Chapter 30
THOR
One day earlier
“Man, are you sure you want to do this?”
Standing by the office window, I twisted my lips and shook my head, my gaze still wandering over the unsettling blackness of the night beyond the glass.
“It’s not rushed. It’s something I would have done…” I paused, going to the drinks table and pouring myself a shot. “Either way, I’d already left a few things settled. I just need a little more time to get everything in order.”
I lifted the bottle of Jack.
“No, man, I’m good. What do you plan to do with what you have?”
I took a good swallow, appreciating the welcome burn, so different from the one that insisted on burning in my chest day after day.
“I don’t know. Hand it over to the police.” I shrugged. “Maybe burn it.”
But I would do neither.
I had suffered to make my acquisitions, evidence and documents the protagonists would rather kill their mothers than see made public. Things that went beyond the interested parties’ greed and that were better kept hidden and safe, just in case.
“You could sell it. I know a few people who would be extremely generous.”
Irony tugged at the corner of my mouth. “I bet you do.” I let my body drop into the armchair and exhaled hard. “But then, wouldn’t that be the same as staying? Putting myself deeper into the shit when what I want is to get out?”
“You could make a ton of money.”
“I have enough for two lifetimes or more, my friend. You know that. I haven’t become philanthropic or any of that shit, though I could give you a thing or two.”
“Whatever you need to help.” He laughed, softening his expression.
“The truth is, I’m going to need all the help I can get if I don’t want to go bankrupt when I marry your sister.
Pietra is a menace with a credit card in her hands.
She’s going to leave me bald, just like she’ll leave my bank account when she goes shopping. ”
I straightened, my eyes serious on him.
“You’re thinking of marrying my sister?”
“If she wants to, why not? We already practically live like a couple…”
“I still feel like beating the shit out of you. Don’t forget that.”
“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to offend you with my comment. I’m just saying she and I…” He paused, cleared his throat, and adjusted himself in the chair. “Well, you know.”
“Yes, yes.” I waved a hand briefly, with a grimace of distaste. “Just keep in mind Pietra is my baby sister, and if you ever hurt her, I’ll bust your balls and feed you your own dick.”
Nathan didn’t even blink.
“I love her, Thor. I would never hurt her on purpose. I’d cut off one of my own limbs first.”
“Don’t give me ideas… Pietra is a good girl, a little reckless because of her age, but a good girl, and someday she’ll be a great woman.”
“I know. She’s perfect.” He was in love.
“I didn’t say I approve.”
“I’m not giving her up. She’s mine.”
“Dating is one thing, marriage is another,” I said, firm and thoughtful. “Pietra is still very young to get married. I don’t want her to suffer, or even you, because you rushed into it. I value our friendship, but my sister comes first.”
Nathan was a hard, reserved man, but when Pietra entered the equation, he could turn into a frightening son of a bitch who was completely melted.
And trust me, I had never seen the man inclined to fall for any woman. But here he was, the convinced bastard planning to marry my baby sister. I knew beforehand that Pietra would be in good hands if she decided to keep him.
“Pietra is a free woman, and one day I’ll make it official, with all the legal shit that makes her my woman.
But I’m not a fool. I know she’s still too young.
However, if we decided to marry early, I wouldn’t deprive her of anything, not least because I don’t believe my balls would be safe if I tried to keep her trapped. ”
“You already have it all planned… Fine. I don’t need to say I’ll kill you if you hurt her, but before that I’ll torture you until you beg for mercy.”
“Inspiring.” Then he added seriously, “Relax, Thor. It’s not like I’m going to drag her to church tomorrow. I’m just letting you in on my plans. I don’t want regrets either. When it happens, if it happens, it’ll be for real, for life.”
I merely nodded in approval.
I was happy for Pietra and for him, but I also felt ridiculously envious. Neutralized by disappointment and rage, above all at myself, I only wished it were all nothing but a fucking nightmare I would wake from at any moment, with that pain reversed into the joy I had once felt.
Tomorrow she’ll be here.
“And her?” Nathan’s voice brought me back after a while. “Are you going to tell Antonella, or do you not intend to tell her and just let her find out on her own?”
With a blank expression, I stared at him for long minutes without any thought or desire to even move my lips to speak about her.
It was enough that she populated my head and damaged me.
