12. Dillon
TWELVE
DILLON
Trust is a hard thing. Having a stranger from another club pick me up at a random airport so I can get to a place called Crest, Florida for my son makes it practically impossible, even though necessary. Left with little choice, I’ll deal until I get to my family. After that, all bets are off with the Son’s unless Tripp says we have an alliance with them. The prospect named Tubs got us from the airport and then we met Stone, President of the Sinister Sons MC. The man is cold, but then again, that’s been said about me before. I know Busted gave him some shit about Emmalee, therefore it’s rather surprising he is backing us. My focus is on my son and Maritza therefore I didn’t give a shit to ask for details of their pissing match. I don’t give a fuck who busted whose balls and who Emmalee decides to lay with. That shit is not my concern right now.
Hollis.
Maritza.
Dia.
That is my only concern.
I know Busted has claimed Emmalee. For that reason I’ll add her to the list of focus. Anyone else around me falls into one of two categories, a means to an end or nothing. Either it’s a way closer to the people I love or no need to exist in my world.
The ride feels likes forever as Stone gives us a briefing. Apparently, Anna is dead, my son is okay, and Maritza is in need of medical attention, but won’t allow it because she is worried about Hollis. It’s all a blur as we pull up.
Knowing Dia is off with Emmalee, I’m torn between being with Maritza and Hollis or taking Busted’s back to save Dia and Emmalee. I know Maritza is stable and both her and my son are safe with the Sinister Sons. Dia and Emmalee are anything but safe. Busted tells me to be with my son, so he leaves with Stone and the Sinister Sons MC. It kills me not to ride in with him, but I need to be with my son. They had another charter come in to help Stone’s brother who stayed behind when O’Leary took Dia and Emmalee away. He called in their doc to help Maritza and has stayed with her and my son.
How did shit get so twisted?
Why in the world did Anna do all of this?
How did Maritza get involved?
I have so many questions and no answers.
The dive motel is nothing to brag about. I’ve stayed in worse, but it’s not a place I want my son at.
Rushing in, I don’t bother taking in the people or the place. I see Maritza laying on a bed with Hollis at her side. My heart shatters into a million pieces seeing her laying in her own blood. In what looks like excruciating pain, my son is still her priority, and I’ve never loved someone in a single moment so much. She has tucked him against her and holds him close while a man who I assume is their doctor injects something into the IV they have started in her arm. I knew she was strong, but this is a different level.
“This is just an antibiotic,” he informs. “We don’t know where the bullet is. I don’t know if there is bowel damage and internal sepsis. We really need to get in there, Ms. Castillo.”
“I understand the risks. Do not put me to sleep. Not until his dad is here or Dia comes back. Hollis will not be with strangers,” Maritza explains through gritted teeth. “Please, do not put me under without him having someone here he knows. Do what you can while I’m awake.”
“Zizi,” Hollis whimpers pressing closer. She squeezes her eyes tight probably from pain.
“Keep your eyes closed, buddy. I am gonna be a okay. You have seen more than you ever needed to before you’re even a teen.”
At ten, he’s gone through more than any kid I’ve ever known to watch his mother die. How will I ever get him through this?
“Zizi,” I manage to mutter stepping into her line of sight.
Her face softens, her body visibly relaxes.
“Okay buddy, you can open your eyes, your dad is here.” She kisses the top of his head before he sits up and then jumps off the bed rushing to me.
Her face pales as she looks to the doctor. With Hollis in my arms, she smiles, “okay, do what you need to.”
“No,” Hollis yells leaving me and going back to Maritza. “Zizi, you can’t go to sleep. You can’t leave me.”
It’s only then I glance to my right and see the blood pooled on the carpet. What has my son endured? How can I help him get through this? My mind races as the emotions overwhelm me. Hunter stands beside the puddle smoking a cigarette and watching me. I can’t help but wonder where is Anna’s body? Stone said she was dead. I’m thankful it’s not right here reminding Hollis of what has happened, but damn, that was fast.
“Buddy, it’s okay.” Maritza consoles, “You know how you see the Hellions always takin’ care of each other. Well, this man is a friend of the Hellions. He’s gonna take good care of me. Just gotta get me closed up that’s all. I need you to go with your dad.”
“I love you, Zizi,” Hollis says with tears. “Thank you for coming to get me. I’m sorry you hurt.” He hiccups out a sob.
Tears begin to fall down her face. “I love you more than anything, Hollis.”
She looks to me. She is beautiful even in her pain. No one can ever love my son the way she does.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you, Maritza.”
The words aren’t difficult to say. I feel them on so many levels. This woman is the strongest, most stubborn, and absolutely stunning person I’ve ever been around.
She smiles with tears still falling down her face. “He’s seen more than he needs to. Take him out.”
I nod. She’s right but damn I don’t want to leave her.
