29. WINTER
WINTER
I wakeup and look around the room, not sure what I will find but it’s empty. I’m not sure how it’s possible but I swear I can smell Mason’s scent in my room which is odd because he’s all the way home in Ravenwood.
ThoughI can swear I felt his presence here next to me. Is that why I slept so peacefully last night? I’ve been having trouble sleeping still. I thought coming to London would help me feel more at ease by being away from Mason for a while but it’s been the opposite in fact, well except for last night.
I’mnot going to lie. I miss him. I don’t know why I haven’t gone home yet. I know he’s been trying and apologizing but something is holding me back from going all in again with him. I don’t know what that is.
Ibrought my damn therapist with me. Yeah, who would have thought, right? We’ve been talking, and she’s been helping me to see certain things differently. ButI’m still not ready to leave. I guess I just want to be better before I go home. I feel like it wouldn’t be fair of me to continue putting all my hang-ups on him.
Ithink I’m slowly recovering, feeling healed where certain things are concerned but ugh, this thing called life is just too much sometimes. I wish I could snap my fingers and be completely fine, forgetting the past and what was done to me. Too bad shit doesn’t work like that.
Iguess I’ll just have to keep pushing through for the sake of me and these babies as well as Mason, since he’s going to be a father. I still haven’t told him. I let out a sigh because I know the longer, I wait to tell him the news, the harder it’ll be.
Ilie here contemplating my life once again, as I’ve been doing pretty much every morning as soon as I wake up. Adelaide has been the best host and friend a girl could ask for but I still can’t help but feel lonely. I guess I just miss him. That should have already told me all I needed to know, right? I don’t know why I’m still being so stubborn.
WhenI’ve spent long enough just lying here and driving myself crazy with my thoughts, I get up, heading for the shower and then get dressed before going downstairs to the kitchen. Adelaide and the guys are already down here so I greet them all.
“Good morning, guys!” I say to the room.
“Good morning!” I get a chorus of greetings from all the guys.
“Good morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep last night?” Adelaide asks as I take a seat at the island and she hands me a glass of juice.
“Surprisingly, I slept rather well last night. It’s so weird because I only sleep that way when Mason is around,” I tell her, still feeling confused about it all. “CouldI have some coffee or something?”
“Maybe you were thinking about him before you went to sleep? So, it kind of worked like a comforting thought, so that’s why you slept well? And no. You’re pregnant!”
“Maybe. You’re probably right. I mean, he’s never far from my thoughts. And, oh yeah, I forgot I’m lugging around two babies in here,” I joke. Because yeah right, like I can ever forget that shit when it’s always heavily on my mind.
I’vejust taken a sip of the juice and placed it back on the island counter when I feel strong arms wrap around me in a bear hug from behind. I get a kiss to the side of my head before the person pulls away and stands back up. WhenI turn around, I see my brother standing there with a cheeky smile on his face.
“What are you doing here?” I grumble.
“Ah, come on. Don’t be like that, sis. Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“No.”
“Well, that’s just rude, especially when I—we’ve—all missed you so much,” Hunter tells me, and I roll my eyes at him.
“If you didn’t want to miss me, then you all shouldn’t have been such assholes and done all the shit you guys did.” I huff.
“I’m sorry, sis. We had no other choice at the time. Did you see the news?” he questions. I let out a sigh because I don’t really want to fight with him. I’ve missed him too. Hell, I’ve missed them all, even my dad if I was being honest.
“No. What news?”
“Alister and Emilia are both dead…” I’m overcome with emotions at his words. It’s like a ton of weight has been lifted off me. I didn’t realize that I was still kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop where those two were concerned and now I don’t have to be afraid anymore.
“How?”
“They were killed in jail,” he tells me and I look around at them all.
“Did you guys have anything to do with that?” I ask the entire room. No one answers but come on, I’m not stupid. Adelaide is the head of the Mafia. These guys are assassins, and who the hell knows what Hunter does. I know Mason has already killed for me, so really it could be any one of them. “Thank you.”
Ithank them all the same even if they never let me in on the truth, which I already know deep down. Because of them, I can now breathe easier and not have to look over my shoulders anymore.
Hunterhugs me again and then whispers in my ear, “You’re welcome. Now let’s get out of here. You’re spending the day with me and we are going to do something together. I’ve missed my annoying sister and I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Geez. Why do you always have to boss me around?”
“BecauseI’m older,” he says, sticking his tongue out at me like a child.
“I guess I’ll see you guys later. This one has plans for us,” I tell Adelaide and the guys.
“Have fun!” they all reply simultaneously.
