30. Ariana
ARIANA
The dream began with me wearing the dress I wore when I ascended.
All around me, the room was shimmering, casting various light patterns in my peripherals.
I stood in the center of a chamber filled with Bavadrins and Lysians.
They were celebrating together as friends.
The scene brought me so much joy that I needed to find Erik to show him we could be more than enemies, to show him that my kind and his could share in the joy.
Scanning the crowds, I could not find him, so I moved, searching for him.
I ran past the faces that surrounded me, but I was lost. No matter where I went, I was not getting anywhere.
It was as if I were trapped in that room.
So, I ran harder, my legs moving faster till the faces all blurred together. It felt as though an eternity passed.
Finally, familiar deep blue eyes caught my attention, and I halted before them. My hair flung around me in a wild mess from the sudden change in motion.
“Where are you running off to?” Erik asked, his voice deadly soft.
“I was looking for you.”
His eyes studied me as if they were burrowing into my soul, rendering me speechless. Before me stood a King, dangerously powerful and focused so entirely on me it was difficult to even draw breath.
A small smile graced his full lips, and he brought his hand up to my neck, moving my wild hair back over my shoulder.
When finished, he did not withdraw his hand.
Instead, he grazed my jaw, his fingers brushing past my neck so that his fingertips caressed the base of my skull.
My skin burned wherever he touched, sending my pulse climbing.
His grip tightened, forced my head up so that I could not look away from him.
“Erik, what are you doing?” I asked, finding myself breathless.
The people in the room began shimmering out of existence until it was just the two of us.
With a ghost of a smirk on his lips, he stepped closer. Nearly all the space between us was stolen in one move.
“Erik,” I warned, though I was not sure what I was trying to warn against. Would I use my conjuring to bring him to his knees? No, I didn’t want to do that.
I found myself both frightened and intrigued by the situation. The feelings competed for control. To run or to stay?
He leaned in, the space between us dwindling. “Tell me to release you, and I will.” The words were a whisper. He surrounded me, holding me captive, and I couldn’t formulate a response.
His hungry gaze dipped to my lips.
My mouth went completely dry, and it felt as though my heart catapulted into my throat. Then, when I didn’t move, didn’t make a sound, he leaned even closer.
His hand gripped my thigh, his voice calling my name. Yet it couldn’t have been him.
My eyes opened even though I thought they were already open.
The floor disappeared beneath me, replaced by a quickly moving ground that I wasn’t even standing on. Startled, I shifted to the side and found myself completely thrown off-balance. Before I knew it, I was falling face-first toward the ground at an incredible speed.
An arm gripped my hip and yanked me back, throwing me solidly into someone behind me so that my breath left me in a whoosh.
Suddenly, everything came together.
I was on a horse with Erik, and I had just woken from a very troubling dream. I couldn’t catch my breath, while behind me, I could feel the steady rise and fall of Erik’s chest. My face burned hot. I tried to lean forward, but his arm remained wrapped around me with a firm grip.
“Sorry, I’m fine.” My voice quivered. “I just need a second. Will you release me?”
Without a word, Erik removed his arm, freeing me to lean forward, putting some space between us. The adrenaline from nearly flying off the horse began to subside, leaving me with a shocking embarrassment for the dream I just had.
“What was your nightmare of?” he asked.
“Nightmare?” I parroted his words, unable to wrap my mind around why he thought it was a nightmare while being relieved that he believed it to have been that. Thankfully, Erik could not see my face and how incredibly red it must have been.
“Yes,” Erik replied, waiting for my elaboration.
I wished that we were not on horseback and that I could put some space between us. “What makes you think I had a nightmare?” I faced forward, unable to bring myself to turn and look at him.
“You stirred in your sleep uncomfortably, mumbled something incoherent, flinched, and then your heart rate spiked, and you tried to take a nosedive from the horse to get away, and now you seem to be unable to bear touching me in any way.” He laid out all the things he picked up on as proof that my dream was a nightmare and apparently may have had something to do with him.
