Chapter 15 #2
Still feeling unfit for any kind of company, head still swimming, I stepped outside intending to go for a walk to Carrie’s possibly, pop in for a visit, maybe, or just go check out that market place by myself, but lost in my head as I was I didn’t realize where I’d taken myself until that familiar outcropping of rocks in the distance peeked beyond the trees.
The snow wasn’t really a problem with the pelt from Cy doubled up with the one from Kehl over my shoulders. Pelts meant mates, I reminded myself. We did way more than kiss, that’s for sure. I’m overthinking this way too much and it’s making me feel insecure.
A soft sniffling dragged me from my thoughts.
“Dace?”
Huddled behind a rock, Dace was barely visible but for the fluffy little balls of fluff attached to the corners of the beanie she’d just finished the other day.
“Oh- Hey- Were we supposed to meet up here? I didn’t know.” Swiping at her face, pretending she wasn’t splotchy faced from bawling her eyes out from the looks of it, she stood, forcing a fake smile, and faced me.
One look at the pleading look on her face and I knew not to ask.
Settling in my usual spot, I lifted my arm, opening my pelts up.
“No questions asked,” I assured her.
“Thanks.” Dace walked over but hesitated to make use of the offered corner of my doubled up pelts. “Those are only meant for mates,” she pointed out between soft sniffles.
“And I’m wearing it,” I kindly argued. Giving the end a flap, I waved it at her. “There’s no rule that says it can’t touch you if I’m comforting you.”
Plopping down beside me, Dace sat stiffly at first, until I gave another little blanket wave that made her laugh softly and she slumped down next to me.
“I’m a bad magnet,” she mumbled.
“I am pretty badass,” I agreed.
Dace laughed at that, then nudged me. “I mean men. Males. Whatever.” Before I could open my fat trap, she reminded me, “You said no questions.”
Crap. I did.
Eh— I had a suspect in mind already.
It started off as a hum, but then I ended up full on singing. I lost the beat completely when Dace started singing the “Sweater Song” along with me. It felt very appropriate, considering this unravelling feeling threading through both of our lives.
“I’m sorry I didn’t meet you to go to market. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.” Dace glanced my way then, an apologetic smile on her face.
“Not even me?” I asked.
Dace shook her head. “You make me think of Joanie sometimes, but nicer. I like it, but sometimes you worry me. I don’t want you getting into trouble for me. It’ll only make it harder for you. I’m a big girl. I’m used to it.”
“Believe me, no one can get me to do anything unless I’m good and damn ready.” I grinned at my snarky remark but Dace didn’t.
Trying again, I told her, “I finished translating that book, what that I could.”
“Really?” Dace perked up at that.
“You could douse your face in snow to freshen up and we could grab the papers, go see Doogie about the last bits we don’t have symbols for? You’ll be that much closer to giving it to… Rosa.”
My voice trailed off as Dace leaned forward and just mashed her face into a thick snow pile.
My jaw about hit the ground and sputtering sounds escaped me.
Jerking up, snow clinging to her face, Dace blindly asked, “How’s that? Better? Did it work?”
Whoa. Not quite what I’d meant. Dace was a bit too literal sometimes and it made her come off ditzy. She’d warned me of this. A sputtering laugh left me. “How does it feel?” I asked between muffled laughter.
“I don’t know what’s colder now, my face or my backside!” she squeaked out.
Helping her clean off her face, we stood and headed back to our shared hut for those papers.
Stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets, Dace absently began singing along to the soft hum as I continued my song. She was halfway through the song before I stopped humming and just joined in.
I couldn’t carry a tune quite the way Dace could but it felt good. Music was and probably always would be a stress release for me. What I wouldn’t give for the crank charge record player Elm had right now and a stack of vinyls to play on it.
The second we finished the song, Dace announced, “I knew that one!”
Considering how often she felt lost with pop culture, I smiled, happy for her.
“What else have you got?”
Dace thought about that for a moment and then gave a shrug. “I know a lot of country songs?”
“Thank you, Cy,” I muttered under my breath.
“Huh?”
