5. Clover
Every month in Puffin Bay was my favourite. Whenever I went down to the beach or stood on the promenade to look at the sea, I thought it was my favourite time to see it. In summer, when the waves weren’t as powerful, I loved its stillness. In winter, I loved it for its fierceness. It was now mid-November, and now I loved it for its fierceness, for the way the waves crashed against the rocks, their dark greys shimmering in the pale light of the day and the gifts it would leave on the sand, shells and sea glass and driftwood from a wreck from years before.
Every day, after I picked Luca up from school, we went down to the beach, both of us wearing thick coats and wellies, a bag to collect shells if there were any to be found. Sometimes we had a hot chocolate and a cake from Amelie’s cakery in the community centre afterwards to warm up. Sometimes we walked to Grayson’s surgery, if Grayson was finishing earlier, and we’d all walk down to the sea together, no matter what the weather was like.
Grayson wasn’t settling in as easily as his son, who’d seemed to decide that this was his place and that was that. Maybe it was easier as a small kid to accept change, maybe it was just how Luca was and this would be him forever more.
He’d settled into school, had already picked up quite a bit of Welsh, partly because school was helping him to learn it and I was trying to immerse him in it too. He had friends, and we’d already had four playdates, with more scheduled. His bedroom was a happy mess of toys and pencils, because the boy loved to draw, and he was sleeping in his own bed, which he’d never quite done when he’d lived in Bristol.
I put that down to the sea air and how we went somewhere he could be active every day. Our routine was steady and I made sure he laughed a lot. It wasn’t the hardest job I’d ever done. If I could deal with moody writers, I could manage a sometimes defiant five-year-old.
Managing his father was less easy.
“Grayson, do you want me to unpack the things for the living room today?” We were having breakfast together. The sun hadn’t risen yet and wasn’t showing any signs of doing so. It was that time of year where it barely got itself out of bed.
So far, the only two rooms that were empty of cardboard boxes were the kitchen and Luca’s, plus mine. I’d peered in Grayson’s bedroom and he was still living out of suitcases. The living room and the sitting room contained furniture that hadn’t even properly been arranged. Nothing was on the walls yet, and there weren’t any plans to decorate, at least Grayson hadn’t mentioned anything.
“No. I’ll do it this weekend.”
“No.” I could feel a stroppy moment coming on. “I’ll do it today. It’s been nearly four weeks and it’s not fair on Luca.”
“His bedroom’s done. He’s fine.”
So Grayson was now being sulky.
“He is. But everywhere else looks like you’re not staying here permanently. And isn’t your mother visiting sometime?” I knew damn well when she was coming.
Grayson had groused over that too. “She’s not now. Other more important things. I’m unpacking the lounge today. If you don’t like where I put things, you can change it this weekend, after you’ve been to the tip with the cardboard.”
Because I was intending on doing the sitting room too, and possibly the dining room. It would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission in this case.
“Fine.” He stood up, emptying the dregs of his coffee in the sink, which splattered over the side. He wouldn’t notice that, I knew. I’d be wiping it down every day.
To be fair, I wasn’t the cleaner. There were no expectations that I’d have the role of housekeeper as well. He’d employed a local cleaning service twice a week, which worked well, and he also had home cooked meals delivered three times a week too, with enough for the three of us, that was really four, because Grayson ate a lot.
“Is there anything else you want me to get done today?” I kept my tone friendly, petting Moonshine who was sitting on the chair next to me, looking hopefully at a plate that had some melted butter on it.
“No. I was thinking we could eat at the Puffin Inn this evening. What do you think?” His eyes were on me, demanding something I hadn’t worked out yet.
“You and Luca?”
“No, the three of us. I saw Amelie’s got a special curry night on. Thought it’d be good for Luca to try.” I liked that; Grayson was keen on Luca trying new things.
“I’ll book a table today. I was going to work from there for some of this afternoon.”
He nodded without smiling, his eyes still assessing that something and whether he had it. “Good. Shall I meet you there?”
“Okay. Six o’clock?”
Another nod. “And you have tomorrow off. I’m taking a day, so I will be able to get some unpacking done.”
