11. Clover
“So they’re both there now?” Amelie stabbed at a sausage.
It was just before lunchtime on the Saturday after Grayson’s fortieth. We’d had a great evening, eating in the Puffin Inn with my friends and people who Grayson was making friends with. Luca had fun with his friends and it had been one of the best evenings I’d had in a long time.
Until we’d walked up the drive to his house and saw two cars there that weren’t ours.
Amelie stabbed at another sausage on her plate.
I could probably read more into the ferocity with which she stabbed the sausage, but I left that for another day.
“They’re both there. Luca’s with Fleur and the twins because Archie’s come down with a cold.” I sighed, thankful that my friend had stepped in and diffused a situation that could’ve been really upsetting for him.
“How long are they staying?” Amelie gestured Alys over to us. “Can you make us a couple of bellinis? Thank you.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “I have the day off. Roman’s taking me to a restaurant in Rhosneigr for dinner and I intend on buying a painting in the gallery there to try and de-mancave that house.” She looked momentarily irritated. “But that’s not important right now. What’s happening with his ex-wife?”
I watched Alys make the bellinis, thankful that I wasn’t on nanny duty. I needed some space from the house, because me being around right now was not going to make the situation any easier for anyone.
“She stayed at The Geese Hotel last night. I don’t think she was impressed with the thread count of the sheets.” I shook my head. “I don’t think much impresses Sherry unless it’s in her interest to be impressed with it.”
“What’s she like?”
I thanked Alys for the bellini, taking a good sip of it before I responded. I was planning on spending the day here, doing a second pass on a manuscript and then losing myself in a new romance novel that I’d been looking forward to diving into all week.
“She looks like she should be on a reality TV show, you know one where all they wear are bikinis or barely-there dresses.” I had no issues with anyone who lived like that and I found reality TV quite fascinating. “She also acts like she has a film crew with her.” Which was the bit I wasn’t so keen on. “Gray says she didn’t used to be like this, but I’m not sure if he’s just blanked it out.”
“She was there when you got home last night?”
I nodded. “They’d tried phoning Gray to see where he was, but his phone had died. His mum and Sherry were in his mum’s car when we got there. They weren’t best pleased.” They’d followed us into Gray’s house, which was fair enough – it wasn’t my house, and I didn’t have any say. I’d kept quiet, doing what Luca needed me to because I didn’t want to make things worse if Sherry found out I was more than just the nanny. His mum’s staying with us for a few days. Sherry’s going back to Bristol or somewhere tomorrow morning – her car was left at the hotel.”
“Why’s she here?” Amelie gestured to Alys for another couple of bellinis.
I wasn’t going to say no.
“It seems like she’s had a row with her new boyfriend who had a go at her for not seeing her own son. When I left the house before, her and Grayson were having a huge argument about why she wanted to get involved with Luca now and she hadn’t been interested for the last five years. To be fair, his mother was sticking up for him.”
“Why’ve they come at the same time? Why’s his mother gone along with this? That’s insane!”
I shrugged. “I think Sherry had been making a big thing about it where they live and badmouthing Grayson, so his mum suggested she come here to sort it out. They didn’t give Gray the head’s up because they figured he’d go away for the weekend or something. It seems Sherry’s been pestering his mum since her new bloke’s clocked on to her being a bit of a you know, bitch, so this was a way of getting her to leave her alone.” It had been far too much drama for me. I’d quietly checked in with him and disappeared, leaving them to it. I’d also dropped him a message to say I’d be back around last orders.
“I kind of get it.” She sat back. “Poor guy. He’s done the right thing by Luca. Kids need consistency.”
Amelie had never mentioned much about her past. I knew a little about her time in London, knew she’d been in love with a boy she’d grown up with for a long time, and she’d come to Puffin Bay to give herself a fresh place to make memories. That boy was a married man now and he and Amelie were still friends. I also knew that Amelie hadn’t enjoyed the best of childhoods, with parents who were distant and cold. She’d been expected to marry the son of one of her father’s business partners when she’d turned eighteen, and when she’d refused, she’d had to leave her family with nothing. Those were the bones of what had come before Puffin Bay for her, and like she said, it didn’t matter about the journey as long as you got to where you were meant to be.
I understood that sentiment a lot.
“They do and Grayson does an amazing job with him. I know it’s tough – yesterday was the first time he’d spent his birthday not working and being made a fuss of.” Which broke my heart. Everyone deserved to be made a fuss of at least once a year, and it should be more.
Amelie nodded, glancing out of the window. “Gully’s here. He heard about Sherry.”