Still, I had no intention of explaining my dream and why it was not exactly the nightmare he expected.
“It’s fine, Erik. It was just a dream. I only need to collect my wits. Let it go.” I tried to sound calm, hoping there was no desperation in my voice. The last thing I needed was for him to feel like he caught the trail of something that he was determined to follow it to its end.
Though I did not see him, I very much felt his eyes on me.
Gripping the mane of the stallion, I gritted my teeth.
“Kole!” Erik called out.
Kole was on horseback beside us in an instant. His clear blue gaze fell on my face, and I did not know what he saw, but he looked at me confused.
“Take the others onward a few hundred yards and begin making camp. We will catch up soon,” Erik instructed before bringing his horse to a complete stop.
“Sure thing,” Kole replied, and just like that, the small Lysian party and Edda, who raised a single eyebrow as she passed Erik’s very stationary horse, went to make camp.
Spirit, help me. He will not let this go.
I cursed myself for ever falling asleep in the first place.
Wasn’t anything private? Wasn’t I allowed to have my own personal thoughts, hopes, and dreams?
Sure, I was under their rule for now, but they wanted to work with the Bavadrins, and to do so, they needed to allow for some respectful privacy.
Once everyone left us, Erik dismounted, and I followed suit, having no idea if I should have remained on horseback or not.
Once we both stood with our feet solidly on the ground, his sapphire eyes observed me, probably taking in the embarrassing blush on my face. The weight of his gaze was substantial, and I feared he would somehow uncover my bizarre dream before I even made sense of it myself.
Erik took a single step towards me, and I mirrored his movement, taking a single step away. It felt as though if he got closer, he would better be able to see my thoughts, and so automatically, my body reacted, trying to keep the tiny bit of space between us from closing further.
“Do you fear me?” he asked, and the question instantly angered me.
What precisely was the correct answer in this case?
Because to me, it felt as though the correct answer changed depending on the circumstance.
Erik oscillated between wanting me to tremble in his presence and wanting me to trust him.
But I was not some toy for him to play with for entertainment, just as my people were not simply tools for the Lysians to make use of however they saw fit.
“What exactly would the correct answer be?” I asked, eyes narrowing.
“The truth.”
I snorted. “You don’t want the truth. You only wish for the answer you want to hear.”
“That isn’t true.” His brows drew together as if he couldn’t comprehend my accusation.
“Isn’t it? Wouldn’t you have loved for the Bavadrins to have been working with the Sidhe so that you could have a simple path before you?
But the truth is that we never have done anything like that.
Half the time, you want me to be comfortable around you, and the other half, you want to have me fear you.
So what mood are you in today? I am at your service and will respond however it may please you.
” I was irritable, part of which could have been because of my growing hunger. I was never happy when hungry.
But, it wasn’t just that. I was furious at him.
It was as if the dream were not simply a dream but something that truly happened, and now, I stood before him thinking, How dare you do something like that?
I will not be some pawn for you to use and play with as you see fit.
My anger continued to grow. I was not just some lovely Bavadrin doll they could poke at and use.
I was the Leader Superior. I was a conjuror, and I was a person with worth.
Erik’s gaze dropped to the ground, and I tensed, preparing myself for his rage, but it did not come.
Instead, he lowered himself into a squat, propping his elbows on his knees, and looked up at me.
He was trying to appear smaller and less intimidating.
Though it did nothing to lessen the threat of his presence.
It was possibly the most foolish thing I had ever seen him do.
There was no way getting close to the ground could ever shift the vortex of the power dynamic we were in.
In an instant, he could have my throat in his hands before I could even blink.
Despite my conjuring abilities, I doubted I would win against Erik if we had to fight at that very moment with so little distance between one another.
If he truly wanted me dead, then he was probably one of the few people I had ever met who was capable of so easily making that desire a reality.
“I deserve your anger, and I will take it.” He finally spoke, looking up at me. “But I ask you to please tell me the truth.”
