Chapter 22 #2
Kelly pictured herself walking into the wedding tomorrow, head held high, refusing to be diminished by her family's expectations or judgments. The image was surprisingly powerful.
"Besides," Amy added, "if you don't go, Celia wins too. She becomes the martyr whose selfish sister ruins her special day. Is that what you want?"
"God, no," Kelly said with feeling. The thought of Celia playing the victim while simultaneously feeling vindicated about Kelly's absence was enough to make her reconsider all on its own.
"So you'll go to the wedding?"
Kelly sighed, but it was a sound of resignation rather than despair. "Yes, I'll go."
"Good. Wear something amazing. Look happy. It will drive them crazy."
Kelly almost laughed at that. It was such an Amy solution. But there was wisdom in it too.
"Okay, so I go to the wedding, smile like my life is perfect, and don't let them see me sweat," Kelly summarized. "I can do that."
"Exactly. Kill them with contentment," Amy said. "But there's one problem with this plan."
"What's that?"
"You've sent away your ride to the wedding. And from what you've told me about Bergen, there aren't exactly Ubers waiting on every corner."
The practical reality of her situation hit Kelly afresh. In her emotional state, she'd forgotten the logistical problem she now faced. "I didn't think about that."
Frankly, logistical problems were the least of her worries. Her emotions were taking top billing at the moment.
"Which brings us to your second issue," Amy said, her voice taking on an even more direct tone. "The Ben problem."
Kelly's stomach tightened in anticipation. She'd needed Amy's perspective on her family situation, but she wasn't sure she was ready to face what her friend might say about Ben.
"I'm listening," Kelly said, bracing herself.
"You better be," Amy replied, and Kelly could practically see her roommate's no-nonsense expression through the phone. "Because what I'm about to say, you really need to hear."
“What in the hell are you doing?” Amy asked, her tone stinging.
“This guy is doing you a huge favor, and you blast him because he didn't spill his guts the minute he met you?
If you were concerned about his family and background, you could have done your own digging.
You're a true-crime podcaster with some connections and research skills. You didn't care until your dad did."
Kelly winced at Amy's bluntness. Put that way, her reaction to Ben seemed not just unfair but downright irrational.
"He should have told me," she protested, though the words sounded weak even to her own ears. "His father caught serial killers. That's a pretty big thing to leave out."
"When exactly should he have mentioned it?
" Amy countered. "During your first conversation?
'Hi, I'm Ben, my dad's famous for catching murderers.’ Or maybe when you asked him to come to Bergen with you?
'Sure, I'll help you investigate your friend's unsolved murder. By the way, my dad solved some famous cases.’”
Kelly pressed her fingertips to her temples, feeling a headache forming. "It's not that simple."
"Actually, it is that simple. You're upset because your dad used this information to make you feel stupid. But that's not Ben's fault."
Kelly fell silent, her mind racing. Amy was right, of course. Her anger at Ben had been misplaced from the start. She'd been embarrassed that her father knew something about Ben that she didn't, and instead of directing that embarrassment where it belonged, she'd lashed out at Ben.
"Unless there's something else going on here," Amy said, her voice taking on a knowing tone. "Something you're not telling me about your relationship with Ben."
Kelly hesitated, not wanting to admit the full extent of her involvement with Ben. It wasn't shame, but a protective instinct. What had happened between them felt private, special, and she wasn't ready to expose it to scrutiny, even from Amy.
But her hesitation spoke volumes, and Amy was nothing if not perceptive.
"Even if you slept together," Amy said, cutting straight to the heart of the matter, "he didn't have to tell you about his dad. One night doesn't entitle you to someone's life story."
Kelly felt heat rise to her cheeks. "It wasn't just... It meant something."
"All the more reason not to blow it up over something this trivial," Amy said, her voice softening slightly. "Besides, maybe he didn't want to tell you because he thought you might press him for interviews or something like that. Use his connections for your podcast."
"I would never do that!" Kelly exclaimed, genuinely shocked at the suggestion.
"Well, you can't be mad at him for thinking the worst when you did the same to him," Amy pointed out. "You're just mad at Lori and Celia and your family. And you took it out on the one person you felt safe with. Ben."
Yes, she did feel safe with him.
She was angry at Lori for keeping secrets, for not trusting her enough to confide in her about the pregnancy.
She was angry at Celia for conforming to their parents' expectations, for finding it easier to give in than to fight.
She was angry at her family for never accepting her as she was, for always wanting her to be someone else.
And Ben, poor Ben, had simply been the safest target for all that displaced anger. Because he cared. Because he had shown her nothing but support and understanding. Because she trusted him not to walk away.
Except he had walked away. She had pushed him away, and he had gone.
"You're right," Kelly admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I screwed up, Amy. What do I do? Get a cab and find him? Call him? Fix this."
The silence on the other end of the line stretched for a moment before Amy responded.
"If you care this much this quickly, he must be a hell of a guy."
"He is," Kelly said without hesitation. "He's been amazing through all of this. Patient with my family, supportive of Lori's case. He's smart and kind and..."
She trailed off, not sure how to explain what made Ben special without sounding like a teenager with a crush.
"So call him," Amy said simply. "Apologize. Tell him what you just told me.
"What if he doesn't answer?" she asked, voicing her biggest fear. "What if I've pushed him away for good?"
"Then you try again tomorrow," Amy replied. "But from what you've told me about this guy, I think he'll answer. He sounds like someone who doesn't give up easily."
The observation rang true. Ben wasn't the type to walk away permanently after one fight, no matter how hurtful. He was steady, reliable. It was one of the things that had drawn her to him from the start.
"You're right," Kelly said, feeling a new sense of determination replace the despair that had been weighing her down. "I need to fix this."
"That's my girl," Amy said, satisfaction evident in her voice. "Call your man, apologize for being an idiot, and then get some sleep. Or make up and don’t get any sleep, but in a good way. You have a big day tomorrow."
"Thanks, Amy. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Probably something stupid," Amy replied cheerfully. "Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes. Both with Ben and with the wedding."
"I will," Kelly promised.
After they hung up, Kelly stared at her phone, her thumb hovering over Ben's contact. Her heart hammered in her chest, but the panic and confusion that had driven her earlier had been replaced by a steady resolve.
She had made a mistake, letting her complicated feelings about her family and Lori spill over onto Ben. But mistakes could be fixed, right? Apologies could be made. Bridges that seemed burned could be rebuilt.
Whatever happened next, at least she was facing it head-on instead of running away. That was progress, of a sort.
Ben had taken a chance on her, on this trip, on their connection. Now she needed to show him he hadn’t made a mistake.