9. Lena
9
LENA
I never thought I’d fall in love on a ranch. Not a city girl like me.
I expected some scrapes and sunburn, maybe a welcome dose of independence from getting out of my father’s gilded cage for a while, but I certainly didn’t expect a life-changing experience like this. I sure didn’t expect Colt.
His strong hands, his intense eyes, and the way he’s a mixture of immense restraint and manly wildness. The whole world lights up when he touches me, and when he finally gave in and took me, my life changed forever.
I’ve fallen in love with him so hard–so stupidly hard–that it actually hurts when he’s not by my side.
But this morning, he barely even looked at me when I brought him a coffee in the kitchen. He didn’t slide a hand up my shirt or even give me one of those heated looks that I know means he’s about to take me. It was like yesterday–and last night–didn’t even happen. Like the whispered professions of love were a dream I made up just to torture myself with.
I don’t know what’s up, but I still walk around the ranch glowing like I’ve been lit up inside. Every time I think about his hands on my hips, his lips at my throat, my heart swells even more.
Because I believed him when he told me he loved me. I believe what he said behind the seed shed, while I was panting and sweaty and dripping with infatuation.
I love you, Lena.
God, I love him too. So much it’s actually terrifying.
Which is why I’m stalking him right now to the tack room by the stables, creeping up on him like a goof, following the sound of his voice. The door is mostly shut, but I can hear him through the cracked wood. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, honestly, I just want to see him–maybe even sneak up on him and see if I can surprise him.
I just need attention from him!
I creep closer and reach out for the door, but when I hear my father’s name, my whole-body freezes.
“I told you, sir,” Colt bites out. “I kept my distance, just like you wanted. I didn’t touch her. Not until–”
He stops himself and whispers out a curse. I press my palm over my hand to stop myself from blurting out something stupid.
“Not until what , Colt!?” I don’t know if he’s got Dad on speaker or his phone volume is just really loud, but hearing my father’s voice out here on the ranch is like a splash of cold water to the face. It feels like an invasion of a space that’s become mine–mine and Colt’s.
“Do you think I wanted this, Edward?” he growls. “Do you think I meant for this to happen?”
My heart skips a beat. Goosebumps spread over my arms.
What am I listening to right now?
“You threatened my job, my life ,” Colt continues. “I didn’t let myself look at her that way at the beginning.”
I stumble back a step like I’ve been struck in the guts. Colt’s words cut through me like a razor. My cheeks blaze with embarrassment.
Threatened…
Didn’t mean for this to happen…
Didn’t look at her that way…
“What the hell…?” I whisper, too soft to be heard.
“I fought it, Ed, I fought it. God help me,” Colt continues, his voice gritty and rough. “I knew you said that if I so much as looked at her that you’d bury me–ruin me. And if I’m being honest, Ed…” A pause. “You may have already done it. Because I didn’t just fuck up–I fell in love with her.”
His words should make me melt, but they don’t.
Because now I know the truth.
It was never him holding back. Never his resistance.
It was never me pushing him too hard, making him feel uncomfortable. It was never him trying to be the good guy and keep his distance because he was afraid of ruining my innocence or whatever lie he made up. He pushed me away because my father told him to.
Because of my dad’s money.
Because of my dad’s power.
And the worst part? He never even told me.
Not once. He let me think he was telling me the truth–that I was chasing a man who had real reasons for pushing me away. Who maybe even didn’t want me. Who didn’t care what I felt when he said no.
And now he’s in there, talking to my dad like I’m some treasure–some prize that he decides who gets to have. Like the two of them get to decide my future.
Heart racing, panting like a dog, sweating, I stumble backward, the gravel crunching beneath Colt’s boots I’m still wearing. My body is on fire. My chest is aching. I race away, leaving the tack room behind me.
And I don’t stop running until I reach the property line.
* * *
The sun is gold and angry as I sit beneath the old oak tree by the fence. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. An hour–maybe two. Maybe more. Long enough for the wind to have picked up and whip the dust from the road across my tear-streaked cheeks.
I’m feel stupid.
So stupid.
Colt made me think I was special. That there was something real between us. And maybe, just maybe , Colt actually does love me. Maybe he didn’t want to fall for me, and maybe the way he looks at me when we’re together is actually honest. Maybe we have something.
But you know what we don’t have anymore? Trust.
He kept the truth from me. He let me wonder for days what was wrong with me and why he didn’t just take me like I assumed he wanted to. He let me lie awake at night, wondering what in the world was going to happen between us–if anything.