Wewalk out of the house and Hunter helps me into his car. Our first stop for the day is at the movies and I get popcorn with lots of butter. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies or even had popcorn. We watch a new horror movie that’s showing, and it’s the most fun I’ve had in a while.
Afterthe movie, we walk around the streets of London and look at all the shops and people as we go. We even try some of the street food places. It’s so yummy that I make a note to return at some point while I’m in London.
It’slate afternoon by the time we end up reaching one of the beaches. I take my shoes off and walk onto the sand with Hunter following behind me. I can’t remember the last time I did something as simple as walk on the freaking beach.
Howthe fuck did life become so complicated that I missed out on so much? Thinking about that has me feeling a bit sad but I vow to start doing the things I haven’t been able to because assholes were after me. Now that they no longer exist in this world, I’m free to just be, after a very long time.
Afterwalking for a while, I take a seat on the sand and Hunter sits as well. He moves closer to me and I rest my head on his shoulder as he wraps an arm around me. We stare out at the ocean for a while before he finally breaks the silence between us.
“How are you really doing?”
“Getting there. It still feels like it’s hard to breathe sometimes, but it’s getting a little easier I think,” I tell him.
“Did you find what you were looking for by coming here?”
“Honestly, I don’t even know if I was looking for anything or if I was just running…”
“I’ve missed you. The house hasn’t been the same since you’ve been gone.”
“I missed you too. And everyone else as well. How have they been doing?”
“Dad and Grayson have been moping around a lot. I’m not the only one who notices the house isn’t the same without your annoying ass in it. AndMason…”
“Mason what? What’s wrong with him? Is he okay?”
“Uh, I don’t really know how to answer that…”
“Just be honest with me then,” I tell him.
“He’s kind of gone off the deep end. He’s not doing so well. He’s been angry and sad, we’ve had to hold him back so many times from coming to get you. He trashed his office and now he’s drinking a lot and he might have even started drugs, nothing we say or do is helping him. He says he just needs you to make it all better and that he’s nothing without you.”
Justthen a thought occurs to me from earlier. I could swear ever since we left the house, I felt like someone was watching me. SinceAlister and Emilia along with Antonio are all dead, I didn’t think too much of it. Plus, with Hunter by my side I knew nothing was going to hurt me.
“Is he here?”
“Uh…”
“Please don’t lie. I knew when I woke up this morning, I felt his presence but couldn’t really explain it…”
“Yes. That’s the only reason I’m here. The ass snuck out the house and came all the way here to see you. I would have come sooner to visit you, but I didn’t want to leave him there alone when he’s spiraling so much. I knew my brother, Adelaide and the guys would take good care of you, so I wasn’t worried.”
“I’m not mad at you. If he’s as bad as you say then he needed you more than me.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I’m not sure but I’m not ready to go back to Ravenwood yet.”
“Well, I have a feeling that he’ll be staying here as long as you are,” Hunt tells me. Without meaning to, I burst into tears and Hunter hugs me tighter.
“What’s wrong?” he asks in a quiet voice.
“I-I don’t know. I hate him and I’m kind of glad that he’s finally hurting as much as he hurt me. But now that he is hurting, I don’t want him to. I don’t want him in any pain. I don’t know what to do when it comes to him, I’m still so confused,” I tell my brother as more tears escape and slide down my cheeks.
“I’m not trying to rush you or anything but you are going to have to figure things out soon. The idiot’s kind of grown on me and I don’t want to see either of you get hurt anymore. Though this time I think it’ll be him and then that will end up hurting you too and I don’t want that for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean when I said he was drinking it wasn’t just a beer here or there, I mean he’s been practically drinking himself to death every day since you’ve been gone.”
“Can’t you lock him up or something?”
“I don’t know, the ass is as stubborn as you,” he says, grinning.
“I’m pregnant,” I suddenly blurt out.
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yes. You’re about to have either a niece and nephew or two of one or the other. I don’t know yet.”
“What?! Trust that ass to be an overachiever,” he says in shock and then grins. “Seriously though, that is amazing! I’m going to be an uncle! Congratulations sis. I’m so happy for you. Have you told him yet? Are they his? AndI don’t mean to be rude or offend you sis, I’m just asking because of everything that happened…”
“No and please don’t say anything yet. I’m not ready yet. At first, I was worried they weren’t his because of what Antonio did to me… but when the doctor gave me the estimation of when the babies were conceived it confirmed that they’re his. I just… I just want to keep it to myself for a while to wrap my head around it.”
“Well don’t worry. I won’t say anything about the babies to anyone. But just think about things before something terrible happens because those babies will need their father,” he tells me and kisses my head. “Come on, it’s getting late. Time to head back.”
