6. Grayson
“Why the fuck are you thanking me?” My words came out rougher than I meant them too. My cock was about to explode, which I didn’t think she’d realised because she really was that innocent. That innocence was probably the biggest turn on I’d ever had in my life and that was definitely a new kink unlocked. I’d try not to analyse it later.
“For re-teaching me how to kiss.” Her eyes were filled with arousal, arousal I didn’t think she knew what to do with. She’d been drinking, as had I, so this was where everything stopped and that was without the fact that I was her boss.
“You know how to kiss. That was a good kiss, Clover.” I wanted more of them, but not now.
“I thought it was too. I don’t know what to do now though.” Her hands were on my shoulders still, fingertips pressing into my flesh. “I work for you. I don’t know what the rules are.”
I let go of her hips slowly, stepping away. “The rules would state that I shouldn’t have kissed you. If I was my boss, I’d give me a first written warning, with an acknowledgement of mitigating circumstances.”
“What would I get?”
She licked the lips I’d tasted. They were swollen and pink from the kiss. I liked that look on her a lot.
“A commendation. I should go to bed. I’ll be up with Luca in the morning. Thank you for the kiss, Clover.” I pressed a kiss to her head and left before the words that she was preparing could spill out.
Sleep didn’t come easily. I was hard, ridiculously so, and frustrated. I used my hand to provide some relief, thankful that my son was now sleeping the whole night in his own bed so I could lock the door without feeling guilty, and feeling guilty for kissing Clover because I shouldn’t.
I’d taken advantage when she’d been drinking. I’d taken advantage of her inexperience. I’d taken advantage because I was older and her boss.
It didn’t stop me thinking of how her hair would look spread across the stark white of my pillows and how her eyes would look at me as I entered her for the first, second, tenth times. That guilt didn’t prevent me from imagining how tight she’d be when my cock entered her for the first time, how I’d be the only man to know how she felt, what her tits looked like as I moved inside her, how she”d sound when I made her come.
By the time the sun rose and I was in the shower after a night of frustrated, fitful sleep. I felt like the very worst of people so the last person I wanted to see when I went to the kitchen in search of coffee was Clover.
She was wearing tiny pyjama bottoms and a top that was barely a vest, no dressing gown which was probably because I’d forgotten to turn the heating down before I’d gone to bed.
She startled, my footsteps muffled by the sound of the water she was pouring into a pint glass that looked like it’d been stolen from the Puffin Inn; she turned around.
Her body was full of curves. Tits that were more than a handful strained at her top. Her waist was nipped in, swerving out to full hips and an arse that my hands had memorised. Those black curls fell long and wild over her shoulders, concealing some of her chest. I automatically visualised what she’d look like bare, with just her curls hiding her nipples.
That was a picture these sweatpants didn’t help with.
“Gray - ” she pulled her hair back, giving me a clearly view of her barely dressed. “I was thinking. Couldn’t you help me out? With some experience?”
My mouth went dry, the Sahara Desert had been poured in there. My cock, however, was not anticipating a drought.
I pulled my bigger brain into action. “I’d feel like I was taking advantage. You’re my employee.”
“That could be why it’d work – that didn’t come out right. If you’re my boss and I trust you, but it means you wouldn’t feel like I was sleeping with you because I expected you to be The One, if you know what I mean…”
“You mean I’d be your practice run?” I was not liking that idea. I was not going to break her in for some other man later on. As much as my cock was screaming at me to accept her gracious offer, the rest of me wanted to charge at and fight any man who came near her.
Maybe it was a result of having had a wife who’d had affairs almost all the way through our sham of a marriage. Maybe it was something that was inbuilt. I didn’t know right now.
“Yes. Kind of. If you want. You might not want to.” She sounded unsure, as if she was preparing to be rejected.
“I want to. But it wouldn’t be fair on either of us.”
If she looked down, she’d see how much I wanted to. The kitchen was still dark, there were no lights on, just the glow from a streetlight outside to create shadows.
