Chapter One #2
The brush of Beth’s hip against hers made Jamie turn away from the group, focusing her attention solely on Beth. She flashed a reassuring smile, and Jamie wanted to melt into it and this moment forever. This right here was her happy place.
“Aunt Kelly’s here with Amanda!” Lily called, as she and Dylan returned, setting four gift bags on the table.
Jamie was definitely confused now. She shot Lily a look that said, What are you up to? Lily returned her look with a smirk that was oddly reminiscent of Sarah before whipping around to chat with Nell.
Kelly and Amanda entered as Beth plated the last of the pancakes.
“How is it you two are always arriving after the work is done?” Jamie joked, smiling at her best friend, who still stood with her fingers laced with Kelly’s.
“It’s a skill I’ve refined over the years,” Amanda called, tossing her motorcycle helmet onto the couch, Kelly doing the same.
“Everyone, grab a plate. We’re doing this buffet style,” Beth instructed, motioning to the stack of plates on the end of the island as everyone scrambled to form a line. Once plates were layered with pancakes and fruit, and seats were taken, Lily stood.
“Okay, I know you’re all curious about why I wanted to do a Pancake Sunday.”
Jamie’s phone vibrated on the table. She reached for it quickly and glanced at the screen.
Her stomach dropped. Dr Albright’s office.
She silenced the phone, sending the call to voicemail.
Nope. Today was about Lily. Whatever news—good or bad—that Dr. Albright’s office was delivering, it could wait a little bit longer.
Family time was more important to her in this moment.
A sudden warmth filled her hand under the table as Beth wove their fingers together, giving her a quick squeeze.
“Less speech, more secret revealing!” Kelly called from her spot on the couch.
Lily’s smile grew wider as she grabbed the four bags, handing them over one by one to Sarah, Nell, Beth, and saving Jamie’s for last. Typical Lily.
Jamie took the bag from her, still with curiosity burning as she ran through every moment with Lily over the last few months that could help make this moment make a little more sense. That curiosity mixed with her anxiety over the voicemail that was surely waiting for her from the doctor’s office.
“Moms,” Lily said, looking to Beth and Sarah, “and Jamie and Nell, I know I said I wanted to take a year off before going to college, but after some careful consideration and a lot of weighing my options, I changed my mind.” Lily gestured to the bags. “You can open those, by the way.”
A rustling of tissue paper filled the room, and for a moment, Jamie was entirely speechless as she held a purple hat in her hands.
“Surprise! I’ve committed to going to the University of Washington in the fall! I’ve been discussing this with their gymnastics coach for a few weeks, and it just makes sense. Plus, Dylan and I are going to room together. Isn’t that perfect!?”
Jamie looked to Beth and Sarah, who were both holding “University of Washington Mom” sweatshirts, purple for Beth and heather-gray for Sarah, surprise on each of their faces.
Nell was the first to speak as she stood and excitedly wrapped Lily in a hug, still clutching the purple pennant flag Lily had given her. “Oh, Lily, this is so exciting! Go, Dawgs!”
Dylan laughed from her spot at the kitchen counter. “Go, Dawgs!!” she echoed.
“What do you think, Moms?” Lily smiled as Nell sat back down.
Beth set the sweatshirt down and pulled Lily into a hug. “I think it’s a great plan, love. We’re proud of you no matter what you do.”
“Please tell me you at least considered Stanford?” Sarah added, hugging Lily as well.
“Of course I did, Mom, but I liked UW better.”
“Still had to put my plug in for it. Congrats, sweetie, but what changed your mind? I thought you were all set with taking a year off?”
Jamie sat quietly, her brain zoning out the sounds of voices talking around her as her thumb brushed over the brim of the hat in her hand, still unable to piece together a sentence.
She was so thrilled for Lily. UW was where Jamie had gone to college—where she, Amanda, and Kendall had all fulfilled their collegiate gymnastics careers.
She had nothing but good memories there, but it was the words on the hat that had caught her completely off guard.
She traced the embroidered golden letters that spelled out “UW Mom.” Mom.
That word sat deep in her chest. She had never pictured herself as a parent.
She had never let herself picture a future where that would have been possible once she understood the gravity of her history with cancer. But here she was.
For the better part of four years, Lily had been a major part of her life. Jamie had watched Lily grow over the years, had made coparenting decisions alongside Beth and Sarah, and had loved every moment of it, but she had never once considered herself a mom, simply a bonus adult in Lily’s life.
“UW, huh?” Jamie asked quietly.
Lily turned to face her, her eyes bright and excited. “Yeah. I really like their gymnastics program, but also because you went there.”
Jamie couldn’t stop the happy tears as she slipped the baseball cap on over her curls, pulling Lily into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered. “You’re going to have so much fun.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Lily said into the crook of Jamie’s shoulder.
That afternoon, after breakfast had wrapped up and everyone had gone their separate ways, Jamie sat curled up on the sunken couch in the living room, staring at the rain gently tapping against the large floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the deck to the water below.
