Chapter 18
eighteen
Coming home to see my boys cooking dinner together is a dream I hope I never wake up from.
Standing in the doorway silently, I watch my son smiling over at Beckett.
They’re talking easily back and forth about Jaxon’s graduation, which is less than a month away now.
The idea that my baby boy is nearly an adult hits me in waves a few times a week.
I’m so incredibly proud of him, and I hope he feels the same way about me.
I’ve done everything I can to give him the best chance at a future I possibly could, something far from what he would’ve endured if I had stayed.
“Mom, you’re being creepy, and this beautiful dinner I made is getting cold with you just standing there.” Jaxon says, and I snort out a laugh.
“You made dinner? I think I’ll order takeout then.” I smirk, and he rolls his eyes.
“Well, Beckett helped. A little.” He corrects and Beck grins widely.
This all feels so very domestic. Anxiety creeps in on me the way it always does when things feel too easy.
Like I’m waiting for the downfall of everything good.
Because that’s what I deserve, the pain and difficulty and imperfection.
I stop my mind before the spiral takes over, taking a deep breath and bringing myself back to this place.
That’s a lie. That isn’t what I deserve.
That isn’t real, it’s just a thought moving through me.
And it will leave the same way it came. I deserve to live a life I don’t feel the need to run from, one that calms my nervous system instead of igniting it.
Beck stands next to me when I open my eyes, always ready to ease my fears.
But this time, I didn’t need him to. And the smile on his face shows the pride he feels knowing I calmed myself.
Jaxon stands next to the table with two plates in his hands, waiting for the fallout that never comes.
This is the version of his mother that he deserves.
And I will do everything I can to give that to him.
“Let’s eat!” I say, sitting down across from Jax as he sets a plate in front of me with a smile.
Dinner conversation moves easily around us, as if we’ve always been a family. For a moment, only just a moment, I let myself believe life could be like this forever. We could really be this family. And who says we can’t?
When we’re done, Jax takes his sketchbook outside and drops into a lounge chair where he can see the sun setting behind the estate. I have to admit, it’s beautiful out here. If I had a choice, I’d never leave.
“I have a proposition for you, Will,” Beckett says, drawing my attention from my son.
“Oh? A sexy one?” I smirk, raising an eyebrow at him. He gives me a salacious grin but shakes his head.
“Not this time, pretty girl. Well... not right this minute at least. I think we should take a long weekend and get out of town. I know the sky is metaphorically falling around us, but I think you deserve a break. And there’s something I’d like to show you, if you’ll let me.
” He suggests, and I think it over. The last thing I should be doing right now is taking a mini vacation, but he’s piqued my interest with the idea that he wants to show me something.
“Where would we go?” I ask, and he just smiles.
“I think I want that to be a surprise too. But we’d need to leave tonight. Like… in the next hour.” He says, and my stomach drops.
“An hour?! I don’t even know what to pack! I didn’t even agree to this, and you already have a plan?” My voice is shrill and panicked. “What about Jaxon? Is he ready to go already?”
“I offered. He said he’d rather stay behind. But he already talked to Breaker, and they’re expecting him there before we take off.” Beck replies. I’m not sure how I feel about him making plans for us, but a part of me finds it desperately romantic.
“I hate to leave him…” my eyes find my boy, but he’s just smiling back at me through the back window. He makes a motion shooing me away, and it’s obvious he’s in on this little plan.
“I think he wants us to get lost. Probably planning a giant kegger or whatever kids do these days. Are keggers still a thing?” Beck says, standing and offering me his hand.
“Jax isn’t the kegger type. I’d make sure to hide your car keys before we go though,” I say, walking towards my room with a little extra sway in my hips. His eyes are glued to my ass until what I said finally sinks in and his eyes snap to mine. “ALL of your car keys!”
Laughing as I throw a few comfortable options in a duffle bag, grabbing my phone charger, my e-reader, and my small bag of bathroom essentials. Last time I packed this fast, I was running from the only life I’d ever known. Now, for once, it feels like I’m finally running towards something.
Within the hour, I’m walking towards Beck’s hangar. His helicopter hums outside the building, and my heart clenches. My steps are unsure, knowing I’ve never been on a commercial plane before, much less a private helicopter. I trust Beckett with my life, but that does nothing to ease my anxiety.
