice. Something your mother would do.”
“Mom would have been much worse. She doesn’t touch glitter. She’d dump flour in your shit, along with sugar on a hot day. Maybe a few eggs.”
“That’s right. She’d find all the ingredients of my favorite breakfast and stuff my clothes full of it and ruin them in the process.”
He closed his eyes and laughed. “Mom thought it was funny when she found out.”
“There you go,” his father said. “As long as your mom approves, you’re golden.”
“I’d never hear the end of it if she didn’t like someone I brought home,” he said. “But she’d never treat that person badly either.”
“No,” his father said. “Clay, don’t overthink things. Go with your gut and your heart. It’s never led you wrong before.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It has.”
He felt his father’s eyes on him, so he turned his head. “Everyone has days where it goes wrong,” his father said. “But you learn from it. You’re a fast learner. And anything you can learn from, it’s not wrong.”
Clay nodded his head.
He learned something from every action he’d had.
Even spending all this time with Meredith.
He realized you can’t halt feelings that want to grow.
“We should get back to work.”
“My last piece of wisdom is never push away a woman that can build rainbows in the darkest parts of your soul. Everyone needs a rainbow now and again. Some more than others.”
His father walked away with those parting words.