I wasn’t going to turn that down. I was actually on a quick deadline for a manuscript that had allegedly already been edited, probably by someone who had no idea what punctuation was actually for. Since it had gotten round that I was doing freelance work, I’d been inundated, which was no bad situation to be in. But if I didn’t sort some of these boxes out soon, I was going to go insane.
My parents hadn’t been tidy. They’d blamed jobs that hadn’t been done on each other, and sometimes would deliberately not do something so they had an excuse to criticise the other. It hadn’t been healthy, and had been that annoying that I’d started, at the age of twelve, to do those jobs. Putting out the bins, making sure the milkman was paid, cooking dinner a few times a week and making sure the washing was done. I struggled to live in chaos and I couldn’t really focus on work if around me needed attention.
“All sounds good.” I gave him a smile, feeling his eyes linger on me afterwards, as if he was trying to read something in a different language. “I’m going to go and get ready so I’m done for when Luca wakes up.”
“Sure.” He looked back at his tablet which was showing the news, but by the time I walked out of the kitchen, I could feel his eyes on my back again.
The man was a mystery.
The day went pretty much as expected. I made Luca breakfast and made sure he was ready for school. We walked there, picking up his friend Harri on the way. I checked in with his teacher, who I’d gone to school with myself and saw my friend Fleur taking her twins to the school’s nursery. We agreed to meet for coffee and cake at the cakery as we hadn’t seen each other for a week, which gave me enough time to get through the boxes in one of the rooms.
There wasn’t much to sort out, so I found when I got started. Photos of Luca as a baby, a couple of family pictures. Some artwork that’d been carefully packed and a box full of cushions, the covers needing a good wash. There was another box of books, which I emptied onto the bookcase, and a sideboard which would be good for the glasses and bottles of spirits that were left over from the kitchen.
By ten to eleven I’d finished the front room and made a dent in the dining room, which really did need some more furniture to fill it up. I freshened up and changed into something a bit more presentable, stuck on some mascara and lipstick and headed out to meet Fleur.
She’d been someone else I’d gone to school with, although she’d moved away just before we started our exam years. We’d stayed in touch and she’d visited Puffin Bay at holiday times, eventually moving back. She had been engaged to an absolute idiot, seeing sense on her wedding day, when she’d been the archetypical runaway bride, stealing a boat and sailing back across the Menai Strait, only for the boat to run out of fuel and having to be rescued by Thane McAlister. They’d ended up together, realising Thane’s dream of having Fleur as his own, because he’d been in love with her since they were thirteen.
Maybe I’d never have my own love story, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy my friends’.
“How’s Doctor Dishy?” She sat down, looking far too fresh for someone with twins under two.
“Come again?” I pulled out the chair opposite. The cakery was busy – there was a stitch and bitch meet up in the corner so we’d need to keep our voices down.
“Your employer. He’s got the whole town talking. Have you not noticed that he’s a walking movie star?” She leaned across the table. “Have you stumbled across him naked yet?”
I knew I was blushing.
“I’m trying to pretend that he’s got the face of a goat. As in the animal. Not the greatest of all time.” I stood up again. “Do you want cake?”
“Is there a y in the day?”
“Coffee?”
“Three pots of. I’ve been awake since four.” Fleur smoothed under her eyes. “And it wasn’t the twins – it was Thane. Apparently, he had an idea for something on a boat and absolutely had to act on it straight away.”
“You could’ve gone back to sleep.”
“That would’ve been the plan but it didn’t happen. Anyway, get the cake and come and talk to me about Doctor Dishy Dicksome.”
That did not sound appetising.
I ordered, opting for three slices of different cakes so we could pick and mix, hoping that if Fleur’s mouth was full, she couldn’t ask too many questions.
“I need details,” she started again as soon as I sat back down. “Is he single?”
“Very. Ex-wife who sounds a bit of an idiot. He hates her.” I dug into Amelie’s lemon cake which was my personal favourite. Fleur might not get much of this one.
“Hates her as in still loves her so he’s secretly pining or wants to set her on fire?”
