Chapter 17
. . .
Vesper
“Do you think anyone in the drugstore recognized you?” I ask Silas as we both step into my apartment and I lock the door behind us.
I know he has to leave for practice in a few minutes, but having an unsecure home makes me feel naked, and using the dead bolt Drew had installed when she moved out and I was left living alone has become a ritual for me.
“The clerk who served us didn’t seem to care, and no one else saw my face properly, thanks to this baby right here.” Silas pulls on the bill of his black baseball cap.
I clench my jaw and pray that he’s right as Silas removes his cap and sets it on top of my head. He’s trying to be playful and lighten the mood, but I couldn’t be more stressed out if I tried.
“Would it help if I attempted to color another one of those fancy drawings? You laughed all night at my expense.”
I attempt a smile at the memory of that first night he stayed over at my place, and we sat, coloring, on the couch, just behind where we’re standing now.
Back then, it felt risky, having Silas over. If only I knew the kind of fire that I’d be playing with today.
“If Kane gets wind of us being in CVS together, he’ll—”
Silas cuts me off, pressing a soft finger to my lips. “He won’t do anything, Ves, because I won’t let him.”
He drops his attention to the brown paper bag in his other hand. Inside is a box of Plan B—something I vowed never to take again in my life.
I meant what I said to Silas earlier—about the next guy I slept with wearing protection and how disappointed I was in myself for being irresponsible last night.
“What time do you have to head out?” I ask, an anxious inflection in my tone.
He walks across to the kitchen island and sets the brown bag down on the counter, moving back toward me.
Silas has always carried himself with confidence, and I’d be a liar to deny how attracted I am to that in a guy.
I guess he has every reason to be self-assured—a famous athlete, a millionaire, with women no doubt throwing themselves at him every day.
And that’s even before adding his handsome looks into the mix.
“In a few minutes,” he replies, pulling my shoulder bag off and setting it by the door.
He removes the cap from my head and replaces it backward on his. Next, he crouches down and unzips my boots, and I step out of them.
“What are you going to do with your day?”
I gaze at the couch, coffee table, and TV.
“Likely the same as I always do before I head out for work. I might go for a walk if the rain stops.” My eyes land back on the paper bag.
“It all depends on how shitty I feel once I’ve taken the tablet.
As long as I don’t puke it up within the first hour, then I’ll be in the clear. ”
Concern creases his face. “Wait, Plan B makes you sick?”
I shrug, praying this time will be different. “Usually. Like I said, my body doesn’t do well with any kind of contraception.”
He opens his mouth, but then clamps it shut, closing his eyes like he’s in pain.
“I’m not sure what grades you got in biology, Si. But you taking it on my behalf isn’t going to work.”
He opens his eyes and narrows them on me, muted amusement relaxing the tendons in his jaw. “That wasn’t what I was going to say, but, hey, it got you to give me shit, and that’s one of my favorite things, so I guess I’m still winning.”
His goofy grin makes me giggle like a teenager, and I swat him in the chest.
Silas catches my hand, kissing across my knuckles in a way that ignites my soul.
I wish he could stay.
Even more, I wish we could sleep together again. If I’m going to take this tablet, it might as well do the job for two rounds of unprotected sex.
“You’re thinking bad thoughts, aren’t you, Ves?”
My knees weaken at the gruffness in his voice. It oozes sex, just like his body language.
“I was being wholly irresponsible again.”
He kisses the center of my palm before pushing my hair back and gliding his hot mouth down the side of my neck.
I feel my thong grow damp, a neediness taking hold of me once more.
“I can understand why we lost control last night, Vesper. The way we want each other is undeniable. An indisputable attraction pulling us together.”
My core throbs, body begging to be back in Silas’s arms. Not because of the comfort and safety he brings me, but because I want to be there.
“You should probably go.” I let my better judgment win out. “I can’t imagine the captain being late for practice is a good look.”
He doesn’t move his lips from my neck. “Tristan can lead us into the session. Coach is being more amenable, given our positive start to the season.”
“I’ll be okay, I promise.”
He looks at me like he believes that statement about as much as I do.