* * *
That wasa month ago and the very next day I moved out of Adelaide’s house and into the penthouse suite at the CrowneHotel.
AfterHunter told me that Mason was here when we got back to the house, I asked Adelaide if Mason had been in my room the night before. She confirmed that he was and apologized for not telling me.
Shesaid she didn’t want me to be upset, that”s why she didn’t say anything that morning. She also said that she couldn’t turn him away because he looked like he was a second away from losing it.
Heeven threatened to shoot the guys if they didn’t let him see me with his own two eyes. They all knew he wouldn’t actually do that so they let him in because they knew you can’t stop a man from seeing his woman when he’s that determined.
Hespent that night with me cuddling in bed and it’s no wonder I slept so peacefully. I told them all not to let him know that I know he’s here and they all said they wouldn’t.
Idid that because as much as I still feel conflicted toward him, I still don’t want him to hurt himself. It’s also why I moved to the hotel because I know he’d end up finding his way back to my bed while he was here.
Wheneverwe were anywhere in the same vicinity of each other, we never slept alone. AndI was right, my first night in the hotel he snuck in—well not really since he had a key because I gave Hunter one to give to him—and he slept next to me the entire night and left before I woke up.
Hestill doesn’t know that I know he’s here. And because I know he is, whenever I leave the hotel to go out, I always spot him following me. He gives me space and tries to be stealthy but I always spot him.
I’mnot sure how long he’s going to hold out on letting me know he’s here but so far, he’s been giving me space. For the most part he arrives sober but then there are some nights he comes in super drunk.
Iguess those are the days when something is bothering him. Those are the nights when I get to watch him sleep for a change and it breaks my heart to see him like that.
Istill haven’t mentioned the babies yet and I’m working my way up to that soon. I’m still talking to my therapist and I’ve worked through some of my issues but not all of them yet. I guess that conversation is going to happen sooner or later.
Istep into the bathroom to take a shower since Adelaide is coming over today to spend some girl time together. I pull my shirt over my head and am left in only my panties, I catch my reflection in the mirror and almost freak the hell out.
Ithrow my robe on and rush out the bathroom and grab my phone, dialing Adelaide. She answers on the first ring. “Get over here now!”
“I’m here already heading to the elevators now. See you in a sec. Is something wrong?”
“I’ll tell you when you get up here,” I let her know before hanging up. I pace the living room until the elevators open a moment later and she walks in.
“What’s wrong babe? What’s got you so worked up?”
“What the hell is this?” I screech as I open my robe to show her. I expect her to freak out with me but nothing of the sort happens. Instead, she squeals like a girly girl and rushes over to me.
“Oh my God! The bump has finally made its appearance!” she squeals some more as she rubs my stomach.
“Is it supposed to pop out this big without notice? I mean yesterday it was barely there!”
“Well, you are having twins so the bump would be a bigger one compared to just having one baby,” she tells me logically. I ended up telling her about the babies a few days after I told Hunter because I needed a girl to talk to about pregnancy stuff, as I was not going to do that with my brother.
“NowI’m definitely going to have to tell him about the babies,” I grumble. “I can’t put this off for much longer because now that I’m showing I’ll probably start getting huge pretty soon. Even if I don’t say anything yet the man caresses my entire body every night, since he thinks I’m asleep by the time he sneaks in. SoI know he’ll notice the change right away. At this point I’m pretty sure he knows my entire body perfectly.”
“And you’re going to look cute carrying those babies! I’m sure he’s going to be excited to hear that he’s going to be a father. By the way he’s outside the hotel,” she tells me.
“When isn’t he? How long do you think we have until he storms in here and finally lets me know that he’s here?”
“I’d say you’ve got maybe an hour or so. He looked like he was two seconds away from losing it when I saw him and?—”
Beforeshe can finish speaking, the elevator doors open and Mason storms in with a wild expression in his eyes. Shit! We were too busy talking, and I was freaking out, that I didn’t hear the ding that should have alerted me that someone was in my elevator. DidI mention that I also didn’t close my robe?
“What is that?” he asks dumbfounded for a moment before he breaks into a smile and starts to walk toward me.
“I’m pregnant. I don’t know if it’s yours or not,” I tell him. “It could be yours or it could be Antonio’s.”
Idon’t know why the fuck I said that. MaybeI just want to know what he’d do or maybe I just want to fight. Who the hell knows? He stops in his tracks at my words but then he starts walking again and gently wraps me up in his arms.
“I don’t care! I love you and that is my baby no matter what happens. We’re going to raise him or her as ours. That baby will never have one ounce of that fuck in him or her,” he growls intensely.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to take you and our baby home,” he tells me.
