4. Grayson
It really wasn’t my business if Clover had a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or was in a thruple arrangement with a celebrity and a garden gnome. But the thought of it had upended me.
I was sure it would be a momentary situation.
She laughed and shook her black curls. “No. Gully’s a friend. He’s Gulliver Holland, the crime writer – I don’t know if you’re into reading so you might not have heard of him.”
“I read.” I didn’t. I hadn’t had the time for about five years – some strange coincidence with the age of my son. “And I’ve heard of Gulliver Holland.” I’d seen something about him in a newspaper – I did read those.
“You’ll like him. Everyone likes Gully.” She closed the kitchen door and then practically skipped to the front door, opening it and letting in a man of about thirty with brown hair and a face that should’ve been on billboards.
He was grinning and pulled Clover into an immediate big hug. “Clo-clo! You didn’t wait for me.”
She smiled up at him like he’d hung the moon and several constellations as well. “I needed to bring Moonshine in. This is Grayson Wynne, our new doctor and my employer for the next few months.” Her gesture towards me seemed shy. “Grayson, this is Gully Holland, my friend.”
There was no way they were just friends. I’d speak with Clover about not having sleepovers.
I held out my hand and found it gripped in a firm handshake. Steely eyes met mine, messages conveyed without words.
Stay away.
Do not mess her about.
I know people.
I gripped his hand a little harder.
Watch who you’re talking to.
She’s living in my house.
I won’t have you messing her about either.
I had no idea where that last thought came from. There was something about Clover that felt innocent, like she could be taken advantage of. She rescued abandoned kittens that turned into monster cats and had never left the town where she grew up. It was clear that everyone here adored her, but they thought of her in the same way they’d think of their favourite niece or best friend.
“Shall we get my things in? Do you have a room for me, Grayson? Should I call you Grayson, or would you prefer Doctor Wynne?” She used both her hands to pull her curls away from her face.
I wanted Doctor Wynne, but not in this situation with her friend watching on. “Grayson’s fine. Shall I show you your rooms first?”
She nodded, looking excited. “Rooms?”
“Rooms. I knew I’d need a nanny so there’s more than one.”
“I know which they are then, or I think I do.” She made her way up the stairs, closely followed by Luca, who looked as enthusiastic as she did.
I’d forgotten she knew the house.
She headed to the main room that adjoined onto another, and had its own small ensuite. It was perfect as a nanny-flat, as one of the rooms could be used as a lounge and the other as a bedroom, meaning that the madness of a five-year-old with his single dad could be escaped.
“This is different. I remember it as the rooms where an old lady stayed.” She looked around the bigger of the two rooms. “Are you okay if I get some bookcases?”
“Absolutely. Don’t you have any already?”
Clover shook her head and Gully laughed.
I stared at him, not liking the laugh.
“Clover never lives anywhere permanently, so she doesn’t buy furniture.” He shrugged as if he knew everything about her.
“I’ve been a lodger for fourteen years, so I just have a few things. I’ve never known how long I’ll live somewhere, so I don’t have a ton of stuff.” She looked sad at the statement.
“How long have you been with your landlady?”
“Three years, so I’m not changing all the time. We haven’t discussed how I contribute to bills while I’m here.” She looked worried.
We hadn’t actually discussed any payment at all.
“You won’t be paying for bills or food that you have here. We can talk more later or tomorrow. I’ll need your bank details too.” I glanced at Gulliver, feeling his irritated stare on me. He’d folded his arms and looked unhappy at something.
“You mean to say, Clo, that you’ve accepted a job without knowing how much you’ll get paid.” He was cross with her.
Clover looked sheepish. “I’m sure it will be fine.”
“It will be.” I didn’t want him making her feel like shit. “It’ll be the same terms I’d agreed with the nanny who let me down.” I mentioned the salary, which I knew was better than standard, given that bed and board were included. “Weekends are free, unless I have to work, same with evenings. There might be occasional weekend nights when I have something in my diary, but I haven’t had a life for five years, so I probably won’t be starting now.”
Gulliver unfolded his arms. “That sounds about right.”
“Are those the same terms you have for your nanny?” I figured he didn’t have one and therefore didn’t actually have anything to comment on.
Clover eyed him, which made me want to smile because it wasn’t in a good way. “Don’t be an ass, Gully. Now, shall we get my things and I can settle in?”
That seemed like a good idea mainly because it would end the stand off that was happening, so we followed her out of the rooms and to her car, Luca playing with a building set in the lounge.
