Chapter 14 #2
With a final tremble, her legs gave out and she sank onto my lap, pinning my hand between us. I lacked the strength to move. I was a damn noodle, unable and unwilling to remove my touch from her body.
Was she feeling the same? Her grip was solid around me.
She tipped her forehead to mine. “Are you okay?”
Her concern brought an unwelcome dash of reality. “Don’t worry about my leg.”
She gingerly let my cock go and sat back to meet my gaze.
I’d ruined the moment. I withdrew my hand, slipping from her warm, encompassing body.
“No, I mean are you okay with what we did? You don’t like me.”
I thumped the back of my head on the dryer. I was dimly aware I’d rested both my hands on her thighs. Even with our circumstances returning, I was unwilling to let her go. “I never said I didn’t like you.”
Her expression turned dubious. She wiped her hand off on a corner of the towel that had survived our simultaneous climaxes. “You don’t have to say it.”
“I like you too fucking much, Summer. That’s always been the problem.”
She snapped her head up. “Always?”
“You were hot in high school, but you were my best friend’s sister. Then I was out of high school. Then . . .”
“Then I was Eli’s girlfriend.”
I didn’t bother nodding.
She ran her dry hand down my cheek. Beeping sounded from somewhere in the house. “Dinner’s ready.” She placed a kiss by my mouth.
I didn’t turn my head to meet her. The betrayal was sinking in.
Summer
We were making progress. Simultaneous orgasms notwithstanding, Jonah was at the table with me.
My appetite should be roaring, but I picked at my pork chop. Jonah was eating like a robot. Cut a piece of meat. Swipe through gravy. Insert in mouth. Slice another chunk.
My body was humming from what we’d done earlier, but my mind was a mess. He was at the table, so he didn’t hate me, right?
He wasn’t looking at me. I was peeking at him from under my lashes.
Finally, I set my fork down. “I think it’s safe to say we’re both attracted to each other, and it’s a problem because of Eli.”
He quit chewing. Then he swallowed. But he continued staring at his plate. “He loved you.”
“I tried to love him back.” I pushed my plate away.
Only a quarter of my pork chop had been consumed.
“I really did. He was such a good friend, but as a boyfriend . . .” I closed my eyes and took a fortifying breath.
“He was needy. Insecure. I thought when I went to college, he’d find his stride, but instead, he only waited for me. I . . . resented him.”
Jonah rocked back, his utensils loose in his hands. His gaze was on me, but I couldn’t decipher what was in his eyes. Was he thinking She really said that? Was he thinking I should’ve ended the fondling as soon as it started? Was he thinking Callous bitch?
I was, and I’d had a long time to come to terms with what an awful person I was.
“And when he . . . did what he did . . . I was so mad at him. So damn angry, Jonah. How dare he? How dare he make me feel like that? All I wanted was freedom to be young, and he stole that from me.” I licked my dry lips.
His gaze tracked my tongue, his expression stricken. “He took it from you too.”
“You’re blaming all this on him?” he asked barely above a whisper.
My nod was shaky. “I know he didn’t mean to hurt anyone or to die, but that’s how it felt. Like he punished me for not loving him.”
“You told him you were into me.” The same dangerous edge was in his tone.
“He accused me of liking you because he could tell. I meant it when I told him it was nothing serious. Half the girls in our class were into you. I thought you were attractive and sexy and out of my league. I wasn’t going to pursue you.
I was in school and I really did want to be single for a while. ”
His brow was creased and his scar was puckered more than usual. “Then why’d you visit me in the hospital?”
“I talked to your mom, and she was worried about you. I was so exhausted.”
He chuffed and his silverware clattered to the floor. “You were exhausted?”
“Emotionally,” I said quietly. “What I was going through was nothing like what you and your parents went through, I know. I was going to tell you about the breakup, to ease your conscience, and just . . . have someone to share my story with. Someone who knew him.” Hot tears pricked the backs of my eyes.
The weight of my breakup was lifted from my chest, but the consequences were adding pressure.
My conscience was not clear; it was just exposed.
“Funny how your breakups seem to crash into my life.”
I flinched. He was so bitter, and it was my fault. I picked up my plate. “I’ll go. You can leave the dishes for me.” I pushed my chair back to stand.
“Put the damn plate down,” he snapped.
I dropped my dish. The silverware clattered against it.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Fuuuuuck, Summer. I can’t have this conversation when I can still feel you coming around my fingers.
” He dropped his arms. The look he gave me was bleak.
“I can barely think, now that I know what it’s like to come in your hand instead of mine.
” He dropped his head back, his Adam’s apple prominent.
“I feel like I betrayed him one last time.”
“I’m sorry.”
He tipped his head forward and speared me with a curious gaze. “You don’t feel the same?”
“Not really. I feel like karma is all the shitty boyfriends I’ve tolerated.” I had meant my comment as a joke, but had I looked for guys who were the opposite of either Dunn brother?
A crease formed between his brows. “He looked up to me.”
“He really did.” Eli had been insecure, and when he’d admired someone, he could get a little obsessed. His hot, popular, older brother hadn’t been exempt.
“Was he at my place to talk to me?”
I’d thought about this so much over the years, but I’d been able to look at the situation from a different vantage point. “I don’t know. He might’ve been lashing out, upset that you got all the attention. He might’ve needed your support and reassurance. Or maybe he’d planned to warn you off me.”
“I didn’t need the warning.”
Ouch. “I wasn’t going to pursue you. I was nineteen and single and in college.” I might’ve lashed out too. “I also assumed that being Eli’s ex would’ve ruined my chances for a good ten years.”
A dark brow ticked up. “It’s been fifteen years, and it’s not much better.”
We were talking in circles. I was wildly attracted to Jonah.
I wanted him more than any other man I’d ever met.
I’d gotten off with him quicker than any guy I’d been with.
So shamefully quick. But he continued fixating on his brother, and I didn’t have a good reason why he shouldn’t.
“I’ll keep my distance. I can put a sock on the laundry room handle if I’m changing.
When the roads are clear, I’ll be on my way, and we don’t have to cross paths for another fifteen years. ”
His lips formed a troubled line. I couldn’t tell if he was upset that I couldn’t leave right now, or that seeing me in another fifteen years would be too soon. I lifted my plate and gathered my fork and knife. “Like I said, I’ll do dishes later.”
“You cooked,” he answered automatically.
I set my things by the kitchen sink. “It’s fine. I haven’t been sleeping well. It’ll give me something to do.”
I walked past him, taking in his strong shoulders, his messy, shaggy hair, and the way his head was tipped down like he was contemplating world peace.
“How did you move on?” he asked quietly. “How did you know everything that happened, and then just go live your life?”
I stopped before turning out of the kitchen.
Overwhelming guilt crushed my lungs and constricted my throat.
“When my parents crashed, I struggled to breathe for what felt like an eternity. The life I’d known was over after that accident.
I know I’m selfish, but I wasn’t willing to give up another life just because I’d wanted to stop being smothered. ”