Chapter 23
. . .
Silas
Rhys Sharpe rivals Theo Cavendish in the asshole department.
No, scratch that. No one is a bigger asshole than Cavendish, but the new goalie comes pretty fucking close.
Mid-practice, Mason slides up alongside me and grabs his water bottle. “Tristan told me that Rhys was once a decent guy, but let fame and hype go to his head.”
“He’s probably right,” I say, taking a pull from my own drink and setting it back down on top of the boards. “Did he play with Rhys?”
Mason screws up his face as we both watch him warm up with the goalie coach. Rhys barely acknowledged us in the locker room, other than to turn his nose up at me when I welcomed him onto the team.
“Tris knows a lot of people. Apparently, he played with him in peewee. Word is, he only left Toronto because no one liked him. Even if he makes shutouts for fun.”
When Rhys drops into the splits, I can see why he’s one of the league’s best. His reaction time and puck anticipation are unmatched.
“If you want to be a spectator, then you’ll have to buy tickets,” Coach booms from center ice.
I set my bottle down next to Mason’s, holding up a finger and asking for a minute.
“Hey,” I say before Mason skates away. “Are you free to talk later tonight?”
He side-eyes me, and I know he’s working me out. It’s been two weeks since Theo and Coach raised their concerns, and I’ve been biding my time, waiting for the right chance to talk with Mason. This isn’t a conversation I’m looking forward to, and I’ve been putting if off for too long.
“I guess it depends on what it is you want to talk about,” he replies, a defensive edge to his voice.
I take a second to think about the best way to approach his drinking.
I’ve never been good with emotions or heart-to-hearts.
Oftentimes, I wonder why I was appointed as captain.
The only person I’ve ever been able to lay it all on the line for is Vesper, and that’s only because she pulls every thought from my brain.
It’s been over a week since she crawled under the duvet with a pregnancy test and we found out that she wasn’t carrying my baby.
I could see it in her eyes, the same disappointment that sat heavy in my chest. In the end, all I could do was remedy her sadness with my tongue, and even then, it didn’t feel like enough.
We had both wanted to see two lines on that goddamn white stick. Only I think Vesper hadn’t realized how much she wanted it until she was met with a negative result.
All night, we lay next to each other, Vesper’s face buried in the crook of my neck. And when the sun rose the following morning and I set a kiss in her hair and drove to morning skate, I prayed that she had believed me when I told her that I wasn’t going anywhere.
Turning my attention back to Mason, I know we have around thirty seconds before Coach blows his lid. The next drills are designed to help integrate our defense with Rhys, and Coach needs his captain leading by example.
“Let’s just meet back at my place later.”
Mason looks less than enthusiastic, his bloodshot eyes revealing that he hasn’t had much rest. “I was actually planning to head home and get some sleep. Last night was … well, it wasn’t great.”
“Not great, as in you drank too much?”
He picks up his water bottle and takes another gulp, swiping the back of his hand across his mouth on a deep swallow.
“What time do you want me there?” he asks, voice a touch unsteady.
Setting a reassuring glove on his shoulder, I want him to know there’s no judgment here and that I don’t plan on reaming him out for going through a tough time.
But the cold reality is, if I don’t voice my concerns, then Coach will—or even worse, Theo.
I shrug and push off the boards, and both of us head for center ice. “Seven p.m.?”
He chews on the corner of his mouth guard, top lip curling up.
I point my stick at him. If he’s going to ask about Vesper and the pregnancy, then he can save it. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.
“Just focus on your own shit, Mase, along with what you want me to cook for your dinner.”
“I think I know why my wife left me.”
I pause with a spoon of mushroom risotto to my mouth. “Why?”
Mason chews around his mouthful, motioning to his food with an impressed expression. “I can’t cook for shit, and then you go and serve this delight up for me. Talk about highlighting my flaws.”
Since Mason knocked on my door around thirty minutes ago, I haven’t found a good moment to bring up Eloise. And while I can’t be certain that the demise of his marriage is the reason for Mason’s increased drinking, I’m pretty fucking sure it has something to do with it.