“The fire outcome. He’s also really grumpy. And untidy. He spends his time either at work, with Luca or working out in the garage. That’s usually after Luca’s gone to bed.” Grayson had his routines that very little stopped.
“How does he look in his gym gear?”
“Are you and Thane okay?”
She nodded emphatically. “We’re more than good. Especially now the twins sleep. However, I’m curious.”
“About Grayson?”
“No, about what you think of Grayson. And if you’ve seen, thought or wondered about his man meat and how it might be able to, you know, give you a new experience.” She was far, far too enthusiastic about this.
“I’m not going to lose my virginity to my boss.” I shook my head. “He doesn’t know and he’ll never know. One of my career options is to go and join a nunnery because then I’ll have a reason for, you know, the V plates.”
“You don’t need to tell him about the virgin situation. Men haven’t got a clue about things like that.” She said that way too loudly.
“Fleury, you realise he’s a doctor. My doctor. It’s probably all over my notes from the last time I had an internal and the horrible locum made a really big deal about things still being intact down there.” Which had been one of the most embarrassing things ever. Especially when I’d flinched when I saw the speculum and he’d mentioned something about having had bigger things go up there.
I’d informed him that nothing big at all had gone up there, and he shouldn’t be so presumptive, to which he’d assumed I was gay. There had been a formal complaint that had gone in, and I assumed – which was possibly the pot calling the kettle a kitchen utensil – that Grayson had been privy to those complaints.
“Maybe that’s why he keeps staring at me.”
Fleur shook her head. “You’ve lost me.”
“I keep noticing that he’s staring at me. Maybe he’s read my notes and he’s wondering why I’ve never had sex with anyone.”
“Maybe he hasn’t read your notes because he’s no reason to, and he’s staring at you because you’re absolutely gorgeous.” My also very gorgeous friend leaned closer. “I’m sure your tits have gotten bigger.”
I edged away from the table because there was every chance she’d grab one to check.
“I’ve been eating more cake. It’s probably that.”
“It suits you. You haven’t told me yet how Doctor Delicious looks when he’s all sweaty from lifting weights. And don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
I looked at the coffee cake and stabbed my fork into it. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t noticed. He’s got the most powerful thighs I’ve ever seen and his arms are like what you see in fitness magazines. I don’t think he thinks I’ve noticed though.”
“Why? Have you installed hidden cameras or something? Hey, what if he’s got a nanny cam in your bedroom so he can watch you getting changed? That could be a thing. Has he put a photo frame in there or something like that?” She was getting very animated. “He could be jacking off every night thinking about you.”
“I don’t think he is.” Although I had heard something the other night when I’d gotten up to find where Moonshine had disappeared to. I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d heard though, because I wasn’t in the slightest bit experienced, even less experienced than Fleur thought.
She folded her arms and regarded me. “Do you fancy him?” Her accent had become more Welsh since she’d moved in with Thane, even though he was Scottish. Amelie and I thought it was because she was trying to make sure the twins’ accents were more like hers than his.
“He’s my boss. I’m living with him. If I get a crush on him and go all soppy, it’ll make our lives messy.” Which was my modus operandi. I would develop a crush on someone unobtainable like Gully and moon over them. Thankfully, Gully’d never been overly bothered about my mild (understatement) obsession with him and we’d become friends when I realised nothing was ever going to happen.
I also knew nothing was going to happen. Which was why I’d crushed on him so hard.
Not having a boyfriend ever was my choice, in a roundabout way. I didn’t want a relationship because the front row seat I’d had to my parents’ marriage had ensured I didn’t want to be a star in a play like that. If I pursued men who wouldn’t be interested, nothing would ever happen. That was how it’d gone so far.
“So don’t go soppy. Just get wet. He’s very handsome, Clover.”
“I don’t need handsome. I just need a plan.” Hopefully, Fleur would drop the hot boss topic and move onto the state of the rest of my life.
“Gully said you’d picked up a ton of new clients.”
It’d worked.
