Chapter 17
Normally, after work, I’d take solitude in one of the on-call rooms before starting my next shift.
But given Dr. Lorenzo’s new rules and the enforcement of the use of the ‘clock-in and clock-out’ system, I was forced to physically leave the hospital.
The sheer thought of going home to my empty apartment, with only Jaxon’s words about breaking my niece’s heart playing like a broken vinyl in my head, was enough to tempt me into falling into old habits.
Balancing my backpack in one hand and my phone in the other, I walked into the cooling evening air in time to see the last peeks of sunshine disappearing beyond the horizon.
Scrolling through my phone, I opened Instagram and instantly searched for Livi’s account. Maybe it was selfish of me to seek her out, to want to distract myself from my shitty day by being around her.
Then again, she was healthier than my usual coping methods.
She brought out a side of me that I forgot existed. She had a natural way of soothing the turbulence within me, making me forget about all the wrongs in my life for a couple hours by playing pretend.
My finger hovered over her recent social media story.
Deep down, I knew the best thing to do right now was to go straight home and not to replace one coping mechanism with another, especially when the coping mechanism in question was so downright beautiful that she took my breath away every time I looked at her.
She was the reason I’d nearly broken my stint of no masturbation—twice now.
Mind-boggling how one woman, practically a stranger, ran riot constantly in my mind.
But every time I came close, every time my hand reached for the throbbing weight pressing against my zipper with the image of her taking center place, I couldn’t do it.
I refused to allow myself that small moment of pleasure.
After all, letting myself think of Livi in that way was a dangerous game of Russian Roulette I knew I wouldn’t survive.
Jerking off to your fake girlfriend went against every rule of Fake Dating 101, right?
Not to mention, there was no room for someone as good and perfect as her in my fucked up, messy life. She’d been through enough drama without me pulling her into more.
She needed simple. Uncomplicated. Someone who wasn’t carrying a fuck ton of baggage.
Just as I pocketed my phone, making the first healthy decision in what felt like a lifetime to go home and attempt to organize my apartment into a livable space, my attention was stolen instantly by thick brunette locks and a heart-stopping smile coming toward me.
No fucking way.
It was as if the world was purposely trying to test my restraint.
“Please tell me you’re finishing your shift and not about to start one?” Livi motioned to the bag in her hand. “I doubt this will taste good after being stuffed in a hospital locker for god only knows how many hours.”
I blinked twice, unsure if the depths of my withdrawal had hit a new low point of hallucinating.
“I mean, I’m sure it’ll taste okay, but the man at the restaurant kept yammering on about not letting it go cold and ruining it,” she said. “Honestly, I think he was overreacting. I’ve eaten cold pasta several times and it still tastes good. Better even.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again like a goldfish.
“What’s wrong?” Concern lined her features. “Hold on, don’t tell me you don’t like pasta? Because I don’t think we can even be friends if that’s the case.”
“I like pasta.”
I like pasta—seriously?! Say more, dickhead!
“Phew! We were about a millisecond away from no longer being on speaking terms.”
“I’m a little confused.” My mind and mouth finally connected. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, mierda. I probably should have texted you, right?” Pink tinged her cheeks. “I was in the area sorting out the final venue details for Maya’s engagement party and I thought you’d be working, and I wanted to say thank you for the other night.”
“Thank me for what?”
“Everything,” she chuckled nervously. “Enduring my mother mainly. Most sane people would run a mile and block my number after an evening with my family.”
“Lucky for both of us, I’m well-versed in dealing with complicated families.”
“I can’t imagine your family being worse than mine.”
“You’d be surprised.”
Three years ago, my brothers and I could hardly be in the same room together without fighting. Now? It still wasn’t perfect, but we were a work in progress.
“It’s not only that,” she continued, “I also wanted to say thank you for what you did after dinner. The diner, the pie, listening to me. You have no idea how much it meant.” Her lips rolled together. “Pathetic really, but it’s the kindest thing someone’s done for me in a long time.”
Something in my chest twisted until I struggled to breathe.
That was the kindest thing someone had done for her? A trip to a rundown diner in the middle of the night after being torn down by her own mother and watching her ex cozy up to her sister?
It wasn’t pathetic, it was downright heartbreakingly cruel.
