Chapter 18 #2
Elijah cocked his head at her, narrowing his eyes in a way that would have most other people running in the opposite direction. “Do you remember everything I say?”
“No,” Freya said, shaking her head casually, “but I remember this one.”
Elijah snorted. “Convenient.”
“Yes.” A bright smile bloomed on Freya’s face. Elijah’s own grin fell.
“What Elijah meant by that,” Caspian said, pointedly re-centering the conversation. “Is that like on Muli, paranimas are incredibly rare. The likelihood I have one is low. If I did and a marriage was truly needed, I would be prepared to make a necessary sacrifice.”
Caspian raised his glass to Bellamy in salute. “You were prepared to do the same.”
“I was,” Bellamy said, not quite able to keep the anguish out of her voice. Soren placed his hand over hers where they were curled in her lap. The way her shoulders relaxed in response to his touch made me nauseous.
Simply because I knew what that felt like. Knew how much Ford’s touch had settled me earlier, when the Bond was wreaking havoc on my body.
I wouldn’t let it cut off that woman’s arm for touching Ford and it had turned all that possessive anger back on me in wave after wave of pounding fury until my body buckled under the weight and my stomach emptied itself.
That thought had me reaching for my glass again, even though my head was already starting to swim.
By the time dinner was over, I knew I’d overindulged.
Caspian had insisted we stay at the tavern a little while longer, clearly still committed to humanizing us in front of his people.
I didn’t know how well that plan was working, considering that the bartender looked genuinely terrified when I asked him for a glass of water. The second time that happened in the span of one night.
That saying about fooling someone once, twice, three times was swirling around in my head, hovering just out of reach.
I really had drank a tad too much.
“Hello, serpenia,” Caspian said, coming to join me at the bar.
I turned to him with a practiced smile, then immediately felt the weight of Ford’s attention on me. I ignored it.
“Hello,” I said simply. I really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation.
Caspian, apparently, was. “You can ask, you know,” he said, leaning close like he was sharing a secret.
“Ask what?” I was likely walking into a trap, but couldn’t quite bring myself to care.
“Why I call you that. Why everyone is staring at you. A little differently than the rest of your company, I’m sure you’ve gathered.”
I made a face, I knew I did, because Caspian laughed so loud you’d think I was his court jester. “Oh, you’ve been dying to ask, haven’t you? Well, I’m charitable. I’ll just tell you.”
Something bad was coming. I could feel it.
“It is because they recognize you, serpenia.”
My eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Why? They shouldn’t know who I am. At least not what I look like.”
I was sure there was at least some degree of infamy attached to the business we ran. Black market goods were coveted for their rarity and their illicit nature.
“They do not know you from your business.” Caspian’s voice was thick with a laugh, as if I’d said something immeasurably silly. “They know you for your other exploits.”
His words were well-timed with someone passing us by, their eyes blowing comically wide when they saw me. Or saw my Mark, rather. It was my hand that did it, the head of the snake. “They know me by my Mark,” I whispered.
Caspian laughed again, this time in agreement. “I must say, from the stories I’ve heard, you are quite the fierce warrior. And a gallant rescue at that? All for your love? The romance of it all cemented you in infamy, my dear.”
“I-I…” I gave up on saying anything, my shock stealing my ability to critically think. I knew I’d made…a scene when I’d rescued Ford, but I didn’t know I’d risen to the level of legend.
Suddenly, I had the distinct feeling that I would be unable to run from anything anymore.
“Don’t apologize,” Caspian said, mistaking my shock. He patted my arm, a show of friendly affection that felt entirely inappropriate. “You took care of a general that had caused problems far before his ill-advised capture of your Soul Mate.”
“Right,” I said, dazedly, unsure what vague statement of agreement even left my mouth.
The memories of that night started flashing in the forefront of my mind like bolts of lightning.
The chill of the winter air, the dank smell of the cells, the piercing screams of soldiers. And blood. So much blood.
Through the haze, I could see a figure approaching. My body recognized him before my mind caught up, falling into the strong arms that banded around me. I felt a hand sweep down my face, drawing up enough sensation to pull my focus.
Ford’s face, once my attention formed around it, was etched with concern.
“Ah, the fateful paranima,” Caspian mused, sounding entirely too pleased with himself. “We were just talking about you.”