“Call my sister, she can loop in my parents. Tell her it was kiwi. She will know what that means and it explains why I left. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Dillon.”
I fight back the lump in my throat. “No apologies. You did what you felt right for Hollis. Never apologize for putting him first.”
The doctor looks at me. “She’s lost quite a bit of blood. If you two don’t mind, I’d like to put her under and do my job.”
“Dillon, he needs to eat. I don’t know the last time he ate. And a shower, he probably needs to shower. Go do that and I’ll be waiting to see you when you finish.” Maritza grits her teeth as the pain is overwhelming her.
“Are you sure, Zizi?” Hollis asks.
She nods, “yeah buddy, and I’m gonna be hungry too. See if you can find me a place with the specialty noodles, I like and the boba tea we love.”
Hollis studies her. “You’re gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, but I’m gonna be hungry and thirsty.”
He nods, “okay,” looks to me, “come on dad, we gotta go get Udon noodles and boba for Zizi when she gets patched up.”
Kids are resilient. How bad will all of this impact him long term though?
Again, my mind races with so many thoughts and I can’t seem to find my center. Reluctantly, I leave Maritza to get my son out of the atmosphere. I don’t know the kind of pull the Son’s have, but they have kept the cops away. Honestly, I don’t have the energy to ask questions.
Once we are outside, I take a deep breath. “Gotta make a call, Hollis,” I explain before clicking the contact and lift the phone to my ear.
“Update me now!” Ruby yells into the phone.
“She’s stable. They have a doc with her to remove the bullet now. I don’t know details of what went down yet.”
“And Hollis?” Ruby asks calming down a little bit.
“He’s with me and fine. Your daughter is an amazing woman, Ruby. She wouldn’t let anyone near him and kept him with her until my arrival.”
“Dia?” he asks, and I hate that I don’t have an answer.
“Honestly, don’t know. Busted is on the way to address that.”
“Take care of your son. We’ll see you in a few hours. Keep me apprised of my daughter, Karma.”
“Yes sir. Let Mariella know something about kiwi. Maritza said it will explain everything if you tell Mariella that.”
Sure, I was supposed to call Mariella and not her dad, but as a parent, I wouldn’t want to be told by another kid of mine. Out of respect for who Ruby is I called him direct.
I look to my son and pull him close to my side for a moment. Hunter walks out of the room and over to me before I can sort out a ride.
“Karma,” he calls out and I give him a chin lift. “Wasn’t sure who was who exactly, so I was takin’ a guess. I’ll give you the quick brief and then you can be on your way. Anna’s car is just up the road, walking distance away. Here are the keys,” he extends his hand with them for me to take. “Once Doc gets the bullet out and Maritza stitched up, we’ll use our van to move her to the clubhouse. We can set y’all up in a room for her to be under Doc’s care until it’s safe for her to travel. Stone put in a call; we bought the Oasis on a cash sale. It will ward off some questions. It will also allow your club a place to stay since the calvary is riding in.”
I don’t say anything just listen. He’s right though, the club is on the way down and not just Haywood’s Landing.
“Eventually, the women and your kid will have to make a formal statement with the cops, but we have them on payroll. We’ll control as much of it as we can on our side.”
I nod. I want to be mad that he didn’t rush in to stop O’Leary from taking Dia and Emmalee. But I’ve also been in military situations where even though the danger was high, patience prevailed. This was a situation where the long game was more important than the short. If he had rushed in outnumbered, everyone could be dead including my son.
I’m on edge worried about Maritza, but I have to trust these people because my options are limited.
Tossing a hand up to dismiss Hunter, I take my attention back to Hollis. “Wanna get something to eat?” I ask my son walking in the direction of the laundromat where Anna’s car is.
“Not really, but we gotta get Maritza what she asked for,” he replies, “Hey, dad?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t want to get mom’s car. I don’t want to leave Zizi. Can we sit here and wait? When she’s okay we can get her noodles and tea real fast.”
I pull him to my side giving him a squeeze. “You betcha. In fact, I’ll use one of those apps and get the shit delivered to us. That way we have it for her, but don’t need to leave.”
We go to a bench in the pool area not far from her room. “What can I do for you Hollis? This is a lot to take in.”
He looks to the sky like he’s trying to put his thoughts together. “I don’t understand why mom did it.”
“Neither do I.” I give him the truth. I know I’ve been given the quick version of Anna owing money to someone and being roped into making contact with Emmalee Van Etten because she was the key to getting the millions back that her dad stole from Patrick O’Leary. The world I live in, I understand the players like O’Leary and the lengths they will go to in order to recover what belongs to them.
“I should have called you. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put Zizi in this. It’s my fault she is hurt.” He hangs his head down.
It’s my turn to look to the sky for some unknown answer. “None of this is your fault, Hollis. I’ll spend the rest of my days doing anything for you to know that. As for not calling me. I understand it. I get that you were worried about your mom getting into trouble. None of us could have predicted what she was into.”