“Kick it off, maestro.” My hand lifted and I waved her on.
With a shrug as we walked to Doogie’s, Dace launched into a string of country hits, ranging from Friends in Low Places, which I wholeheartedly sang along with her to, to Wide Open Spaces, which I couldn’t do justice and hummed along to as she softly belted it out beside me.
“That was kinda fun,” Dace announced as we reached Doogie’s door.
Doogie threw the door open before we could even knock. The screeching from inside, muffled behind the door, hit full volume as he poked his head out. Grabbing for Dace, he barked something in relief at Elle that had her calling out to Carrie. “Goot! Come! Help!”
“I- Whoa!” Dace yelped as she was yanked inside the house.
“She’s not a ragdoll,” I snapped as Doogie manhandled her.
The male froze and released her arm at my warning and quickly apologized.
“Awww. Poor thing. What’s wrong?” Dace was already rushing over to Carrie as Orrellie wailed her flushed little head off.
“I think she’s teething. She’s just so miserable.” Carrie’s eyes were red like she’d been crying along with her little one. They were all looking a little ragged and sleep deprived.
“Sing like Dace do for Doogie Orrie, you come see my Carrie?” Doogie’s voice was just shy of pleading.
Dace glanced around the room worriedly. “I don’t know that it’ll help but I can try.”
Knowing little ones can pick up on stress, I held my hands out in offering. “May I try while she sings?”
Carrie nodded and I walked over and took the wailing babe from her. Orrie had gotten used to me. She didn’t mind when I held her.
“What song should I sing?” Dace asked.
“Baby one. Carrie sing that one too. Try that one. Sing loud,” Elle suggested.
““Baby Mine”. It’s from Dumbo. I love that movie.” Dace nodded and rocked herself from side to side like she was holding an imaginary infant as she sang.
Getting Orrie settled on my chest, I hummed along and rocked her as Dace sang.
Doogie looked like he might cry himself as slowly, as we kept going, Orrie finally settled, then promptly passed the hell out.
“Do you want a nap too?” Dace asked as she finished the song on the fourth go ‘round.
“You wouldn’t mind?” Carrie blurted. Running a hand through her hair, she let out a huge yawn.
“Go. We’ve got it,” Dace urged them.
Doogie couldn’t get down the hall fast enough, making Carrie laugh quietly and Elle softly snort on their way.
Dace started singing again, but softer now. She stared at Orrie with such longing. My heart hurt for her. We’ve had plenty of conversations about the future. She always spoke of babies in hers.
Humming along again as she sang, I wondered if I’d ever get to experience this for myself.
Was it wishful thinking on my part? Was I just deluding myself? Was Dace?
Orie had herself a nice little nap and so did her parents. Not only did Doogie help us with the symbols we needed for Dace’s book translations but we were sent home with so much food in thanks we weren’t sure we’d be able to eat it all.
We got back late, no sign Kehl had stopped by. My note from him felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket.
Everything was so topsy turvy I had no idea which way was up anymore.
Yet another day concluded in Yetidom, and still nowhere near adjusted to this life that’s now mine.
My thoughts strayed to Elm and Cy and all the rest of the Trees. Any amount of time could have passed, the portal was so weird. They could all have lived long lives and passed on by now, the memory of me simply that.
Dace’s suggestion of seeking out another male made me so sick to my stomach for even thinking about it I had to hop up, rush outside, and lost my dinner.
Queasy, completely unsettled, shaky, I rinsed my mouth, assured Dace I was fine, and slipped back into my bed.
The awful thoughts plaguing me decided they wouldn’t give up.
The dawn greeted me, not a wink of sleep to be had after tossing and turning all night.
The rest of my days followed the same pattern, keep myself busy all day long until I drop, running around with Dace, assisting her in her insane quest to make people like her, running myself ragged and dragging my feet by the time we got back to our hut.
Some nights I slept, most I did not.
If Kehl was trying to seek me out, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it. Regardless, I still held onto a sliver of hope, and his note remained in my pocket, always, right there alongside my treasured polaroid and Cy’s ring.
He just needs time, I kept telling myself. Just a little more time.