“He could probably turn her head right round if she saw him.” Even more so if Sherry realised who he was and the growing fame that surrounded him. “And I think most of Puffin Bay have heard about Sherry.”
The jungle drums around here were persistently loud.
“I think they have. It’s unfortunate that Mavis was having an evening walk when Sherry turned up.” She sipped at her bellini, drinking this one a little slower. “How do you feel about it all?”
Gully swung into the pub and appeared at our table as if he’d been summoned like he was a demon about to turn the world upside down.
“You asked my first question for me.” He sat down next to me. “I get this isn’t Grayson’s fault, but I still want to punch him.”
“No punching needed. Not at Gray anyway.” I did feel blue about this. “He hasn’t done anything wrong.” He really hadn’t, but I still felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
Gully tapped on the table, a rhythm I didn’t recognise. “He’s divorced. His kid’s mam hasn’t had anything to do with Luca since he was born, pretty much. Why’s she here?”
“Something’s gone wrong with the PT she was seeing. He’s got kids and she’s been playing mum with those and now he’s asked why she never sees her own child. It’s a fair question.” At least he’d seen some form of sense.
Gully nodded, processing. “Okay. So what she’ll want is for Gray to dig his heels in about not seeing Luca and then she can run back to her boyfriend and his big biceps and cry about how she’s not allowed to see her son.”
“Or she does want to see him. He’s a great kid and I have no idea how anyone wouldn’t want to be part of his life.” That was the bit that hurt the most. I agreed with Gully about Sherry’s motivations, and that kind of made it easier because she wasn’t going to regularly disrupt what Luca had going on here, but at the same time, this fleeting visit was going to hurt him. It would be another rejection.
I saw Gully and Amelie share a look. “What? Whatever you’ve just said without speaking, you need to share.”
Gully shrugged, pointing at Amelie, effectively throwing her under a bus.
“He’s worried you’re too involved. This is your first proper relationship, first boyfriend and you’re going to settle for less than you deserve. Note the word he. Not me. I do not share the same sentiment, sugar.” She pointed back at him.
I looked at Gully and shook my head. “You’re wrong. I’m not settling for the first man who’s showed me interest, Gulliver Holland. Lots of men showed interest and I turned them down because they weren’t enough. Gray is enough. I’m not saying he deserves me, or I deserve him, because this isn’t some battle or competition, but he’s enough.”
He sat back in his chair and watched me as if I was some recently discovered new specimen.
“Well, well, well. Little Clover’s fallen in love.” His smile was amused. “Check that out.”
“I’m not in love.” I shook my head a little too rigorously. “I really like him and Luca and we’re seeing where it goes.”
“Right.” Amelie emptied the last of her bellini down her neck, placing it firmly back down on the table. “I’m in agreement with Gully. You’re in love.”
“I am not.” The words sounded hollow even to me. “Maybe a little in love.”
“Does he feel the same?” Amelie asked. “Has he said anything like that?”
“He’s said things that make me think this isn’t something casual. I don’t think he would’ve let Luca find out if it wasn’t serious.” Which was true. There was no way Gray would’ve told Luca about us if it wasn’t more than something physical. Even at the point when we first started messing about in my bedroom, I knew that there was more to it on his part because of Luca. Grayson didn’t take risks.
“He wouldn’t.” Amelie shook her head. Her hair was tipped with a violet colour at the ends, a change from the pink she’d had on since Christmas. “That’s obvious. I know with Roman, even though his son’s an adult – although you wouldn’t think that when you see the state of the apartment – he’s always put Caleb first. He wouldn’t make a decision to do something that would adversely impact on him. Ever.”
“I know. Which is why I can’t get involved today.” I sipped the rest of my drink. “If I turn up there and start shouting the odds, it’ll make everything worse.”
“Correct.” Gully tapped the table again. “It will. So we’re going to hang out here. I’m going to write all the words because I have to get this book done before the end of the week because of your ridiculous timeframe -” he pointed at me with two fingers. “And I’m going to show you where we’re staying in Italy in ten days’ time. Tell me you’ve renewed your passport.”
“I’ve renewed my passport. I need to remind Gray that I’m going away though.” I had told him, but it had been a while ago. “I’ve sorted out before and after school stuff for him, and Gray has a week off with him anyway because it’s the Easter holidays.”
Gully nodded and smiled. “Excellent. We shall drink Italian wine and eat pasta every afternoon and I’ll smile at people in bookstores in the evening because I won’t understand a word of what they’re saying.”
“I thought you were going to learn some Italian?”
He laughed. “Yeah, so did I. Don’t ask how it went. The publisher’s providing a translator so we’re all good. Amelie, is your kitchen still serving breakfast?”