It took two trips each to unload the car. Clover’s belongings did not take up much space in the car, even if it was tiny. In fact, most of her stuff seemed to be cat paraphernalia; litter tray, a little suitcase of toys, a bag of cat food – the cat definitely had more things than she did.
“Is that it?” It barely took up any space in her bedroom. There was a king sized bed in there already that I’d put up as soon as I’d finished work. “Do you have more to get?”
She looked embarrassed, her skin turning red near her ears.
“That’s it, apart from books. I have a lot of books, but Mrs Bettany’s happy for me to leave them there for the time being.” She turned to Gulliver. “Thank you for helping, Gully.”
“Anytime.” He gave her a lopsided grin that I was pretty sure had contracted syphilis at least twice. “Want to get dinner at the Inn?”
She shook her head. “No. I need to spend some time with Luca before he goes to bed so he’s comfy with me tomorrow, and then talk with Grayson about what Luca’s routine needs to look like. Maybe I’ll see you there tomorrow.”
He nodded, still smiling at her. Two strides later and he wrapped her in a big hug, muttering something in her ear that I couldn’t quite hear.
I tried to though.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Phone me if you need me – anytime. Don’t worry about waking me up.” There was a kiss dropped on the top of those black curls before he headed out of the room. “I’ll see myself out. Don’t forget about Moonshine.”
There was silence between me and Clover and until the front door had closed and Gulliver had gone.
“I expect if you’re seeing your boyfriend, that it isn’t here. He isn’t to sleep over.” I sounded like my father had when my sister had started dating seriously. Only Clover wasn’t my daughter.
She burst out laughing. “Gully isn’t my boyfriend. He’s my friend. I wished he was my boyfriend at one point – no doubt some gossip in the town will tell you all about that.”
I frowned. “You wanted him to be? So why wasn’t he?” I didn’t get that. Clover was quirky, but in a good way and she was – well – attractive to say the least.
Maybe Gully wasn’t into women.
She shrugged. “I’m not his type. I’m not the girlfriend type. I think I remind most men I’m interested in of their little sister.”
She didn’t remind me of my little sister.
I managed not to comment on what she’d said, because none of the sentences I constructed in my head sounded appropriate at all.
“I should see to Moonshine. I should’ve sent you photos of him then you wouldn’t have been so surprised with his size,” she said, apology laced through her words. “Are you okay with him having free run of the house? He will sleep on beds and on top of wardrobes. I’ll do the vacuuming anyway, so you won’t have to clean up after him.”
“Will he smother me in my sleep?” He’d looked at me like he might.
“No. He’ll sleep with me.” She headed downstairs.
I followed her like a puppy, intrigued and slightly concerned. Moonshine shot out of the kitchen door as soon as she opened it, miaowing and rubbing against her legs. Clover bent down to fuss him.
It was then I realised she had the best backside I’d ever seen.
This was unfortunate for a nanny when I was the employer, because there was no way she’d want anything to do with her boss, and I would not cross that line with my employee. That would be unprofessional.
I also thought she still suspected I was a serial killer.
She turned to look at me and crouched down the short distance to be on the cat’s level, not that she had to go very far.
“Come and stroke him.” She beckoned me over.
Luca was next to me now, intrigued with the cat. He’d never had a pet, so I figured this would be a good experience for him without me having something else to look after.
He went over first, stroking him carefully. The cat purred loudly, sounding like a remote pneumatic drill.
“How much fuss does he like?” If I was that cat I’d expect to be worshipped from a distance.
“He’ll walk off when he’s had enough.” Clover moved away from him. “Be brave. Give him a fuss.”
I had no idea what I was doing with animals. I moved to where he was stretched out, intending to tickle under his chin like I’d seen Clover do.
I was greeted with a hiss.
I moved my hand.
The cat purred again.
I tried again to stroke him. Moonshine’s eyes grew big as he stared at me.
Another hiss.
“I think it’s because you”re big.”
I frowned at her.
“As in your height.” Her cheeks coloured.
I realised how she thought she’d sounded.
“And girth – I mean width.” Her face was completely red now.
I started to quietly laugh. The cat stared at me as if I was from a foreign planet.
“Daddy, I don’t think he likes you.” My son obviously found that entertaining. “Clover, does he like to play?”
She pulled herself together. “He does. He also likes food. Do you want to help me get his food ready?”
I kept a distance as Luca and Moonshine followed her, unpacking the cat’s belongings. They both watched her as she prepared what looked like a Michelin restaurant meal: chicken, fish, something that was utterly unappetising for humans, but a delicacy in cat world by the way Moonshine inhaled it.