He remained incredibly still except for the gentle rise and fall of his chest. His response was calm and controlled. Some of my anger wavered, but it was far from extinguished.
“Fine, you want the truth, then I will give it,” I began, hesitating for a moment. My instinct was always to not show fear, to show no sign of weakness. Yet Erik asked for raw truths, and so that was what I would provide.
I licked my dry lips and continued, “I have feared you since the very moment I first laid my eyes on you in our dungeon.” Erik’s jaw clenched, but he did not say a word.
“It was not just that you were a Lysian, something I had never seen before, but there was something powerful surrounding you. I didn’t understand it then, didn’t understand your position or abilities, but I felt it crackle in the surrounding air.
Right away, I sensed the danger when near you.
It felt as though we were all sheep who had brought a wolf into our home without even realizing it, and though you were caged, it may as well have been made of straw.
And then I learned you were a conjuror and capable of destroying everything I ever cared for. ”
His gaze physically froze me, and we stared at one another with my truths laid out for him to see.
He always assumed I had no fear. It was clear by the way he tried to constantly bring it out of me.
He wanted me to fear him. I wonder if it upset him that I wouldn’t outright tremble in his presence.
He had mistaken my calm and courage for fearlessness, yet that was far from the truth, and now he knew it.
“And now?” Erik asked, his voice low.
“And now?” I shrugged. What did he want?
“I suppose the fear is still there in ways. It’s different, though.
You can still destroy everything of mine, but I don’t think that it’s something you would do unprovoked.
I guess my biggest concern is not knowing what you are thinking or what you are going to do. ”
“You always seemed so fearless.” He looked at the ground, speaking as if it were a thought passing through his mind that he hadn’t intended to make heard.
I knew it. He assumed I had zero regard for the danger I had been in. He probably thought I was half nuts for not fearing him.
“To be completely fearless is to be reckless,” I answered.
He nodded and rose.
His eyes lifted slowly to meet mine, and his head followed until he stood fully upright. “I want to make you a promise, Ariana. I will not harm you, and I will not allow for harm to unjustly come to your people.”
My heart skipped a beat. I hadn’t expected him to say anything like that. Were his words the truth? It was possible that he could have been lying, but I found myself believing him.
“Why now?” I asked.
“Honestly?” His lip curved up at the side, though it did not touch his eyes. It looked more cruel than happy.
I nodded, yes.
“I usually get a thrill from others’ fear of me. Some part of me craves it. Yet, I find myself not wanting that from you. At least not anymore.” He looked down towards where the others likely had camp fully set up by now. “You probably think I’m twisted in some way.”
I took a single step towards him and froze when he turned back to face me. “To desire power is not abnormal, especially in your Lysian culture and with your position. I have told you before that I have seen monsters up close, and that is not what I have seen of you, nor your kind.”
“Was I in the dream you just had?” He pressed the question he wanted to know this entire time.
My cursed heart beat faster from embarrassment, which he would likely confuse with distress. “Yes.”
It was as if a band had been wrapped around us, invisibly pulling us towards each other, and it just snapped. Erik twirled away from me, grabbed the horse, and shoved the reins in my direction. “Take the horse and join the others. I’ll go on foot from here.”
“That’s unnecessary,” I said, surprised at the abrupt change.
“Please, just do as I asked.” His voice turned reserved and cold. He withdrew from me.
Something about him seemed defeated. It was strange to witness him in such a manner. Not knowing the best way to handle him when he was in that uncommon state, I settled for simply doing what he asked.
When I took the reins, Erik began walking in the opposite direction of the camp. He moved with a silent and powerful grace until he disappeared into the wild.
It didn’t take long for me to find my way to the camp the Lysians had set up.
Kole walked over, taking Erik’s horse from me. He looked me over as if to make sure I was alright though he did not say a single word. Instead, he gazed over my shoulder, back towards where I parted ways with Erik.
“He said he wanted to go on foot.” I let Kole know.
He nodded over towards a small fire. “Go warm up. I’ll bring you some food.”
Again, I simply did as I was told.