Chapter 13 #2
The woman he grabbed at the country club wasn’t smiling. I’m not sure why, but I can’t get her out of my head. It’s not the flirting that got to me—I couldn’t care less. So long as I don’t end up with a disease or anything, he can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants.
No, it’s the way he grabbed her like he was entitled to her. No matter how I try—and I have—I can’t forget the surprise that flashed in her eyes. There might have been pain mixed in, too. He wasn’t gentle.
As I consider, he glances over the rim of his lowball glass, and our eyes meet.
He hates me.
I’ve never been so sure of anything. I feel it in my gut. I can almost taste it in the air.
He despises me. Not just the situation we’re in, but me, myself.
When I tip my head to study him further, the look he’d given me is gone, like he realized he let his mask slip. He’s really not trying all that hard to hide it.
“I’m sure Saint would make a lovely matron of honor, don’t you think?” Mom nudges me under the table when I don’t answer right away.
What was she saying about Saint? My brain finally catches up, and I make a noise in the back of my throat. “Yes, she’s the only person I’d want.”
“Roman’s daughter-in-law,” Mom explains.
God, she’s got balls. She can actually say his name like they were simply rivals. Using the Bishop name for credibility, making sure Lowry knows I have connections to a family that’ll still be powerful with or without Roman.
I’m disgusted enough to set down my knife and fork before my salad is finished.
Pain lances through my chest. A realization.
This is as good as my life is ever gonna get.
All I have to look forward to are years of avoiding my husband, who hates me almost as much as I hate him.
It makes me think of Elena, the woman who raised Kade.
No wonder Kade always described her as checked out.
Will that be me? Wandering around in my own house like a ghost?
Suddenly, I can’t breathe. “Excuse me, please.” My heart is thumping so hard it hurts, and it feels like a steer is sitting on my chest. I need air. Actually, I need a lot more than air, but I’ll settle for going outside.
The second I’m out the gilded double doors of the restaurant, I regret not stopping to grab my coat as the cool night air bites into my skin. The dress doesn’t cover a lot of it, leaving my arms and part of my back bare to the chill. It’s not all that bad. The cold reminds me I’m alive.
I pull in a breath, filling my lungs with icy air that tastes like snow and regret.
The coldness at least gives me something different to focus on.
My teeth start to chatter, and my fingers tingle with coldness, but it’s still better than sitting at that table and being crushed by my own heavy sadness.
The door behind me opens with an almost silent whoosh.
I don’t even have to turn around to know who’s there.
It’s like I can feel him, and definitely not in the same way I can feel Kade.
“This time, I had to come looking for you.” Jackson’s voice is dry and unamused. Big surprise. “Fuck, it’s cold out here.”
Did he come out to give me a weather report?
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
“You’d better be.”
“Excuse me?” I pin him with a look that says get fucked.
He rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Your mom sent me after you. I would prefer not to return empty-handed.”
“I said I’d be back in a minute.” I look at him over my shoulder.
No, he wouldn’t think to offer me his jacket, not that I would take it.
He’s the kind of man who sees to his own comfort first. Ugh, now I feel Kade’s jacket hanging over my shoulders outside the bar, swallowing me up in his warmth and scent.
I can still smell him, and the memory makes my heart hurt.
“No, you’re coming in right now.” There it is. It’s what I tried to tell myself I imagined before. That cold, commanding tone.
“We’re not married yet,” I remind him.
It’s actually good that we’re face-to-face without anyone to overhear. As much as I hate speaking to him, at least I don’t have to keep my mouth shut and pretend to be the obedient little wife he expects anymore.
“We will be,” he murmurs, taking a step toward me. I can smell the whiskey on his breath, mixed with his musky cologne, and that only adds to my disgust. “And once we’re married, you won’t be doing any of this backtalking, because I’ll make it so you can’t.”
“Really?” I even try to laugh it off. That’s how desperate I am to make myself believe he doesn’t scare me. “How might you do that?”
His face is humorless, vacant, and empty. “That depends on you, Allie. How far do you intend to push me?”
Down a flight of steps, if I can.
“I don’t know, Jackson.” I bite out his name, but it’s more my teeth chattering than anger. “I guess it depends on how far I need you to fall to get my point across.”
“I see.” He smiles, and the gesture is even more unsettling than the emptiness in his eyes.
“That’s fine. Get it all out of your system now.
And I do mean all of it, including your slutty behavior.
” I open my mouth to speak, but he continues, “You didn’t think I would find out, did you? About your night of fun at the bar?”
His words hit me so hard, I’m stunned. “What are you talking about?” How the hell did he even find out?
A dark chuckle escapes him. “Come on. Don’t insult my intelligence. You think I don’t hear things? You’re about to be my wife. Everything you do is my business.”
“Cool, but we’re not married now, so I can do whatever I want.”
“Within limits, sweetheart, because you see, if you sleep with another man, or embarrass my family name in any way once we’re married, you will regret it.”
“I’m not scared of you.” It’s stupid to keep pushing him, but what can I say? I’m too stubborn to give a shit. I almost wish he’d hit me like he clearly wants to and get it over with. I bet I’d hit him back harder.
“Not yet.” He flashes me a sharp shark-toothed smile. “But you certainly will be if you continue with the bullshit.”
He’s fucked in the head, and that explains why his dad is so damn motivated to get him married off. They don’t just get our connections. No one else would be desperate enough to marry this psychopath.
“You have two minutes to get your ass in here. If you aren’t inside, I’ll send your mom out after you. Something tells me you don’t want to be on Mommy’s bad side.”
He taps my chin lightly with his knuckle, and I bat at his hand, but he’s already turning and heading inside.
Alone again, I release some of the tension in my shoulders. I’m still shivering, but it’s not from the cold anymore. It’s because I know Jackson meant every word he said. Not even Kade has ever made me feel so helpless, and frankly, terrified.
Like an animal caught in a trap. Kade scares the shit out of me sometimes, but with him, it’s almost a game.
I feel scared, but I know he won’t injure me.
He’ll hurt me, alright. Over and over...
and he has, but he’d never kill me. And I think, a moment ago, Jackson imagined what his hands would look like wrapped around my throat.
My heart slams against my ribs as I watch the busy street. The sound of the traffic escapes me. The only thing I can hear is my racing pulse and the roar of blood in my ears.
I imagine myself running, launching myself off the curb, begging someone, anyone to let me in their car. I’d go anywhere so long as I didn’t have to go home.
And if nobody stopped?
Then maybe I could find another kind of escape.
I’d step off the curb at the corner. Let myself get pulled under a pair of wheels or flung into the air. It would only hurt for a second, right? And then... nothing. A little pain for peace? Or a lifetime of misery?
I shake my head and shiver. What the hell am I thinking?
I’m numb by the time I turn and shut out those dark, tempting thoughts. I’m not giving up yet. I won’t let him beat me. I won’t let any of them beat me.
Somehow, I’ll find a way to win this war I’ve been dragged into.
Even if it kills me.