Chapter 15
I couldn't run, there were too many about and I would only draw attention to myself.
I smiled brittlely at those I passed and made it as far as the front of the church, where I slipped inside the quiet sanctuary unnoticed.
There I let the tears fall, the shame at being so weak willed, the constant worry I would say something to make a man turn from kind to enraged.
I slumped down into the last pew and crossed my arms about my waist, hugging myself.
"Leah."
I startled at the sound of my name and whipped my head around to see Mr. Worth in the doorway, the bright sunshine at his back. I started to rise, but he walked toward me, held his hand out in front of him. "Please, no. Sit."
His voice was quiet, his motions slow and relaxed.
I sat down on the hard pew. He stood in the center aisle next to me, forcing me to look up at him. "Slide over," he told me.
I'd earned whatever tongue lashing he gave me, but at least here we were alone.
No one would know the trouble I'd caused with him, the way I'd made him angry.
I moved so that he could sit beside me, the sides of our bodies touching from knee to hip to shoulder.
Pushing over again to create space some between us, he stilled my motions with a hand on my thigh.
I was too surprised at the touch to shift and glanced down at his large hand, the back of it sprinkled with dark hairs, resting upon my thigh.
I could feel the heat of it through the thin fabric of my dress, and the weight of it felt remarkably.
..safe. He didn't move, didn't look at me, just sat next to me, our breaths evening out into quiet.
"I'm sorry," he finally said, his voice low. Whether the tone was to keep me calm--which it most likely was--or because of the setting, I didn't know.
His apology had me tilting my head up to look at him. He'd removed his hat and I could see dark stubble on his jaw, as if he hadn't shaved.
I frowned. "I...I don't understand."
"I put you in a terrible position. You were devoted to your husband and I only spoke poorly of him. Of course you would take offense."
He was apologizing to me for speaking ill of Paul? "You think...I mean, you're not going to yell--" I couldn't get the words out, swallowed. "You confuse me," I admitted plainly.
"Paul yelled at you?"
I couldn't answer him for the same reasons as I ran off, worried that he'd be angry with my answer.
"I'll take your silence as confirmation." He swore under his breath. "I'm not going to yell at you, Leah. I'm not going to raise my voice and shout. I know the kind of man Paul was. Outside, I wasn't testing you or your loyalty to your dead husband."
I searched his face for the truth and I shook my head in denial. "No. You could be tricking me."
His eyebrows went up. "Trick you? Why would I trick you into admitting the truth?"
"So...so you can hurt me."
He stared at me for a moment. "Jesus," he hissed. His hand resting on my thigh tightened into a firm grip. "Did he beat you?"
Dark eyes raked over me, looking for signs of abuse, even after all these months. I had to ease his mind at least a little bit, for he seemed truly concerned. "No. He never hit me. He only--" I bit my lips together.
"He only what, sweetheart?" he prodded.
"He was verbally abusive and because of that I am fearful and cautious."
"Of men," he responded.
"Of everything," I countered with a weary sigh.
"I don't want you to be afraid of me." He turned my hand over and held it, palm to palm. His touch was gentle, yet secure, his hand so much larger than mine that it all but disappeared in his grasp. "I won't hurt you. Ever. You have my word."
I heard the vehemence in his tone, but that didn't keep me from wondering why his attention was focused on me.
"Why are you here? There are so many nice young women outside who would suit you."
"I know."
My stomach soured at his words and I tried to tug my hand free.
"I've found one that suits me just fine."
"Oh," I responded, hearing the disappointment in my voice.
Of course he'd find a woman to court, for he was all that I could imagine a man to be.
In all the hubbub and enjoyment of a Sunday potluck, he was sitting with me in the empty church.
He had no idea how attractive, how appealing he was, for he should be out there flaunting it.
No doubt women circled him like bees to honey.
"I should let you get to her then." I made to rise, but again, he held me in place with a simple squeeze of my hand.
"Leah, it's you. I want you."
My mouth fell open and I just stared at him for a long moment. "I'm sorry. What? Me?"
He smiled at me, at my shock, his dimple appearing. "Yes, you."