“A few. Enough to make me think this could work. I think I’d rather run my own business because then I can dictate my own terms, like where I work. I’m not missing going into London.” That had been a relief. No visits to the big smoke. My mother was living there now, and insisted on me staying with her when I was down. The last time I hadn’t told her about my trip there, and so far she hadn’t found out.
“I saw your website. It looks amazing. Did Roe do it?”
I nodded. “He did. We kept it simple. Testimonies. Expression of interest form. Bio. It’s all it needs so it’ll be easy to maintain.”
“And your profile photo makes you look like a Welsh goddess. Who took it?” She brought my website up on her phone.
“Gully. It was in the inn a couple of weeks ago.” It was a good photo. I’d been at the inn, working at a table next to the fire. He’s snapped it without me posing. “How are the twins, by the way?”
That was all it took for Fleur to change topic away from Grayson. She loved talking about her babies and I adored the twins, so I was happy to listen for as long as she wanted.
“So, they’ve been babbling – Clover, your DD’s here.” She leaned over the table, almost knocking over her cup.
“DD?”
“Dishy doctor. Keep up.”
“I thought you were referring to my bra size.”
She shook her head. “He’s seen you. He’s coming over here.”
I turned around and saw Grayson, wearing his standard general practitioner outfit of smart slacks and a sweater. He would have a doctor’s coat over it when he was in the surgery.
“Everything okay?” I said when he reached our table.
He nodded. “Just needed a sandwich. Everything okay at home?” He sounded very serious.
“All good. The living room’s unpacked.” I gave a really brief rundown of what I’d got through and how drop off had been at school.
Grayson nodded, not really commenting much. “Dinner tonight, still?”
“Absolutely. We’ve got a table booked for six.” I’d messaged Amelie this morning because when she had done themed food nights, it had ended up being reservations only.
“Good.”
There was an awkward silence. I could see Fleur looking from Grayson to me and back as if she couldn’t quite suss out what was going on.
“I’ll see you later then.” He squeezed my shoulder before he walked back to the counter to pick up his sandwich and a takeaway coffee.
Fleur shook her head at me. “He likes you.”
“I irritate him. I brought Moonshine into his life and he hates Moonshine.” This was definitely true.
“How can anyone hate Moonshine? That cat is a god among cats.” And she should know. Fleur and Thane were involved with the local animal rescue and usually had a kitten room in their house where they took in pregnant queens.
“Moonshine doesn’t know what to make of him. Well, apart from making a sport of trying to trip Grayson up. And he likes to stare at him constantly, which is a bit off putting. I also caught Moony throwing up a fur ball right into Grayson’s shoes. It seemed a little too coincidental.” I strongly suspected that my cat, the outright love of my life, was enjoying rankling Grayson for some reason.
“Maybe Moony thinks Grayson’s a threat for your attention.” Fleur smirked. “Because I think that man is intrigued by you, Clover.”
“I think that man is in a town where he doesn’t know anyone and is relying on me as his paid help. Now, have you heard the latest about Roe and Freya?”
She hadn’t, which meant Fleur was all ears while I passed on a lovely nugget of gossip about Gully’s twin and his unexpected housemate.
Luca and I were playing snakes and ladders across our table when Grayson got to the Puffin Inn. He’d obviously been home and gotten changed, wearing smarter pants and a shirt I’d not seen before. Maybe he’d finally sorted out one of those suitcases in his room.
“Daddy!” Luca was always over the moon to see him.
As soon as I picked him up from school, he”d talk about what he was going to tell his father about his day, picking things he thought would make him proud. There was the stuff he chose to leave out, but he decided to tell me. Those were the bits like when he’d hidden another boy’s pencil case because he’d been mean to the girl in the class who wore glasses, or when he’d been in trouble with the teacher for doodling when he should’ve been listening.
I didn’t pass any of Luca’s censored information onto his dad, respecting his choices as long as it really wasn’t something that Grayson did need to know.
This though, was the highlight of Luca’s day, when he had his dad’s undivided attention, and Grayson was good with that. I loved seeing how they interacted, appreciating Grayson as a parent, because he was a good dad.
He put mine to shame.
“Clover, why don’t you go and get a wine? You’re off the clock.” Grayson shifted his gaze onto me, automatically lifting my body temperature by about ten degrees.
