Chapter 14 #2
I'd only seen him a few times, the young ladies mentioning how handsome he was in quiet whispers with their friends and mothers.
His looks were not missed by anyone of the female persuasion in town, nor I.
I'd turned my gaze to him on occasion, wanting to see the play of his hands on a hymnal or rubbing a horse's flank.
I watched as he lifted a sack of grain onto the back of a wagon in aid of an older gentleman and had been mesmerized by the muscles in his back.
Ben Worth was the only man in my entire twenty-three years who made me feel.
Something. I didn't know exactly what it was as it was foreign to me, but I liked it.
When Paul had seen my eyes turned Mr. Worth's way at a Christmas party, I quickly averted my gaze, ignoring the man and the feelings that went with him.
He could bring me nothing but trouble. I hadn't needed the repercussions that Paul meted out with demeaning and harsh words, so I put the man to the back of my mind.
Unfortunately, he did not stay there and as I saw him in town, always from a distance, my thoughts returned to him again and again.
Now, however, here he was, flesh and blood and a dimple in his cheek.
He was tall, easily a head taller than I, but I was quite small and there was no real way to avoid him.
At least with Mr. McNamara awaiting my response.
If I disagreed with him, I'd call him a liar in front of Mr. McNamara.
If I gave his lie truth, then I would have to.
..what? I did know that Mr. McNamara did not deserve any unintended interest from me.
I gave the eager Mr. McNamara a false smile. "I apologize, sir, but it must be the heat. Mr. Worth is correct. I had forgotten and he has been kind enough to approach me even as I'm sure he's quite hungry and the food half gone."
Mr. McNamara congenially shook Mr. Worth's hand. "Then I shouldn't keep you from your plans." He nodded to me then left.
The sounds of the congregation were muted, most busy eating on blankets beneath the large swath of shade. Children ran and played, some even venturing down toward the creek to splash.
"It appeared you needed rescuing from an overeager swain," Mr. Worth commented, watching the other man's retreat, then turning his gaze full bore onto me.
"Indeed. Thank you, Mr. Worth, for rescuing me, however you are not obliged to eat with me.
I assure you there are many a maiden who would vie for that attention.
" I folded my hands in front of me, offering him a placid smile all the while my insides were in complete turmoil.
He hadn't looked away from me yet and now his gaze became even more earnest, as if weighing my every word.
"I assure you, ma'am, that I know exactly where I wish to focus my attention."
I had to dissuade him, not wanting him near me. My palms were damp and I was afraid of him. Perhaps not in the way I'd been fearful of Paul, but there was something about Mr. Worth that had me edgy and nervous. Perhaps it was the strong jaw or how calm and confident he was.
"It is unfortunate then that I am not hungry as I ate earlier.
" I was ravenous, in fact, but he did not need to know that.
I had a meager selection at home to eat, although I had planned to take use of the church meal to extend it.
It was bandied about town that Paul and Leah Caruthers were well to do, and after Paul's death that I was a wealthy widow.
Our home was large, our clothes fine. I'd had money at one time that I'd inherited at my father's death and had been the only lure for Paul to marry me, but he'd bled that fortune dry, pouring money into a worthless mine.
Now, I was nearly destitute and a church pot luck provided ample sustenance.
It was ironic that my overzealous father had instituted the match, seeing only what Paul wished to show while courting, which was piety to my father's faith.
It had been a more devout interest in his fortune.
I'd shared my disinterest in the match, but my father had not listened and the union formed.
"Then sit with me as I eat. Surely you would like to sit for a spell." Between his gentle charm and good looks, he was very persuading.
Charlotte, who'd left me to see to her husband, came down the length of the table to stand beside me.
"Go, Leah and eat with Mr. Worth. You've been helping all morning without taking a moment for yourself.
No one will be coming for dessert until they've finished off all that fried chicken and pork chops.
" She glanced to Mr. Worth, then back to me with a very knowing smile.
I flushed as she caught me in my lie and the man was smart enough to see that.
"Ensure that she eats something, sir. I put her in your capable hands. "
She even had the gall to put her hand on my arm and give me a little nudge toward the end of the long tables.
Mr. Worth, while amusement showed in his eyes, had the courtesy not to grin.
He met me at the end of the table and held out his elbow.
I had no choice but to wrap my fingers around his very muscular biceps and let him lead me to the food.
He carried both of our plates while I held our glasses of lemonade to a blanket set away from the others. While no one could hear any conversation we might have, we were chaperoned by half the town.
"I am sorry about your husband's passing. I offer you my condolences at your loss," he murmured softly, picking up a chicken leg from his plate.
My spine stiffened at the mention of Paul. "Thank you," I said tersely, using my fork to spear a slice of pickle.
"You are not saddened by his death." His words were fact, not a question, so although I glanced at him briefly through my lashes, I did not feel he required a response. "You did not care for him."
I felt as if he were prodding me with his fork instead of the potato salad. "Care for him?" I asked, my voice incredulous. "Caring would not be a word associated with Paul."
He chewed, then swallowed. "No. No it wouldn't. He was a fucking bastard."
I gasped at his words, shocked at his crudeness.
"What?" he asked, unabashed. "It's the truth. You're too much of a lady to say it aloud, but it's true, isn't it?"
I glanced around, but no one paid us any attention.
"Admit it. I know you wish to utter it aloud."
I looked at him, saw the dare in his dark eyes.
"Yes," I whispered. Then I panicked, realizing what I'd done.
Mr. Worth had tricked me with false kindness.
The blood drained from my face at what he he would say next to me now that I'd admitted my feelings.
I covered my ears to block his words. He'd call me a cruel and miserable wife.
A unthankful shrew. An unbreedable bitch.
Worthless. "Oh," I exclaimed, moving to stand, but the long hem of my dress made it difficult in my haste.
"Wait, Leah." Mr. Worth grabbed my wrist and stopped my motions. I was up on my knees and I looked at him, all the while moving backward. "Jesus, sweetheart. I've said something to scare you."
"Please," I begged, my breath coming out in pants.
"Let me go." I was making a scene most assuredly.
I frantically glanced around, blinked at the tears that threatened.
"I didn't mean it and was mistaken in my words.
Surely you know my word has no value and I'm just a liar.
Place no value in what I said, or me." I yanked hard and he released me.
Pushing off the ground, I was able to rise and dash away, not before seeing the look of utter shock on his handsome face.
He was stunned. Regardless, I wouldn't look back to see it morph into anger, because men didn't want a woman to question them or to be ungrateful.