It was calming to watch the droplets follow each other in an endless game of chase as gravity gave them momentum.
A shifting drew her attention away as Beth sat down next to her, nudging Jamie so she could lie down.
“You all done in the studio for the day?” Jamie asked, instinctively curling herself against Beth’s body in the way she always did when she was seeking comfort, resting her head against Beth’s chest, listening to the rhythmic sound of her heart beating.
“All done,” Beth confirmed, positioning a pillow behind her head before snaking her arms around Jamie to run her fingers gently through Jamie’s wild curls.
They lay together in silence for a moment, Jamie’s head moving slightly with the rise and fall of Beth’s chest as she listened to her breathing, thinking about how much she loved this—lying with Beth like this and just being together.
“Dr. Albright’s office called earlier,” Jamie said gloomily. “You know it’s not good news if they call on a weekend.”
Beth’s hand stilled briefly before resuming its motion. “Did they leave a message?”
Jamie nodded, the fabric of Beth’s sweatshirt scrunching against her face as she let out a long sigh. “I haven’t listened to it yet. It’s the feeling, you know? I told you I had a bad feeling about all of this. I wanted a few more moments of peace before opening that Pandora’s box.”
“You don’t know what it is for sure. It could be good news.”
Jamie smiled weakly, burying herself further into Beth’s embrace. Beth hooked a leg around her, pulling her closer as she placed a long kiss on top of Jamie’s head.
“Did you see what was on the hat Lily got me?” Jamie asked, changing the topic.
“I did.” Beth ran her fingers up and down her sides as their breathing synced.
“She called me Mom. I never—I—” Her words got caught as she pushed through them and the overwhelming surge of love that coursed through her. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to be anyone’s mom.”
“She loves you so much.” Beth tightened her arms around her, squeezing her gently. “We love you so much.”
Jamie nodded, fresh, hot tears pooling in her eyes before falling, rolling over the bridge of her nose to land on Beth’s sweatshirt.
She let herself break in Beth’s arms, let herself finally fall apart and feel the weight of the voicemail that was waiting for her.
This part never got easier—this fear, this panic. It would be a part of her forever.
“I think we should listen to that voicemail.” Beth’s voice was smooth—so incredibly soft and comforting and inviting that Jamie would never say no to her.
She reached for her phone, bending her arm at an awkward angle to retrieve it from her back pocket before handing it over to Beth.
Beth keyed in Jamie’s passcode before pulling up the voicemail and setting it to speaker.
A tinny voice came through, one that Jamie recognized as Dr. Albright’s receptionist. Her breathing stilled as she listened.
“Hi, Jamie. This is Jenna from Dr. Albright’s office.
” Jamie dug her thumbs into the well-worn fabric of Beth’s sweatshirt as she forced herself to listen to the words coming from the phone.
“The results of your scans are in, and Dr. Albright would like to set up some time with you to go over them. She has an opening tomorrow morning at nine that I’ve held for you.
If this works, call us back and leave a message confirming.
If not, we’ll get you on the schedule as soon as possible. Enjoy your day.”
The message clicked off, leaving the faint sound of rain to fill the room in the absence of their words, both understanding what was meant by the message.
“I told you I had a bad feeling.” Jamie sniffed, shifting and burying her face into the crook of Beth’s arms.
“I know, love. I know you did.”
Jamie caught it—the slightest, almost undetectable tremor in Beth’s voice. The faint wobble that let her know Beth was scared, too.
Nine o’clock the next day came too quickly for her liking.
Jamie and Beth walked into the oncology office hand in hand, Beth talking about the cookies Jamie had insisted they leave time to get—lavender earl gray shortbread cookies from their favorite shop—a little treat to soften the news she feared was inevitable.
Beth moved on, talking about the traffic and a new show opening at the Seattle Art Museum she was interested in seeing, but nothing except for the news waiting for them beyond the reception desk was on Jamie’s mind.
They were led back to a small office at the end of the hall. Beth’s optimistic voice was a constant stream of comfort as she said things like, “We don’t know for sure that it’s bad news,” and, “Let’s not invite the negativity in until we know what we’re working with.” Jamie loved her for it.
She had always adored the way Beth saw the world—like it was bright, inviting, and full of possibility.
Beth looked at the world with stars in her eyes and an open mind, ready for the endless possibilities of what could be, and it had even rubbed off on Jamie a little after all these years. She was a better person for it.
A door opened behind the two of them, and a tall woman entered the office where she and Beth sat opposite a large, sturdy, wooden desk, their hands clasped.
Dr. Albright took her seat behind the desk and looked first at Beth before moving her eyes to rest on Jamie. She could already see the answer written across the doctor’s face.
“The cancer is back, isn’t it?” Jamie said, feeling it almost immediately, hearing the defeat in her tone echoing around her mind as her body went numb.
She vaguely heard Dr. Albright mentioning treatment options, but she couldn’t take it in; all Jamie knew was her hand in Beth’s and the whooshing of her own pulse in her ears.