Chapter 36
. . .
Silas
Fixing my black bow tie on the tux Will wanted all the guys to wear to his wedding, I find Mason standing on the rope bridge, gazing out at the view of Seattle.
It’s a clear day in early February and the perfect weather.
Bainbridge Island is as beautiful as I remember from the day we came to view the venue.
Like my life back then compared to where it is today, this island feels a world away from downtown Seattle even if it’s only a short hop on the ferry.
These past ten days have been the best of my life.
Vesper and the baby are both doing well, and my girl is now officially living with me, having finished up moving the last of her belongings the other day.
Now, we get to enjoy the bye week off together, and even better, she’s taking a couple of vacation days from work so I can finally take her to this incredible spa hotel in Canmore.
I know she likes spas, and I can’t wait to dote on her for a couple of days.
“Do I dare ask what’s going on in that head?” I say, sidling up alongside my teammate.
Mason shakes his head at a thought, pushing out a sarcastic breath. “Trust me, man, you don’t want to know what’s going through my mind.”
I lean forward and rest my forearms on the ropes as the chilling breeze whips around us. The forest surrounding this place provides decent shelter from the elements, but we’re still at least five hundred feet above sea level.
“I finally signed the decree and submitted it to my lawyer.”
Standing up straight, I swear I see a glaze over my teammate’s eyes before he blinks rapidly and clears his throat.
“You know, if being here today is too much for you, then I’m sure Will and Drew would understand.”
“Nah,” he immediately replies, gripping the rope hard in his right fist. “I spent years letting my wife—ex-wife,” he says, correcting himself, “down, and I’m not about to do the same with my friends.
Will and Drew deserve all the happiness.
” Mason looks at me properly for the first time since I joined him on the bridge.
“Same goes with you and Vesper—you guys deserve all the good things. Just …” He closes his eyes for a second.
“Just don’t take a minute of what you have together for granted.
I made that mistake, and now she’s dating someone else. ”
I wish there were something—anything—I could say to make this shit situation even five percent better for him, but truthfully, there isn’t.
Divorce is a grieving process, and even though I’ve never been through it, I know how fucking hard grief is from when I lost my mom.
Other than Vesper and our unborn baby, she was the only real family I had.
Perhaps that’s why I held on to a relationship of sorts with Kane for longer than I should have—not just because of Vesper and the promise I made Mom, but because I didn’t want to lose another family member.
But Kane was never family, and a permanent restraining order is now in place, thanks to evidence of harassment in Vesper’s call logs and a statement from the security team in her apartment building.
I’ll likely never see him again, and that’s a bittersweet feeling, knowing your brother is gone from your life for all the right reasons, but still somewhere, walking the earth.
“It’s never too late, you know?” My comment lingers in the fresh air between us, along with the silence that shortly follows it.
“Eloise doesn’t want me back. She’s moved on with her life, and I’ve given her zero reason to fight for us.
When she saw the photos of that girl on my lap in Brooklyn last season, she assumed the worst, and I didn’t set the record straight because I was so fucking mad and hurt at her for quitting on us and—” He breaks off, and I hold up a hand.
“Wait. Are you saying that you didn’t hook up with that girl? The images I saw online were pretty fucking clear, and you two looked really cozy.”
He shakes his head, both hands now gripping the rope. I feel sure he’ll get burns if he carries on taking his frustration out on it like that.
“You left to head back to the hotel, and Will wasn’t far behind you. It was the first night he slept with Drew, if you remember. His smug face the next morning told the story, even if he didn’t confirm that they’d done the deed.”
“So, where did you go?” I ask quietly.
He releases another sarcastic laugh. “To a random bar. I told the girl I wasn’t interested and went to drown my sorrows in liquor.”
It’s my turn to grip the rope.
“Mase …” I press my lips into a thin line, not really sure how to word this without offending him—or at the very least putting him on the defensive. “Do you think you might have—”
“A drinking problem?” he finishes for me.
