24. Esther #2
A vine pierces through the child’s chest, and it chokes out blood, its already-bleeding eyes widening, imploring for help. I snap out of the trance, the sweep of trees now circling us as the beast topples over its front legs and falls behind us.
My breathing is shallow, the smell of smoke and rain bombarding my senses until I’m cocooned in Regent’s earthy tone.
I choke, fear coming to the surface as an immediate sense of impending doom floods me, realizing how easily I’d fallen under its enchantment.
“I told you not to look into their eyes!” Regent’s voice booms over the pelting rain.
His magic swells around us in waves as he strikes down beasts that attack us from every direction, my own magic crumpling me into a ball.
I look down at my shaking hands, terrified as I notice droplets of blood splattering against my hands.
Slowly, I bring my fingers to my eyes, retracting my hand and choking on a sob when I see blood.
My magic pulses with waves of fear, quickly forcing the mare onto her hind legs.
“Easy!” Regent tells her as my magic grapples with its need to defend itself, equally terrified in the way it’s so easily turned in on itself.
“You’re okay,” Regent reassures his mare, holding onto the reins tightly, ensuring neither of us falls.
The moment her hooves hit the ground again, we’re bolting through the parted trees, beasts being plucked off one by one by Regent’s magic.
I numbly feel Regent’s hand cup my face, pushing me toward his chest. “They won’t hurt you. I won’t let them. You’re okay.”
But I’m not okay. I’m completely shocked, and all the fight in me is gone, only a shell remains.
I nestle into him, like a scared girl. Like I had once when I was taken in by Master Kain.
So desperate to be safe. It’s been years since I’ve been pushed into this fear, to have touched something so dark I know I’ll never come out the same.
What is happening to me?
What did that beast touch within me to pull out such a visceral response?
The chaos of screams, flames, and magic swirls around me, and I find myself hiding further into Regent. I feel like no more than a little girl hiding in a game of war.
My magic cocoons around him desperately, begging for safety and salvation. Grimace peeks out from the hood, nestling against my cheek as I tremble.
I don’t know how long it takes Regent to fight through the beasts, or when we come out on the other side of the Passage of Child. When we finally slow, I instantly notice how cold I’ve grown, my hood soaked and face chilled from the pace at which we fled.
“Look at me,” Regent says, but I’m too shaken to do what he asks. Instead, I cling to his leather jacket and awkwardly twist to peer over his shoulder. Are more coming for us? Will they take me back to that place?
To death.
“Look at me,” he grits out against the cold night, the rain long gone. He jerks me by my chin to face him. The moment I gaze into his coppery eyes, tears stream again as if they’d never stopped.
“What were they?” my voice breaks. He wipes at my tears, and his hands come away red. What terrifies me most is how their dark magic crept up on me. I didn’t detect it like I did with other beasts and greers. Even now, the children’s chants haunt me on a maddening loop.
“The Passage of Child is where a Felia temple was once worshipped but then forsaken, birthing those beasts in her absence. They’re called repers.
” A cold chill runs down my spine at the mere mention of their name.
“Their origins started with two children who strayed from the beaten path and were beaconed toward the cursed temple. Misfortune often follows those who stumble into such cursed places.”
My stomach tightens at the thought of those poor children being alone and what they might’ve stumbled upon.
Regent continues, “There is often a demigod at each temple. If it is shunned or starved, it will find a way to spread its hatred for being turned on. In this particular instance, for each soul consumed, a new reper is birthed. When they have someone in their trance, they often take the shape of a child, enticing man, woman, and beast for help before devouring them.” My fingers curl into my palms, the memory of being under that exact trance far too visceral.
“They’re restricted, however, only to move through night and shadows.
And up until tonight, they’ve never left the Passage of Child.
” He looks at me accusingly. Why is he looking at me like I’m the monster?
He’s looking at me in the way those soldiers did the night when they came for my parents.
I am the monster.
I am the enemy.
Was my magic truly something so ugly?
“Why are dark beasts drawn to you?” Regent asks carefully.
I’m more scared of the question than the answer.
Why are they drawn to me?
The birdlike beasts from yesterday excited my magic to control them, but these dark beasts, these repers… were something I never wish I’d laid eyes on. And they were drawn to me?
I realize then, this is the outside world Master Kain tried to protect me from, bringing me to a humbling fall from grace.
This is precisely what he warned me about.
How much magic and effort did he put in place to make sure the outside world would never find me?
Because now that I am among it, there seems no end to its darkness and divide.
“Where did you come from?” Regent asks.
“Stop asking me questions!” I scream, my voice breaking as sharp shots of breath come in and out. Lake Mahoori didn’t save me; it only delayed the inevitable. Fracture by fracture, I am coming undone, spiraling in a world that was always meant to devour me.
I can’t shake the chants of the children, further breaking me apart from the inside.
The repers have taken me into a tomb.
Alone.
Forgettable.
My control fractures more, my magic leaking with nowhere to go.
I thought I was powerful, cocky even, but without the boundaries once put in place, it is only a matter of time until I am killed, or harnessed into a randor blade. It’s inevitable. And for others, preferred, because whoever is caught up with me faces the same danger.
That reality has never hit me as hard as it does now.
Regent is no different. Within the week, he will sell me at the Volmere auctions. And for the first time, the tiny voice whispers that perhaps it’s best. The sooner I’m done fighting, the sooner I might be set free.
I only further concave into myself as the foreign concept creeps in.
I am destined for only travesty.
Why did I ever think I could go back and fight Dahlia? That rage reignites in my belly, but turns in on me instead.
Who did I think I was to save my people?
Why did Master Kain save a monster like me, with the knowledge that it would only ever get him killed?
I’m so tired of fighting.
Everyone is better off without me.