“You don’t have to put on a brave face with me. You know that, don’t you?”
I bite down on my bottom lip to prevent it from trembling.
I do have to be brave because I don’t have another option right now.
As much as I wish that we did. Silas doesn’t want to run the risk of having a baby with me—the woman he shared one passionate night with.
There are a thousand less complicated women out there, waiting and eager to date him.
And truthfully, as much as I want to start a family one day, I know I’m not in a position to be a single mom.
“I can stay with you while you take it. I’ll tell Coach that a family emergency came up.”
I rest a hand against his chest. “Thank you for offering, but that really isn’t necessary. If I throw up the pill, I’ll just get another one. My shift doesn’t start until seven p.m., so any headache or nausea should pass by then.”
Silas grips the back of his neck, unhappy with this whole situation.
Fucking same.
“If you need me, then I don’t want you to hesitate to call me. I’ll keep my phone rink-side.”
I have zero intention of contacting him because I’ve survived the first twenty-four years of my life just fine, and I’m too stubbornly independent to rely on any man, going forward. Even a considerate one like Silas.
“I promise I’ll contact you.”
The lie is convincing enough for him to set one last kiss on my forehead before he makes for the door, pausing one final time with his hand on the bolt.
“Last night was everything, Ves. Fucking everything.”
“Just take the damn pill, Vesper,” I hiss at myself, staring down at the tiny white tablet in my sweaty palm.
There are only so many times I can delay the inevitable.
On a deep swallow, I set the pill back down and refill my water glass from the bathroom faucet, having finally worked up the courage to do it. The sooner I take it, the sooner all this will be over.
Taking a swig of water, I hold it in my mouth when my phone buzzes on the counter with a text message.
I swallow the water and pick up my phone.
Silas
I’m standing at your door. Can you let me in?
Me
Aren’t you supposed to be at the rink?
Silas
Fuck practice. I need to speak with you.
I’m out of the bathroom and running toward my door, every single bad thought swarming my brain when I slide the lock across and come face-to-face with a wide-eyed hockey player.
He doesn’t hesitate, stepping inside the apartment and pressing me against the wall.
My front door is still wide open, but all I can focus on is the way his body heats mine, along with the familiar scent of his pine cologne.
“Did you take the pill yet?” he asks in a rushed voice.
It takes me a second to catch up to where I am and what’s happening. Ten seconds ago, I was standing in my bathroom, filling my third glass of water.
“Did you take the morning-after pill?” Silas repeats his question, now sounding frantic.
“No,” I whisper quietly. “I was in the bathroom when you texted me, and I didn’t hear you knocking. Don’t worry; so long as I take it today, then its efficacy shouldn’t be affected.”
Silas’s attention falls to my stomach, the rise and fall of his chest way faster than I’ve seen it before. “I don’t want you to take it.”
Wait, did I swallow the pill, forget that I had, and now I’m hallucinating?
“W-what?”
Silas’s eyes explore my face before they hold me captive for what feels like an eternity.
“I said that I don’t want you to take the pill we bought.
When I walked out of your apartment fifteen minutes ago, I rode the elevator to the parking garage and sat in my car, unable to start the engine and drive away. ”
A hand wraps beneath my ass, and I realize it’s to hold me in place because every muscle feels like Jell-O.
He kicks my apartment door shut.
“When it comes to you, I’ve held my tongue for way too long. But after last night? I can’t hold in my feelings anymore, Vesper. I’m so fucking in love with you; I have been for years.”
He chuckles to himself, and it’s almost dark, probably because he knows how fucking huge this is. Or maybe he’s scared that I’ll bolt.
Silas lifts me off the floor, and I wrap my legs around his waist, partly so he doesn’t have to take my whole weight and partly because being this close to him feels so good.
“God, Christ …” he breathes out, pressing his forehead into mine.
His voice wobbles as he speaks. “I know how fucking crazy I must sound right now. How insane this whole situation is, but I have to lay all of my cards on the table. Recently, someone said that fate would show me the way with you, and I think this baby …” He rests a palm on my stomach.
