Chapter 27
CLIO
I shook all over for most of the ride home, but I held it together pretty well through JT’s bath and bedtime story. Once he was asleep, I could let down and cry.
“Mommy, I don’t want to move again.” Tears filled JT’s eyes as I kissed him goodnight. He was tucked under his blanket in his favorite dinosaur PJs.
All the emotion I’d been swallowing down slammed to my throat, choking me. I blinked back the tears. Oh God, my poor son.
“Who said anything about moving?” I tried and failed to keep the wobble from my voice.
I didn’t want to move again, either. I hadn’t even contemplated that we might need to. My brain had been too focused on the look in Sam’s eyes when I took his keys.
He’d looked…devastated.
As devastated as I now felt.
But was this situation bad enough that we had to move?
“I only showed Remy how fast I can run because Sam said I could with other wolves. Everyone smelled like a wolf.” His face crumpled.
“Oh, sweetheart.” I wrapped him up in a fierce hug. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was safe to show Remy and the other wolves how fast you are.”
He frowned. “But you said we’re not going to be a part of their pack.”
I shivered, the nausea returned full force because their alpha had been asking about JT. I had totally freaked over what Sam had said–Rob is JT’s alpha now. He belongs to our pack.
I wanted no part of alphas who thought they had the authority and right to rule their pack members’ lives.
Ted had to bow to his alpha’s demands to break up with me and find a she-wolf instead.
His life hadn’t been his own, and it had ruined mine.
His alpha had even ordered my memory that he was a shifter to be wiped.
Thank God Ted had disobeyed him on that.
Now I had another alpha thinking he had a say in my son’s life.
Hell no.
And the fact that a little kid like JT might start a war between two packs?
Not happening.
That was easy to solve. We weren’t joining any wolf pack. My son may be part wolf, but that didn’t mean anyone owned him. He was innocent, and I didn’t want him involved in anything.
“I don’t want to be part of any pack,” I told JT.
“Because you’re human?”
Ouch. Why did that hurt so much?
Oh right. Because I was always going to be the outsider with these wolves. I’d been the outsider with Ted and his pack, and now I was an outsider, even with my own son!
“Because–” I stopped. How did I explain any of this to a five-year-old when it didn’t even make sense to me? All I knew was this was a no-go for me. “Yeah, I guess because I’m human.”
He reached out and took my hand. “Are you scared of them, Mommy?”
Another shiver ran through me. I wanted to say no.
I wasn’t scared. I was angry. Maybe at the heart of it, I was scared.
Wolf shifters were powerful–far more powerful than humans.
It was part of what made Sam so damn attractive.
Plus, they were organized into packs–which made them practically undefeatable.
So, yeah. I was scared of what they could do.
“No, Mommy’s not scared,” I lied and faked a smile.
“You smell scared,” he added.
Shit.
“Are you scared of Sam?”
Hot tears pricked my eyes. Sam. My chest constricted with pain.
My hot, generous lover. The man who believed I was his mate. Who wanted to go all in with me. Said he wanted to build a house for us on his land. Had he meant it all? Or had it all been a farce to get to my kid?
His alpha had put him on seduction duty with me. To find out about JT.
I couldn’t forgive him for that.
Except…it didn’t burn quite so much this time when I remembered it. Sam’s explanation might have been true. He had said he’s the butt of all sex jokes with his pack. His reputation as a player was well-discussed.
And he’d seemed genuinely upset.
I care about understanding why you are running away from a good thing.
I sniffed back the tears. “No. I’m not scared of Sam. I think… he’s a good guy.”
As I spoke the words, the cloud of betrayal and doubt started to lift. I still wasn’t sure what to believe, but I had a deep sense that Sam would never let any harm come to us.
But… he was a part of a pack. I didn’t trust them.
“Can Remy still be my best friend?”
My heart pinched. Could she? If I wanted nothing to do with the pack, would Remy’s dad still let her be friends with JT?
God, I didn’t know. I wasn’t even sure I wanted that.
I was so confused.
I sucked in a breath and blew it out. “Of course you can, sweetheart. You’ll see her every day at school.” I could at least promise him that much.
I leaned in and kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”
“I love you, Mommy.”
As I shut his bedroom door, I heard the sound of a truck pulling up out front. I looked out the window to see Sam’s graceful jump out of the passenger side of a truck before it pulled away.
God, he was beautiful. My heart crawled up into my mouth. I stood there, paralyzed.
I’d left the keys to his truck on the seat, not wanting to see him when he came to pick it up. Now, I hesitated. Should I go down there?
He’d probably come up, so we could talk. Sam had been relentless in his pursuit of me.
He walked to the truck, opened the door, and picked up the keys. Then, he looked up to the window where I stood. Frozen.
We stared at each other for a long moment. I couldn't breathe. My nose burned, and the lump in my throat made it impossible to swallow.
Sam’s wolf eyes glinted in the motion detector lights Ernie had installed around the front lot. His shoulders were slumped like he carried the weight of the world on them.
Somehow, I knew he was hurting. I registered his pain as my own. This wasn’t anything like my breakup with Ted, where I’d been angry, and he’d seemed unaffected. Sam and I had shared something different. The loss of whatever that thing was was shared by both of us.
Maybe…I should hear him out. I was mixed up and scared, and even though I was angry at Sam, I also craved his arms around me. I needed that signature confidence he applied to every situation.
But to my utter shock, he shook his head, like he was mad at or disappointed in me, climbed into his truck, and drove away.
I clapped a hand over my mouth, tears spilling from my eyes.
Sam had given up on us. I’d told him it was a mistake. I’d asked him to let me go.
And he had.
Why did that hurt even more than when I’d given up?