Chapter Nineteen
Alice
A steady stream of tears slide down my cheeks, my hopeless heart somehow still beating with life as I sit next to Leela’s stall, stroking the sleeping horse’s neck.
I came here needing a kindred spirit, searching for some semblance of solace in the grim reality I now have to face.
I belong to a monster.
A vile person who inflicted pain not only on myself but others, including the one man I have come to care about most in this world. The same man who saved my life and promised to protect me. Only to find out he’s been protecting the enemy.
The knowledge has another sob tumbling free.
Hugging my knees to my chest, I cry for the loss of something that barely even had the chance to get started.
Braxten will never be able to look at me again and I can’t blame him.
Not when he suffered at the hands of the man whose blood runs in my veins and I have no doubt he did.
I saw it in his eyes, it was in all of their eyes. The demons—the anguish and…hatred.
So much hatred.
Footsteps sound behind me, penetrating my turmoil.
I don’t have to look to know who it is. Awareness floods every cell of my body, right down to my lost, lonely soul.
It’s the same feeling I always get when he’s near.
It has always soothed me, made me feel safe, but not this time because I know what’s to come, and even though I can’t blame him for it, I am not sure my battered heart can lose another piece right now.
Braxten kneels before me, but I keep my head buried in my arms. Unable to face what I will see—regret and the inevitable goodbye.
“Look at me, Alice.”
Despite his gentle command, I make no move to do so.
He gives me no choice. Breaking my arms apart, he forces my gaze to his, but what I find staring back at me isn’t what I expected to see, yet it splinters my heart all the same. His broken expression is filled with an unfathomable pain, revealing every bit of his fractured soul.
“I’m so sorry,” I expel through a fresh wave of tears. “So very sorry.”
Confusion masks some of his hurt. “What are you sorry for?”
“For everything he’s done,” I cry. “This is all my fault.”
“No, it’s not. This is my fault, Alice. Not yours.
” His jaw flexes, breathing ravaged as he fights to restrain his emotion.
“We left him for dead. We thought he couldn’t hurt anyone else, but we were wrong.
For that, I am the one who is sorry.” His head lowers in shame, his despair suffocating the barn we sit in.
For the first time, I see him as the lost, scared boy he once was, his past surfacing stronger than ever.
“What did he do to you?” I ask, despite being terrified to hear that answer.
His head lifts, gaze meeting mine once more. Behind those demons is rage, a rage so strong it chills me to my bones.
“Nothing I didn’t come back from. And nothing you won’t either.” Strength and determination slam down around him like a force field, smothering any lingering pain. His faith in me is stronger than my own.
“I always thought once I knew who I was and where I came from, I wouldn’t feel so lost,” I confess softly. “But the truth is, I’ve never felt more lost than I do right now.”
Sympathy flashes in his eyes before his hand lifts to my face, fingers trailing across my tear stained cheek. “You’re not lost, Wonderland. You’re right where you belong. Here, with me.”
I shake my head, not knowing how he can still be so kind to me. “How can you say that after knowing who I am?”
“Because it’s the truth, damn it!” Grasping my face between his hands, he presses his forehead against mine, his gaze penetrating. “I don’t care what that fucking report says. You don’t belong to him. You belong to me and that’s not going to change. Not now. Not ever.”
The beautiful vow is everything I longed to hear and more. A strangled sob works its way up my throat, but before it can burst free, Braxten’s lips claim mine in a time-stopping kiss.
I surrender to it and him, letting it change the dreadful fate that awaits us. It awakens something inside of me, a desperation I’ve never felt before.
Gripping the material of his shirt, I pull it up his sculpted back, needing more.
He quickly obliges, leaning back enough to help me clear it over his head.
His hands move to the front of my dress, fingers quickly working the tiny buttons free until he loses his patience and tears the material open with one swift pull, sending the dainty pieces scattering across the barn.
The savage act has my breath catching in my throat, but it evaporates altogether when he pulls me against him, skin-to-skin, and does nothing else but hold me for the moment.
My arms come around him as I savor the way our hearts beat as one. It’s an irrevocable shift in time that charges this already monumental moment between us.
Seconds later, his lips press against my neck, branding the skin there, before trailing down to the swell of my breast then lower, his mouth closing over my sensitive nipple.
An army of sensations explode through me. My head falls back on a moan, fingernails digging into his broad shoulders as I revel in all the feelings he evokes. He shifts his attention to the other breast, his tongue lashing and lips suckling until I’m a writhing mess.
“Braxten,” I whimper, my hips colliding with his as I seek to alleviate the ache between my thighs.
He doesn’t hesitate to give me what I want. Reversing our positions, he takes me to my back.
My naked body sinks into the strewn straw while he climbs to his knees before me, his powerful chest on full display as he finishes removing my dress then panties.
The possession in his gaze as he stares down at me licks across my skin like a live flame, setting every inch of it on fire. I’m certain I’ve never seen him look as fierce as he does in this moment. As fierce and dark as the beast that snakes around his ribs.