“I’m not ready to leave yet. And it’s not our baby. It’s mine. I don’t fucking trust you to be anywhere near me or this baby! Look at what you did to me. How could I ever trust you around something as innocent as a baby?” I snap and watch as his face falls, pain etching his eyes with my every word. To be honest, I don’t even know how the hell I got pregnant in the first place. ButI don’t care because I already love the two of them so much already.
Ihonestly don’t mean to fight with him or say things to hurt him but I think I’ve finally figured out why I didn’t tell him about the babies yet. It’s because subconsciously, I’m still scared.
Ihave two little lives I’ll need to look after in a few months when they get here, and if he could cause me so much suffering the way he did, would he snap and somehow hurt them too? I mean, Hunter did say he was falling off the deep end…
Whatthe hell do I do now? I can’t put my babies at risk of being hurt by him, which in turn hurts me. I love him. I don’t think he’d ever do anything to harm them but I also never thought he’d do anything to harm me either.
“Baby,” he says in a guttural drawl of his voice. “How could you think I’d hurt the baby? Whether it’s mine or not, I’ll love him or her with everything I’ve got. Nothing that happened was your fault, so I would never blame you or abuse you because the baby isn’t mine. I’ll spend the rest of my life taking care of you and our baby.”
“It’s not yours though. How can you raise another man’s baby?”
“Because like I said, it wasn’t your fault nor was it the baby’s fault. I’ll adopt him or her the day you give birth because it’s always going to be our baby. I love you so much and I’m so fucking sorry for every bad and horrendous thing I ever did and said to you,” he says getting down onto his knees. “I’m begging you here on my knees to please forgive me. I’ll never hurt you ever again and I’d never hurt our baby. And if you need to bring up what I did every single day for the rest of our lives, then I’ll take it. I’ll take any kind of punishment you want to give me if you just come home where you belong. I promise I’ve changed. If you come home, then I promise to give you all the space you need. I’ll leave you to work on whatever you need to at your own pace and stay out of your way, but please just do it at home. I need you there to survive because I’m barely hanging on by a thread here…” he says with tears falling down his cheeks and it breaks my fucking heart so much that tears also start to roll down my face.
“Okay just give me a week more here and then I’ll come back,” I tell him.
“I promise I’ll stay out of your way until you decide to forgive me,” he tells me before getting up off his knees and walking over to kiss me on the forehead before leaving.
“For what it’s worth, he genuinely does show remorse at what he’s done and I don’t think he’d ever hurt the babies. Why did you tell him they — well you only told him about one—weren’t his?” Adelaide asks. For a moment I almost forgot that she was even here.
“I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to see how he would react to the possibility that the babies weren’t his. I wanted… I don’t fucking know anymore. I’m just so fucking tired of this push and pull of not being sure if I’m making the right decision or not. I mean I still love him so so much and I can see he’s struggling but I also need to make sure that whatever decision I end up making, guarantees my babies will be safe and cared for,” I tell her letting out a long sigh and crashing on the couch.
“For what it’s worth I think he’d make a great father. I’ve been through some shit where my stepmother is concerned. She even murdered my father…”
“What the hell?” I say in a gasp. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s taken care of already. But the point I want to make is that before I escaped her clutches, she was so manipulative, doing shit to make me react and I did so many times. I mean when someone is being targeted, there’s only so much a person can take before they snap. I’m trying to say that Mason’s father was like that and he pushed and pushed until he got his desired outcome. I’m not saying what Mason did was right but just know that he probably wouldn’t have done any of the things he did if he wasn’t being constantly pushed by things he couldn’t see in the form of his father’s manipulation. I think he has learned from it and he’s sincere about you two. Now the only question is can you live without him? BecauseI can see the signs from experience and he’s about at the end of his rope. I don’t think he’d snap and hurt you but I do think if he thinks you won’t ever forgive him then he might injure himself to get rid of that pain…”
“Why does it have to hurt so much?” I ask her with more tears streaming down my face.
“Love usually does. It’s up to you now, if you’ll let go of the past or let go of him. You have a lot to think about babe so I’ll leave you to it. I’ll send Hunter so you’re not alone. Love you,” she says, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Raincheck on our girls’ day?”
“Love you too! And thanks for letting me stay at yours and for being here for me even though I know how busy you are and yes raincheck.”
“You’re welcome at my home anytime babe. AndI’ll never be too busy for you, ever. You’re one of my bestest friends in the entire world. I’m glad I found you on that rock that night, so many what feels like light years ago now,” she says with a laugh and it has me laughing too because it does feel like forever ago when she found me that night.
“I’m glad you found me too…”