“You sure? What do you want?” I’d been on sparkling water so far as I wouldn’t touch alcohol while I was the responsible adult for Luca.
“A beer. An IPA. I’ve set up a tab, so put it on that.”
I wasn’t going to. I wasn’t stuck for cash, as I’d saved up a pretty significant amount since I’d left university and my parents had given me guilt money too. I had enough for a good deposit on a house in the area and some left over as well, and so far it looked like my freelance work would bring me more income than my previous job, although I was aware that could change.
“How’s your day been, sugar?” Amelie was behind the bar.
Her fiancé, Roman, was serving with her, which didn’t happen very often but was always entertaining when it did because they liked to bicker as if they were training for an Olympic medal in it.
“Good. Lots done.” I hadn’t done any editing, figuring I could really focus on it tomorrow given I was off duty, so I’d completely unpacked the dining room and sitting room.
“How’s the doctor? We haven’t seen him much. Roman was saying we should suggest that Caleb babysits and you can both come here one evening so he can get to know the regulars.” She reached up for a wine glass and paused. “Red? I’ve been told that’s what you’re having.”
“By who?”
“The good doctor. He called and asked me to open a bottle of malbec and let it breathe.” She shot me a look that told me she knew more than I.
“He did what?”
Amelie’s face broke out into a smile. “And I’d guess he’s dressed up for you.”
I turned and looked at where Grayson and Luca were studying one of Luca’s school books that he’d wanted to bring to show his dad straight away.
Grayson must’ve noticed me looking because he turned in my direction straight away and smiled, just a small smile, cautious was the best way to describe it.
“And he’s been asking questions about you. Mel was in here at lunch time and she was telling me how every so often, he asked her something about you, including whether you had a boyfriend or an ex who’d been serious.” Amelie was looking gleeful now. She’d tried in the past to set me up on a few dates, but I’d always cried, embarrassed about what would happen if things started going the bedroom way.
I winced, wondering what Mel had said. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that I’d never had a boyfriend.
“Can you make it a large glass to start.” I needed some liquid courage.
Amelie nodded and poured from a bottle of malbec that I knew was the good stuff. Red wine was my favourite drink, although I didn’t drink it often. “I think he’s a fan.”
“I think he’s just curious.”
Amelie shook her head. “I’m not usually wrong.” She headed away to where Roman was serving, offering a critique of his technique that went down exactly as she would’ve expected.
I watched them for a moment, not trying to hide a smile at how they were with each other, Amelie barking at him, mainly to rile him up. Roman pretended to ignore her, which only annoyed her all the more. It was half for show, of course. The other half was foreplay, which everyone could tell, especially when Roman grabbed Amelie”s hips, pretending to force her to dance, which ended up in them dancing and laughing.
I listened to three seconds of my heart wanting that.
I’d never had a boyfriend. It hadn’t been because men weren’t interested, I’d just not known how to go about starting a relationship. I was scared of getting hurt. At least I had been when I was younger.
Now I had more of an idea especially after watching Amelie and Fleur and Ruby all fall in love.
The one thing that stopped me from dating was the inexperience thing. How did you tell someone that you were still a virgin? The obvious question that would cross the man’s mind was if I was defective. What was wrong? Why had no one else wanted me?
I pushed those thoughts back in the dark hole from whence they came. There was probably a joke there about dark holes, but no one to share it with.
Grayson took his pint, now sat childless at the table.
“Have you lost your son?”
He looked over to a table where Luca was playing another board game with one of his friends from school. He really had settled in well so far.
“I’ve told him he has to come back over when our food gets here.” He took a good drink of the beer. “I can’t believe how he knows so many people.”
“He gets along with everyone.” Apart from the boys he didn’t like because they weren’t nice, but I wasn’t about to talk to his dad about that. “Thank you for the wine.”
“Amelie said that was your favourite. It’s a thank you for doing such an amazing job with Luca. He’s settled in this well because of you.”
Grayson’s words made me feel warm and toasty.