I decide now is a good opportunity to dive a little deeper and try to be a supportive captain. “You know you can talk to me whenever you need. Our friendship isn’t limited to hockey.”
Mason washes down his food with a sip of water, setting the glass back down on the island we’re sitting at. We’ve been playing together for several seasons, and I can’t remember the last time we sat down like this over food and just … talked. One-on-one.
My defenseman’s shoulders slump. “I know, and I appreciate it, man. Trouble is, I don’t know what to say any more about my life.
” He blows a breath into his cheeks and steeples his fingers, thinking.
“I screwed up with Eloise, and I wasn’t the man she deserved.
We were both so desperate for a family, and I dealt with the pain by burying myself in hockey, late nights in the gym, gaming on the PlayStation until the early hours when I should’ve been in bed with her, comforting my wife …
” He swallows and shakes his head. “I let her slip through my fingers, and we stopped communicating. I could’ve learned how to cook or made the effort to wine and dine her more often. ”
Nothing but silence descends on my apartment before Mason clears his throat and I physically see the way he brushes off the heartache.
Fuck. This guy is going through it. Eyes never lie.
“I’ve found myself drinking more to deal with the pain of losing her. But I know where the line is, and I won’t let it get out of control.” He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood. “You know I’ve always enjoyed a beer, and I’ve never let it affect my career.”
I’m nodding in agreement, but I know he isn’t going to like what leaves my mouth next. “Cavendish and Coach are concerned about your drinking. Cavendish allegedly smelled booze on your breath and approached me about it.”
Mason hangs his head between his shoulders. “Fuck.” He lifts his eyes to me. “What did you say?”
I motion between us. “I said that I’d talk to you.”
I sit back in my stool, resisting the urge to fold my arms in a defensive stance. Mason needs to see that he can safely open up to me.
“Remember, I’m on your side, but as your captain, do I need to be worried? We’re having the best start to a season we’ve ever had, and I need to know where your head’s at. But more than that, I care about you, Mase.”
From beside me on the island, my phone buzzes once.
We both stare at my cell before I pick it up and hit the notification from Vesper.
Knockout
Hey, so are you at home?
Me
I am.
Knockout
Can I stop by before my shift?
Me
Sure. I have Mason here.
Knockout
No worries. I can come over later if that’s okay.
“I don’t need you to tell me who that is, by the way.” Mason juts his chin at my phone. “You are a man down, buddy. A man down.”
I force back an eye roll. “It’s Vesper.”
He feigns shock.
I point at his bowl. “Do you want to finish the rest of that risotto or wear it?”
“Actually”—he winces—“I kind of need to leave. I promised Mom I’d head over and fix her washing machine, and then I got a little sidetracked at the prospect of having dinner with my captain. Microwave meals for one are really starting to suck ass.”
I smirk at him. “You see? You’re good at DIY and fixing things, and I’m not bad in the kitchen.”
Mason deflates again. “Yeah, I am. I swore I’d do stuff around the house for Eloise, but I never got around to it. She kept saying that she’d hire someone, but I was too fucking stubborn to let that happen.”
“You need to stop punishing yourself for stuff you can’t change. We have no control over the past.”
He nods, although I’m not sure my words have resonated with him.
“You don’t need to worry about me or my performance on the ice. I won’t let you or the team down.”
I want to believe Mason—truly, I do. But this is as far as our conversation can go tonight. I’ve said my piece, and he’s aware of the eyes on him. Ultimately, it’s up to my defenseman to straighten himself out and ask for help where he needs it.
We exchange an understanding glance before Mason gets back to his food, and I shoot a quick response to Vesper.
Me
No, it absolutely is not okay. Come over now. Mason is about to leave.
Knockout
Okay, give me ten minutes, and I’ll be there.
Ten minutes later, I’ve said goodbye to Mason, and I’ve got a beautiful woman standing in front of me in my living area, dressed in an outfit to fucking die for.
She’s wearing the same knee-length black leather boots she wore the night we first had sex, and a thick black sweater, tucked into the waistband of a dark purple miniskirt. I want to bite down on my fist and scold her for teasing me like this.
“Okay”—Vesper takes my hand and leads me over to the couch—“you probably need to be sitting down for this.”
