Chapter 4
4
Flopping into the overstuffed office chair, I snag the freshly opened water bottle in Grayson’s hand and take a sip. Sending me a quick glare, he grabs a new one while we wait for the rest of our team to join.
Unlike the first night spent in my bed, I had a fitful night's sleep. I had a few glasses of whiskey, but nothing more than normal. For someone who doesn’t usually dream, last night, I was haunted by an implacable floral scent and visions of myself chasing a fairy through the forest. I’ll have to ask Lainey to remind me what site she uses to look up dream meanings.
My attention is pinged when a name I have been trying to forget is mentioned between Declan and our tour manager.
“What did you say?” I ask, joining the conversation.
“We offered Ellie a job on the tour,” Dec replies.
“You did?”
“Yeah,” Declan says, taking a swig of his water .
“She wasn’t sure what she wanted her next step to be. I thought working on the tour would buy her some time. Shonda has been asking for help. Plus, the amount of trouble Lainey could get in on her own is downright terrifying. Hopefully, Ellie’s presence will even her out.”
He’s not wrong there. Lainey may be our sweet baby sister, but she is also the queen of mischief. I wouldn’t put it past her to run off with one of our openers on a whim and start a new life in Wyoming.
“Smart, those two have always been yin and yang. I was always surprised at how quiet little Ellie got on with Lainey.”
“Every introvert needs an emotional support extrovert, I suppose,” Grayson muses. “Except Dec.”
“I’m not an introvert.”
“You hardly ever speak,” I note.
“I speak when I have something to say. Excuse me for not jabbering constantly and to fill silence like you two.”
“We do not jabber,” Grayson gasps in mock offense.
“Everything we say is of pertinent conversational value,” I agree. “You just don’t want to ruin your rep as the stoic mysterious one. Gray and I both know it’s because what’s really running through your head is the Twilight fanfic scenarios. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with us. We’ll cover your perversion with our ‘jabber.’”
“Personally, I would love to hear about your why choose vampire-werewolf romance,” Grayson adds.
“You two are exhausting.” Declan pinches the bridge of his nose while Gray and I high-five.
He is right, though. My inability to sit in silence is the lie I am telling myself that I swing the conversation back to Ellie. There is no other reason I'm asking about the blonde who hasn’t vanished from my thoughts since seeing her again last night.
“Did Ellie say she was going to come on the tour?”
“I don’t know yet. She’s going to talk it over with Lainey, I think. But based on how stressed she sounded about not having a job lined up, I’d say it’s a safe bet. You remember how her dad was. I’m sure he’s all over her about it.”
I don’t remember much about Ellie’s dad except that he was a bad husband and a giant kiss ass. He works in the industry, but I’ve never crossed paths with him. He can’t be that bad if his daughter turned out as great as Ellie, but what do I know?
A weight I didn't realize was sitting my chest lifts at the prospect of Ellie coming on tour. I tell myself it’s for Lainey’s sake. I don’t acknowledge the small part of me that was hoping to see her again, soon. She’s Lainey’s best friend. Nothing could ever happen between us. But I don’t hate the idea of getting to know her again as an adult and not the gangly teen I remembered.
“If we are done talking about your pet project, can we begin the meeting?” Eliza, our PR manager, snips in annoyance. She’s not my favorite person in the world, but she has done an amazing job keeping our image clean. Not that we have a bunch of skeletons in our closet. But when you reach our level of notoriety, there is constantly someone coming out of the woodwork with some crazy story or request. Eliza’s a shark, and that is what we have needed.
Declan and Grayson both bristle at her tone of choice words. When none of us reply, she jumps straight into her agenda. “You have thirty shows left on this tour. I know we’ve discussed you all taking some time off once it is over, but we need to discuss what that means. We need to be prepared for the breakup rumors when Declan’s solo EP is announced.”
“We’re a family, surely people won’t think we ended the band simply because Dec decided to do his own thing for a while. The only reason we aren’t doing it together is because it is a different sound and we have our own projects we want to pursue,” Gray justifies.
Speak for yourself there, buddy. I can’t say I’m not somewhat worried that this time off will end up being more permanent than everyone is saying—intentionally or not. We’ve been in such a groove since our career started, none of us have considered doing anything alone until now. I haven’t at least.
“You’d be surprised,” Eliza states. “With two other big groups ending their partnerships this year, there will be talk. Have you officially signed on with the show?”
“The final contract should be sent over this week,” my older brother confirms.
“What about you, Jack?” she asks, directing her attention to me.
Shit. That is never good. I try to fly under her radar as much as I can. When she’s talking to me it is usually because I’ve taken a joke too far or I’m in trouble for a stunt I pulled with the press. “What about me?”