“He’s a good kid. And a credit to you.” Which was also true. I knew Grayson’s job was a busy one and I saw that some days he came home drained. But that didn’t mean he stopped being Luca’s dad. When he got home from the surgery, or at the out-of-hours where he did a shift once a week, he’d sit with Luca before he did anything else, talking about his day, looking at books or comics, or building a model with him.
“Thanks. How’s the wine?”
“Amazing.”
Amazing was probably an understatement. I stayed at the inn after Luca and Grayson went back home once we’d eaten, talking with Amelie and Freya, finding out exactly what was going on between her and Roe at the moment. It was fun and nice, and neither of them asked anything about Grayson or work, we talked about Roe and the town and plans for Christmas, which was Amelie’s usual locals’ Christmas dinner at the pub, to which we all contributed.
I had a couple of gins, because Finn, who owned the local distillery, had made his Christmas special and Amelie had the first bottle. That meant that when I finally managed to get my key in the front door to the place I now called home, I wasn’t exactly walking in a straight line.
Grayson appeared from the living room, wearing a sweater that was at least a size too small and sweatpants that were designed by the patron saint of unholy images.
I may have stared.
“My eyes are up here.”
I looked up as if he’d commanded me.
“Sorry. Sort of.” Drunk Clover did not have a filter.
Grayson’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Sort of?”
I shrugged. “You look good. Everywhere.” Drunk Clover was going to pray for revenge on the patron saint of unholy images.
“I look good everywhere?”
“Yes. Can we change the topic?” There was the voice of reason.
“How about a cup of tea? And maybe some painkillers. Pre-emptive ones.” He was definitely sober.
“Thank you. That sounds like a very good idea.” I followed him to the kitchen, my eyes on his ass which was firm and looked strong.
Drunk Clover had a thing for her boss. So did Sober Clover, only Sober Clover could bury it deep where the sun never vibed.
He passed me a carton of Luca’s juice and told me to start with that, then switched on the kettle, leaning against the kitchen units like he was in a catalogue, posing.
“Clover, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” He frowned at me. “Have you ever had one?”
“Why are you asking?” I drank the juice with the paper straw that came with the carton and wondered if I looked like a toddler, given that was their target market.
“Because I’m curious. People love you, including Mavis, by the way, and she doesn’t like many people - ”
“How many times has she bobbed into the surgery this week?” I finished the juice. There was nowhere near enough sugary goodness in one of these.
“At least twice a day – and a few of the people who talked about you said they wished you’d find someone so you weren’t alone. I asked a few questions. Sorry if I overstepped.” He did look kind of sorry.
“I’m happy on my own. I have really good friends and I wouldn’t want to change anything.” It was my standard answer.
“I get that. I think I’m surprised you’ve never been attached.”
The kettle clicked off. Grayson turned around and poured the water.
It was always easier to talk to someone’s back. “I’ve never even had a kind of boyfriend. So now I can’t have a boyfriend. I’m too embarrassed.”
He froze. The kettle almost dropped out of his hand.
I watched as he regained some sort of composure.
“You’re inexperienced?” He stirred the tea. “How inexperienced?”
“Whatever you’ve guessed is probably right.” I wasn’t elaborating any more than that.
“Have you been kissed?” He turned to me, his shoulders moving as much as they could.
“A few times. When I was a teenager at parties.” A very long time ago.
There was silence while Grayson finished making the tea, running the water and filling up a glass. That glass was sparkly clean by the time he’d done it, keeping his hands under the cold water for some reason, and spending a while looking in the fridge for the milk for the tea.
“Haven’t you met anyone you liked.” He sat down with me at the table.
I shook my head. “I have, but they haven’t been interested in me. But I don’t know how much I liked them. I crush on people that things would never work out with.”
“On purpose?”
I nodded. “I thought you were a general practitioner. Not a psychologist.” The words were a little slurry.
“Clover, you’re too pretty and nice for no one to be interested in, so I figured there was a reason you’d chosen to stay single.” His voice was low and deep and I wondered if he sang.
