Chapter 28 #5
“Yes, it’s hard! Very hard when I’m the one being accused of something I didn’t do and have no way to defend myself,” I exploded.
“Why are you crying? Why are you upset? You’re not the one who was judged and condemned!
You’re not the one here in this bed, all broken, without even seeing the face of the baby I carried for so long, the baby I waited for while counting the days, minutes, and seconds until the day I would see his face!
” My eyes were full, but the anger didn’t let a single tear fall.
“Have you seen him? I, his MOTHER, haven’t been able to see him.
Actually, I wouldn’t even know what he looks like if Pietra hadn’t brought me photos of him!
Do you know what that feels like, Josie?
Do you have the slightest idea how much that hurts?
I’ll answer that for you: no, you don’t!
And you won’t until you’re in my situation, damn it!
So don’t come to me with “I’m sorry” and “forgive me,” because neither one nor the other will bring back the moments I lost, and neither will make the situation better!
” She only cried harder, and I narrowed my eyes, biting out in a low voice, aware that I might be being unfair, but not caring in the slightest. “Get out of here. I don’t have the strength or patience to witness the tears of someone who lost nothing and, obviously, has no reason to be playing the martyr. ”
Josie straightened, looking at me in disbelief through her tears.
“Antonella, please, I didn’t do anything to hurt you. I swear! How can you judge me like this? I love you… I would never in my life do anything to hurt you. You know that. God, I only told the truth, but it wasn’t to hurt you…”
“Just leave. I don’t want to see or talk to anyone… Get the fuck out!”
She stared at me. I could see the apology stuck in her throat, hovering in her wounded gaze. I stared back at her with hostility, waiting… waiting… Josie blinked, then made her way to the door.
“I don’t know how Norah managed to be in two places at once, but when I get out of here, I’m going to prove she fooled all of you completely. Write that down and tell that idiot Eric.”
She left. I collapsed again.
***
Crying had become my new useless hobby.
I was so good at it that I could name every kind.
I was a wreck inside and out. However, I still had a little pride left, and that was what I clung to for strength to endure.
Unfortunately, nothing was enough.
Norah had set it up well. Premeditated the whole thing so there would be no loose ends, at least none that were easy to identify. No matter how much I thought about it, I had no idea how she had done it. She had to have had help. That was my only useless clue.
I just needed to get out of here…
Heithor would listen to me. He loved me.
That wasn’t a lie. He was angry at the moment because he had been deceived by Norah.
As hard as it was to admit, Heithor was acting in that hateful way because he wanted to protect our baby from someone he believed was a danger to him.
But I would prove to Heithor that he was trying to protect our son from the wrong person, and everything would be fine.
I just needed to get out of that hospital soon, and for that “soon” to come quickly, I needed to be strong and focus on my recovery.
I did exactly that.
Thinking that the faster I recovered, the faster I’d be discharged helped me find strength.
With that almost-mantra tattooed in my head, I tried not to go completely insane when New Year’s Eve arrived and a new year began.
It was impossible not to think that if Norah didn’t exist in our lives, I would probably be giving birth that first week of the year and everything would be as planned, as it should be.
I had no visitors, except for Martha’s brief appearances.
Yes. I had chosen it that way. But sometimes it was just… bad.
I was putting all my energy into recovery, and little by little, I could see and feel the effects of my efforts. Time was cruel, but it helped me think with the clarity I hadn’t had when I received the terrifying news.
I understood the position of Josie, Pietra, and even Heithor. Which did not mean I accepted or agreed with it, especially not with the last.
I was deeply hurt by Heithor. Wounded and even a little resentful. However, I still loved him madly, and it was that feeling that made me sick with sadness.
Would I forgive him for making me go through this?
I didn’t know. I was more concerned with making him listen to me and believe me.
On a rainy, nostalgic afternoon, I received an unexpected visit from Ben. I could hardly believe he was there when I saw his figure standing in the doorway, holding a pretty bouquet of wildflowers. He stayed only a little while, but he visited me several more times.
And, to my surprise, he no longer worked for Heithor. He had resigned two weeks earlier and was opening his own business. On one of those visits, I asked him about the matter that tormented me, but Ben gave me nothing relevant that made any difference, except what Heithor himself had told me.