19. MASON
MASON
I gently moveWinter off my chest an hour after she falls asleep and set her head on the pillow beside me. I move quietly, getting off the bed and covering her body with the blanket. I close the door gently behind me, as I leave the room.
It’sbeen an exhausting day. What with us arguing constantly nonstop. I had to argue with her to eat her food and then to talk to the doc for a while, plus some other skirmishes throughout the day. Got to say, there’s never a dull moment with my girl, as she’s determined to put me through my paces.
I’mtired to the bone since it feels like I’ve barely gotten any sleep from the time she was taken, to rescuing her and now keeping an eye over her. IfI do manage to sleep, it’s only been for an hour or so.
Ikeep having nightmares of her being taken and it’s making me want to watch her twenty-four seven. I think I’m suffering from separation anxiety or PTSD. If she’s not in my bed so I can hold her, I start to become paranoid. It honestly feels like I’m losing my mind half the time.
Ilet out a breath as I head toward the kitchen and the backdoor of the cabin, planning to get some more flowers and then write another note I know she won’t read…
“Where are you going?” Gray asks as I pass by him and Hunter, on my way to the door.
“I’ll be back in a sec.”
“Okay, bro.”
Iwalk until I’m in the garden. It’s a nice one with lots of various kinds of flowers, a thing of beauty. I honestly wouldn’t have taken Hunter for the gardener type. Psycho yes, gardener no. But then again, I guess weirder things have happened since my life got turned upside down. OnceI get a bouquet’s worth, I head back inside to see that both of them are still in the same spot.
“I don’t want to be the one to say it, but I’m going to,” Hunter says.
“Say what?”
“You’re still in deep shit. Like gigantic because she still hates you,” he tells me with a sorry look on his face.
“Gee, thank you captain obvious! You think I didn’t already notice that asshole. Looks like your Ivy league education is really working for you right now,” I say and roll my eyes.
“Geez, no need to get all huffy. I’m just trying to help.”
“Well don’t, before I kick your ass for annoying me.”
“Pfft. Like you could take me,” he says rolling his eyes.
“Would you two stop acting like children and focus!” Gray grumbles.
“No. He started it!” Hunter and I both say at the same time and we all start laughing. Their dumbasses have actually helped to change my mood, well for the moment at least.
“Well, you both need to shut it and stop annoying me,” Gray mumbles.
“So big bad biker man Hunter, what gives? What’s the story with that garden you got out back? Didn’t take you for the gardener type.”
“My sister loves flowers, so I had it added for whenever she’s here,” he says, shrugging. I move over to the table and place the flowers on it, before grabbing a notebook and pen, then finally taking a seat. I take the chair that’s the furthest from the two of them because I don’t need them getting into my shit right now.
“I guess she doesn’t like them enough because she’s not even warming up to me and I’ve given her them every single day that we’ve been here.”
“Aw, don’t pout. I’m sure she’ll forgive you in like fifty years or so,” Hunter says trying to keep a straight face, but I can see the asshole trying to hide his smirk.
“What are you even doing here right now? Don’t you have somebody else to go torture with your annoying presence?”
“Hey, I was here with Grayson first, before you came in. And nope, I’m all yours. I know how much you love my presence,” he says with a huge grin on his face.
“Wow. Lucky me!”
“You know it. I’m a total catch. Besides it’s a good thing I’m here now, so I can probably give you some pointers on how to not piss your girl off,”
“Seriously, fuck off bro,” I say letting out a loud sigh while the asshole just laughs.
“What are you doing all the way over there anyway?”
“Writing my daily note to her,”
“Aw. A love note. How cute. Isn’t that what teenagers do though?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care. If she ever reads them, I hope she’ll see how much I love her.”
“Damn you’re such a sap,”
“I can’t wait for the day you fall in love and then we’ll see how much of an idiot you’ll turn into,”
“Not going to happen.”
“How do you know that? It happens to everyone eventually, like a disease or something.”
“Eww. Nah. That shit isn’t for me. I’m pretty sure I’ll be the cool uncle for the rest of my life. Eww! Never mind with that shit! You better not have any ideas about my sister!”
“Now there’s an idea,” I say, smirking at him. His words make me remember messing with her birth control a few months back by having her doctor give her a placebo shot instead.
Ugh! I hope I get her pregnant soon. Maybe then she’ll calm down a little. Either that or she’ll be pissed as hell. Can’t tell which way her mood will swing on any given day, so it’s best to just take it one day at a time.
Justthen a horrible thought crosses my mind, what if she’s pregnant with Antonio’s child? I was messing with her birth control so she probably could get pregnant at any time. God, I hope not! He couldn’t be that cruel, could he? But either way I’d still love her because it’s not her fault the asshole raped her and those thoughts have earned him some more punches to his face.
Itmakes me feel like a total asshole the times that I have to be firm with her, especially when I think about what she just went through. But she seriously won’t listen any other way.
Allof this just makes me remember how fucked up things still are between us. I miss the easy banter that we used to have. I miss how everything used to be simple between us and now it’s like trying to wade your way through a minefield of epic proportions. But no matter how much of a pain in the ass she is, she’s still mine.
I’mstill pissed at the fact that this asshole and my father messed up everything with their fuckery. Myself included for a bit too because I’m a dumbass. She barely talks to me or even looks at me unless I’m the one bulldozing my way into her bubble. Just thinking about this shit is getting me angry again. I can’t wait to kill that asshole. The only reason he’s even still alive is because he hasn’t suffered enough yet.
“What’s wrong with you now?” Grayson asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Huh?”