“You know I lived here without my parents. They split and moved off the island. I stayed. I had friends whose parents were happy for me to live with them, and my mum and dad sent over rent and board for me. I really value my friendships and living here. The community was my family. Is my family,” I corrected.
“So you’re scared of a relationship ending?” He sounded curious, his back stretched back in the dining chair, legs stretched out under the table.
“I’m not anymore. But how do I have a relationship at nearly thirty when I’m this inexperienced? That’s a really hard thing to explain. No one’s going to want to date me because they’ll think I’m only wanting something serious. That I’ve been waiting for, you know, the one.”
“You’re a virgin?”
Fuck. Men were so thick sometimes.
“Yes. That should’ve been obvious when I said I’d only been kissed a few times when I was a teenager.”
He shook his head, not looking too surprised to his credit.
“You’ve never slept with anyone?”
I regarded him as if he was stupid. “That would be the definition of the word virgin.”
He rubbed at his hair. “Sorry. I’m just - ” He shook his head.
“Take your reaction and imagine how that would be from someone I’d been on a few dates with. Awkward.” I felt a little more sober now. This conversation might actually help with the aftereffects of the wine tomorrow.
Grayson got up and went to the cupboard where the whisky and glasses were kept. He poured one, then took out a bigger glass and filled it with water. He gave that one to me.
“This might be me overstepping, but are you never going to date? Is that it?”
I shrugged, sipping at the water, somewhat jealous of his whisky. It was good whisky, peaty and smoky, which was how I liked it. “I don’t know. I want to. It’s just meeting someone isn’t easy because I live here and that’s not going to change. Everyone here knows my business as well.”
“You could just ask a friend for a favour. A couple of nights of benefits.”
I shook my head. “That’s been suggested before. Or even someone on a holiday here. But I don’t know if I’d be comfortable.”
“You should do whatever’s right for you, which I think you do anyway. That’s a compliment, by the way.”
I looked at him now, having managed to avoid that for the duration of most of this awkward conversation. His hair was mussed, stuck up in various places. His eyes were dark and full of interest, his jaw covered in stubble that was usually kept tidy and clean cut.
I knew he was a beautiful man. I had eyes and I’d heard the chatter the last few weeks. Right now, though, he was scarily broody, looking like the sort of model you’d have on a wall in a New York penthouse, not that I’d ever been to New York.
“I haven’t kissed anyone in ten years.” The words came out as easily as the whisky would’ve had gone down. “I’ve forgotten how it feels. I don’t know if I know how to kiss somebody.”
I didn’t know what I was saying.
“It’ll be like riding a bike. You’ll know as well as you did the first time you did it.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off him now. I finished the water, following it with the tea. I stood up, taking my pots over to the dishwasher, finally taking my eyes off my boss and the town’s doctor.
I felt his on me though. I felt the air thick around us, the kitchen swamped in some type of tension that was as cloying as a heavy summer day, waiting for thunder to roll.
When I turned around, Grayson was there, his pots still on the table.
I felt warm, too warm for this date in late November. My breathing was deeper. Heat between my legs had bloomed, rapidly pulsing through the rest of my body when Grayson put his hands on my hips, his eyes digesting mine.
His legs were spread apart, his feet bare. I felt warmth radiating from his body, then from his lips as his head dropped down to mine.
I froze, scared to move, not knowing what this meant or what this would change, not wanting to know in case either of us changed our minds.
My hands ran up his arms to his shoulders, eyes not leaving each other. His arms were tight with corded muscle, my hands feeling tiny on his shoulders. I left them there, waiting, waiting for him to change his mind.
He didn’t. His lips pressed against mine, teasing them to open, letting him explore as I found the courage to do the same. My hands roamed onto his back, into his hair, Grayson stepping closer to me, his body pressing against mine, pressing my back against the kitchen units. My pussy twitched; my breasts felt heavy.
This was just a kiss. That was all. Probably a sympathy kiss as well, a kiss to remind me.
It slowed down, little pecks leading into a pause where we looked at each other again. Grayson’s hands left my ass and went back to my hips, holding onto me gently.
“Thank you.” They seemed the most appropriate words.
He shook his head slowly. “Why the fuck are you thanking me?”