Speaking only reaffirmed my unequaled stupidity and burned me like acid poured directly into my foolish chest, trying to find a reason, a single crack in her favor that would make me believe it had all been a misunderstanding. But it wasn’t.
“I still think you should talk to Antonella, man. You could come to an agreement regardless of what happened… Listen, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but I really think you should go see her and try, I don’t know… You’re a mess.”
I ran a hand through my hair.
“I don’t…”
Two knocks on the door preceded Pietra’s entrance.
“Am I interrupting?”
“Hi, baby.” Nathan stood, and she went straight to him. Watching them ruined my mood. “Thor and I were having a big-boy moment.”
“Sorry. Dinner is ready, and mamma asked me to call you.”
“It’s fine, Pietra. Nathan and I were done.”
Her look was reproachful, but she said nothing.
“Go ahead, babe. I want to have a word with my brother.”
With a kiss to her forehead, Nathan left, leaving us alone.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, coming closer. “You look tense. Maybe I should have let you and Nathan finish the conversation. You seemed pretty focused…”
“Nothing important. What do you want to talk to me about?”
“Ella gets out tomorrow. Listen, I know you’re pissed, and I don’t know whether you have reason to be or not. I mean, I believe her. I don’t think she would be capable of hurting Lucca…”
“Is that all?”
“She’s coming here. You know that.”
I finished my drink and stood to pour myself another.
“Ella has nowhere else to go. I mean, technically this is her house… Don’t treat her badly… please… She’s already been through hell alone in that hospital, and it would be cruel for her to have to suffer here too, don’t you think?”
“Are you done?” I asked, devoid of subtlety or gentleness.
After everything, having to hear even the slightest prick of accusation in anyone’s tone, as if I were to blame for some shit, was irritating.
“Yes.”
“Leave me alone, please.”
“Aren’t you coming to dinner?”
“No.”
“Mom won’t like it…”
“Pietra, just leave.”
She said something I didn’t care to understand and left, but my moment of peace seemed nonexistent that night, or far from happening.
Minutes later, Martha came in.
“Your sister said you’re not coming to dinner. I made your favorite dish. Nathan is stuffing himself.”
Man, how I hated this.
“I’m not hungry, Mom.”
“And apparently you have no patience either.” She sat across from me. “You can’t skip meals, son.” Her gaze jumped from my face to the glass. “Or replace food with alcohol.”
“What do you want?”
“Well, Heithor, I want what every mother wants… I want my son back, happy and present in the family. You’re here, but it’s as if you’re not… Lucca doesn’t deserve for his father to lock himself in the office emptying bottles of whiskey when he needs his father sober, don’t you think?”
I narrowed my eyes, my back straight, hard as a steel bar.
“Are you accusing me of neglecting my son?”
“You’re neglecting yourself and that child.”
“I’m surprised you would say something like that to me when you know I do everything so he’s well cared for.
I can’t do more than I already do. In fact, what more can I do?
Be with him twenty-four hours a day? Will that make me responsible?
” I paused, swallowing my irritation. “I love my son. He’s everything to me.
Whatever I can do to guarantee his well-being and happiness, I will do, but I need my moment. ”
“Don’t do this, Heithor. You know very well what I’m talking about.
Paying a nanny, no matter how qualified she is, and being with your son for a few moments of the day doesn’t make you responsible when at night you lock yourself away with your drinks.
At this rate, before he even turns one, you’ll be an alcoholic. Is that what you want?”
“I want everyone to stop telling me how I should run my fucking life. I’m not a boy anymore, and I don’t like being treated like one.”
“Then stop behaving like one, my son,” she pointed out, stern and yet affectionate, as only a mother could be, as that wretch should have…
“I know you’re suffering, but this isn’t the best way to deal with your grief, especially not now.
You’re a father, Heithor. This attitude is irresponsible, and you know it. ”
The silence was a heavy truce.
“Is looking at him that hard?”
Yes, fuck, yes!
I loved my son with all my fucking heart, but looking at him made me aware of everything I couldn’t have while mocking me for having dreamed so high.
“I won’t drink anymore, if that’s the problem.” I set the glass on the side table and then fixed on her face. “Now can I be alone? Or do I not have that right?”
“I don’t like seeing you this way, Heithor, so bitter it makes me sick with sadness… This isn’t you. You know, sometimes forgiveness is the only medicine.”