I nod once and stare straight ahead, several ferries in the distance crossing from the mainland.
“I won’t lie.” Mason scratches the stubble on his chin. “That thought has entered my mind, but if I wanted to stop, then I could. I’ve gone days without drinking. It’s only when I see something online that triggers me, and I spiral into the bottom of a glass.”
I rarely think of my dad, and Mason is nothing like him.
Still, his face flashes in front of me. When he was incarcerated, he had a drinking problem, and he spent weeks battling with his addiction.
A lot of the crimes he had committed and the abuse he subjected Mom to was when he was drunk.
It’s one of the reasons why I keep my drinking to a minimum—and not just because I’m a pro athlete.
The fear of turning into my dad weighs heavily on me each day, even if I know that I could never be that evil.
“You won’t find any answers at the bottom of a glass, buddy. Only more problems.”
Mason scuffs the wooden bridge with his dress shoe. “If I tell you something, will you swear not to think any less of me?”
I clamp a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve been your captain and friend for way too long to let a single conversation influence my opinion of you, one way or the other.”
He drops his head between his shoulders and pushes out a deep sigh before sucking air in through his nose. “When I found out that you and Vesper were expecting a baby and it wasn’t even something you planned to have, I was really fucking jealous. Almost resentful.”
I squeeze my fingers on his shoulder. “I get it. You and Eloise were desperate to start a family, and while I don’t understand the finer details, I do know you were left in a tough spot.”
He scoffs, but not at me—I can tell it’s at memories of his marriage.
“It broke us—the miscarriages. Finding out that there was a good chance of Eloise never carrying to term.” His head whips to me, tears now unmistakable as they shine in the bright sunlight.
“The long, lonely nights she cried, wanting to try again. I just couldn’t do it though, Si, I couldn’t run the risk of putting the woman I loved—I still love—through that again.
I let her down and buried my life in hockey when I should’ve been there to support her more, even if there was nothing we or the doctors could do. ”
He drops his head into his hands, and all I want to do is take this pain away from him. For him and for Eloise. They are good people who don’t deserve the cards they’ve been dealt, much less a lifetime without each other.
“You have nothing to feel guilty for, Mason. We are human beings, and we all reach a point in our lives where we go into self-preservation mode. For our own sanity. It’s possible that Eloise is doing the same thing right now by heading straight into another relationship.
” My voice is hoarse and heavy with emotion when I finally break the silence between us.
“And that’s the irony right there …” Mason sounds incredulous. “It feels like I might go crazy without her.”
It’s not long until the ceremony starts, and I’m not convinced Mason is in a decent headspace to get through the day.
“If you need to head home, Will and Drew will understand,” I repeat my previous statement.
He shakes his head again. “No. I just need a minute, and I’ll be okay.”
I drop my hand from his shoulder, not wanting to attract attention to us.
Mason needs privacy, which isn’t something he’s always been afforded by the media.
He’s a Rogues poster boy, with tattoos and a mass of dirty-blond hair, and the press has always been obsessed with his personal life.
So, when the public got wind of his separation, a lot of speculation has been circulating over who he’ll date next—from famous models to musicians.
He’s the kind of character to let a lot of bullshit roll off his back, but I can tell he’s right on the edge of losing it altogether.
And that’s the last thing I want as his captain, but mainly as his friend.
“I’ll stay off the booze tonight,” he confirms.
“Yeah,” I agree. “I think that’s probably wise.”
He turns to walk away, and I catch the top of his arm.
“I meant what I said though, Mase. It’s not too late to reach out to her. If you cannot imagine a life without Eloise by your side, then don’t accept living it in that way.”
He tips his head over his shoulder and forces a small smile. “I appreciate what you’re saying, Cap. But I don’t think that’s an option for me any longer. She’s clearly in love with someone else, and my wife will forever be the one who got away.”