Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
SARAH
The Pacific Gymnastics Training Center was filled with its usual high energy when Sarah arrived.
She walked across the lobby, clutching a cardboard drink tray from the Grumpy Goat.
The familiar sound of creaking spring floors met her ears as she entered the gym area.
She paused, scanning the space before spotting Jamie across the room, past the uneven bars, talking Lily through her routine.
It had been a few weeks since she had firmly set the boundary with Beth in her living room, but that didn’t quite stop the guilt she carried over the look Beth had given her.
She somehow felt that she had done something wrong, but logically, she knew that wasn’t the case.
She identified the feeling and shut it down immediately.
Had she maybe been a little more intense with her response than the situation warranted?
Possibly. That didn’t stop the feeling, however, that she deserved a fucking medal for finally taking that step toward detaching herself from Beth completely.
Beth had tried to call her the following day, and Sarah had sent her directly to voicemail. When Beth texted, Sarah ignored that, too. If it wasn’t about Lily, it wasn’t her problem anymore.
But it was guilt over the fact that she hadn’t been strong enough until this moment to do what she should have done years ago that found her not only avoiding Beth, but also avoiding Jamie. Jamie was smart, though, and had caught on to her avoidance over the past few weeks.
Sarah had promised Lily that she would swing by the gym after her yoga class, and when she stopped for coffee, she decided to pick up an extra one for Jamie as a peace offering, a way in to gauge what Jamie knew.
Jamie grinned as Sarah approached. That had to be a good sign, right?
“Hey! Happy Wednesday,” Sarah said awkwardly, holding out one of the cups toward her.
Jamie looked at her, puzzled for a moment, but accepted the coffee anyway. “Thanks,” she said, taking a sip. “You remembered I’m a lavender latte girl.”
“Of course I remembered. I somehow ended up surrounded by a family of women who love lavender. You, Lily, and Kelly.”
“And Beth,” Jamie pointed out. “She loves lavender, too.”
“She does, yeah,” Sarah quietly agreed. Beth had always loved lavender. She knew that better than anyone.
“Why are you bringing me coffee? It’s your birthday today; shouldn’t this be the other way around?” Jamie asked, dark eyes searching hers.
“I knew you’d be here today and wanted to do something nice. Besides, I’m not big into birthdays.”
“Thanks, Sarah. I really appreciate it. I needed this today.”
“Everything okay?” Sarah asked tentatively, as she rubbed her thumb against the condensation of her own cup.
“It will be,” Jamie answered, providing her with nothing more.
Sarah sipped her drink silently, trying not to read too much into what Jamie had said, as they watched Lily work through her routine.
Jamie had gotten much better at holding her cards close to her chest. When they had first met, she could read Jamie easily, but now, it was a totally different story.
She felt a familiar feeling ignite inside her. That overwhelming urge to fix, to take control and clear the air. “Jamie, I—”
“I have something for you,” Jamie said quickly, the slightest hint of uncertainty in her voice.
“You do?”
“Yeah. Just a little birthday gift. It’s in my car.” She started to protest—Jamie really didn’t need to go through all the trouble of getting her a birthday gift—but Jamie held up her hand, a smile already at the corners of her mouth. “Don’t argue.”
They made their way through the parking lot side by side. Jamie popped the trunk of her Subaru Outback, reached inside, and pulled out a small box wrapped in newspaper comic strips. Jamie held it for a moment, as if considering whether she really wanted to give it to her.
“Happy birthday, Sarah,” she said, handing the gift to her.
Sarah took it from her gently. “Jamie, you really didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I wanted to. Just open it, please.”
Sarah’s hands shook slightly as she held the gift. God, this was awkward. “I like the wrapping paper.”
Jamie smiled. “The comic section has never failed me.”
She peeled back the paper, tugging the comics away, and lifted the lid of the box.
Inside, safely nestled in brown paper, was a set of four hand-blown glass tumblers.
Each one had a slightly different shape—some taller, some a bit wider, some not perfectly cylindrical.
The glass was mostly clear, but shot through with messy, colorful swirls of reds, oranges, and yellow, creating a fire-like effect.
“They’re gorgeous.” She carefully lifted one from the box, twirling it in the light. “Did you make these?”
Jamie nodded, her smile spreading. “Yeah. Beth and I took a glass-blowing class a while back, and I kept going back for more. I’m getting pretty good at it.