A bowl of water was put down away from the food, then his litter box was arranged in the hallway, in a corner no one would fall over. Clover told Luca lots of facts about the cat and my son seemed enchanted, asking lots of questions, most of them sensible, some of them exactly what you’d imagine a five-year-old boy to ask.
Moonshine finished his meal with a detailed wash, shooting me the odd glare, before prowling off to inspect his new territory, giving his toilet a good sniff on the way.
“I thought you said he used a human loo?” I recalled the rather interesting conversation from this morning.
Clover looked away from Luca for a moment. “He does, but I always have a litter tray out in case someone puts the toilet lid down. Have you both had dinner?”
I shook my head. “We haven’t yet and we probably should. Want to see what we’ve got, dude?” I ruffled Luca’s hair. It needed a cut; something else to add to the list.
“Mac and cheese!” He ran to the fridge.
I rolled my eyes at Clover. “He wants mac and cheese all the time.”
“You can get homemade tray bakes of it from the delicatessen next to Pantri Kathy’s. Kathy does all sorts – lasagne, shepherd’s pie, mac and cheese - ”
“That’s where I picked this up from on the way back from the surgery. There’s adult food in there too.”
“I’m good with mac and cheese.”
I sorted dinner, mine and Luca’s usual kitchen routine kicking in, even though most of our kitchen utensils and pans were still in boxes, so we had to unpack as we went. Clover didn’t shy away, helping to put crockery away or in the dishwasher, talking to us both about the time and using the odd Welsh word, which I wondered if she was doing deliberately so Luca was exposed to some of the language.
After dinner, she followed me upstairs while we went through our bedtime routine. Bath. Teeth. Wash face. In bed with a book and his favourite teddy, the cat monster that we’d acquired very interested in said teddy.
“Twenty minutes reading and then I’ll come up for a story.” I kissed my son’s forehead, not surprised when his arms wrapped around whatever of me he could grab.
“Nos da,” Clover said.
“What does that mean?” Luca asked, looking disappointed as the cat ran out of the room like he’d seen a ghost.
“What do you think it means?” Clover smiled at him, her pretty face animated.
“Good night?”
“Ten out of ten. Nos da is Welsh for good night. What do you think breuddwydion melys means?”
He shook his head, shy now.
“It means sweet dreams.” She took a step back towards Luca’s bedroom door.
“What do you think Moonshine dreams of?” Luca liked to ask seventy-two questions before bed to put off going to sleep.
“I think he dreams of chasing mice and his favourite cat treats.”
I shook my head. “I think he dreams of extending his empire and taking over the world.”
Clover frowned at me. “What do you mean, he dreams of taking over the world? He’s a cat. He already rules the world.”
I raised my brows at her. “Of course he does. Ten minutes, Luca.” We left his bedroom and I closed the door too.
Moonshine watched us from the doorway of Clover’s bedroom, large green eyes staring at me as if he was reading my mind and deciding whether or not to let me live.
“Your cat is scary.”
“He’s a big teddy bear. He probably thinks you’re scary. I don’t think he’s ever met someone who’s a big as you. As in muscly, you know. With arm muscles and those muscles on your chest.” She stared at my pecs, which were on show as my T-shirt was fairly tight.
I flexed them, making them move, which made her giggle.
I liked the sound, so I did it again.
“That’s so weird.” She was transfixed. “I wonder if I can do that with my boobs?”
“Please practice that when I’m not in front of you. Men aren’t meant to stare at women’s boobs, unless they’re specifically invited.” We walked down the stairs.
“I promise I won’t.”
Moonshine shot past me and almost sent me flying. I cursed, regaining some balance. “He’s trying to kill me.”
“Dramatic much?” She headed into the living room. “He’s really not. I think you spook him. Okay, do you want to talk me through what you want me to do tomorrow? What does Luca have for breakfast, what should his routine be?”
I did wonder whether she was breezing past the fact her cat had nearly ended me too easily. Hunger stopped me from pushing the subject further.
I rummaged around in one of the boxes and found a pack I’d done for the nanny who’d been meant to start. “Everything’s here, kind of. You know the town though and I’d like him to get to know it. The beach, the park, what the shops are and things like that. He needs help to organise his bedroom too and set his toys up. I can do it at the weekend, but I want him to settle in as easily as possible, so see what you can get done.”
“That’s what I thought.” She glanced through the pack. “I need to know what my line is when he talks about his mum.”
