Thirty-eight
Bri
My heart is so full. For the first time in my life, all the pieces I’ve so desperately tried to fit together are finally falling into my hands, ready for me to assemble any way I see fit.
Never have I felt this deserving—as if I’ve believed everything good in my life must be earned through struggle.
But here I am, happy with my present, no longer dreading the future.
I have everything I wanted: less pain, financial independence, my dream career . . .
And Liem.
As much time as I spent denying my feelings for him, all that hesitation no longer exists.
From the day I met him, I knew he was meant to be part of my life, and over these few short months, I have fallen in love with him.
My best friend, my peace, my smile in the morning and sweet whisper at night.
Nothing will keep us apart anymore, especially not me.
At home, I’m brimming with good news and an embarrassingly gleeful energy I keep inside for now. I want to see Liem first. I want to share all the goodness with him and bask in the light of our next chapter. I’ll keep the full extent of my excitement inside a little while longer.
“Are you sure you have everything?” Keisha asks me.
“I’m not moving to another country. If I forgot something, I’ll get it over the weekend.”
“Which weekend?”
“Any weekend you want. Every weekend you want.”
She hugs me tight, crushing my rib cage a little. “I’m happy for you, babe. Yes, I’d rather you stay here, but you did the damn thing. I’m proud of you.”
Her words would make my heart swell, if it had space to do so. “Thank you. And I can’t breathe.”
She lets me go, failing to hide her tears.
Junie comes in from the next room, her packing spreadsheet pulled up on her phone.
“So, I have your wall art and jewelry. You’ll take my suitcases for your clothes, and we’ll switch the cases for the art after you pick your apartment.
” Down to business, as always. I’m sure she’s using it as a distraction.
“Sounds good.”
Junie was going to drive me to San Francisco tomorrow morning until Liem changed our plans.
Now, I get to go with him. Both of us are starting over in a new place, getting lost together, living in another vacation rental while we figure it out, the same way we did in Brooklyn.
I couldn’t be happier for our full-circle moment.
Everything is happening so fast, but if I really consider it, I’ve been waiting for this moment for months. Years, really. Maybe my whole life.
When there is nothing left to distract her, Junie looks at me and sighs. “You’re really doing this.”
“I am.”
She pulls Keisha into a hug. “Our baby’s growing up.”
Keisha is about to fall apart. Seeing her cry makes me want to cry too. And apparently, Junie as well.
Not ten seconds later, we’re all crying, blubbering, in need of a hug. We all meet in the middle, folding into a three-way embrace that is as uncomfortable as it is perfect.
“I love you both. You are my best friends in the world. You are my family,” I say. “I’ve watched you accomplish so much in your lives. You both chased your dreams, achieved what none of us thought was possible, and now you’re onto your next chapters. It’s my turn to try and catch up.”
Keisha nods, and Junie squeezes me tighter. We exchange sniffles for a few moments, unable to speak.
“We’re family for life, no matter where it takes us,” I remind them through my tears. “Even though I wish I could stay here, I’m really excited for where life is taking me right now.”
“We’re so proud of you,” Keisha and Junie say at the same time. We laugh at their shared brain cell moment and keep hugging.
I’d say they will be okay without me, but they will never be without me.
~
It’s late, but I won’t let myself sleep until after I pick Liem up from the airport. I scroll through apartment listings to pass the time until, finally, my phone rings. Happiness floods through me when Liem’s name appears on my screen. “There you are! Did you land? Are you here?”
“Bri, I am so sorry.”
“For what? Did you miss your flight?”
“No.” The shakiness in his voice makes my heart race. He’s crying.
My blood turns to ice. “What’s wrong?”
He takes in a sorrowful breath before smashing my heart into a million pieces. “Natalie had a baby. It’s mine.”
The words take a moment to sink in. A cold, creeping reality takes over my body inch by inch until it freezes my lungs, stealing my breath.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” he says again.
The sound of his tears shakes away the numbness in my chest, only to replace it with pain. He rarely needs to speak for me to know what’s going on in his mind. He understands how much this hurts, but there is no other option. The past will always repeat itself in the cruelest of ways.
“You’re going there instead, aren’t you?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“I have to see for myself if this is real.”
“You don’t know for sure?”
He sniffles. “Her mom called and told me. I haven’t talked to Natalie yet.”
“You have a kid. With someone else.” I say the words aloud as if it will help me understand how this could have happened to me not once but twice.
“Bri, I don’t know what else to do. If it’s true, I have to stay, right?” The sound of tears in his voice shatters me. “How can you still love me if I abandon a child? After everything we’ve been through with our own families.”
“I know.”
“I have to stay here and figure this out. Can I call you tomorrow?”
Words don’t form in my head or on my tongue. Everything I thought I had just slipped through my fingers in a single call.
“Bri?”
“I have to go.”
“Please don’t hate me. I love you so much. You know I—”
“I have to go.”
I end the call before he can say another word. I should have seen this coming. My life, yet again, has taken everything good from me in a cruel twist of fate.