Chapter 28 #4
She blinked, seeming as surprised as I was.
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”
“Why the hell would I throw myself down a staircase when I could break my neck and die? I would hurt myself more than to Lucca. Didn’t he think of that?”
“He’s suffering, Ella, as much as you are.”
I sank my head into the pillow and closed my eyes.
Suffering. And what was I?
“Thor loves you too much. For him, it’s as hard as it is for you… He planned so much, dreamed, had what he wanted most in life within reach, you and the baby, the way he always wanted since he met you, and suddenly this happens…”
I gave a low laugh of rage.
“Of course he loves me and is suffering. After all, he’s the one broken in a hospital bed being unfairly accused, crucified without the benefit of the doubt for something he didn’t do, right?
Everything we lived through was forgotten just like that…
” I snapped my fingers. “…thrown in the trash, as if it were nothing. I must be one hell of an actress to perform so well for months and never slip once. Or he must be a complete idiot. Or his love must not be the same as before. Deep down, he didn’t love me the same way anymore, because if he did, he would have had the consideration to talk to me, he would have believed me…
Dio, he could at least take into account what we lived, but no, at the first opportunity he had, Heithor accused me and turned his back on me. ”
“It isn’t like that, Antonella. You need to see his side too.”
“What side? That he deprived me of seeing my own son? That he disappeared without telling me anything? That he put me on the gallows without giving me the benefit of the doubt? How the fuck can he doubt me after everything we lived? He isn’t the one here, Pietra, trapped in this bed, judged and condemned without being able to do anything about it.
So what side are you talking about?” I licked my lips and gave up trying to control the river in my eyes.
“He judged me, sentenced me however he wanted, and didn’t even think about me.
That great love of his didn’t let him think about me…
that love he kept preaching didn’t allow him to care how I would feel with the isolation he imposed on me, because I was cut off from my rights as a mother and as a human being. ”
“To be honest, for the first time, I don’t know what to think or what to say…
But, beloved, I need to tell you. I feel in my heart that you didn’t do this, and per Dio, I want to believe that.
I need to believe it. I can’t accept that you had another hellish breakdown after witnessing all the effort and love you had for Lucca during the pregnancy… ”
“I understand, Pietra.”
“…Everything I saw in all these months can’t be a lie, a performance because you gave in and saw that there was no use playing the rebel. I know it was neither one nor the other. It was real and true.”
My spirit curled in on itself. Pietra took that into account, despite the doubts—because she had doubts—but Heithor, who claimed to love me so much, didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. Hell, he shouldn’t even have done that. He should have believed me.
“Damn it! I’m lost. Everything is so neatly tied together, looking so right and clear, and even so I feel like I’m missing something… I don’t know… It does and doesn’t make sense. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t…”
What could I say?
I didn’t have the answer either. Norah had an alibi that, according to Pietra, was indisputable. Everyone had confirmed her version, even Josie, the resort…
It wasn’t my imagination.
She had been there, and that was why I was here.
Tired, desolate, confused, sick with pain and distress, I was numb. There was nothing I could do while I was trapped in that bed.
I sighed without strength, returning my attention to Pietra, who was still talking.
“…If I’m lost, imagine Thor? I don’t want to play advocate or accuser, but, beloved, try to understand his side.
He loves you so much and fought for you for so long, to have you.
And then there were those moments, and he left wounded and hurt.
When he came back, you had done what he didn’t believe was possible, and then you reconciled.
I don’t know how his head works. I’m not God.
But one thing I know, neither he, nor you, nor anyone else would blindly trust someone who had hurt them so deeply…
Forgive me for saying this. You know you did that to Thor.
You gave him every reason to be cautious.
I’m not saying these things because he’s my brother. We need to be rational.”
I kept looking at her, unable to express my horror.
“The point is, Thor loves you, and once again he saw everything he always wanted slip through his fingers. If before it was hard and painful, when you rejected him, now that he had a taste of it, it’s much worse… He’s shattered…”
“I know that when I get out of here, I’m going to prove that everyone is being a son of a bitch to me. I’m innocent. Norah caused the fall.”
“I know you will. I’m still dazed by all… this, but whatever I can do to help you, I’ll do. I have no idea where to start or how, but I will.”
I had neither strength nor desire to talk anymore, but something clicked in my mind, putting me on alert and in complete terror. Panic grew quickly.
