nineteen
“It’s nice that you can turn off what happens in the world because it makes you uncomfortable.”- Leo
Friday night….
“I have to admit, I’m surprised that the sushi place was so good. It looked kind of sketchy,” Callisto says, after eating the last bite of the dragon roll, we were sharing. The look on his face was priceless when we pulled in front of the place, and I declared I was getting us sushi for dinner.
“Since when do you say words like sketchy?”
I ask, a teasing smile playing across my lips.
Callisto looks confused by the question for a split second, then his features morph into contemplation.
I meant it to be a joke; I didn’t think it would cause him to question his whole existence.
After a few moments, he looks like he is about to say something, so I sit back in my chair and wait.
“How long have you been donating to Kiki?” Callisto asks.
“As soon as I was able to.” I want to tell the truth but also keep the answers as vague as possible. Old habits die hard.
“Is that the shelter you spoke of last night? She had a picture of you and Daron on her wall, so I’m assuming it was,” Callisto says matter-of-factly, and I stiffen.
Callisto watches me carefully, his eyes squinted. “The truth, Lee. Please. The truth.”
“Yeah. Back then it wasn’t only for gay youth, but yeah. It was there.” He reaches up, moving his necklace back and forth on its chain. I’ve noticed he tends to touch his necklace when he’s upset.
“As soon as I joined the organization, I began giving as much money to them as possible. Kiki frowned upon my involvement in criminal activity. She still does, but she understands that every single penny I give her is from very bad people who can afford to lose some.
People who have done questionable things or have gotten that money via illegal means,” I explain, hoping Callisto understands.
I doubt he will. I can feel the fight coming.
“Like the man you killed today?” Callisto’s question is icy and cold.
Yup. Exactly as I expected. I’m surprised it’s taken this long.
I may have rattled him a bit when I took him to the shelter, though.
I try to suppress my annoyance because Callisto obviously doesn't know the whole situation.
He doesn't even seem to want to understand.
All he sees is black and white, and I am so fucking tired of this conversation.
Despite this, I want to make him understand.
I want to shake him until he sees the world for what it is, gray and miserable.
“That was no man. He was a monster who just so happened to have a man’s name and face,” I answer, biting my tongue on what I want to say. My limbs shake with the memory of what had occurred. Of what I walked in on. Of everything I know about De Luca as a person.
The man was horrible. He was definitely in the ‘deserves to die’ category that I reserve only for the worst of humanity.
The ones who will never be rehabilitated.
The people who are pure, undeniable evil who have tar in place of blood and black holes where their heart should be.
He’s not made of twinkling stardust that comes from the cosmos.
No. De Luca was dark matter, the stuff that lives as a contrast to the beauty that exists in the world.
Pure darkness that expands to remove light.
Nothing bright can penetrate it. Nothing can survive it.
“What was his name? Say his name, Leo. Say the name of the man you killed today,” Callisto demands, through gritted teeth, snapping me out of the galaxy my thoughts were in.
I blink a few times, Callisto’s features coming into focus.
He is already getting worked up; he’s squeezing his hands together, as if it’s the only thing stopping him from strangling me.
“De Luca,” I spit the name like a poison, before I realize my mistake. I wanted to shut Callisto up, but now I wish I could suck that venom back into my system where it would slowly destroy me.
Callisto’s expression holds my entire world hostage.
A silent, godless prayer echoes in my chest: don’t let him put the pieces together.
He's smart, though; I can almost see him completing the damn jigsaw in his head.
My limbs are frozen. I’m afraid that any movement on my part, even breathing, will somehow give Callisto the final piece.
“Wait? De Luca? As in the man at the docks the other day? The man who works for my father? That De Luca?” Callisto asks, and I am already internally cursing myself for my loose lips. It was a stupid fucking mistake, but I seem to have been making a lot of those lately.
I had no intention of telling Callisto his name because of this very outcome.
I didn’t want him figuring out that a member of a mafia was planted in his father’s business.
I briefly consider lying to him, but maybe it will be good for him to actually see that not all men in his father's business are upstanding gentlemen.
Some are the monsters Callisto thinks me to be.
“Yes. That De Luca. I don’t know what he did for your father, but he’s bad news, Callisto. Believe me when I say that he was a horrible person,” I say matter-of-fact.
