Chapter Eighteen
Braxten
D arkness shrouds the night as I sit on my father’s back deck, casting it’s unforgiving shadows upon my soul. The demons from my past emerge with a vengeance.
“How does it feel, boy? You’re not such a big shot now, are ya?
” The whip cracked through the air before it landed another lash to my bare ass, tearing the flesh from my bones.
Fear diluted the pain at the sound of his belt unbuckling.
“I’m going to show you what happens to cocky little bastards like yourself. ”
My teeth clench together as I fight to keep the haunting memory buried, but it’s no use.
The helplessness I felt in that moment, the trauma that I still carry to this day burns like acid, never letting me forget.
The same fucking scars that a girl I have promised to protect bears on her innocent flesh, all because we ran.
Because we thought the monster was dead, burning in hell where he could never hurt another person.
But it turns out we were wrong, so fucking wrong, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
The creak of the screen door penetrates my turmoil before my brothers step out, each of them taking a spot on either side of me.
“Talk to us, man,” Justice says, breaking the bleak silence.
“There’s really not much to say, is there?” Every word shreds my throat like tiny razor blades, my gaze remaining straight ahead.
“I think there is a lot to say.”
Yeah, like the girl I would give my life for suffered years of abuse because of us.
Just the thought burns a whole in my gut.
Unable to sit a second longer, I push to my feet, my boots pounding the hard earth as I pace back and forth, fighting the monster that rages within.
“Don’t do this, Brax,” Justice says, knowing exactly where my thoughts are.
I come to a hard stop, squaring off with both my brothers. “Do what, Justice, huh? Admit that we fucked up? That we ran away without ever looking back and because of it, other people suffered at his hands? This is our fucking fault and you damn well know it!”
He shoves to his feet, coming before me in the blink of an eye. “The hell it is. No one knew this would happen. We left him for dead. We even checked after to make sure!”
“It wasn’t enough,” I roar. “We should have done more! She suffered because of us.” The fight drains from my shoulders, the last of my words thick with grief.
“He hurt her because of us. Every mark she bears is our fault.” Liquid fire sears my eyes, leaking from the corners before I lose it altogether.
My brother hooks a hand behind my neck, reeling me in close as I drown in the guilt that suffocates me. Knox walks over, gripping my shoulder in silent comfort.
It’s just like that night so long ago. When everything felt so hopeless and all we had was each other.
“We were just kids, Brax,” Justice grits, his voice filled with the same regret tearing me apart. “We did the best we could, but we were just fucking kids. There was only so much we could do.”
“He’s right.” My father’s controlled voice penetrates the moment.
All three of us break apart and look up at the man who saved our very existence. He walks down the back steps, the dark encompassing him as he comes to stand before us.
“This is not your fault and what happened all those years ago wasn’t either.” The knowledge in his eyes as he gazes back at us is unmistakable.
“You knew, didn’t you?” I choke out. “You knew this whole time.”
He nods once. “It took a few months, but I eventually pieced together what happened and where you boys came from.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Knox asks before I can.
“Why didn’t any of you?”
We don’t make any move to explain, none of us sure how to voice what our greatest fear has always been.
“Do you not trust me?”
“It’s not that,” I rush out to say.
“Then why did you feel you had to keep this from me?”
Justice is the one to finally say it. “We worried the truth would change the way you felt about us.”
My father’s expression remains schooled, making it hard to distinguish his thoughts. “And what truth would that be? That you defended yourselves from a monster?”
“How do you know that’s what happened?” Knox asks. “For all you know, we were the monsters. You didn’t know us back then.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, boy. I’ve always known who you are.” His words fall heavy and hard, ceasing the moment. “I saw the fear in your eyes all those years ago. The pain, the fight for survival…I knew you boys had suffered. Just as I had. Which is why I did everything I could to protect you.”
The love he has always shown us fills the bleak night.
“You were the one who tampered with the records,” Justice murmurs, his head lifting at the realization. “You erased any trace of us from that group home, didn’t you?”
I look back at my father and see the answer on his face before he even speaks it.
“Yes.”
“Why?” I ask. “Why would you do that?”
“Because the night I found you in my barn—cold, wet, and scared—I knew I found three boys who needed me as much as I needed them, and I wasn’t going to let anyone take you from me.”
Emotion threatens to erupt all over again as I realize just how much our father sacrificed for us.
He steps closer, clasping Justice and Knox on the shoulders, forming a small circle between us. “I want you all to hear me now. Past, present, or future, nothing—and I mean nothing—you have done or will ever do could make me stop loving you. You get me?”
Knox drops his head, shielding his broken expression while Justice responds with a nod, his jaw locked up tight.
I swallow past the knot in my throat and manage to find my voice. “Yeah, Dad. We get you.”
My father pulls us in close, forming an unbreakable embrace. “We’re gonna get this son of bitch, boys. He will pay for what he has done and this time we’re gonna send him to hell for good. I promise you that.”
He might be the one to make the promise, but I am the one who intends to keep it.
His death will be by my hands.