“Okay. I understand.” Her head was held higher. “This won’t cause a problem between us. Let’s forget that kiss happened.”
“Agreed.”
I watched her leave and wished she was heading to my bed.
That decision in the kitchen was probably the worst one I’d ever made. It possibly even superseded marrying Sherry, especially because I’d gotten the best thing in my life from that. Clover was the same she usually was all weekend, reading books, fussing Moonshine and heading out to meet her friends. I took Luca for playdates and to get some new shoes because his feet had grown ridiculously quickly.
By Monday, I thought the kiss must’ve been some whisky fuelled dream.
Until I saw Mel at the surgery.
“Clover’s going on a date with Owain tonight. The whole town’s talking about it.” She looked ridiculously happy.
I frowned. Wasn’t Owain Mrs Bettany’s grandson? The one who’d moved in and effectively left Clover homeless. Kind of.
“Why does the whole town know?” This frown wasn’t going anywhere. “Isn’t Clover really shy about this sort of thing?”
“Mrs Bettany was in this morning. Owain’s actually moving away again in a few weeks because he’s got a new contract over in Dublin, so I think she’s hoping Clover will move back in, but she was talking about where they were going tonight. I’m so excited for Clover.” Mel was a really good practice nurse. I liked working with her.
Usually.
Usually wasn’t going to include today.
I was a grump with every single patient. Usually I had a decent bedside manner and I’d go to the effort of making small talk. Today I just wanted to make sure I could finish on time, or even better, early.
As it was, a minor emergency where someone needed stitches meant I was twenty minutes late. I didn’t know why I was rushing, because Clover wouldn’t be going out on her date until I got home anyway, so if I ran really late she’d have to cancel.
That was wrong though. That would be the sort of thing a controlling dickhead would do, and that wasn’t me, as much of a tool as I could be.
She was building a Lego tower when I got in, Luca laughing and talking about colours and making things balance.
“Hey,” she said, smiling at me as I was hit by the force of a five-year-old. The cat sat on the sofa, paws tucked under his body, eyeing me like I was the biggest fool he’d ever met.
“Hi. Luca, I need to speak to Clover in private for a minute. Can you go to your room and I’ll call you to come back down.”
Clover looked puzzled. Luca looked confused.
“Please. Five minutes.” I kissed the top of his head, managing to not resort to bribery.
He picked up a load of his Lego, probably leaving a trail up the stairs for me to tread on later.
“What’s the matter?” Clover stood up.
I tried to pretend I wasn’t feeling like the biggest fool ever. “I heard Owain’s moving to Dublin soon and Mrs Bettany wants you to move back in?”
She looked panicked. “That doesn’t mean I want to move back in there, unless – unless you want to end our contract?”
“No. No, I don’t. I was just worried that’s what you were going to do.” And the date. I needed to mention about the date.
Her black curls danced again. “No. I’m not moving back in. My intentions are when you find another nanny and I know what I’m doing workwise, I’ll get my own place. I’m hoping both those things happen at the same time. If I have any thoughts about moving out of here, I’ll let you know first.”
“Thank you. That’s appreciated.” I still wasn’t settled. Which was because I still didn’t know about the date. “Are you going out tonight?”
She nodded. “Just to the cinema with a friend. I won’t be back late and I won’t wake you or Luca up.”
“No problem. Have a nice time.”
I really didn’t fucking mean that at all.
A form of torture I never knew existed began. The town buzzed quietly that its beloved daughter was stepping out with a man they approved of. Owain Bettany was, by all accounts, a decent man. He was a structural engineer and worked on big projects, or so I heard. He spoke with his grandmother every day and didn’t have any bad habits or ex-wives who were a pain in the arse. From everything I heard, he was three achievements away from receiving a halo.