What if this helicopter crashes?
What if we die in a fiery crash and I leave my son alone in this world?
What if I die and never get to spend the rest of my life loving Beck the way I want to?
“I won’t kill us, Willow.” Beck’s voice echoes through the vast space. He’s a fucking mind-reader, I swear.
“I know you wouldn’t. Not on purpose.” I say, tossing him my bag and walking to the passenger side of the helicopter.
“I’ve flown hundreds of missions in much more dangerous territory than this, honey. I can maintain a straight line, I promise. We’ll be in the air for less than an hour.” He speaks with so much confidence, I can’t argue.
Stepping up into the passenger seat, anxiety buzzes through my bloodstream.
He leans across me, pulling the harness across my shoulders and clipping the belt in place.
The heat of his body brushing against mine, the smell of his cologne, everything about this man intoxicates me.
I breathe deeply, letting his energy calm me.
He tightens the straps, and they squeeze my waist snugly, the center strap jolting against my core in a way that shouldn’t feel erotic.
“Safe as you can possibly be, baby.” He winks, shooting me the sexiest smirk I’ve ever seen.
“Get in the fucking helicopter. I don’t want to think about fucking you while we’re three thousand feet in the air, Beckett.” I roll my eyes, knowing damn well that’s a lie.
“That seems to be all I ever think about when you’re breathing the same oxygen as I am, Will.
” He says, sliding into the cockpit with ease.
He’s done this hundreds of times. He seems even more relaxed here than he does behind the wheel of his car.
That relieves some of the anxiety twisting in my gut.
“You gonna tell me where we’re going?” I say, forcing a smile on my face.
“Just enjoy the ride.” He says, running through his pre-flight checklist and flipping half a dozen switches before the blades whir to life.
The sound is deafening, the heavy thrum of the rotor blades pushing and pulling air around us as he slides his door closed.
He points at a pair of headphones hanging next to me as he puts on a similar pair.
Some of the noise quiets, and his voice crackles through the headphones.
“You’re the most precious cargo I’ve ever transported. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe with me, Will.” He winks over at me again, and I melt into a puddle in my seat. If I wasn’t already so fucking in love with this man, that would do it.
“Tower, this is Bravo Hotel-” before he can finish his sexy pilot talk, somebody cuts through the radio.
“Helo, that you?” The feminine voice says, and Beckett just laughs.
“Indy, how did I know it would be you on tonight?” He says with a smile, checking a few more gauges.
“It’s your lucky night, baby. Bravo Hotel Echo-Echo Charlie Tango, your flight path is clear.
You are go for takeoff.” She says, and jealousy boils under my skin.
The way she speaks to him, so comfortably as if they had an entire friendship before he met me, makes my skin crawl.
I don’t want him to ever be that comfortable with anyone but me.
I’m fully aware of how insane that sounds, but I can’t help it.
The way I would shed blood for this man is literally insane.
“Thanks, Indy. Tower, Bravo Hotel set, over and out.” He says, flipping a final switch before pulling back on the controls as the aircraft lurches into motion. My body tenses, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Friend of yours?” I ask, trying to distract myself.
“India? Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.” He says, smirking over at me as he glides the helicopter higher and higher, the tops of the trees disappearing beneath us. The hangar lights twinkle in the distance, becoming smaller and smaller the higher we climb.
“What way? I’m not thinking any way. Having friends is just…super.” My voice is strained and flat. I give him a weak thumbs up as I grip the straps of my harness.
“Jealousy looks so beautiful on you, pretty girl. But it’s highly unnecessary. I would hope that you’d know that by now,” he glances at me before pulling the helicopter in a wide circle and heading southwest of Charleston.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say, looking out the passenger window. The sun is nearly disappearing at the edge of the sky, and the minimal light casted across the landscape is one of the most eerily beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
“Don’t lie to me. I can see it all over you, Willow.
You don’t want another woman feeling so comfortable and friendly with me?
I understand the feeling. Breaker is one of my best friends in this world, and seeing him hug you the other day made me want to rip his arms off for touching what’s mine,” he says without taking his eyes off of the sky in front of us.