I sank into the sofa and wished that Sherry would follow through on her threat to move to L.A. Then I could just say that she wasn’t around, which would be easier and less of a thing I had to manage.
“Sherry doesn’t see much of Luca, not officially. We split four months after he was born but I retained full custody. She was having an affair with her personal trainer and didn’t feel ready to be a full-time mother. So Luca stayed with me and she had visitation and overnights if she wanted. She’s never had him overnight. One of the reasons we’ve moved was because she had a new relationship with a man who has a couple of kids at the same school where Luca was, and she would pick them up after school and pretty much ignore him. He didn’t understand why his mum would look after other children and not him and he was upset by it. Moving here puts more distance between us, and it sounds bad and makes me sound like I’m a fucking terrible person as well, but I want her to not be around. She’s toxic.”
Clover nodded, putting the pack down and focusing all her attention on me. “I don’t think you’re terrible. I don’t understand why you were married to someone like that in the first place though.”
“Because I was thinking with my – well, I was thinking with my cock.” Nothing like the truth. “I started going out with her when I was twenty-three. We met at a dinner my parents hosted; they knew her family and she came along because she had nothing else to do. She’s from money and she worked as a model. She was hot and she didn’t work in medicine. I proposed three years later. She put up with me having to work weird hours in exchange for a big gala of a wedding and picked and chose her modelling jobs. I had a wife I thought my mates were envious of – I found out later that she was sleeping with one of them too, and she agreed to try for a baby. The rest you know.” Those were the cliff notes. The actual details involved emotional blackmail from her, my parents throwing money at me to stop me divorcing her because, oh, the scandal, and a divorce that went in my favour because I proved her cheating.
“Does Luca talk about her?” Clover surprised me, not asking for more details about Sherry. “How do you want me to manage it if he does?”
“He rarely mentions her. When he does, I used to remind him that she loved him and she just hadn’t felt ready to be a full-time mum. I can’t do that now he’s seen her with the other kids, so I just make sure he knows he’s amazing and say as little as I can about her.” I’d asked for advice from a child psychologist friend on how to approach it. They’d told me not to lie, not to make excuses and to make sure he knew he was loved by so many people. That last was the easiest. My parents were hard work, but they adored Luca, and he was an easy kid to parent – at least I thought so. I knew he sought praise and reassurance more than he probably should, which was a product of not having both parents around, and I’d have more difficult questions to answer when he was older. I’d never forgive Sherry though. I could never cover up what she’d put him – and me – through.
Clover nodded. “I can follow that. Will Sherry try to see him here?”
“Unlikely. She had a few choice words to say when I told her I was moving to ‘the arse-end of nowhere’ as she put it. She likes big cities and parties. This is the opposite. I don’t think she cares that we’re not in Bristol any more though.” I’d hoped she would’ve had more fight in her, more of a need to be involved and have her say about our son, but for whatever reason, she wanted to pretend that we didn’t exist.
That, my brain couldn’t process.
“So no need to be worried she’s going to try and snatch him - ”
“You really do read too much crime, don’t you?”
She smiled, but it was forced and I realised I’d said the wrong thing. “I like books. I like reading. That’s why I became an editor.”
“Didn’t you want to be a writer yourself?”
She shook her head, black curls bouncing everywhere. “No. I don’t have a good imagination. I think I love other people’s stories too much and when I tried to make-up a story when I was at school, it’d end up being a retelling of one I’d read, but I love helping an author make their book the best it can be. I’m good at it and writers like working with me.”
“What are your plans now you don’t have your editing job?” I could understand that she was sore right now. When she’d picked me up after my car had broken down, she’d been driving back from being told that her job had gone.
“This. Luca will have a routine and so will I. I can edit when he’s in school and have video calls with my writers who’ve asked me to work with them. I’ve had two emails today from writers and their publishers. I’ll then work out in the next couple of months whether I want to freelance and work for myself, or work for a publishing house again. Whichever it is, I won’t be moving away from Puffin Bay. That’s non-negotiable. I’ve also committed to two weeks in Italy in March next year with an author I work with.” She curled her feet under her.
I noticed she looked tired, which wasn’t surprising. I also wasn’t overly concerned about March next year. By then I’d have something else worked out for childcare and Clover would’ve moved onto the next step in her career.
“Luca sleeps in late when he can, for a kid anyway. If nothing wakes him, he’ll be awake for about half seven, eight o’clockish. He was up really early today, so he might sleep for longer.” He’d slept through the night, most nights, from being a baby. Now, if he woke up, he just got into bed with me but rarely woke me. Given how high maintenance his mother was, he was a really chill kid.