Clover didn’t offer any information when she returned from any of the dates she went on. She didn’t give any details about where she’d been or what she’d been doing. Three dates in five days seemed excessive to me, and when I asked Mel about them in as casual a way as possible, I only had one prolonged response about how much of a good time Owain had. Mel didn’t hear about date two or three, or even know they’d happened. She’d been surprised when she’d heard that Clover had left the house dressed up in tight trousers and low cut tops, her hair put up with pins I wanted to yank out and stab in Owain Bettany’s eyes.
I didn’t like this version of me. I took an oath to do no harm, but right now I’d happily harm Owain.
It was ridiculous. She was almost ten years younger than I was. She was my son’s temporary nanny. She was the town’s beloved daughter so god forbid anyone harm a hair on her head else there’d be a bunch of rabid island people with pitchforks at the door.
I sat up each night until she’d come home, never after midnight, each time with a sweet smile on her face and her hair a little more dishevelled. We exchanged pleasantries about the evening, although she never gave away where she’d been, and Mel was either none the wiser about it or no one should ever play poker with her.
“Is Clover still dating Owain?” I asked her on the third Monday morning. We were well on the way to Christmas now, the surgery decorated in decent tinsel when I saw the relic from the previous century that’d been used previously.
Mel shrugged. “I hear they’ve been out on two dates. I also hear that a third is planned for Wednesday evening at Sur Lago, you know, the Italian next to the lake.”
“I don’t know it. Throw me a bone – I’ve not lived here two months yet. Is it good?” What I wanted to ask was how romantic was it? Was Owain trying to get into Clover’s underwear already? Had the other times she’d been out in an evening been spent in his bedroom? My hands were clenching thin air.
Mel looked at me curiously. She was probably thinking I was unhinged.
Hell, I was thinking I was unhinged.
“It’s really good food. Family run. The ribs are to die for – they have their own special sauce which I could live off. I recommend it. It’s great for parties too, and celebrations. My niece had her twenty-first there, or one of the parties for her twenty-first.” Mel grinned. “Weirdly, I don’t think Clover’s been there before.”
“I thought she would’ve been to most places on the island.”
Mel shrugged. “She spends most of her free time in the Puffin Inn, reading at the bar, or with Amelie or Fleur. I think she’s been with Freya a lot in the last couple of weeks too – they’ve struck up a bit of a friendship.”
My hands unclenched. Maybe she hadn’t been out with Owain every night when she hadn’t been at home.
Still, that didn’t mean Wednesday wasn’t going to be a special occasion.
“I didn’t know Clover was already out on Wednesday, which is a pain because I’m meeting someone that evening. Do you know anyone who can babysit?” I was the very worst parent. About to dump my kid on someone so I could crash my nanny’s date. I had no idea what I’d say to her or how I’d excuse being there, but I’d worry about that later.
“You could ask Caleb, Roman’s son. He’s babysat my two. Or Misha Jones – she’s lives at the house with the green door – she’s at the college and babysits a lot in Puffin Bay. I think she wants to be a paediatric nurse, in fact, she was asking about a receptionist’s job at the evenings.”
“I thought I’d heard her name. Joan’s on it.” Joan was my very capable practice manager and had mentioned Misha could be helpful. “I’ll ask Caleb first. Luca likes him. Thanks for the info.” Then I got to doing what I was paid for.
Wednesday came. Caleb came over for dinner, bringing a football game to play with Luca. I’d promised I wouldn’t be late and passed on his bedtime routine, Clover was aware that I’d booked him to babysit. She’d been apologetic, saying she’d cancel what she was doing and she should’ve checked with me first. I’d bounced back her worries, because she hadn’t done anything wrong and it was fine. It was also good for Luca to spend time with someone other than me and Clover so he could be with other adults and trust them.
I left before her, driving to Beaumaris to pick my date up, which was a false title because Maria was one of the partners in the practice and we’d been planning to have a meal together for ages to catch up, plus she’d been with her wife for around two centuries and had two almost grown-up children. I planned to and managed to get to the restaurant before Clover was due there.
I positioned myself so I could see the steps that led into the seating area, my gaze going to that spot often enough that Maria put her hand on top of mine and looked concerned.