And I hate him for it.
I hate him–and I love him. Somebody help me.
I hear the sound of his truck before I see him, then his voice calling my name. “Lena!”
My whole body goes stiff, and I curl up even tighter like if I get into an even smaller ball, he won’t be able to see me.
I could wait for him to find me. Wait for his apologies–demand them from him.
But I can’t even bear to see his face. Not when I know what I know now.
Not when I’ll probably end up forgiving him the second he wraps his thick, warm, strong arms around me. I’ll melt into his muscled magnetism and give myself to him…
And that’s what scares me the most.
So again, I run.
I hear him calling my name behind me, “Lena! Lena, don’t run away from me! Come back, angel!”
But I force my legs to keep moving. And I don’t look back.
* * *
I’m about to collapse when I get back to the house and grab my bag from under the bed. Hastily, I cram everything I brought with me inside and quickly tug the stubborn zipper while my hands shake like leaves in the wind.
My emergency cell is right where I left it. I may be a city girl with an overprotective father, but I’m not stupid enough to come all the way out here to the middle of nowhere without an escape plan.
I dial Jess, who answers on the second ring. “Need a pickup now .”
“Jesus, are you okay?”
“Just get here asap,” I tell her. “I’m dropping you my location. I’ll tell you everything later.”
I hang up on her and lift my bag. I have to get out of here.
I can’t sleep another night in this place, in his room, in his bed . I can’t fall asleep in his arms or wake up tucked into the cove of his enormous body. Even now, just smelling his scent on the sheets is enough to make me want to curl up in the corner and cry.
The door rattles.
“Lena.”
His voice is low and pained. I don’t answer.
“Just open the door, please.”
It’s not locked, and he knows that. He must be asking in an attempt to make himself appear noble, and not like a man who keeps things from the woman he loves.
“No,” I reply, glancing at the window. The bedroom is on the second floor, but it overlooks the porch roof. I could make it if I climbed out carefully. I sling my bag over my shoulder and tug it open.
“I know what you heard,” he says. “Just let me explain–”
“Go away!” I snap. “I heard everything . Everything you said to my father . Do you know how stupid I feel?”
Silence. Then, in a soft, almost broken whisper, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lena.”
“Well, you did!” I hiss as hot tears spill down my cheeks. “You made me think I was the problem, Colt! You made me think you didn’t want me. And I believed you!”
The door swings open, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin as Colt comes rushing into the room. His eyes are blazing, and I can see he wants to rush straight over to me and snatch me up into his arms, but he doesn’t. He stops a few feet away and stares at me, his gaze intent and pained.
“I was trying to protect you, Lena.”
“No, you were trying to protect you!” My voice cracks. “And fuck you for that! I loved you, Colt–I love you! Do you have any idea how I felt…?”
My voice trails off. What can I really say? He’s a guy, and I’m a girl. He’s never going to get it.
He moves forward slowly. “I love you too, Lena.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
I’m lying. It does matter. It matters so much that it’s tearing me apart inside.
I stand there silently, head down, staring at the floor, waiting for him to argue with me. Waiting for him to beg for forgiveness.
But he doesn’t. That’s not Colt’s style.
“I love you , Lena,” he repeats, and for the first time, I see actual weakness in Colt. It rattles me to my core.
The world is falling apart around me.
He steps forward and reaches out for me as if to take my hand but stops, as though remembering the promise he made to my father. It’s a little late for that, though, isn’t it?
“Can’t take me now?” I taunt, nearly spitting in his face. “Can’t you just grab me and hold me down and force me to stay here?”
Colt pauses, then slowly shakes his head. “If you want to be with me, Lena, it needs to be your choice.”
His sincerity destroys me. I was not expecting that response.
Everything in me is screaming to just throw myself into his arms and forgive him, but my heart is still split down the middle, and if I stay here any longer, I might just collapse.
So even though it pains me beyond words, I keep my eyes on the floor and walk around him to the door. His scent fills my nose as I pass, nearly pulling me back, but I keep moving.
Because love shouldn’t feel like this.
And yet every part of me aches for him.
I bite my lip, fighting back my sobs as I take the stairs to the front door and start walking. With any luck, Jess will be here soon, and she’ll get me out of here.
I glance back over my shoulder, but Colt isn’t following me. And that’s when I lose control. I sob into my hands as pain rakes through my chest.
But I put one foot in front of the other and keep walking.