eighteen #3
I am sick with the realization that I’m a lot like the teachers they are speaking of, calling people stupid when I don't understand them.
I have been guilty of it in the past, but now I know firsthand that I can’t judge a painting by the brushstrokes.
Sometimes I have to take a step back to see it in its entirety.
“The doctors told my mom that I have ADHD when I was little. She made me take meds and shit. I hated them. They made me feel like a zombie. Sometimes when my head is going all crazy, I’ll write and that helps,” Ollie explains, their words loud and quick.
The kid is kind of quirky, and I think I like them.
I wish I could help them in some way. Wait.
I could help them. I’m rich. My dad could fund this entire shelter for the next twenty years.
So why doesn’t he? Leo does more to keep places like this running than my dad or even myself, and Leo isn’t even wealthy.
Dumbfounded, the truth hits me like a physical blow.
This is exactly the point Leo was trying to make. Holy…
“Then keep writing.” Leo smiles at them, and they smile back, beaming. I get it. If Leo smiled at me like that, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from returning it.
“Listen, we’ve gotta go. Take care of yourself though, okay? And call me if you need anything. You have my number. Try to stay off the streets as much as possible,” Leo says.
Ollie’s smile falters for a split second, disappointment replacing it.
They cover it quickly with a wide smile.
It’s almost unnerving. All of their features are so large, but at the same time, I would put them on the cover of a magazine or on a runway.
They’ve got that grungy look that some designers go for.
They would probably do well in the industry, and I make a mental note to come back and give them my agent's business card.
“Yeah okay. I will. It was great seeing you, Leo! I missed you.” Ollie then leans in, giving Leo a firm hug as they glance at me, probably to see if I look jealous. I’m not jealous, though. Ollie is a kid. Leo probably sees them as more of a younger sibling than anything else.
I briefly wonder about Leo's family. He’s never mentioned a family, having siblings or anything like that. He has no pictures of family in his house either, so I’m not sure if he even has one. Well, a family that he is close with at least.
“I miss you, too. We’ll get lunch or something soon, yeah?” Leo asks and pulls away from the brief hug even though Ollie clearly wasn’t ready to break it. They look sad at the loss. Not for the first time, I wonder what it would be like to hug Leo.
I don’t know how it would feel, since I am well aware of what Leo is capable of, but at the same time, I think it would feel like a sunny day.
I don't know where this sudden desire to hug Leo is coming from.
I think it’s because I have seen Leo engage in so many hugs since we got here, and he has never hugged me despite the fact that we’ve done other stuff.
I tell myself that I don’t care. Tell myself I don’t want to hug Leo.
“Yeah. I’d love that!” Ollie responds, nodding their head enthusiastically, another wide smile spreading across their face. They bob up on their tiptoes then back down again a few times, the heavy chain around their neck swaying a bit.
They seem so full of energy and life despite their circumstances; I respect that.
I don't know how I would react if I were a teenager and found myself homeless.
I have never wanted for anything in my entire life.
Never wondered where my next meal would come from or where I was getting my clothes.
This outing has put some things in perspective, and I think that may have been Leo's intention.
That, and I would have never believed him if this is what he told me what he was doing with the money.
“You do realize they have a massive crush on you, right?” I ask the second we clear the heavy front doors. I shoot a teasing smile up at Leo, bumping my elbow against his waist. He’s taller than me but hitting his frame feels like hitting solid brick.
Leo rolls his eyes, a small huff of a laugh escaping his lips. “Nah. They’re just a kid. We’re from the same neighborhood, so I have a soft spot for them. Reminds me a lot of myself at that age. I try to check in, take them to lunch when I can.”
“They definitely have a crush. It’s kind of cute,” I say, grinning as the wind hits us. The temperature feels like it has plummeted thirteen degrees since we went inside. I shiver hard, pulling Leo's oversized coat tighter around my chest.
I glance back at the shelter as I get into the car. I had always thought that people who were homeless somewhat deserved it. They must have done something to get into that situation. They refused to work or they chose not to go to school to get an education for a better paying job.
That’s why I never felt pity for them because they obviously didn’t want to help themselves, but I’m not so sure anymore.
They deserve a roof over their heads, and now they are set up for failure.
How are they supposed to find a home when they lost theirs so early on?
I am leaving the shelter with more questions than answers.