I headed back to Grayson’s house that evening, a text from him coming through to say it was safe and Sherry had gone back to her hotel. His mother was staying though, and was set up in the guest room. She wanted to meet me, which made me nervous. I hadn’t met in laws before. I hadn’t had in laws before – kind of in laws anyway.
It was a pretty evening, the days becoming a little longer. When the afternoon had been clear of rain, the sunsets were painted with soft pinks and yellows, Puffin Island clear on the horizon.
I loved this time of year. I loved every time of year here. Going to Italy would be fun and it was a place I’d always wanted to visit, but at the same time, it would mean time away from Grayson and Luca.
That was the bit I wasn’t looking forward to.
I was lost in thoughts of Italy and the sunset when a woman almost swerved off the road and onto the pavement, making me jump backwards into the unwelcoming arms of a holly bush.
The car stopped. The driver’s door opened. Sherry gracefully exited the vehicle, but her expression was anything but graceful.
“You’re the nanny I heard about.” She stopped on the pavement, about two feet away from me. “The one my husband is obsessing over.” She looked me up and down.
I stood up straighter, knowing I was ten years younger than she was and that probably bothered her. I also knew that even though I’d had the grand sum of one relationship, I was pretty, even without any optional add ons.
“Ex-husband. You were divorced after you cheated on him. I think we can call that a key fact.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t know, but a baby turns your life upside down and it’s difficult to feel yourself afterwards, especially when your husband is at work all the time.”
“I don’t doubt it was hard. I don’t know what things were like for you back then. But I do know that you don’t know me. You don’t know my town. You don’t know that we don’t drive like maniacs around here and we respect other people by not trying to run them over.” I took a deep cleansing breath, catching the scent of spring in the air. “Given how you’ve just behaved, I’d say that it’s a good thing Grayson and Luca don’t have anything to do with you, because you’re hardly the best example of how to be a nice person, given that stunt. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve somewhere to be.” Which was with her son and ex-husband, but saying that was just going to give her fuel to start shouting.
Sherry looked at me as if she wished she’d just run the car into me, but she turned around, got back into the vehicle and drove off, at a much more reasonable speed.
My speed getting back up to the house on the bridge wasn’t reasonable. By the time I was there, I was out of breath and remembering why I didn’t run much because it caused things like this.
I leaned against the door, surprised when it opened and I nearly fell through.
“What the -” Grayson almost had to catch me. “Have you been doing exercise?”
I nodded. “Kind of. Sherry’s left town.”
“I know.” He nodded, ushering me through the door. “She’s not coming back.”
I nodded, waiting to get some more oxygen in my lungs before I started to try words.
“Luca’s stayed up wanting to see you. He hasn’t spent any time with his mum, just said hi to her and she said a few nice words about how tall he is and how he looks like me.”
“He does.” I nodded, kicking off my shoes. “He looks nothing like her. What’s happened? Is she going to see him?”
Grayson shook his head. “No. I agreed to email her boyfriend to say that due to circumstances, we’d decided that Luca wouldn’t benefit from having sporadic contact with his mother, so she wasn’t expected to play a part in his life. I added another couple of bits which were slightly shitty and would make me look like a wanker, but I don’t care. I just want her out of the way. She isn’t good for my son.”
I nodded again, finally feeling like I wasn’t going to faint. Maybe I did need to exercise a bit more. “Where’s Luca?”
“In bed, reading a book. You want to go and see – him.”
I was already halfway up the stairs.
He was lying in bed with Moonshine next to him, reading a picture book out loud although a lot of the words were ones he was making up rather than reading them. Moonshine was pretending to look interested, but his attention whipped to me as soon as I walked in the room.
“Has Moonshine already practiced his reading?”
Luca giggled, one of the best sounds in the world. “Cats can’t read.”
“Have you told Moonshine that? I think you’ll very much offend him.” I sat down on the edge of the bed.
Luca shook his head, looking shy. “I was worried you wouldn’t come back.”
“Why did you think I wouldn’t come back? You’re here and your dad’s here and Moonshine’s here. Everything I love most in the world is here.” I stroked his head. Moony batted me with a big paw, wanting attention too.
“But my mummy came back.”
“I think she’s gone home now.” I looked at Grayson who was standing in the doorway watching us. “I don’t know if she’s coming back soon. Do you want her to?”
He shook his head vigorously. “No. I don’t want to go to her home. I want to stay here.” He looked at his duvet cover, a Thor one. “I want to stay here. With you and daddy and Moonshine.”
I glanced over at Gray who looked like his heart was breaking. Luca was now sobbing. I cuddled him close to my chest, the cat doing his thing and making biscuits next to us.
