9. Alison #2
Ryan smiles. Cold. Mean. Familiar to everyone in this room except me. “Careful.”
“What? Going to make my senior year miserable?”
Then the mask comes back harder. He closes my notebook. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’ve got, what, three weeks left?”
Oh. Everything inside me stops. Switzerland. The people around us don’t know why that hurts. Ryan does. He fucking does. And he said it anyway. My eyes burn instantly. His jaw tightens.
Good. Feel bad. I hope it fucking hurts.
He looks down at the notebook. “Maybe Switzerland will teach you how to write.”
Then he drops it. Not on the table. On the floor. The spine hits first. Loose pages scatter across the dining hall. Someone laughs. My vision blurs.
Ryan steps around them. Around me. “Or at least give you something interesting to write about.”
Then he walks away. The boys go with him. I don’t move. For one second, I physically cannot. I knew. I knew the entire time. Bennett was watching. Daniel is outside. Dad is suspicious. Ryan has to make this believable. I know. I know. I know. Fuck him anyway.
Becca is the first one on the floor. She grabs two pages. Cat gets another. Penny closes my notebook before someone can step on it.
I crouch. “I’ve got it.”
I shove the pages into the notebook.
Penny puts it on the table. “Do you want to leave?”
“No. I want to eat lunch.”
So I do. Or try. My sandwich tastes like cardboard.
My stomach is turning. The baby is probably fine.
I know that. Darla has told me stress doesn’t automatically hurt the baby.
Still, my hand moves toward my stomach before I catch myself.
I stop it halfway. No. Not here. Not with people watching.
That almost makes me cry more than Ryan did.
I can’t even touch my own fucking stomach.
Becca quietly pushes my water toward me. I drink. Nobody talks about Ryan. I love them for that.
My phone vibrates five minutes later. I leave it facedown. Again. Again. Penny glances at it. I don’t. Finally it stops.
Good. Fuck him.
I don’t read Ryan’s messages until I’m locked in a bathroom stall before seventh period. There are six.
Ryan: Ally
Ryan: I’m sorry.
Ryan: Bennett was watching.
Ryan: I didn’t know he was there until I came into the dining hall.
Ryan: I went too far.
Ryan: Please answer me.
I stare at them. Anger comes back immediately. Not cute anger. Not you owe me kisses anger. Actual anger.
you think?
Three dots appear immediately.
Ryan: yes
you used switzerland
Ryan: I know
you knew exactly what that would do
Ryan: I know
stop fucking saying you know!
The bubble appears. Disappears. Good. For once, Ryan Harrington apparently doesn’t have a fucking answer. I type again.
you could have been mean without using that
Ryan: yes
and my writing
Ryan: yes
fuck you
A long pause.
Ryan: okay
That makes me angrier.
don’t okay me
Ryan: I’m not going to argue with you
convenient
Ryan: I’m not defending it
I stare at that. My eyes sting again. Fuck pregnancy. Fuck Ryan. Fuck bathrooms. Fuck literally everything. Another message.
Ryan: you get to be mad
I don’t answer. Because I am. And because if he says one sweet thing right now, I’ll cry harder, and I refuse to give him the satisfaction.
Then another message appears.
Ryan: Darla figured out tonight
My anger pauses. Not disappears. Pauses.
how?
Ryan: she’s making a house call
I frown.
to MY house??
Ryan: no mine. mom helped
Ryan: mom called jane
Ryan: asked if you and tobias could come over after school because she needs help with something for him
That could work. Maybe. But Dad said directly home.
dad said I come home
Ryan: you are Daniel brings you home. you walk inside. you stay there.
I frown.
fascinating plan so far
Ryan: let me finish
Ryan: cassandra is coming over after school
why
Ryan: to pick up tobias
Then it clicks. Cassandra doesn’t need me to sneak anywhere. She comes to us. Mom can let Tobias go with her. That’s already happened before. It’s normal now. Safe. My heart starts beating faster.
and me?
Ryan: jane asked if you could go too
Ryan: apparently you “need to get out of the house”. mom she’d bring you both back after dinner
I stare at the screen. Dad won’t like it. But Mom asked. Cassandra asked. Tobias is involved. And I’m still not sneaking anywhere. I’m being picked up from my own house by the woman next door.
If Dad says no, then we’re fucked. But if he says yes — Darla can come to the Harrington house.
Ryan can be there. And nobody at Edgewood sees me leave with him.
Daniel does exactly what Dad told him to do.
He takes me directly home. The school can report that I left at three fifteen.
No disappearing. No lies anyone can easily catch.