“Am I your stooge? Or are you anticipating a hit man hired by your ex-wife to burst through there? Or have you booked a barbershop quartet to serenade me? You know I don’t do dick, don’t you?”
The laugh was exactly what I needed.
“Sherry would never spend any money on me. I’m less trouble to her alive, but you are my stooge. Sorry. I probably should’ve told you.” I’d known Maria since we were at university together. She was five years older than me and had taken a break from education to have her two kids. We’d hit it off on day one, when I’d rescued her from a really bad attempt to ask her out on a date by pretending to be her boyfriend. That’d been the first time that she’d informed me she didn’t do dick and the only thing dicks were useful for was for making babies.
I hadn’t asked for any more details.
She’d then told me her second delivery had been the stuff that ended up in medical journals and she definitely didn’t want my sperm so we were good.
Maria and her wife, Joanna, had been the first people I’d phoned when I’d caught Sherry fucking her trainer and they were part of the reason I was now living in Anglesey.
“Who are you stalking? Tell me more.” She kept hold of my hand.
“Clover. My nanny. Who’s a generation younger than me.” I sat up straighter. I knew she was in the building before I saw her, which was weird on a different level.
Maria tapped my hand. “So why are we here?”
“She’s on a date.”
“And you don’t want her to be on a date?”
“Fuck, no.”
“This is why I’m a lesbian, women offer up more information. With men, you have to tweezer it out. Does she know you don’t want her to be on a date?” She took a mouthful of wine.
“No.”
“Give me more here, Gray. Are you interested in this woman being more than your nanny? Details please. Case notes, if that makes it easier.”
A waiter came over to take our order. I shook my head, hoping he got the hint that now wasn’t a good time.
Clover had been seated at a table, taking a chair that faced me. In a few seconds she’d notice I was here, unless she only had eyes for her date.
I hoped she didn’t only have eyes for her date.
“She’s different. She’s lived in Puffin Bay all her life and I don’t think she’ll ever leave. She’s never had a boyfriend and she’s nearly thirty.” I knew Maria would never say anything. We were doctors, we knew how to keep a secret or seven hundred, only ever sharing with each other where we knew the cone of absolute fucking silence applied.
“By never had a boyfriend, do you mean she’s a virgin?”
I nodded, hating the way that knowing she’d never had sex made me feel. “We kissed one night when she’d had wine and she asked me to be her first.”
Maria’s mouth opened and closed. It then opened again while she poured more wine into it.
“She’s started dating the grandson of her old landlady. I think she’s wanting to get her first time out of the way so she can date without feeling awkward about being inexperienced.” Which summed most of it up.
Maria nodded. “Why you? What is it about her that has you trying to make it look like you’re taking me out on a date? I mean, I’m more than happy to be wined and dined by a handsome man who’s prettier than ever.” She leaned over the table and stroked my cheek. “Like you said, she’s your nanny and ten years younger. What’s going on here, Gray? Is this the mid-life crisis you were trying to avoid when you bought a really sensible car?”
“A really sensible car that I’m going to have to replace already.” That was another story. “That’s what I’m trying to work out. Clover’s the opposite of Sherry.”
“They’re both beautiful.” She whipped her head round so she could see her. “But very different. I can see why you’re attracted to her.”
“Keep your hands off.”
We both laughed.
“I’ve wanted you to start dating for ages, Gray, you know this. And it doesn’t take a psychologist, god bless their souls, to work out why knowing she’s a virgin has got your testosterone up to a ridiculously high level. She’s nearly thirty. She’s going to have raging hormones herself. You might end up showing her what she’s been missing – unless she realises dick isn’t for her – and set her off on a sexual awakening and where would that leave that tender heart that I’m sure still beats inside your chest.” She sat back in her chair. “Think about that while we order. I’m freaking starving.”
I gestured over the hovering waiter so we could order.
Maria made a point of choosing the most expensive items when I confirmed I was buying, and she did with a huge grin on her face.
It was then I realised Clover had noticed me.