“You’re not mad?”
I shake my head. “No son, I’m not mad. What I will say is trust is important. As a man, people have to being about to believe in you. Secrets can’t exist in the same space as trust. When Zizi gave you the code, I knew about it. She told me it was a thing for you. I am sure neither of you ever expected it to be used for this. It came about from your first sleepover.”
“I shouldn’t have used it?”
Sighing, I try to explain, “You were right to use it. You needed a safe place, and she is always it. Do not for one second doubt your decision. The bad things that have happened aren’t on you. Adults do dumb shit, and some adults have made some very bad decisions. That has trickled down to you. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.”
Home feels completely different.
Anna is gone.
There is something about young love that keeps a hold. We weren’t mature enough for all we went through. I wasn’t man enough to see she needed more from me than I gave. She suffered long before things fell apart. Her life unraveled in unimaginable ways. I didn’t even know she had a drug problem until it was too late. I knew she drank frequently, but I thought it was a release, not that she used drugs to cope. Something I didn’t understand until now is mental health. We never talked about it. Watching my son go through this trauma I have learned a lot and Anna had some serious mental health struggles. Her detachment early on with Hollis probably stemmed from something called postpartum depression. Left undiagnosed, and therefore untreated, the hormone waves of insecurity manifested into something more.
I wish I had seen it clearly. I wish I had stopped to get her help. I failed Anna. I failed the mother of my child. It’s something I am trying to come to terms with.
Healing is a journey. I never thought about it until watching Hollis process this loss. We have been home about two weeks from Florida. While part of me wished we could have stayed in the bubble of Florida, me, Hollis, and Maritza, there were things we needed to face back home. I managed to put together a small memorial service for Anna. The only people to come from Iowa were my cousins, Aunt and Uncle. No one in her family bothered to come even after I sent my family to personally give them the update. These people never gave her real love, or my son. It’s their loss to not have a relationship with Hollis. But for Anna, I hurt. The only family she ever experienced was the one we built. Yet, the trauma from her youth never gave way to allow her to embrace the love I tried to give her. I hope now, she is at peace. Her urn awaits Hollis to be older. Then he can decide if he wants to put them in a mausoleum or spread them somewhere.
Maritza found a therapist for Hollis, and it’s been helpful. Never in a million years did I see this as my future. I feel responsible. The weight of guilt weighs heavy on me.
If I hadn’t asked her to come with me, maybe she could have found happiness with someone back home. She wasn’t meant for this life, and I wasn’t meant to be tied down to small town Iowa. My cousins were right, all of them, we weren’t ready. It will forever be on me that she lost herself in following my dreams, my goals, and my aspirations.
Back then, I had a narrow-minded thought process. It all seemed simple, cut and dry. Life, growing up, being married, having kids, there is nothing simple about any of it. I did this to her. She got tied up looking for an escape and got hooked on the wrong shit with the wrong people. Some debts can only be paid in blood. She has paid hers and the pain she felt each, and every day is gone. Doesn’t mean my son feels the loss any less.
That will forever be on me.
I sit on my back porch inhaling the salt of the ocean air. Far from where I came from, this is home. I never would have been happy in Iowa, and she never would have been happy here. I don’t regret my love and time with her, I have Hollis and my life here in coastal NC. While I’m grateful for it all, I wish it could have ended differently.
Fall is settling in, and the evening is cool as the sun closes out the day. The sliding glass door of my trailer opens, Maritza emerges. I pat the seat beside me, and she obliges my request.
“Hollis, he’s in the shower.”
I nod as she takes a seat beside me with her mug of evening tea.
“What’s on your mind?” Maritza inquires of me.
I sigh. “A little of this, a little of that.”
“If you wanna share, I’m here. Maybe I was out of it from pain, delusional on meds, but there are things from Florida, I dreamed you said, I suppose. There are things for Hollis that we need to sort too. I don’t know how we figure this out for him.”
I can’t help the half smile that forms. This is Maritza, laying shit out. Another thing I love about her, she wants me to open up.
“Not sure we need to let things get heavy, Zizi.”
She gives me a look from over her mug. “I think shit has been heavy with us for a very long time, Dillon. I think watching your ex-wife die while worrying over your son made things more than heavy between us.”
“The way you are with my son,” I pause and take a pull of my beer, “I’ll never be able to say thank you enough.”
“He’s very special and an important part of my life,” she tells me what I already know.
“Actions, Zizi, they matter. It’s not just Hollis. Even Anna. You gave her support in ways I never could.”
She takes a sip of her tea.
“I loved her once. Or I thought I did. The younger me, the untainted me, had love for her.”
Maritza nods. It’s funny how most people push for more. Maritza never has. She always allows me the freedom to say as little or as much as I care to share. Never pushing for more.
I want more.
So much more.
Is she ready for that?