“Well, your face looks like a thundercloud and you just started grunting to yourself.”
“Oh, uh nothing. Just thinking about Antonio and how much I want to kill him,”
“Speaking of, when are you going to?” Hunter butts in and asks.
“Soon. I just want him suffering and in pain for a little while longer. And then I want to put this all behind us, get the fuck out of here and get back to our lives.”
“Okay. Whatever is floating your boat right now. I was just wondering how long you were going to keep him for. What’s the plan for when we leave here and head back to Ravenwood? Cause let me tell you, I don’t think my sister will make that easy for you either.”
“Yeah, we’re not keeping him for long. That’s for sure. I’m getting some things lined up for when we get home to keep her safe and who the fuck you telling? I know she’s going to be difficult, just to be difficult.”
“Does she know he’s here?”
“No. She hasn’t realized it yet. She’s pretty much been occupied with everything that’s going on inside her head and hating me of course,” I mutter.
“Of course,” he laughs.
Iflip him the bird as I continue to write my love note to her. WhenI’m done, I leave Hunter and Gray in the kitchen and then walk back to her room.
Ipeep inside and see that she’s still asleep which is good, since she also needs the rest. The nights I stay sitting outside her door, looking at the feed through my phone, I see that she’s restless or sometimes she’s just sitting up in bed in the dark.
Itfucking kills me every time to see her like that.
Somenights when she’s asleep I slip into bed next to her and just hold her until she calms down. The nights when she’s awake though, I wouldn’t dare because I’m sure she’d kill me. Those nights gut me the most, because I know she’s hurting so much and I can’t do anything to take that pain away. I have no idea if she even knows that I spend every night outside her door.
Iadd the new flowers in the vase with the old ones on her nightstand and the note next to it before placing a kiss on her forehead and leaving again.
Ifeel a wave of anger hit me suddenly and instead of going back with the guys I head down to the basement. I spend an hour beating the shit out of Antonio, before heading back up.
There’reblood splatters all over my front, so I decide to grab a shower before hanging out with the guys again until she wakes up. I’m just passing by her room when I hear the whimpering.
Iquickly push open her door and the light from the hallway illuminates her. My heart cracks at the sight of her. She’s on her knees, bent over with one hand on the floor and the other clutching her chest as though it pains, while sobbing.
Iquickly rush into the room and get down on the floor with her. I sit on my butt and open my legs, pulling her between them. I hold her around the waist while using the other hand to rub her chest.
“Tell me what’s the matter baby,” I murmur, while still rubbing and shushing her, trying to calm her down.
“I don’t want to keep living like this!”
“How baby? Tell me please. Let me help you,” I plead with her.
“You can’t help me! I keep having flashbacks of everything he did to me. I try to forget but it’s like a living, breathing entity that just keeps consuming me and I don’t know how to get rid of it. One minute everything is alive inside me, tormenting me and the next it all goes numb and all I want to do is die. I can’t sleep because the monsters find me there too. Why am I constantly living in a hell I didn’t choose?”
“I know I can’t help you baby and it kills me every goddamn day. But we’re going to get through this. You are so fucking strong. The strongest woman I know and I’m positive that with the right help you’ll pull through this baby. Please let the doc help you and don’t fight her. I know it’s scary to talk about, but just remember you survived when so many others most likely didn’t.”
“Survived just to be stuck in this nightmare of an existence, how is that any good?”
“I know it might seem like that right now but you are going to fucking pull through. You are not going to let that asshole win. You are meant to do so much more than just exist. You’re meant to live free from that nightmare and be happy and by God, I’m going to fucking make that happen,” I tell her, before turning her head a little and giving her a little kiss. It’s tender and salty from her tears but it’s also perfect. A moment later she pulls back and looks up at me.
“What if I don’t want to be strong? What if I don’t want to be here anymore? What if I just want to end it all?”
“I won’t let that happen. I promised you already that I’m going to make sure you get strong again and nothing is going to stop that. Not even you baby,” she goes to answer but the light in her room turns on. We both look up to see Hunter and Gray standing by the door.
“Are you both alright?” Hunter asks.
“Yeah, bro. Just having another meltdown,” she says, and then her eyes widen when she gets a good look at me. “Why are you covered in blood?”
“Ah shit! I was about to shower when I heard you. Sorry. I’ll go get cleaned up now while the guys stay with you,” I tell her and move to get up but she holds me back.
“Is it yours?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Um….” I say and then look over at Hunter for help. He just shrugs his shoulders.
“It’s up to you if you want to tell her or not. ButI figure she’ll find out at some point so…”
“Fine. I was beating the shit out of Antonio.”
“He’s here?” she asks and I feel the tremble in her body.
“Yes.” Hunter says.
“I didn’t tell you sooner because I was debating it, to protect you. But don’t worry, he can’t hurt you baby. I didn’t want to kill him where we found you because I didn’t want to let him get off easy for hurting you. I wanted to bring him here and draw out his suffering, before I kill him,” I tell her and watch her reaction closely. I don’t want her to think I’m a… well never mind she already said I’m a monster too and that fucking gutted me in case anyone was wondering.
“I want to watch,” she says instead.
“What?”
“I want to watch you hurt and torture him.”
“Uh baby I don’t think?—”
“I want to watch him suffer for everything he did to me,” she says, cutting me off. Her voice coming off strong and demanding. “Maybe it’ll help with my demons, maybe it won’t but it sure will go a long way to making me feel better.”
“Bet baby. When did you want to watch?”
“Now,” she says and I nod my head.