Chapter 29
I 'm pushing out the emergency exit of The Flying Pig when a rough hand grabs me by the shoulder and yanks me back inside. The door slams behind me and I whip around.
“What the fuck?”
“Yea man, what the fuck?” James is up in my face. A cursory glance tells me he ditched Olivia sometime in the last thirty seconds.
“I need to get out of here, let me go,” I slur. James grabs me tightly by the elbow.
“Hell no, you aren't driving like this, no fucking way. What the fuck was that back there? You crushed that poor girl!” James shouts over the sounds of the bar.
“What are you talking about? Let me go.” My rage is melting into unbearable sorrow. The pain is unbearable, and I need to get out of here. Right. Now.
I wrench my arm out of my older brother’s grip. My bourbon-soaked brain slowly catches up to what he’s saying.
“Wait. What girl?”
“Are you serious? Fucking Isabelle, Reid. She came up to the bar just before the ball dropped and I’d bet my left nut she was hoping for a kiss at midnight,” he says like I’m stupid.
“No way. She doesn’t want me. She’s too good.” I crumple back against the wall.
James wrenches me from the wall and forces me into a bear hug.
I struggle to get him off me, but he holds me tighter.
I open my mouth to curse him out, but what comes out is an ugly, guttural howl.
I dissolve into tears. I can feel James’s chest wracking against mine fighting his own grief filled release.
“It was supposed to be his thirtieth birthday.” I can barely say the shattering words.
“I know.” James rubs my back roughly. “I know.”
“It’s not fucking fair. He was the best one of us and he’s just…gone,” I moan.
“He wouldn’t want us blubbering like idiots on his birthday. He’d want us to be wearing matching armadillo T-shirts or some shit, tossing back beers and sharing our favorite memories of him. He’d hate what you’re doing to yourself, man.”
I try to let his words sink in, but it hurts too damn bad.
“I think there's something real between you and that girl, Reid. You’ve already fucked up so many times I don’t know if you can come back from it this time.” Don’t I know it.
“Sam would want you to try. He'd want you to live, and find love, and do all the things he can’t do.” My sobs have stopped but tears are still tracking down my face. He comes to my side and puts his arm around my shoulders.
“Let’s get out of here. Grey said we can crash at his place. Harper’s with Mom and Dad. The hardware store is just a few blocks from here. You’re going to be ok. You can do it.”
That’s the problem—I don’t know if I can.