The man was crazy and I shook my head. "I'm worthless."
Ben moved his hands to my arms and turned my upper body so I had no choice but to face him.
"I never want to hear that from you again.
If you're speaking of yourself, then your bastard husband did a job on you that I'll take the rest of my life to fix.
If you're referring to your fortune, I'm well aware Paul gambled it all away, whether at the Poker table or on an unworkable mine.
" His eyes raked over my face, stilled on my lips for a moment, then lifted to mine again.
"Do you think I was interested in you for that? "
He looked angry with every tense line of his body, the firm grip of his arms. "You're angry with me." I licked my lips and he groaned.
Giving me a little shake, he said, "I'm not angry, I'm in love with you."
My eyes widened at his pronouncement.
"Love? How...we've never even talked before."
He released me and stood, paced back and forth along the center aisle, ran a hand through his hair.
"Do you think this is the first time I've taken notice of you?
I've watched you for months, ever since you moved to town.
I could see your marriage wasn't a love match, that you weren't happy.
Next to shooting the man, there was nothing I could do to end your marriage, but the sheriff does not call for vigilante justice. "
"You knew?" I asked, my voice incredulous.
He nodded. "I knew he was hurting you. Do you have any idea what it was like to watch you be so unhappy, knowing you were going home with him, so that he could hit you, yell at you, touch you?"
"I...I never knew," I sputtered.
"No, of course not! You were stuck in your own hell.
At the Christmas party when our eyes met, you actually looked at me, and I mean looked, I knew then that you would be mine.
But I saw Caruthers come up to you, admonish you for even glancing my way.
I couldn't risk your safety for my own personal gain. "
I frowned. His words were so overwhelming, so confusing. "What are you saying?"
He strode over to me, knelt down on the floor at my feet. He was so much larger than I that were were at at eye level. "I'm saying you're marrying me. Right now."
My heart beat so quickly it felt like a hummingbird in my chest. "Marry you?"
"Did Caruthers pleasure you? Don't answer that. I can tell by the look on your face the answer is no."
I could only nod.
"He took your virginity."
I nodded again and focused on Ben's gaze, not thinking back to that uncomfortable night.
"Do you know what I want to do to you? To show you?"
"No," I whispered.
"I want to show you what it's really supposed to be like between a man and his wife.
I want to strip you of this dress, to know that only I get to know what's beneath.
I want to taste your skin and see if it's as sweet as I think.
I want to know the size of your nipples, their color, the weight of your breasts.
I want to spread your soft thighs and lick and taste your pussy.
I want to put my cock deep inside you, to feel you clench me tight. "
I couldn't help but make a soft sound at the back of my throat at the thoughts his words elicited.
"Would you like that?"
I searched his face, hunting for any hint of retribution.
"Yes, I'd like that, but Paul married me because he wanted my money. I don't want you marrying me for my body. You could bed a woman at the saloon any time you wished."
"Yes, that's probably true, but I'm not offering any of them marriage.
" He shook his head, an imploring look in his eyes.
"We're part of a whole, you and me. You've felt the link.
You know it's real. When we fuck, it won't just be for pleasure.
I want to possess you, just as you already possess me.
Let me show you." When I stalled, thinking, considering his words, he pushed his advantage.
"The truth, Leah. I've shared my love. Give me the gift of the truth. Do you want me?"
"Yes." My voice was clear and confident, bolstered by him.
He'd been vulnerable when he'd told me of his love, for I could easily have thrown it back in his face like a bouquet of unwanted flowers.
Instead, it was the most precious thing anyone had given me and I relished it, felt the walls around my heart crumble.
He didn't have to profess his love to bed a woman.
Couples married for less, and I was certainly one to know this.
He grinned. "When I say I want my cock deep inside you, I don't just mean your pussy." At my silence, he added, "Do you want to know more?"
I licked my lips with the first hints of anticipation I'd ever felt. I wanted Mr. Worth to do everything he spoke of, even the things I didn't understand. "Yes," I whispered.
He ran a hand down the side of my face in a gentle caress. "Then we better get Reverend Pick."