Chapter 31 - Rowen
Idried her off carefully before carrying her to the bed.
She didn’t fight me anymore, but she’d stopped clinging to me like I was her lifeline. She was quiet, watching me with those soft brown eyes. Her thighs were still trembling, skin hot and pink from the bath, eyes puffy from crying.
I lay her down gently, wincing with her as her body met the mattress.
You did that.
After tucking the blanket around her, I sat beside her, pressing my forehead to her bare shoulder, grateful she didn’t move away.
“You’re the only thing that keeps me sane,” I whispered, breathing her in. “If you ever leave me,” my voice was still low, barely audible, “I’ll still find you…even if it’s years from now. Even if you try to forget me. Even if you find someone else.”
I swallowed hard, watching the way she shifted under the blanket, her eyelashes fluttering. For a second, I thought she was going to pull away, tell me no, remind me that what I’d done to her wasn’t love, it was madness, and she wanted nothing to do with it.
But she didn’t.
She looked at me like she’d already forgiven me.
And it nearly broke me when she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere,” just before her eyelids closed.
***
Avery was awake before me.
She slipped out of the bed—slow and quiet—but I didn’t stop her, even if every muscle in my body wanted to grab her, cage her in. Instead, I remained still, my eyes closed, fists clenched in the sheets, waiting. I half expected her to run again; I wouldn’t have blamed her.
I was already thinking about how to keep her here if she did.
She left the room, and I got up slowly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My chest was tight as I slipped on a pair of boxers and walked down to the kitchen, where I heard the cabinet open.
I found her standing at the counter, holding a bottle.
The fertility supplement powder.
She turned to face me.
“How long have you been putting this in my food?” Her voice was quiet, almost too calm.
I didn’t flinch. It was time to give Avery the truth, expose every dark part of me, and let her decide if I was still worthy of her love.
“Since we moved in.”
She blinked, her fingers curling around the bottle like she was going to throw it, but she didn’t.
“Why?” Now her voice was shaking.
“Because I love you,” I said simply. “I want to tie you to me. Forever.”
Her breath hitched. “So you tried to get me pregnant.”
It wasn’t a question.
I nodded. “I did.”
“Do you still want to get me pregnant?”
I nodded again and reached for her hand, but she stepped back.
“And the birth control? It’s fake, right?”
I didn’t answer; I didn’t need to. She already knew.
The silence was deafening, but then she spoke. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”
Her hand shot to her chest as she ran to the sink and heaved, but nothing came out. She turned with her finger pointed at me angrily. “I can’t believe you—” She heaved again.
No words could comfort her, I knew that, so I didn’t bother wasting them. Instead, I rubbed her back until she was finished and then led her to the bathroom, gesturing for her to sit on the toilet. I reached into a drawer and pulled out a pregnancy test from under some washcloths.
I’d had multiple stashed there—just in case.
I handed her one without a word and sat on the edge of the tub. I stared at the floor, listening to the soft sounds of her breathing, the tearing of plastic, the shuffle of her sitting on the toilet, all of it.
Neither of us moved. I wasn’t sure I was even breathing at this point, and I didn’t know how much time had passed.
“It’s negative,” she said after a while.
I looked up at her. She was holding the test with both hands. Her face was unreadable. Blank.
But her eyes.
They looked tired, almost a little discouraged.
Before I could ask her, she looked at me and said, “I know I shouldn’t be disappointed. I just...”
I held out my arms, and she rushed over to me.
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you feel,” I said in a calm voice. I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her close, resting my face against her soft belly.
“Rowen?”
I looked up at her.
“I’m sorry I ran.” Her eyes were glassy. A long silence stretched between us. “I keep thinking I’ll stop wanting you,” she whispered. “That one day, I’ll wake up, and all of this will feel wrong. But it never does. It just gets deeper. Scarier.”
I nodded slowly. “That’s love, baby.”
She snorted. “That’s not love. That’s obsession.”
“I don’t see a difference.”
“I love you.”
For a second, I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right, that I’d imagined the thing I wanted more than anything in the world, but then she said it again.
“Rowen, I love you. I do.” She was crying. “I am hopelessly, madly in love with you, and I can’t stop.”
I sank to the floor and pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her, never wanting to let her go.
“Fuck, Av.” My eyes stung with tears. “I love you so fucking much.”
I grabbed her face, kissing her with everything I had, holding nothing back, giving her all of me, promising to be better for her, for us, for our future.
“You tracked me down in the woods like a psycho,” she whispered, but her words weren’t laced with shame or regret. They were almost playful, curious.
I chuckled. “And you liked it.”
“Maybe I did.” Her voice was trembling again.
I brushed her lips with mine. “Nothing about us is right, baby, but fuck, is it the rightest thing I’ve ever felt.”
She smiled softly and bit her lip. I rubbed my thumb along her cheek.
“I love you, Rowen Blake Thompson.”
I fucking melted.