Ford’s arms tightened around me. “Wipe that smirk off your face, Caspian.”
“Such unkindness!” the young prince exclaimed, loud enough that I was sure we were starting to draw people’s attention.
“And here I was about to ask you to share a drink with me to tell your side of the story from your rescue. Surely you have some color to the legend of the Virterran goddess, our sweet serpenia.”
“Goddess, she is,” Ford growled out. If my body wasn’t frozen with fear, my face a sickly white from the lack of blood, I was sure I would have blushed. “Story, however, you will never learn.”
Caspian stomped his foot, a tantrum clear on the horizon.
“Heaven forbid, I want to hear a little romance! The last we know of is her gallantly breaking you out of that cell, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake. How was the journey home? Tell me, did she drag your body all the way back to your camp on that tent? That’s where the security footage cuts off on our end. It’s so—”
“That’s enough.” Ford’s voice left no room for argument. Caspian, shockingly, listened. He wanted to hear no more, but the thing was that there was so, so much more.
I was out of his arms, out of the tavern for that matter, before I knew what happened.
It wasn’t until I was around the corner that I realized there were tears streaming down my face.
If I stopped moving, I was pretty sure I’d crumble. Mentally, I could tell my sanity was balancing on thin legs, my body soon to follow. The only thing I could do was pace back and forth the length of the tavern, hastily swiping away the tears that just kept falling.
“Esme. Esme.” I looked up to see Ford calling my name. Huh.
I wondered how long he was doing that. With a little chuckle, I went back to my pacing. That felt good. Fourteen paces, turn. Fourteen paces, turn.
“Esme, stop. Please.”
Thirteen paces, turn. A wider stride made my heart beat faster. Good. Thirteen paces, turn. Thirteen paces—
“Hey, is everything okay out here?”
“Soren!” I said, like a child would at a fluffy dog. Then another memory flashed, this time of Soren hovering over me, his hands pulled together and pressing into my chest. The blinding pain that followed, my bones bending under the weight of his compressions.
Twelve paces now, back and forth.
“I got it, man,” some very angry-sounding animal that also happened to speak our language said. I looked around, expecting to find a bear and only found two very tall, very imposing figures staring at each other.
Soren ignored Ford’s glowering and stepped in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders to stop my movements. “Esme, is everything okay?”
Oh no, there went my knees. Even as I was attempting a nod to Soren’s question—surely I was fine—I felt my legs give out.
Instead of landing in the gravel, I landed in a cloud of warmth. Though my breaths were still short, still not quite bringing in enough oxygen, it grounded me enough to nod at Soren, though it was clear he didn’t believe me in the slightest.
Okay. I needed to explain. “He—” I began, before a shaky breath cut me off.
“I heard,” Soren said, right as a warm hand swept down my back in comforting strokes. There, okay. I could breath a little better now.
I finally had the strength to turn to look at Ford.
Surely it wasn’t comfortable kneeling on the ground with me folded on top of him.
I never made it far enough to see him. He bent down to me at the same time I turned, bringing our cheeks flush together.
This close, his scent was like a drug, lulling me to a pliant state, as he whispered in my ear, “Please, let me take some of this from you.”
“You don’t need anything else to shoulder,” I said. He carried so much, and I knew, I knew that he was already wracked with guilt from this whole thing. He didn’t need this on top of it.
Ford, unfortunately, could already see where my mind was headed. He pulled back just a little bit, so that our noses were nearly touching. His eyes were like jades glowing in the moonlight. “Let me,” he prodded, nudging his nose against mine.
“Okay,” I said, even though I swore, swore, I never would.
“I…uh. So, I—it started with…”
I looked to the side to find Soren still standing there, expression thick with concern and seemingly unbothered by the fact that Ford was making a solid attempt at fusing our bodies together.
If he could suffer this, surely he would be able to—
“Can you please tell him?” I asked Soren. Yes, that would work. I could bring myself to sit here and listen to the story, but I could make no promises about regaling it myself. There was much I didn’t even remember with any cognizable detail.
Soren blinked at me, his eyes blowing wide. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I don’t think I can.” My throat was closing up at the mere idea of having to verbalize what had happened. Even with Peter, who’d forced me to discuss it for fear of it traumatizing me beyond saving, I’d chosen journaling as a method of processing.