“You are staying here. This is your home. Your mummy’s gone back to her home and you’re staying here.” I hoped I was saying the right thing. I looked at Gray who nodded, his expression still grim.
“I don’t want her to be my mummy. I want you to be my mummy.” His little hand gripped onto my sweater and pulled at the material.
I had absolutely no idea how to respond. I thought for a moment: how would one of the characters in a book I’d read or edited respond to that.
An idea came.
“It doesn’t matter about what you call me, because my name is Clover anyway, but I look after you and I make you read your books for school and brush your teeth and eat your veggies. And I love you and care for you. We laugh together and we can cry together too. So you might not call me mummy or mum or mam round here, but that doesn’t make any difference. Even when you”re old and big like Caleb and you move away to go to college or join a circus, I’ll still tell you to eat your veggies and brush your teeth and give you hugs even when you’re standing with someone you want to impress.” I pressed kisses over him, making ridiculous noises that had him starting to laugh.
Mission accomplished.
“How about we go downstairs and have some hot milk?”
He sat up straighter. “With cinny-mon and honey?”
“With cinnamon and honey.”
The tears stopped, the chatter didn’t. We went to the kitchen and the three of us sat round the table talking about things that had nothing to do with the events of the day. I had no idea where his mother was or what else had happened, because the house had a feel to it that wasn’t peaceful.
“Why don’t we go to the beach tomorrow and take a picnic?” It was forecast to be a fine day, which I knew it would even without the forecast. There would be rain overnight but then tomorrow we’d have a fair day.
“With chips and fish and curry sauce?” That was one of Luca’s favourites.
“I was thinking sandwiches and sausage rolls, but we can get fish and chips if you like. You have to watch out for seagulls though.” I watched Luca sip at the milky drink. He was fighting sleep. “Finish that now and you can go to bed to sleep.”
“Can I have a story?”
I shook my head. “You had the story with Moonshine. This time you need to see what stories the sandman makes while you’re asleep.”
It was a couple of hours later when I was in bed with Grayson, my head on his chest, my body still pulsating from the three orgasms he’d enforced on me, when I suddenly realized something and asked where his mother was.
He laughed, but the sound wasn’t joyful. “You won’t believe it.”
“Try me.”
“My sister had a crisis. There was no internet so her eldest went wild and her husband’s away with work, so she pleaded with my mum to go home so she could help. Not sure how my mother could be any help, but she’s gone. I phoned her before after Sherry left and asked her to stop speaking to her, other than to be civil.” His fingers toyed with my hair. “I don’t know how well she’ll stick to that, but I think Sherry will keep her distance anyway.”
“She doesn’t want to see Luca?”
I felt the power of Grayson’s sigh. “I think she does, but she knows that she doesn’t want to see him regularly because she doesn’t want the commitment. Her boyfriend has his kids every other weekend, but she doesn’t see him much when he has them and basically, she feels left out. She came over because she wanted to talk to me and she wanted me to tell her boyfriend that I was the reason she didn’t see Luca, not her not wanting to.”
“So that’s what you’ve done?”
“Kind of. Not quite that. I’ll show you the email tomorrow.” His hand slipped lower onto my breast. “What you said to Luca was perfect.”
“Was it? I wasn’t sure.”
“It was. Thank you.”
I shrugged. “I meant what I said.” I remembered Italy. Gully and I had planned the trip out today; he’d checked with his publisher and confirmed the hotels. “I go to Italy in a few weeks.”
“With Gulliver.” There was tension in Grayson’s voice.
“With Gulliver. It’s work. Just the fact that I’m going has brought in so much work I’m having to turn it down or consider taking someone on.”
He shifted us around so we could make eye contact. “Really? It’s grown that quickly?”
“I spoke to your accountant last week about setting it up as a business in its own right. I don’t need to apply to publishers to join an in house team. This gives me more autonomy and I can choose what projects I want to work on.” I wasn’t allowing myself to get excited about it yet. I knew my old publishers were looking to expand their team and I’d had a couple of emails from my old boss, asking if I would be interested in coming back. I had a feeling they were also curious about whether I could attract Gully and a couple of other authors over to them, so I’d decided to just send them a cheery email back about how I was really well, thank you and nothing more.
“How long are you in Italy for?” It was a quick change of subject.
“Ten nights. Gully’s staying longer for some dinner but I didn’t want to hang around for that.”
“Why not? Wouldn’t it have been good networking?”
“You think I should stay for it rather than getting back here quickly?”
He kissed the side of my head. “You have to think about you sometimes, not just us, Clover. We’ll still be here when you get back.”