“Ves …” I warn. “What the fuck is going on?”
She just chuckles, and I breathe an internal sigh of relief. She wouldn’t be amused if whatever she needed to tell me was bad.
“So, you know how we got a negative result the other day?”
She reaches into her bag and pulls out another pregnancy test. At first, I conclude that it’s the original test Vesper took, but as she turns it around and shows me the display, the lines don’t look like they did before.
“Vesper …” My voice quivers. “Are you …”
She presses her lips together. “I thought I was getting my period, but when it never came, I took another test this morning, just to be sure. It came back positive. I’m pregnant.”
Men are often told that they shouldn’t cry, that it’s a sign of weakness.
Fuck that.
I pull her into my arms, burying my face in her neck. “How are you feeling?”
“Like this is the craziest but also the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I take her trembling hand into mine. “You’re shaking.”
“No,” she whispers, “I’m excited. When the first test came back negative, I was freaking gutted, Silas.
I guess I should’ve realized that taking a test so soon after we slept together was always going to be inaccurate.
Even though I had the most irregular cycle, I thought my period was due.
” She motions between us. “But you and me, raising a child together? It was like this door to a whole new world opened up and then got slammed shut in my face. And now … and now it’s reopened. ”
I fucking kiss her because that’s all I can do. Words aren’t enough at this moment, so I give her my mouth.
Breaking the kiss, I rest my forehead against hers, both of our chests heaving.
I wish she didn’t have to go to work, that we had all night to absorb the news.
My hand finds Vesper’s stomach. “I’m going to be a dad.”
“These past three years have been steeped in regret for me, Si. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve hated myself for going back to a man who didn’t deserve another chance.
” She rests her small palm over the top of my hand.
“Thank you for knocking on my apartment door that day and telling me what you did. Tossing that pill and not taking it was the best choice I’ve ever made, even if it feels like the scariest one. ”
Our mouths meet again, and she parts her lips for my tongue.
The temptation to point out the obvious—that friends don’t kiss and definitely not like this—is strong. But her lips are on mine, and my baby is growing inside her.
I’d say that I’m moving in the right direction.
“Silas,” Vesper murmurs against my lips.
I smile onto hers. “Yeah?”
“I need to get to work.”
I slide my hand from her stomach to the back of her head. “You could always just … not go?”
She shakes her head. “No. I love my job, and I want to work every shift available to me between now and when I go on maternity leave.”
Her reaction is exactly the one I predicted and I laugh to myself.
“Why are you chuckling?” she asks, sounding annoyed.
I kiss her again, smiling like a fucking fool. “Just you. I don’t know if you’ve worked out yet why I love you, but that sentence right there sums my feelings up perfectly.”
“Be more specific,” she presses.
Vesper might need to leave for work, but she’s going to spend at least five minutes in my lap. I’ll drive her to work myself so she isn’t late.
I haul her onto me so she’s straddling my thighs and we’re nose to nose.
“Aside from your beauty and kindness, I’m obsessed with your strength.
” I set a hand in the center of her chest, feeling her heart hammer at a fast rhythm.
“You know what you want, and you aren’t afraid to go after it.
It might take you a while to get there sometimes, but once you’ve made your mind up, then you’re set.
I’ve seen the flickers of strength within you despite the way Kane tried to douse your fire so he could keep you where he wanted you.
And here you are right now, making a decision about having a baby with me and saying a big fuck you to the rules society has laid down for us.
The ones that dictate that we should be in love for a certain length of time before we get married, have a baby and live in a suburban house somewhere. ”
Her eyes search mine as I speak, softening with every word.
“That’s not what you want, is it, Knockout?
You want the life and the love you’ve always dreamed about.
You want the career and the fun nights out with your friends, where you tell a guy to go fuck himself because you’re not interested.
You want to reignite that fire that’s always been burning inside you, and I’m happy to pour gasoline on it until you’re right back to where you once were before my narcissistic brother tried to dismantle you. ”
I brush my lips over hers.
“That’s why I love you, Ves. And that’s why I’m going to savor every second of you, this pregnancy, and ultimately, our baby.”