When he reaches for his belt, my breath stalls, the sound of the clattering buckle matching the steady thrum of my pulse. “Be sure, Alice, because once we do this there is no going back.”
I may not be able to remember the past, but I am certain that I’ve never been more sure than I am right now. To prove it, I reach up, offering him my hand.
He accepts it, letting me pull him down on top of me, and the collision of our naked bodies is life-altering.
A growl shreds his throat as he buries his face into the soft skin of my neck. “This is what it was all for, Alice. The pain, the loss…it was to always end up right here. Just like this.”
His words sink straight into my soul with an undeniable truth. If all I had was this moment, his skin against mine, heart drumming to the same beat, I could leave this earth knowing that I had it all.
For long seconds, neither of us move. We stay just as we are, arms wrapped around each other, our torn hearts mending, overcoming the pain of a past that brought us here to this moment.
Eventually, his fingers interlock with mine before he raises our hands above my head. “You ready for me, baby?”
I nod, unable to speak past the ache in my throat.
Lifting up, he poises himself at my entrance, his dark eyes so captivating it’s impossible to look away.
“This is going to hurt, but only for a second.” After the warning, he presses a gentle kiss to my forehead then pushes forward on one sudden thrust, penetrating what has never been broken before.
A beautiful pain rocks my body as he invades it, my mouth parting on a sharp gasp.
Braxten groans, dark and rich as he seats himself deep inside of me. “You feel that, Wonderland?” His hot breath slides against my cheek like warm silk. “I just made you mine forever.”
Those few life changing words diminish the pain until it becomes nothing more than an afterthought.
With our gazes locked, he begins to move inside of me, each stroke deeper than the last. I become lost in the darkness of his eyes and see so much more than possession. There’s a heart that beats parallel to mine, our broken souls mending to make a whole. All things I will treasure forever.
“You with me, baby?” he asks through gritted teeth, clearly restraining himself.
My hand moves over his chest, resting over the strong beat of his heart. “I’m with you. Always.”
“Good. Tonight, I take you slow, but after this all bets are off.”
I’ll take him any way I can get him, no matter what way that is because I have no doubt every time with him will be more perfect than the last.
Clinging to his broad shoulders, I feel each corded muscle flex beneath my fingertips, every dip and valley of our bodies explored as we give ourselves freely in this moment.
Eventually, I find my own rhythm, my hips lifting to meet his. The bold move has him growling and thrusting deeper, hitting a part of me that sends shockwaves through every nerve ending of my body.
A moan escapes my lips, my back arching as I try to hold off.
Braxten senses it. “Give into it, Alice. Let it take you over, let it own you.”
I shake my head. “I’m not ready for it to end.”
The emotion in my confession has him stilling deep inside of me. His forehead rests on mine, dark gaze dominating. “It won’t,” he promises. “It can’t, because we’re written in the fucking stars, Wonderland. In fairy tales and dreams, nothing will ever change that.”
If I wasn’t so certain I was in love with him before, I am now. A smile steals my lips before I pull him back down, smothering it with a kiss.
It sets his hips in motion again, each skilled thrust hitting that forbidden spot deep inside of me. My mouth parts from his on a gasp as I feel myself losing the battle I was so hellbent on fighting, but what a beautiful battle to lose.
Pleasure races through every part of my body, my eyes falling shut as I sail to a place where only the most divine oblivion exists.
Braxten never slows his assault, his hips driving forward at an almost manic pace. Just as he reaches his release, he pulls out, teeth baring as he finishes outside of my body.
I instantly miss the connection.
Afterward, he gathers me in his arms and holds me close, the strewn straw embedded on us both.
The heat of our naked bodies keeps us warm and content as we process the incredible moment that just took place between us, between two people who were merely nothing more than strangers up until a few weeks ago, but ended up being connected in a way they could never imagine.
“What’s got you thinking so hard?” he asks on a murmur, breaking the comfortable silence.
“Us,” I confess, turning to face him. “About how incredibly life-changing fate can be.”
He grunts. “You got that right.”
“I wish that somehow, someway, I could have met you back then,” I tell him on a whisper. “Because I’m certain I would have never lost a memory that had you in it.”
Regret slips over his face. “If I had met you all those years ago, you wouldn’t need to remember me because I would have never let you go.”
The impact of his words anchors my soul deeper to his.
“Maybe it was supposed to be like this. Maybe it all really has been for something.” The weight of my thoughts drifts through the air like a gentle breeze.
“It wasn’t just for something, Alice. It was for everything.” His words hang suspended between us, their magnitude like a siren piercing through the silence.
After everything he’s been through, at the hands of the man whose blood runs through my veins, I’ll never understand how he can look at me this way, say words like this, and mean them with every beat of his strong, resilient heart.
One thing I do know, is despite all of the pain and turmoil we’ve both endured, I have no doubt that we’re both exactly where we are meant to be. Here with each other.