Italy was everything I thought it would be, as was Gully. He was the perfect entertainer for most of the time, and when he wasn’t entertaining, he was either writing or sleeping. I’d never known anyone who could fall asleep so easily. On trains, on a gondola going through Venice, in a car driven by someone who was obviously practicing for his first Formula One race. It wasn’t narcolepsy, Gully was fully intending to take a nap, but the speed at which he went from wide awake to fast asleep was worthy of a sainthood at some point.
I spoke to Grayson every night just before I went to sleep, and first thing in the morning. I sent photos of where I’d been for him to show Luca and collected enough souvenirs to take home that I’d probably need another suitcase. They sent photos of Moonshine, who’d decided he was going to sleep on Gray’s bed every night on my side, sometimes with his head on my pillow. We figured he was missing me.
I adored Italy. I had fun with Gully. But I missed my boys at home, and it had only been five months. I missed them hugely, as in would happily get on the next plane home to see them if that wouldn’t be so pathetic and needy.
“Too soon to be feeling like this.”
“What did you say?”
Gully looked over at me. He was taking a selfie stood in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa to send out to his followers on social media. Italy loved Gulliver Holland. It loved his books, his looks and his big personality, especially the women.
He’d had two one-night stands so far, and a brief two-day fling with his Italian publicist, who looked like she’d stepped off a catwalk. The black dog that’d been hanging around his shoulders after Ivy’s death had finally disappeared and he was now the Gully I remembered from when he’d first moved to Puffin Bay.
“I said it was too soon to be feeling like this.”
He frowned. “Did one of those girls send you a message or something? I did say it was just one night.”
I laughed, because that was such a typical Gully comment. “No. I was talking about me.”
“So how do you feel? Is this about me or Grayson? Because I completely understand either way. We’re both talented and ridiculously good looking.” He sat down on a bench, looking at the selfies he’d taken.
“It isn’t always about you.”
Gully laughed. “It really is. No, seriously, what’s it too soon to be feeling about what?”
“I think I’m in love with him.”
He put his phone down. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it? You seem really solid since all of that happened with his ex.”
“But I’ve only known him since the beginning of November.”
“Ruby and Finn were married in less time. I don’t think five months is too quick to feel like that about someone. Some people know straight away.” He pulled a protein bar out of his pocket, opened it and offered me some.
I shook my head. I’d rather eat cardboard.
“I know. But I don’t have anything to compare it to. And I don’t know if he feels the same.”
Gully chowed on the bar. “Have you told him how you feel?”
“No.”
“Men aren’t mind readers. Of course, I am, but then I’m a supremely talented individual in many ways.” He tapped at the bench. “I think however you feel is reciprocated. If it wasn’t, I’d have beaten him up by now.”
“We all know you’re a lover not a fighter.”
“Beaten him up with words. That’s the key thing. Words. Nothing that could get me arrested. That’s never a pleasant experience.” He checked his watch. “Nearly midday. Shall we go and have a closer look.” He pointed at the leaning tower.
“I thought you had to meet someone about now?” I frowned. I’d planned to spend from lunch time until this evening finishing off the last pass on Gully’s latest manuscript.
“I do. Come with me.” He stood up, his movements quick. “Twenty minutes. I promise you it’ll be worth it.”
I followed him grumbling and for the next ten minutes I watched him clown around, pointing at random features and making jokes about whatever was in front of us.
“Who are you meant to be meeting? Is this something you’ve dreamed up?” I poked at his chest.
He took a step back and smiled, folding his arms across his chest. Then he looked at something just behind me.
“There. Turn around.”
“You’re having me on, Gully -” I stopped speaking.
A tall broad man with browny-blonde hair and a little boy who was his mini me were walking towards me, holding hands.
Time stopped. I swallowed back tears and crouched down, opening my arms as Luca ran towards me.
I knew I had tears running down my cheeks when I picked Luca up, something he was becoming a bit too heavy for. Grayson was there now, pulling me in for a hug and a chaste kiss, everything staying very PG.
For now.
“You’re here.”
He nodded. “Gully helped us co-ordinate. We’re flying back all together after the gala.”
I opened my mouth a couple of times to speak but couldn’t find any words. “So Verona and Rome – you’ll be in both?”
He nodded. “We will be. And Florence tomorrow. All the rooms have been changed and Gully’s offered to have Luca for a couple of evenings so we can go out on our own.” He took Luca off me and set him on his feet. He ran at Gully and ended up on his shoulders, looking at the things that Gully was pointing to.
That left me alone with Grayson for a few seconds, standing in an Italian piazza with the Tower of Pisa behind us.
Possibly one of the best moments of my life.