“He works for my dad, though.” Callisto’s voice reflects the disbelief in his features.
“Let me be clear, just because he works with your dad doesn’t mean your dad is bad in any way. He may just have bad people working with him, but he doesn't know they’re bad,” I tell him, trying to put as much honesty in my tone as I can muster.
Callisto looks surprised for a split second, but then his features morph into something that is completely unreadable.
“I don’t know what De Luca did for my dad. Honestly, I’ve done everything I can to stay away from his business. I don’t know the man personally. I’ve just seen him around, but there is nothing he could have possibly done that meant he was deserving of his life being taken from him,
” Callisto finally responds, the word ‘nothing’ ringing in my ears like a clock tower at midnight.
I shake my head, dumbfounded by his stance, completely forgetting all questions I have related to De Luca, and his involvement with Giuseppe Santos.
How could something be so simple to him?
How does he see the world this way? Was he that sheltered?
It’s frustrating as hell for me, and I can’t seem to let it go.
“Yes. There is,” I respond through gritted teeth, the words sounding akin to a coiled up snake, getting ready to strike out of protection.
My whole body is tense, ready for the blow that is about to come.
A part of me wants to let Callisto see me as a monster, but another part of me wants to show Callisto the world without a filter.
“What? What could he have possibly done that death was the only feasible answer?”
Callisto asks, his tone passionate and heated, a stark contrast to mine which has become distant and cold.
That’s the thing about Callisto, though.
We are so opposite in every way, but the moment we collide everything shifts.
The elements within battle for dominance, but instead of a winner, they combine creating something entirely new.
No more fiery heat. No more cold indifference.
Sparks. Electricity. An unexplainable energy is created only when galaxies collide, and the universe is no more.
“Are you sure you want to know?” When Callisto nods, I lick my lips and continue, my limbs shaking with the rush of what had occurred hours ago. The memory of the life leaving De Luca’s eyes. “We walked in on him trying to rape my fucking sister.”
The silence that follows my statement is deafening, leaving a faint buzz in my ears.
Callisto gapes at me, his mouth and limbs frozen in shock.
Good. I wanted to fucking shock him. I wanted to throw him in the freezing waters of reality and watch it overwhelm his system as he flails within the waves.
“Your sister?” Callisto asks, as if he doesn't know what else to say. He clearly was not expecting the admission, and it’s thrown his world into a new direction, spinning on its axis again. I enjoy spinning worlds though, so maybe I have some sort of God complex.
“Yes. My sister. I guess she was working as his maid, and when we walked in, he was attempting to rape her,” I explain further. Callisto’s jaw drops, again, sucking in air but not seeming to actually inhale as memories flash before my eyes.
I can’t seem to get them to stop. The scene of that disgusting man on top of my sister.
His hands all over her as she begged him to stop.
The way her dress was ripped, the tears in her eyes.
Eyes that look so much like my own and my mom’s.
I close my eyes, trying not to let my mind venture towards my long-forgotten mother.
The thing is, I had always dreamed about reuniting with Violet, and how it would happen.
I imagined a young girl running into my arms as I picked her up and spun her around.
The sound of birds chirping, the smell of flowers, and sun shining down as a backdrop to the scene.
I pictured it a thousand different ways, in so many alternative universes.
Somedays, it was the only thing that kept me going, but this is what I got. I got her crying while begging a mad man not to hurt her. Our first reunion after all of these years, and I find her on the cusp of being raped by a true monster.
“Wait…” Callisto starts, eyes widening. “What were you doing at De Luca’s home in the first place? You said you know he works for my dad, but what does that have to do with you? Are you saying my dad is a bad guy? What were you doing there?”
Callisto’s tone is accusing with the questions, as if he has backed me into a corner during his interrogation.
I barely hear him, though, my mind too preoccupied with all the ways I thought I would see Violet again. The ways I imagined she would grow up, the woman she would become. I thought I would get to talk to her about her life, not be told to take it away from her. My breath stutters at the thought.
“Yeah, he works for your dad in some capacity, but like I said, it doesn't mean your dad is bad. Guys like that get planted in the corporate world all the time. They are there as a way to sway any big decisions that may affect people like Peadar or Altieri.