41. Esther
ESTHER
My hands shake, rattling under the force of trying to twist the trees toward one another, instead of ripping them up by the roots. I throw my hands in the air, frustrated, knowing well that I don’t need to use my hands, but it helps me focus on where I want the magic to go. “This is pointless.”
“It’s not pointless,” Regent says, coming to stand behind me.
His hands land on my hips. “Square yourself. You’re trying to move the magic like it’s water.
Earth is not a fluid movement.” One hand comes to my stomach, splaying wide on my core, and desire throbs between my thighs. “You need the magic to come from here.”
“But nothing happens. I can feel the earth, but it’s heavy and robust, and none of the enchantments in my head make sense.”
Yes, it’s moved under my will before, but that was tapping into something more primal. Now all I can do is think. Think about how it’s been two days since they scouted Dahlia’s army expanding closer, with no sight of them moving toward Ethera City.
The camp is tense, the warriors preparing for the worst while they also try to build boats that will hardly be enough for even half the clan. Regent’s magic still hasn’t fully recovered, and I can’t even twist a fucking tree.
I focus on the tree again, catching fragments of spells whispered to me by my ancestors.
Pink flowers bloom, and I huff in irritation.
“This is stupid!” I catch onto another spell and cling to it, striking at the tree to bend to my fucking will.
It cracks up from the root, splitting into two.
“Fuck,” I curse, shoving out of Regent’s hands and pacing.
His mare and Grimace rest at the outer edges of the camp, waiting for us.
Blaze is helping the soldiers in preparation for a confrontation.
“You can’t learn this magic overnight, Esther. You might be omni, but it would be an insult to any greer if you can master elements within days.”
“I can’t hear it clearly,” I shout. “Water, no fucking problem. Earth, it’s stubborn, and just won’t fucking move!
” I kick at the rock, imploding as the pressure starts to fold inward.
This army is going to take everything again, and all we are doing here is waiting, hoping they won’t notice. “We should be fighting.”
“You’re not ready to start a war,” Regent berates.
“Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?” I curse, irate that there’s nothing more I can do. What’s the point of having this power at my fingertips if I can’t tap into it?
“I’m not telling you you’re incapable, but there’s more to this than your vengeance against Dahlia. There are children here, Esther. It is the best-case scenario that they do not notice us.”
My shoulders heave, my hands fist, my eyes falling to where I can sense the Ariagem on the inside of his pocket. “What if I used the Ariagem to get into the camp? I’ll only need a few moments, and if I can kill Dahlia…”
“No,” he says again. “You know I can’t give you this. We don’t know how you’ll react to its magic. Beasts and dark magic alike, if you try to use an artifact like this, who knows how it’ll trigger you. We’ve spoken about this.”
“So what, we wait it out until you’re at full strength so you can use it? You barely made it back last time and it took the majority of your magic. How do we know that won’t happen this time?”
“I told you that was circumstantial; it won’t happen again. This is closer. I’m getting a gauge of what my magic is and isn’t capable of.”
“And will you have enough magic left to fight once you teleport in? Can you promise me that?” I demand, coming to stop in front of him with arms over my chest. “Who will protect your back when you’re in there? Why is it okay for you to fight for us but not me?”
“Because it is you I am trying to protect,” he says angrily, coming to cup my face.
“Denva, haven’t you figured it out yet? All of this is for you.
I hope that as long as I’m here you don’t have to fight and have your hands covered in blood like I have.
I pray that you live a fruitful life, naive to the cruelty of this world. ”
I let my magic tangle with his, irked and sad all the same, as I give in to him, exhausted by these fights. “You need to let me fight, Regent, in the ways that I can. You can’t keep me safe forever. Those who try to protect me get hurt, don’t you understand that? If I can help them then—”
“It’s not that you want to help that concerns me; it’s when you confront the greer who killed your king that worries me.
I see the hunger in your eyes, Denva. I see your path forward so clearly, and that’s why I hold you back; if not to give you time to tame this spiral you’ll find yourself in. You still have not healed.”
“And I will never heal until she is dead.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “And this is why I worry. This isn’t the way. I’ve been on this path, and the only saving grace it has ever given me is leading me to you.”
I look up through thick eyelashes, cupping the side of his face. “Then let me walk alongside you on this path. Stop trying to protect me. You said I was dangerous. Why are you trying to hold me back now? Let me do the ceremony to speak with the Fates.”
A haughty laugh escapes him. “You are asking me to let you go from one death march to another.”
“I have always been on death’s path, Regent.
From the moment soldiers and shadow beasts overwhelmed my clan on a night they couldn’t defend themselves.
Death haunts me when I sleep. There has never been a version of me that can escape this.
If you won’t let me fight, then at least let me do this.
You may no longer have the fight in you, but I won’t have my choice taken away from me again. I know I can do this.”
He wraps his arms around me, his head resting on my shoulder, tired. His magic is depleted, exhausted as it slowly builds back up, but this goes beyond that. It’s as if his body forfeits to mine, and I sense the way he willingly comes.
“I know you can too, Denva. It just scares me how willingly you put yourself on the line, and I wish there was more I could do to prevent that.”
