Chapter 26 #3
My stomach was twisted into a hundred knots.
I’d had all week to ponder what I had to do.
I should’ve called. I should’ve asked to meet them somewhere.
Instead, I’d tossed and turned all night and then driven down.
It was Saturday morning and I hoped that Adam and Vera were around.
If I caught only one, what would I do? The last time I’d just shown up on their ranch, I’d been seeing Eli.
When I had turned down their winding drive, memories had cascaded through my head. Eli and I taking the horses out for a ride—and spying on Jonah doing chores. Eli and I watching movies—and me watching Jonah packing his gear for another trip with my brothers.
Most of my Eli memories came paired with Jonah memories.
World’s Crappiest Girlfriend, right here.
I got out of my car and smoothed down the skirt of one of the dresses I had bought for my honeymoon.
It was meant for a beach, but it could work for a farm-chic photoshoot when paired with cowboy boots like I wore now.
The familiar smells of a ranch in early summer greeted me.
Fresh air with a mix of cow manure. Rich soil filled with new growth.
When I walked out of my condo, I sometimes caught a whiff of my neighbor’s pot smoke from their back porch. More than once, I’d wondered if I’d gotten a secondhand high pulling weeds in my flower bed. The smell always reminded me of burning ditches. I missed home.
But I was tempted to get back in my car, hope Vera hadn’t seen me, and drive away.
No. I wasn’t running away again. This was for Jonah as much as me. He wouldn’t want to keep this from his parents. I reached the front door and my hand was shaking when I knocked.
Vera opened the door. Her brows lifted and surprise filled her face. “Summer.” She smiled and shook her head. “Sorry, I’m having flashbacks. You’re at the door again.” She laughed. “Nice to see you.”
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“Absolutely.” She pushed the door open farther. “Come on in. Careful of all the boxes. We can go into the kitchen.” She looked past me. “Isn’t Jonah with you?”
Shocked at her question, I shook my head and silently panicked. Hadn’t he told them we were no longer a thing? What if she asked me? I’d come to confess about Eli. I wasn’t ready to break down in front of her over Jonah.
She just shrugged and made space for me to enter.
I stepped in. The scent in here was the same too—a little maple syrupy. Vera must still make pancakes on the weekends. “Is Adam here? I’d like to talk to you both.”
“Sure. He’s around somewhere. I can give him a call.”
The front door opened and my heart jumped in my throat.
I’d almost been counting on the time it’d take Vera to find her husband.
But when I turned, it was Jonah I locked eyes with.
His hair wasn’t styled and it was slightly longer than when I’d seen him last. His gaze simmered with an unidentifiable emotion, but whatever it was, he didn’t look happy to see me.
“O-oh. I can come back.” I would rush out the door, but Jonah was blocking me.
His dad came in behind him. “Hey, Summer. Nice to see you again.”
My knees trembled. I was not a scaredy-cat, but it was daunting enough to face telling Adam and Vera. Jonah knew the story, but he wasn’t here as my support. I wanted to dry heave a few times.
“Hi. Um.” Did I leave? Did I forge ahead?
“Hey, guys,” Jonah said. I wanted to close my eyes and sink into that deep timbre. I missed his voice. “Can I talk with Summer for a few minutes?”
Vera opened her mouth to say something, but Adam circled around Jonah to go to his wife. He smiled at me, almost encouragingly. “Vera, should we get some lemonade out for everyone?”
They disappeared into the kitchen.
“Hey,” I said quietly.
Jonah crossed to stop in front of me. “What’s going on?” he asked just as softly.
“I need to tell them. They should know the whole story.”
“I agree. Want me to be with you?”
The tremor in my legs grew. I wanted to lean on him. Could I sit in his lap when I said the words? I might be determined not to run, but I’d siphon his strength. “You don’t mind?”
“No.” He brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek. I turned my head into his touch. “It’ll be fine.”
“How can you be sure?” My whisper was ragged.
“Because out of all of us, they dealt with the grief the best. Dad just schooled me real hard in the shop.”
A shaky laugh left me. “I guess it’s my turn. You didn’t tell them about us breaking up.”
“I didn’t want to worry them even more. They’d think I’d regress.” He twined his fingers with mine and led me into the kitchen. “And because I didn’t want it to be true.”
“Me either.”
He gave my hand a squeeze. “Come on. First them. Then us.”
Us.
Despite my small rise of hope, my legs moved like lead poles. The warm, familiar roughness of his skin kept me rooted to the present. His hold calmed my heart rate.
His parents were sitting at the table. Vera was pouring lemonade into each of the four glasses Adam handed her.
