Chapter 28
“ C ome onnnnn Izzy, come out with us!” Livy pleads with her puppy dog eyes, bottom lip sticking out.
“I’m not feeling it.” I shrug, not wanting to go out tonight.
Delilah takes her turn trying to convince me.
“Izzy. Sissy. Twinie. My bestest best friend in the entire world. Please, please, please come out with us! It isn’t the same without you.
Connor is coming and Livy said Greyson might come.
A lot of people want to see you. If you hate it, you can go home, and Connor will drive me back. Please!”
I look to these two women who have supported me through everything. I’m being a stick in the mud because I don’t get my delusional New Years Eve fantasy with Reid tonight. If I don’t get the kiss I'm desperate for at midnight, at least I'll be with my girls.
“Fine,” I relent, immediately drowned out by the girls cheering and tackling me onto my bed. It’s already 10:00 p.m. so the girls planned their attack perfectly to get my ass to the bar on time.
I decide that the new year is an opportunity to debut the new me. I put my hair up into messy space buns and dust my eyelids with a taupe shimmer and add a light coat of mascara—no more hiding behind heavy makeup. Not anymore.
I dress in a cream, short sleeved bodysuit with a cute sweetheart neckline cinched between my breasts. I add my nicest skinny jeans and slip on my gorgeous new cowboy boots. I feel beautiful.
Maybe if I focus on our little friend group and not the crowd of nosy townies, tonight might not be so bad.
We’ve been at The Flying Pig for over an hour and the crowd is buzzing with excitement anticipating the stroke of midnight. Frank has turned all the bar TVs to a channel airing the ball drop and the countdown is ticking down to midnight.
The night has been blissfully uneventful. Connor twirls Delilah around the makeshift dance floor until it looks like she might throw up. I can’t find Olivia anywhere so I’m taking a lap around the bar in search of her bright red mane.
I come to a sudden stop when I see her hanging from—holy shit—James Andersen’s arm. She’s laughing at something he said and he’s tipping back a bottle of beer. Delilah said Greyson might come, and if James is here, does that mean Reid came too?
My heart gallops at the possibility of being with Reid when the ball drops. Olivia and James stumble towards the end of the bar top where, yep, there sits Greyson with some other guys I recognize from their crowd. Bodies shift and I stop breathing.
He’s here. Reid is sitting at the end of the bar, drinking something dark in a low-ball glass. He’s so handsome he takes my breath away. If you looked up “man” in the dictionary, his picture would be a centerfold spread.
I make my way through the pulsing crowd, catching a TV out of the corner of my eye ticking down from eight minutes to midnight. Every step closer, my chest gets tighter and tighter. I want him to kiss me at midnight. I’m more than willing to make the first move, but I want him to want to kiss me.
Our first kiss was messy and emotional and more for human connection than intimacy, but my blood still heats at the memory of how his lips felt on mine.
As I approach, I hear James say something to Reid, but I only catch every other word. Something about “wouldn’t want this.” What’s that about? Reid barks something back at his brother, who throws his hands up in surrender and puts his arm around Olivia.
I come up behind Liv and tap her on the shoulder. She's plastered. She fawns all over me, petting my face and my hair and grabbing my butt.
“Isn’t she sooooo hot? She’s hot, right Reid?” My face flames with embarrassment. Freaking Olivia and her big mouth, made even looser with alcohol.
James chimes in, “Yea Reid, doesn’t Izzy look incredible tonight?” Greyson punches James in the arm and they exchange an odd look. Reid hasn’t even looked up from his glass to acknowledge I'm here.
I squeeze through the group to stand next to Reid at the bar. I'm desperate to kiss him again, and the ticking clock is forcing my hand. I need to have Reid’s lips on mine at midnight. I gently put a hand on his shoulder, and he tenses up and flinches away from my touch.
“Go away,” Reid bites out.
“But it’s almost midnight,” I say as flirty as I can, in light of his dark mood.
“I said go the fuck away,” he says through clenched teeth. I recoil from the smell of bourbon on his breath.
Olivia’s shocked gasp is accompanied by a chorus of “What the fuck?” from the guys.
I'm getting dizzy, the lights and sounds and energy in the bar are suddenly too much. I look at him through bleary eyes and quietly plead, “Reid.” To my horror, my chin starts to quiver.
Don’t do this now. Don’t do this here. I plead to myself, and more so to Reid.
He throws back the last of his drink and slams the glass down on the bar top. He throws some cash on the bar and stumbles off his stool. He shoves past his friends and into the crowd who’re excitedly chanting “10, 9, 8, 7?—”.
Olivia’s panicked eyes meet mine and I burst into silent tears.
She reaches for me, but I need to get out of here and weave through the sea of bodies to the front door.
I'm nearly there when the crowd roars “—2, 1, Happy New Year!” Confetti poppers go off as lips smack and laughter assaults my ears.
I push out into the freezing night trying to remember where I parked my car. I rush past a group of guys from high school and one of them slurs, “Hey! Isn’t that Easy Izzy? Come ‘ere baby, don’t you remember me? Stevens told us all about you. I’ll show you a good time.”
Bile rises in the back of my throat, burning my sinuses—making me cry even harder.
No matter what I do, things will never change.
I mercifully find my car and fumble with my car keys trying to get it unlocked.
My hands don’t want to work because I’m too busy holding together the battered pieces of my heart.
I pound my fist against the doorframe and kick the side trim sobbing.
I realize too late what I’ve done and drop down to see if I scuffed my precious boots. The boots he gave me.
I hate him.
I hate this town.
I hate these people.
But most of all I hate myself.
I finally get into my car and start slowly crawling home down the crowded Main Street. Tears have soaked the collar of my bodysuit and are dripping down my sternum. I park in front of the decrepit box I call home and slink inside.
Mom has the same ball drop playing on the TV, passed out with a beer tipping out of her grasp. I silently lock myself in my room and climb into bed fully dressed.
I thought I was changing. I thought he was changing. I thought something was sparking between us.
I’m so stupid. He doesn’t want me. I’ll never escape this hell.
This is my life, and it’s time that I accept it for what it is. I slip into a restless sleep missing the feel of Reid’s rough hand holding mine and crushed by the image of his disgusted face tonight.
Happy fucking New Year.