“Is she going there? Has she gone near my baby?”
“No.”
“Don’t let her get near him, Pietra. I know Thor will never allow anything bad to happen to Lucca, but he seems to have a blindfold over his eyes when it comes to that woman, and now… Please, don’t let her get near my baby.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“Grazie mille… I’m tired. I want to be alone.”
“Beloved, I don’t think…”
“Please… I need to be alone. I need to think. Thank you for the books and the photos, and for telling me the truth… I just want to be alone now, please.”
“I’ll come tomorrow.”
“No.”
“It’s Christmas Eve, beloved,” she reminded me tearfully, and my eyes filled with tears. “You don’t have to spend it alone. I can sleep here…?”
“There will be other Christmas Eves.”
“It doesn’t have to be like this… I can. I want to come, bring the presents, mine and yours. We can open them together. Some little cakes and hot chocolate too.”
For a second, I thought she was trying to torture me.
I forced a serene expression and held her hand, looking at her firmly as I spoke with a calm I definitely did not possess in that instant.
“I appreciate that. I would love to have you here, but I won’t feel calm knowing my baby could be at the mercy of that crazy woman…
I know Heithor has Lucca’s safety as his highest priority, but he doesn’t see that woman’s madness, and I don’t want…
we don’t need to run the risk of her prowling around the mansion again. ”
“I don’t think…”
“She didn’t do what she did to give up and leave happily. She will do something. Maybe not now because the dust is still settling, but she will. And I want you there, Pietra.”
I paused for another breath, using everything I had to continue.
“That’s why I want to ask you another favor…
Don’t come here anymore… No, wait… Stay with Lucca.
I’m trapped here, but you can keep an eye on him for me until I’m discharged.
I won’t be able to feel at peace if you’re here.
I’ll go crazy thinking my son could be at the mercy of that bitch’s madness. ”
“Can I come on Christmas?”
“No. Just stay with him, please. We can talk on the phone, but don’t come, va bene? Just stay with him.”
“All right,” she murmured, head down.
“Promise me.”
Pietra sniffled and looked at me reluctantly.
She doesn’t understand…
“I promise. I won’t take my eyes off him.”
I smiled faintly. A soft wave of relief moved through me.
That was enough… for now.
“Thank you. Now go… please.”
Pietra leaned over and kissed my cheek.
“I’m sorry… I love you.” I bit my lip too hard, holding back the trembling and the tears that were becoming impossible to contain. “I’m going to take care of Lucca as if he were mine, but I don’t have practice, so I suggest you recover soon.”
“I love you too. And don’t be sorry. No one is to blame except Norah. I know everything will be put right soon. It’s only a matter of time before I get out of here,” I said more to myself than to her.
She left, and I broke.
“C-Can I come in?”
I thought about saying no. I thought about telling her a few truths and cursing her to death before chasing her out of there.
“You’re already here. Come in.”
She hadn’t lied. Pietra’s voice rattled through my brain, but fuck it. The one paying the price was me. And I was innocent!
Josie entered and walked uncertainly to the foot of the bed.
“How are you?”
Doing cartwheels, can’t you see?
“Recovering. And if you came here only to know how I’m doing, now you know. So…”
Josie lifted her gaze. Her expression was anguished. That irritated me too much.
“I’m sorry, Antonella. I didn’t want to hurt you. I swear,” she said, her voice choked, breaking. “If I’d known it would turn into all of this, I… Forgive me.”
“You know what? I’m sick of apologies and ‘I’m sorrys.’”
She lowered her gaze and sniffled.
I exhaled hard and looked at her in silence for a moment.
“How could you?”
Josie looked up.
“I didn’t lie. Norah, she… we really were together.”
“Then why are you apologizing?”
Josie went around the bed, stopping beside me, and tried to touch my hand. I avoided the touch. She didn’t insist and swallowed under my fierce gaze.
“I couldn’t lie, Ella. A-And I really am sorry… I’m sorry this hurt you even though I didn’t do it intentionally. I swear it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t think it would hurt you… I-I-I only told the truth. I would never hurt you.”
“Leave, please.”
“I didn’t lie, Antonella!” she exclaimed, distressed, crying, desperate to prove something to me that only hurt me further and made me lose my mind. “God, I swear. I would never hurt you. Is that so hard to understand?”