“If you’re pregnant with my child, this is the universe’s way of showing me to just fucking go for it with you. ”
I can hardly speak, jaw agape, mind spinning out.
“Say something,” he pleads.
“Are you saying that you want to be with me or co-parent?” Where the hell I found a coherent sentence from and a reasonable question is beyond me. Maybe I’m not the hot mess I initially thought I was.
Despite the heavy atmosphere, a cheek-aching smile breaks out across his face. “Did you hear the part when I said that I’m in love with you?”
I deadpan, “Sorry, I was still caught up on the part where you declared that I should keep the potential baby I’m carrying.”
They say that laughter cures everything, and, man, does it dissolve the anxious tension burning between us.
“Every single decision is yours to make. But it would be remiss of me to let you take that pill without knowing where I stand. You’ve told me how much you want a family, and I’m telling you, as my girl or my baby’s mama, I’m going to stand by you, support you, be the man you fucking deserve.
Do I want you to love me back?” He tips his face toward the ceiling. “Hell yes, I do!”
I giggle and nestle my head in the crook of his neck. Breathing him in.
“Fuck Kane, fuck circumstances, fuck societal norms that dictate the order of how things should play out in life,” he breathes into my hair. “If you want to raise a baby with me, then I’m going to be there, in whatever way you need. I worship the very bones of you.”
“Wow.”
Silas kisses my hair. “You think I’ve lost my mind, don’t you?”
“No,” I say in a small voice, a million different thoughts cycling through my mind. “I’m wondering where I go from here because regardless of you and me, a decision about whether or not I take the pill sitting on my bathroom counter needs to be made.”
“I know, and I’m being honest when I tell you the decision is yours to make. I will still love and support you, no matter which way you choose to go with this.”
I pick my head up and rest it against the wall, studying every line and feature in his face. There’s no doubt that Silas’s child would be beautiful, inside and out.
“I think I need some time to process everything.”
After a second, he nods once, but doesn’t let go of me.
His eyes dart between mine, as if he were analyzing my thoughts. “Have I freaked you out?”
I gaze up at the white ceiling. “Freaked me out? No. Taken me out? Absolutely. I never saw any of this coming, but I want you to know that whatever happens, I appreciate your honesty. If only all men were like you.”
When I look at him again, there’s another question on his lips, and I’m tempted to ask what it is. I know he’d tell me, although I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear it.
I care so deeply for the man in front of me, and I can definitely picture him as an amazing dad. Regardless, there are too many clouds obstructing my ability to see if I could love him one day.
“If I don’t take the pill and I end up pregnant, Kane will be a huge problem.”
His jaw tics. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes, I do.”
A rough palm cups the back of my neck. “Then let me worry about him. Your life doesn’t need to cross paths with his anymore, and I’ll make it my mission to protect both you and our baby.”
My toes tingle at the way he says “our baby.”
Holy shit, this is madness.
So, why is there a kernel of excitement begging to curl my lips into a smile?
“I think he might try to kill you, and I’m not joking. Kane will go ballistic.”
Silas doesn’t look at all intimidated. If anything, he’s calmer than he was two minutes ago. I suppose I would be, too, if I’d just admitted to being in love with someone after years of hiding it away, never sure if I’d get a chance to shoot my shot with them.
Silas Stanton is in love with me.
Little old me.
“Here’s the thing, Ves: I don’t actually care. I’m done with my brother, and I’ve made peace with that. To me, he’s just another asshole who lost the best thing that ever happened to him.”
I raise a brow, making light of the compliment because—like most women—I’m terrible at accepting them. “Now I feel bad for calling you a grumpy bastard behind your back all this time.”
Full lips crash into mine, and I whimper into his mouth, sliding my tongue against his. I might not reciprocate the feelings he has for me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll never get there.
I sure love kissing him.
“I’m going to give you the time you need to think everything over,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’ll have my cell on loud, and I’ll be waiting—very fucking impatiently—for you to let me know which way you want to take this.”
“Okay,” I reply on an exhale when we break the kiss.
He goes back for one more taste, and I melt into his body.
“I’ll see you soon, Knockout.”