Jonah pulled a chair out for me. My stomach waffled as I sat and settled once he was positioned next to me.
I stared at the lemonade in front of me. Adam and Vera sipped theirs and shifted in their seats. They must sense the heaviness from me.
I licked my dry lips. “I’m going to get right to the point.
You two were very important to me, and then I just ghosted you after Eli died.
” I closed my eyes because I couldn’t see their expressions.
My determination dipped, then a big, warm hand closed over one of mine again.
Jonah’s fresh-cut-pine scent surrounded me.
I could do this. “I was too afraid to tell you that I broke up with Eli right before he got drunk. I’m the reason why he was drinking. ”
I sucked in a shuddering breath. There. I’d done it. I had to face whatever repercussions came my way. I wouldn’t run away anymore.
Jonah squeezed my hand, and I opened my eyes to him. His supportive expression was exactly what I needed to see.
Vera’s eyes were wide, disbelieving. “Summer, have you been holding that in all these years?”
I nodded, tears springing into my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you, but he’d been so upset and it was my fault.”
“No.” Adam shook his head, his troubled gaze stuck on the table. “No, it’s not your fault. Vera and I haven’t come this far to start assigning fault to anyone now.”
She barked a laugh and scrubbed her face with both hands. “Oh, Summer. If only you knew how much we’ve already done that.”
Jonah’s grip was fused with mine. Did he understand their reaction any more than I did?
Vera’s sigh was packed with ironic humor. “We blamed ourselves. You. Jonah. Copper Summit. Ourselves some more. Eli. The pickup manufacturer. Copper Summit some more. Each other.”
“We’ve run the gamut,” Adam said. “And if Eli was so upset from the breakup, and that’s why he did what he did, then I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I’m truly sorry.”
“You two were so young,” Vera whispered. “We knew it wouldn’t last. Just like we knew you and Jonah might have a thing for each other instead.”
Shock slammed through me like a thundercloud. “Was it that obvious? I never wanted to hurt Eli. I swear.” I’d been into Jonah, but enough to broadcast to the world I was into him?
She smiled. “Only to those of us who knew both Eli and Jonah. You were close with Eli, but we could tell what you felt wasn’t . . . epic. It was more age appropriate in our opinion.”
“Eli knew,” I whispered.
She couldn’t hide her pain, and she exchanged a look with Adam. “I was afraid he’d noticed too, but it was like that for him. You know that.”
I nodded. I did. He’d looked up to his big brother, but there’d been a healthy dose of jealousy.
“Don’t blame yourself,” Adam said gruffly. “Don’t blame anyone. Eli was going through more change than he cared to deal with.”
“How so?” Jonah asked.
Adam lifted his shoulder. “He was lonely. Summer was in college and I think he could sense they were growing apart.” He smiled encouragingly at me.
“But it wasn’t just you. He missed his friends who’d gone off to college.
He wanted to ranch, but he also wanted to live life, and we’d been having talks about how he could see and experience the world and also be tied to a hundred head of cattle. ”
“He was a little lost, but he was right where he wanted to be,” Vera added. “I think we’ve all been there.”
We all nodded. Some of us were still going through that.
Vera’s smile turned watery. “Since I know the both of you . . . At least, Summer, I think you’re still the same, strong girl who wants to solve everyone’s problems but your own?”
I dipped my head before I realized what I was agreeing to. Then I let out a humorless laugh. “What gave you that impression? My canceled wedding with a guy I should’ve dumped two years before I put on a wedding dress?”
“And why you stayed with Eli.” She pinned me with an understanding look.
“I know you didn’t want to hurt him and we appreciate that more than you can know.
None of us could’ve guessed how it’d turn out, but seeing what Jonah went through almost broke us.
And here you are again, and it’s clear how much you care for him.
” Her lips took on an ironic twist. “Only it’s nice to see that you two aren’t repeating old patterns.
You weren’t afraid to make Jonah face the truth.
And Jonah’s been to the house more in the last few months than in the last few years. ”
“I’ve only been by three times,” Jonah said quietly.
His mom’s smile had a hint of sadness. “I know.”
I exchanged a look with Jonah. His hand was still on mine. He’d lost some weight and I’d tease him about scurvy later . . . if he meant that thing about an us.
“She turned me toward the truth,” Jonah said roughly, “but Teller made me face it head-on. That asshole won’t leave me alone.” Jonah’s eyes twinkled. “I also don’t want him to.”
I smiled weakly, but focused on Adam and Vera. “I should’ve talked to you both sooner.”