Her hair was up, some of the curls pinned in place, and she was wearing make-up, something she didn’t bother with during the day. I’d seen what she was wearing when she’d entered and tried not to think about it – a tight knee length leather skirt, red stilettos and a black sweater that did nothing to stop me thinking about her tits.
Her eyes met mine. Surprise was there. Worry, maybe. I sent her a smile, wanting to reassure her. I was mad, but not at her.
“You’re fucked.” Maria summed it up succinctly. “So let’s look at this from a worst case slash best case scenario. What do you want out of this apart from your cock buried deep inside - ”
“Let’s stop your best guesses at how to explain hetero sex. I don’t know what I want beyond her being Luca’s nanny for now and yeah, what you were badly explaining.”
Clover was still looking over at me. I was still looking over at her.
This was kind of awkward, but not as awkward as I’d imagined it would be.
“She catches feelings. What happens then?” Maria finished her wine and topped up her glass before the waiter could come over to do it.
“I don’t know. She has her heart broken, maybe. You don’t start something thinking how badly it could end.” If you did, I would never have married Sherry and therefore I wouldn’t have Luca, something that was unthinkable.
“You catch feelings. She moves onto someone her own age.”
I did not like that scenario.
“I murder him and donate his body to medical research.” Seemed a plausible and proportionate response.
Maria nodded, giving a true doctor’s response. “Perfectly reasonable and suggestive that maybe you like her more than just wanting to get into those fresh, virginal knickers.”
“That has to be one of the worst things you’ve ever said.”
She shook her head. “No, that was two days ago when I drew a diagram of where a clitoris was to explain to my seventeen-year-old son why women’s pleasure mattered. He thought that was the worst thing I’ve ever said. The twenty-one-year-old son would disagree.”
“Jesus.” I shook my head. “I like her. Even though I shouldn’t. She reads books at a bar and drinks tea.”
“I’m not entirely sure why that’s a bad thing. More of my patients should read books at a bar and drink tea. That’d save marriages and livers.”
“Good point well made.” I caught Clover’s eye again. “I’m too old for her.”
“No, that’s up to her to decide. She could be too young for you, although I’m not sure that’s a thing with men. See Hollywood for examples.” She sat back as the waiter put down our starters.
I’d gone for the ribs. So had Maria.
We feasted, not speaking for the first few minutes.
I hoped Owain had ordered the same. These were a bastard to eat without needing a shower straight after. There was no way you could devour one and look fresh afterwards.
“She might want babies.”
“You’re taking a very long jump there. But yeah, she’s younger. She might want a family, but you don’t have to rule that out. You’re young. You have a good income and a delightful son. You like being a dad. Don’t you want more kids?”
Maria’s wife was an author of a parenting website and blog that was extremely successful. She also petitioned parliament for more support for parents, particularly around childcare and support for women’s health. They were pro-happy parenting.
“I wouldn’t say no to more kids. Just not with Sherry.” I felt guilt every day that Luca had Sherry as a mother.
“Understandable. Very few women are Sherries though. You want my advice, go with your gut. If you thought it was a truly bad idea to have something more with her, you wouldn’t be sat here watching her like a level ten stalker.” She nicked one of my ribs.
“Oi!” I grabbed it back.
We laughed. Clover looked over at us, a frown on her face.
Part of me felt a little gleeful.
I purposely didn’t go over to her and Owain, and she didn’t come over to our table either, but Maria and I didn’t linger for dessert. We left when Clover’s main course was being served, full of what had been the best ribs I’d ever had and pasta that made me want to go back for a second night tomorrow.
I’d given her a smile, which I was pretty sure looked really fucking forced when I’d walked past her table, driving at warp speed to get home quickly so Caleb could be relieved of his duties and I’d hopefully be sat there, waiting up for Clover to come home.
It’d crossed my mind that she might not come home. She might’ve planned to sleep over with Owain and be home in time for when Luca woke up in the morning, in which case, I was in for a long night waiting up.
That wasn’t how it played out.