I grab his hand, searching those coppery eyes I’ve come to know, and every time I look into them, I’m being sucked in deeper.
“I am scared, Regent. I don’t want to die.
But I also don’t want anyone else to die.
Not because of me and not if I can prevent it.
I have this constant fear that everyone is going to die because of me. ”
“It is the trials of life, Esther. People come and go, but if you were to leave… I wouldn’t be able to handle that loss.”
My heart breaks. Behind all the layers of his self-preservation and keeping himself captive to the influences of others, he is still just a frightened man and beast.
No more swords, no more scorn, that tension folding into a blossoming understanding.
“I want to protect you too, Regent.”
His smile widens as if disbelieving. “Little Denva, that is my line. But know that I’ll be by your side the entire way. From either here or there. I will give you my body as a shield if it allows me to walk along your path longer.”
A lump forms in my throat as I nuzzle my nose against his, the weight of knowing one day he will leave me once I break his curse, breaking me inside, because I can’t lose Regent. I refuse.
“Please don’t leave me.”
Regent has in many ways consumed me.
No matter our differences and uncertainty.
I know that he is mine. And I’m too tired to fight it, too desperate to claim him, if only to make sure I never have to let him go.
I’m desperate to keep this, to nurture and grow it before it’s ripped out of my grasp.
“You are the best thing that has happened to me in my entire lifetime. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. You have my word. You have all of me, Denva.”
“You never told me what Denva means. I still can’t help but wonder if you’re insulting me,” I try to joke.
We both break into a laugh that lacks humor. “Denva means a divine being, my love. You have always shone so brightly, your magic calls to me like a beacon, and if you will it, it will guide others as well.”
My breath hitches. In all my years, no one has ever considered me as something so beautiful. My volatile magic makes me anything but, however when he says it, now knowing that he has called me this all along, I want to believe it. To believe him.
I reach up on tiptoes, pulling him in for a kiss. He grabs under my hips as I hook my legs around him, needing him all over me.
His heat.
His promises.
His reassurance.
I match his each and every kiss, wrapping my magic around us and cocooning us in safety, as his does the same.
Our light and dark magic intermingle, falling into a sea of desperation as we push and pull at one another’s clothes, ignoring the impending sense that it’s all going to fall apart.
So fragile is this thing between us. So immediate is its spark.
My back slams against a tree as his tongue pushes against mine, and I bite, dragging out his bottom lip. A gravelly snarl rips out of him, that warmth trickling to my center as his cock presses against my loose skirt.
“So fucking perfect, Denva,” he says as we desperately shove up my skirt and undo his belt and pants.
“You once told me I was a coddled princess; now you’re so full of compliments.”
That rare roguish smile appears as he bites my neck, the immediate pain blossoming into my pounding pussy. “You were a coddled princess. And now I find myself only wanting to keep you that way while breaking you at the same time.”
“Funny that, my favorite part about you is when I have a knife to your throat.”
His cock bounces as he grabs me by the throat. “Careful, little omni, I still consider blades as foreplay.”
I chuckle, giving myself to him. To this moment. To us.
Our magic lowers, a final defense unsheathing as he kisses along my neck and back to my lips, one hand at my throat, the other at my hip. I grab his cock, lining him up at my opening, desperately needing him to be inside me.
Needing this high to come crashing down with him again. He fills me with one solid thrust, and a pleading whimper escapes me. Regent doesn’t give me time to adjust to his size, only slamming back into me as I hold onto his arm for dear life.
I can barely breathe, his firm callused hand pinning my back to the tree. I ride the high, letting him have all of me, promising that no matter what is to come, I will do everything I can to protect this.
Us.
Mine.
The groan of trees shifts around us, his pace hastening as I open my eyes to meet his, memorizing them to be my grounding force.
I’ll be by your side the entire way. From either here or there. The meaning of there goes unsaid: the other side of God’s Gate, where the dead sleep.
His words echo, opening me up like a floodgate.
And I the same.
The groans of the trees beckon, my magic tightly building as I suspend in a near bliss, choking on every slam that echoes painfully hard. My nails dig into his forearm as he holds me in place.
“Regent,” I breathe.
“I know, my love,” he says, crushing his lips against mine again.
I know.
I’ve got you.
My magic combusts as I fall over the edge, a vibrant shadow exorcising out of me. His magic reels me back in as he jerks into me. His lips press against mine, desperate for kisses and breath as he pumps into me, and my pussy squeezes, feeding off the desire to have every drop.
This power.
This man.
This beast.
All of him is mine.
His hand loosens around my throat as he presses kisses along my cheeks and lips. He looks around us, and I follow his gaze, my mouth falling open.
Trees have twisted into one another, bending in such a way that they’ve become one. The trees that were once decayed now thrive and bud with greens and pinks.
His eyes scan the forest. “You may not always be able to control your power, Denva. But it is the most beautiful of all.”
My chest warms; I didn’t realize how long I needed to hear those words from someone. Living in secret and shame, never did I realize that perhaps I could be more than what I was simply born as. That with the right person by my side, I don’t have to hide, don’t have to be ashamed or scared.
One day, I might be able to create something beautiful, instead of the stigma of only having death around me.