Dad: Cassandra Harrington will collect you and Tobias from the house this afternoon. Daniel will still bring you home from school. You are to remain with Cassandra until she returns you home.
I read it twice. Holy shit. It worked. Then another message.
Dad: I expect you to be home by eight..
Yes, sir.
Dad: And Alison.
Yes?
His answer takes almost a minute.
Dad: Be mindful of the Harrington boy if he is there. I don’t want you involving yourself in whatever trouble he and his friends are creating.
I won’t, Father.
I lock my phone. Then I look across the classroom.
Ryan is two rows over. He doesn’t look at me.
Not once. Good. Because I’m still furious with him.
And in less than two hours, I’m going to be in the same room with him while Darla shows us our baby.
I don’t know whether I want to kiss him or punch him. At the moment? Punching is winning.
By the time Cassandra knocks on our front door, Tobias has been wearing his shoes for twenty minutes. Not because we’re going far. We’re going three houses down. Apparently that requires preparation.
“I’ll get it!”
He comes flying out of the living room before Mom can stop him.
“Tobias, don’t—“
Too late. He yanks open the door. Cassandra stands on the other side with her purse over one shoulder and a leather work bag in her hand.
“Mrs. Harrington!”
“Well, hello to you too.”
“Are you interviewing me right away?”
Cassandra laughs as she steps inside. “Not even a hello first?”
“I said hello.”
“You yelled my name.”
“That’s hello.”
Mom comes around the corner, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. He’s already more enthusiastic than half the people I’ve interviewed this week.”
Tobias looks extremely pleased with himself. “Am I going to be in the newspaper?”
“Maybe.” Cassandra smiles. “Depends how interesting you are.”
“I’m really interesting.”
I come down the stairs with my bag over my shoulder.
Cassandra looks at me. Just once. Quick. Normal. “Hi, Ally.”
“Hey.”
Mom pulls her sweater closer. “You’re sure you need both of them?”
“Absolutely. The bicentennial committee wants different generations represented. I’ve interviewed alumni, current students, parents. Tobias gives me the younger perspective.”
“I’m six,” Tobias says.
“Yes, you are.”
“And Ally’s eighteen.”
Cassandra looks at me solemnly. “Excellent. My research is going beautifully.”
Tobias continues, because God forbid there be three consecutive seconds without his participation. “Did you interview Ryan?”
“I did.”
“What did he say?”
“That is confidential journalist information.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a professional.”
“Did he say a bad word?”
Walter’s voice comes from outside. “Almost certainly.”
Tobias lights up. “Mr. Walter!”
He darts past Cassandra. Mom immediately calls after him, “Tobias, coat!”
Walter appears in the doorway a second later with Tobias attached to his hand. “I found this.”
Mom smiles. “Unfortunately, he’s ours.”
“Damn. I was hoping for a finders-keepers situation.”
“Walter,” Cassandra says.
I hand Tobias his coat. He jams one arm into it. Then misses the other sleeve completely. I fix it. “Hold still.”
“I am.”
“You’re literally spinning.”
“Because you’re moving it.”
“I’m going to put you in a mailbox.”
He laughs. Mom watches us. When I look up, her smile is there.
But there’s something underneath it. Something that makes my hands slow on Tobias’s zipper.
She knows this isn’t only about an article.
Maybe she doesn’t know what it is about.
But Mom has been quietly moving pieces for weeks.
The charger. Letting Cassandra take Tobias.
Looking the other way when looking the other way matters.
She knows enough to know Cassandra Harrington showing up with her husband to collect both of her children on the exact afternoon Dad suddenly assigned me a driver probably isn’t a coincidence.
She doesn’t ask. Instead, she reaches out and smooths Tobias’s hair. “You listen to Cassandra and Walter.”
“I always do.” Every adult in the foyer looks at him. “What?”
Walter clears his throat. “Nothing, buddy.”
Mom turns to me. “And you?”
“I always listen too.” Her eyebrows rise. “Okay. Sometimes.”
That gets a tiny smile. Then her eyes move toward the window. Mine follow. Daniel is parked at the curb. He brought me home exactly like Dad ordered. Watched me walk through the front door. And apparently he’s still sitting there.
Mom looks back at me. “Your father wants you home by eight.”
“I’ll have them back before then,” Cassandra says.
Mom nods. “And Ally?” I look at her. “Your phone.”
“In my bag.”
“Keep it with you.” There are a thousand things hidden inside those four words. Dad wants to be able to reach me. Mom wants me to be careful. She steps forward and kisses Tobias’s head. Then, more quietly to me, “Have fun.”
Outside, Tobias immediately grabs Walter’s hand.