“What do you plan to do next?”
That’s the million dollar question. I have no clue. We’re only planning to take a year off before we write the next album. That gives Declan enough time to record his EP and do a mini-tour while Grayson serves as a judge on Singing Sensation , a music competition show.
Unlike my ambitious brothers, I have no plans. I have no idea how I will fill the twelve months we take off. Typically even if we aren’t recording or touring, I spend most of my time with them. With Declan on tour and Grayson in LA I’m not sure what I’ll do. Maybe I can convince Lainey or Bryce to move in.
“Chill?” My answer comes out more question than statement.
“Chill?” Eliza echoes. “We can’t tell the press you’re ‘chilling,’ Jack.”
“Why not?”
“They’ll assume the band isn’t together because there is something wrong with you . If your brothers both have other projects, people will think you had some issues and wanted to stop working. I suppose we could say you are working on yourself, but that will make people think you have a drinking or mental health problem.”
Yeah, I don’t want that. Neither are true, but I’m not sure telling the world I’m aimless is much better. The thing is, I am already doing what I love. Being in a band with my brother’s is all I’ve ever wanted and all I’ve ever known.
I don’t have any songs eating away at me for release and I have no desire to judge a reality show. I don’t have many hobbies, either. We’ve had a grueling recording schedule or been on tour since our show ended eight years ago. There wasn’t time to explore many interests outside of that.
Eliza ponders the possibilities for another moment before asking, “How do you feel about a fake girlfriend?”
“Not great.”
“Wouldn’t people think we got Yoko’d?” Declan chimes in.
The idea of pretending to be with someone has never sat right with me. I might have agreed to PR dates in my younger days, but never full-fledged relationships. I’ve matured a lot over the years. I’m not interested in doing things solely for optics anymore.
As much as the press would eat up seeing me in a relationship, my recent experiences with dating haven’t been great. Getting famous as young as we did, it has always been hard to know when people are seeking a genuine connection or want to use you for clout, money, connections, etc. After making a few misjudgments in my teens and early 20s, I haven’t found it worth it to invest in someone whose intentions aren’t crystal clear.
Eliza takes a moment to ponder Declan’s assertion before agreeing. “If we said you wanted to spend time focusing on your relationship, they would think that. For anyone else, I would say you’re spending time with your family, but that won’t work here either. ”
She lets out a frustrated huff as she swipes through what I assume are her ideas on how I can appear to be a functional member of society. “Can’t you find something to work on? I’m sure I could get you a guest star role on some TV or find a charity you can work as an ambassador for. You could produce?”
“That’s more Bryce’s forte,” I reply in response to her last suggestion. Our younger brother has been trying to make a name for himself in the production world. I don’t want to step on his toes. I also have no desire to work on someone else’s album. It’s hard enough working on my own.
No closer to resolution, Eliza sighs. “We have a few weeks before we need to discuss things publicly. They won’t announce Gray is a judge until the current cycle ends. Try to come up with a believable story on how you’re going to spend your time. I don’t care if you do it or not. I simply need to feed the press something.”
“Got it,” I reply tersely. I love our fans, but I hate the expectation of the press. What’s wrong with the way my life is now? I know my brothers have other dreams, but I’m living mine. There are people who would kill to be in my shoes. Despite that, I do feel the weight of others' expectations. I have never been a high achiever.
The only thing I hate more than being the least ambitious Ryder is having to lie about being the least ambitious Ryder. At least when Lainey was in college I could hide behind her indecisive ass, but now she’s graduated and getting her life together putting all the pressure on me. I guess being the overlooked middle child doesn’t count for much when you’re famous. People are always looking.
The rest of the meeting is spent with Declan and Grayson nailing down their post-tour plans and me racking my brain for something that doesn’t make me seem like a loser with nothing in his life but his brothers. There is a pressure to pick something meaningful, especially since I’m not convinced my brothers won’t want to extend our time off if they love what they’re doing.
The charity idea isn’t bad, but I don’t know of any specific nonprofits I want to throw my weight behind at the moment. I haven’t had much of an opportunity to explore any causes I might be passionate about.
I could always say I’m using the break to explore other interests, but I don’t know what those would be. The only things I enjoy are making music, my family, and whiskey. Maybe I could go to Ireland? I doubt traveling is an Eliza-approved reason considering we’ve spent the last eight months driving across the country.
So much for getting rest and relaxation on my year off. Maybe I’ll check myself into a silent retreat for a few months. Who am I kidding? I could never go that long without talking. Blowing out a raspberry, I will myself to chill. I have time to think up something. I’m sure it will come to me as we get closer to the end of the tour. A lot can happen in twelve weeks.