I’d gotten lucky.
“I wake up early. Not going to lie, when you don’t need me in the mornings, I’ll stay in bed reading, but I don’t really sleep in. I’ll set an alarm for seven to make sure I’m awake and then I’ll be up when he wakes up. Do you have any problem with me taking him to the Puffin Inn for dinner one evening or lunch? It’s kid-friendly, as you know already.”
She was still really formal with me, or that was how it felt.
That was how it should be with a nanny, though. It was how it had been with my au pair and the nanny I’d had previously to him. Professional. I hadn’t spent time looking at their arses or noticing how tight their tops were, and that didn’t need to start with Clover.
“I’m fine with that. I’ll probably end up eating there myself.” I wasn’t the best of cooks and after twelve or fourteen hours at a surgery, I didn’t want to pick at a microwaved meal for one by myself. I was hoping that the hours wouldn’t be as long here as they had been at my previous practice. I hadn’t worked locally, but at a surgery in the city, where there were health and social issues and not enough doctors and not enough support. There would be issues here, but different ones. At least it would be a change.
She nodded, giving me a smile that didn’t feel as forced but still wasn’t genuine.
I didn’t know why her smiles were so important to me.
“I’m going to grab a shower and head to bed, unless you need me to do anything tonight.” She stretched her legs out in front of her, arching her back into the chair which pushed her tits out and made it impossible for me not to noticed them.
“How old are you, Clover?” I didn’t know why that was important to me either.
“Twenty-nine. Thirty in March. About time I had a life plan.” Another half smile. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-nine.” I felt every one of those years plus another two decades.
I was more than ten years older than her.
“I’m forty in February.” Not something I was going to celebrate.
“We should have a party for you.” This smile was wider. “Luca and I can arrange it.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’m going to check on Luca and then sort some stuff out. Do you want me to bring a cup of tea up to you when I do one for me?” Was that too informal? Would bringing a drink to her bedroom be overstepping?
She stood up, smothering a yawn. “That’d be great. Thank you. Have you heard about your car?”
“Still on track for Friday. I have more furniture on order for your rooms by the way – there’s a new sofa and a TV and unit for it on the way, so you can have your own space.” Maybe I’d mentioned that before. It’d been a long day and I had no idea how much sorting out I’d get round to doing before crumpling into an exhausted heap somewhere.
“Thank you. I’d like the sofa, but the TV I probably won’t use. It’s bookcases I’ll need to get, if that’s okay.” She stood perfectly straight now, like a schoolgirl asking for permission for something.
My eyes trailed up her legs and body to her face, hurriedly at the end when I realised what I’d done.
Her face flushed, and maybe I was lying to myself, but I was sure her breath was heavier. She’d noticed. Had she noticed? I wasn’t sure.
I was too tired and too out of practice and overstepping everything.
“That’s fine with me. I will put the TV in there for now. I can order you some bookcases, if you want.” It would be good for Luca to see Clover reading.
She shook her head, those damn curls doing their thing.
“I’d like to buy my own and when I have my own place, I have some furniture to take with me.” She shook her head again, more rapidly this time. “But I’ll give you plenty of notice and I won’t be moving out of Puffin Bay. Whatever editing route I take, I can be around to help with Luca for as long as you need.”
“Thank you.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. “I’ll help you build the bookcases, if you need.”
“Thanks.” Awkwardness landed.
“I’ll bring your drink up.”
“That’d be good.” She headed to the door. “See you then.”
I heard her in the shower when I was reading the story Luca had chosen. I’d asked him if he was okay with Clover looking after him, which he said he was. Moonshine also joined us for the story, sitting next to Luca on his bed, and watching my finger as I pointed under the words I was reading.
I was half concerned the cat would think my finger was something to pounce on, and he’d rip it off, but he just sat there, like a humongous cat statue.
When I brought Clover a mug of tea up, she was bare faced and wrapped in a huge dressing gown.
“Thank you. Let me know if Moonshine’s a pain and I’ll keep him in here at night.”
“I will do.” I wasn’t entirely sure what I was saying. I just wanted to know what she was wearing under that dressing gown.
My cock started to wake up.
“Sleep well.” I needed to get back into my room. Without waiting for a response from her, I backed away to my own bedroom across the landing.
“Nos da.” She closed the door a tad more, leaving a gap for the cat to get in.
The cat was outside my bedroom door. I received a miaow from him, which I figured I could translate.
Don’t you fuck with my person.
Wise words.
Or miaows.