Chapter 42 #2
“I don’t like that you sound so amazed by that. You are lovable, Devi. You should know that. But I’ll tell you every day if I need to, because I know your shithead of a father likely never did.”
Her dad tell her that he loved her? Nope, that was laughable. But that wasn’t the big issue here.
“I didn’t think that you could ever love anyone but May,” she said. It was weird. She thought she would be happy with anything he could give her. Even if he could only feel attracted to her without loving her, she’d thought that would be enough.
But now there was a part of her that said it wasn’t enough.
“I can’t be second place,” she confessed. “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Perhaps she should have been grateful for anything. It was more than anyone else had ever offered her. It was more than she had ever expected.
A few weeks ago, she might have leapt on any sort of attention he wanted to give her.
But now . . .
“And nor should you,” he told her fiercely. “My Devi will never come second place. I love you.”
Devi sucked in a breath, letting out a small sob.
“You know me by now. I’m not a guy who says things he doesn’t mean.” Hayes stared at her seriously, then he took her good hand in his. “Losing May, well, it broke me.”
“I know it did.”
He glanced up at her.
“When I first met you, before I knew your name, I called you Mr. Tragic Eyes.”
He grimaced. “Mr. Tragic Eyes? Jesus. You couldn’t have called me Sexy Eyes? Or Hot Eyes?”
“Nope. Sorry. Mr. Tragic Eyes because you looked so sad. And when you told me about May, well, it was clear why you were so sad and how much you loved her. I’m not .
. . well, I guess it might have been obvious that I’m .
. . interested in you. I kept staring at you and tripping over things. Which I never do.”
“Uh-huh.” He gave her a skeptical look.
Sheesh. She very rarely tripped. “I am the epitome of beauty and grace.”
“Beauty, yes,” he said gruffly. “Grace, not so much.”
She ignored the latter part of that, her brain fixating on the beauty part.
“You think I’m beautiful.”
“I do,” he told her firmly. “Thought I’d already made that obvious. I think you’re gorgeous and sweet and I want you to be mine.”
Could she saddle him with her, though? He deserved more. Better. Someone who wasn’t broken, who wasn’t scarred and downtrodden.
Who hadn’t had life beaten out of her.
Because that’s what it felt like . . . it was like she’d been a full, blown-up balloon and now she was deflating.
Bit by bit all of the air was slipping out.
Soon, there’d be nothing left.
Just a wrinkly piece of rubber.
“Hey, where did you go? What are you thinking?” he asked her.
“That I’m a wrinkly piece of rubber.”
“Um. Is that a metaphor for something?” He rubbed his forehead.
“I just . . . I’m used up,” she explained to him. “I’m so tired. There’s nothing . . . I don’t think there’s anything left.”
“I know you’re tired, baby girl.” He ran a finger down her good cheek.
Yeah. Then there was the fact that she wasn’t just broken emotionally but physically too.
“I can see it in your face,” he murmured. “Been running on empty for far too long. That’s why I’m here. You need me to take over, I’m here. Say the word.”
“It’s not fair on you.”
He snorted. “Not fair on me? Nothing I like more than looking after someone special. Having control is very important to me. Especially now.”
“Since May died.”
“Yes. I’m afraid I’m going to be very protective of you.”
“You mean . . . more than you have been?” She gaped at him.
“I’m afraid so.”
“Sheesh. I didn’t think that was possible. She was the love of your life, Hayes.”
“Who says I only get to have one? I might be a bossy, grouchy bastard, but it doesn’t mean that I’m an unlucky one.
To have two women in my life that could be mine.
I should probably tell you to make me work for you, but I’m not going to.
Because I’m a selfish bastard who won’t let you go. No matter what.”
Her mind was whirling.
No matter what .
“Loving you doesn’t mean that I love May any less. Loving May doesn’t mean I love you any less. It just means that I love you both. At different times. In equal ways. I’m fucking this up, aren’t I?”
“No. No, you’re not messing this up at all. If anything, you’re . . . you’re saying something I never thought I would hear. God, I love you so much. I’m not sure when I fell in love with you, if I’m honest. This feels like a dream. One I really don’t want to wake up from.”
“You never have to wake up from it, baby.”
“Can I ask you something? About May?” she asked hesitantly.
“You can ask me anything. Never be afraid of me.”
She hoped he meant that. “Why are there no photos of her here?”
“Ahh.” Pain filled his face. “I guess because I couldn’t bear to look at them. I stored them away in the cabin.”
“This cabin?”
“No. May’s cabin. It was her favorite place, where she spent most of her time.”
“You still own it?”
“I can’t sell it. I also can’t make myself go there. I have someone take care of it. But it just holds too many memories.”
“I understand. But if you ever want to go there, I’ll go with you.”
“Thank you, baby.” He took her chin in his hand and dropped his lips to hers.
Then he moved them against her mouth.
Oh God. Was she really that stupid? How had she missed the signs?
Idiot.
Hayes wasn’t the sort of guy to take just anyone into his home, to protect them like this. He wouldn’t allow just anyone into his bed.
He wouldn’t be a Daddy to just anyone. The way he took care of her . . .
“You love me. You really do.”
“Yeah, baby. I really do.” He stood with her in his arms and then he carried her into the bedroom.
“What are you doing?” she cried.
“Taking you to bed.”
“But I don’t want a nap.”
“Who said anything about napping?”