A surge, a rush stronger than I ever felt, pushed me to make her understand that she deserved better than scraps of kindness.
Balling my hands into fists, I resisted the urge to reach for her. To push the strands of hair away from her face and seal my lips against hers, whatever it took to make her forget about every single shitty thing her ex-boyfriend and her mother ever did to her.
She cleared her throat. “Plus, you had said about stopping by the hospital occasionally, to help sell the whole you’re not a workaholic and have a life shtick to your boss.
” Shrugging her shoulders, her gaze flicked to mine.
“Thought this would be a good way not only to thank you but stick to my end of the fake girlfriend deal.”
It was as if she threw a bucket of ice-cold water over me.
The deal. The arrangement. The playing pretending. The real reason she came.
“You don’t have to thank me. This was all part of the deal, remember?” My jaw clenched, but I forced it to relax. “But, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Lorenzo isn’t working today.”
Her lips formed into an ‘O’.
I slung my backpack over my shoulder. “When I get home, I’ll send you my work schedule through, with the days Lorenzo is working, that way it’ll save you the trip.”
Stepping around her, I told myself to look forward and not to stop walking until I got home.
Livi, on the other hand, had other ideas.
“Hold your freaking horses.” Quick footsteps followed me, her hand gripping the sleeve of my coat and forcing me to a halt. “Don’t make me run after you, your legs are longer than mine and I know for a fact I look awful running.”
I doubted that.
I doubted there was anything that made her look awful.
Goddammit, I needed to stop. Being attracted to her was like standing on the edge of a volcano, likely to burn and scar me forever.
I didn’t need any more pain in my life.
Placing both hands on her hips, she pouted. “You can’t go home and let all this amazing-smelling pasta go to waste. That’d be a sin against the whole country of Italy.”
“But this was all about putting on a show for Lorenzo.”
“I bought this food as a thank you, Elliott. The whole boss thing was me killing two snails with one pebble.”
I arched a brow.
She rolled her eyes and waved me off. “Or however the saying goes.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Just because she isn’t working, doesn’t mean we can’t have dinner together as friends.” Her lips curved into a warm smile. “You did something nice for me the other night, let me return the favor before this pasta goes stone cold.”
Eyeing the hospital behind us, I chewed the inside of my cheek.
“I know the perfect spot we can go and eat that doesn’t smell like sterile gloves and antiseptic wipes.” Livi nudged her shoulder against my arm. “Come on. Unless you have somewhere you need to be?”
A million miles away from her.
Whatever it took to ignore the strange and unruly surge of life beating within me whenever she got close.
Go home. Go home. Go home, now!
Ignoring all rationality, I took the bag of food from her hand and said, “Lead the way.”
“You know if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were taking me somewhere to kill and bury me.”
Tipping her head back, gracing me with the perfect view of her kissable neck, Livi laughed into the open evening air.
I had no idea where she was taking me, but like a hopeless moth to a flame, I followed her without question.
Seven months of living in New York and I hadn’t bothered to explore the city beyond a handful of places.
I told myself it was because there was no need to venture further than the necessities. But it was because I refused to let the devil on my shoulder take control and push me into finding all the closest casinos.
So, whenever Livi led us to a building in desperate need of repair, I genuinely was concerned she’d gotten us lost.
“Fortunately for you, I’d make a shit murderer.” She opened a door that looked anything but inviting, leading to a spiral metal staircase. “The sight of blood makes me feel sick.”
Booming music vibrated through the walls as we ascended the stairs. I tried to keep my eyes downward, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other on the slim metal steps.
Whatever it took not to gawk at the curve of her swaying hips and full ass as she moved in front of me.
Her boot-cut jeans were a form of torture that I didn’t know existed. Seriously, those things would drive a priest to committing sin. The material hugged her ass-cheeks perfectly and dared me to grab a handful with each step.
“When I was sixteen, I broke my nose. It was the first time I’d ever snuck out and gotten drunk.
To stop my mother from finding out, I climbed in through my bedroom window.
” She ran her finger absent-mindedly along the bridge of her nose.
“Obviously, I was wasted, so I misjudged the drop from my window and landed face-first. Blood everywhere, followed shortly by vomit everywhere.”
“That must have been one hell of a sight to behold.”