” She gestured to the glasses. “I know they don’t look perfect, but working with glass has taught me a lot about managing my expectations around perfection.
Glass is a very unforgiving medium. You can’t force it to do exactly what you want, or else it shatters.
All the conditions can be perfect, and you can still end up with cracks.
” She shrugged. “It’s infuriating, but a good reminder to myself to roll with things as they happen. ”
Sarah swallowed hard, trying to follow Jamie, realizing that they weren’t really talking about the tumblers anymore. She ran her finger over the rim of one of the glasses, her thumb finding faint ripples along the uneven edge.
“I’m learning there’s a lot of charm in imperfection,” Jamie said softly.
“That’s rather poetic.”
“Yeah, I guess. Anyway, I thought you’d enjoy the glasses. Maybe we could drink some bourbon together sometime soon.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly. Sarah did like them. A lot. They were one of the most thoughtful gifts she had ever received. “Really, Jamie. Thanks.”
They stood like that for a moment, the warm spring breeze late March brought with it tugging at the flaps of Jamie’s jacket.
“I know you and Beth aren’t really talking right now, and that’s why you’ve been avoiding family dinners, but I miss seeing you around.
You’re always welcome at the house. You know that, right? ”
Her throat tightened at Jamie’s words. “Yeah,” she said. “I know.”
Jamie kicked a stray leaf near her foot. “It’s hard sometimes. We’re all trying to make this blended family thing work in our own ways. But I’ve always valued this. I’ve never really been a part of a family until I became a part of yours, and . . . thank you for letting me be a part of it.”
This conversation would be so much easier if Sarah knew what Jamie knew. Screw the clarity she had been looking for; this little talk had only added to her confusion.
“I’m not trying to blow anything up. I just need a little space,” Sarah said, suddenly overcome with the need to defend herself.
“I know you aren’t,” Jamie said gently.
“Beth and I—communication has never really been our strong suit. We’re not quite getting each other right now. But we always work it out, whatever it is. For Lily.”
“I know that, too.”
A long beat of silence passed between them that made her want to leave her body behind.
“Thank you for the glasses,” Sarah said again, wrapping them back in the newspaper and closing the lid to the box. “They’re perfect.”
Jamie smiled the kind of smile that held too much to just be about the gift she had given her. “I’d hoped they’d be useful to you. Even if, you know, they’re a little off.”
“They are perfectly imperfect.”
Jamie nodded in agreement. “Happy birthday, Sarah.” She smiled and turned to go back into the gym, where Lily was waiting.
That evening, Sarah pulled onto the tree-lined driveway that sloped its way down to her house. An unfamiliar car was already parked in the driveway, and as she looked closer, she spotted two familiar figures sitting on the steps of her front porch.
Nell and Nate sat shoulder to shoulder, each holding what looked like matching portable gaming devices, both intensely focused, their thumbs rapidly tapping buttons, neither seeming to have noticed Sarah’s car pulling into the driveway.
She pulled under the carport and put the car in park. It was only when the car door shut that Nate looked up, grinning at her.
“Hey. Just a sec; Nell is about to kick my ass.”
Sarah shifted her bag and the package containing the gift from Jamie in her hands as she approached the pair, but not before catching the smile on Nell’s face.
“Take that!” Nell said, bumping her shoulder into Nate, who groaned. She looked up at Sarah, smile wide, piercing eyes catching hers.
“What in the world are you two doing here?” Even through her confusion, Sarah smiled. The two of them had talked yesterday evening, but Nell had made no mention of being in town.
“Waiting for you, birthday girl.” Nate stood, slid the game into his sweatshirt pocket, and pulled her into a bear hug, which she returned. “Staying away from those king crab legs?” he asked.
Sarah laughed into Nate’s shoulder. “It’s been challenging, but I prefer to be alive, so yes.”
“Good. Well, I’m off, you two. Have fun.” He gave a salute with his hand before hopping into his car. As he drove away, Sarah turned to Nell, who was still looking at her with those bright eyes.
“Is showing up unannounced at my house going to become a common occurrence?” Sarah raised a quizzical eyebrow at Nell, who was still beaming at her. There was something so genuine about how Nell was looking at her—like seeing her was the best thing that had happened to Nell all day.
“I guess I could consider calling ahead from time to time, but where’s the fun in that?”
“What are you really doing here?” Sarah asked quietly.